unplanned pregnancy.

[Misscalais]

Hi ladies,
So i had my 3rd little boy 14 months ago, and we said definitely no more. We live in a very small 2 bedroom home, we only have a 5 seater car etc.
Well today im about 3 days late for my period, which is not u unusual my periods are irregular between 29 and 35 days. But mostly about 31 days.
Anyway, i just haven't felt right and decided to take a pregnancy test. The 1st line appeared right before my eyes, i didn't even have to wait for it and is much darker then the control line.
I've been in tears all afternoon, we use protection. I could never abort a baby but i just don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell my husband because i know he will tell me to have an abortion.
Sorry for such a down post, just need some support because I can't tell anyone yet.

 

[littlelily]

There must be someone you can talk to? Family member? Or visit your doctor and see what support options there might be.

I suggest making a plan e.g ways of making extra money, what to do with the car and presenting it to your OH.Maybe when he sees that you have options to make it work he will be more positive. Good luck.

 

[purelygemini]

Aww I'm so sorry to hear that, I agree with the previous poster. Come up with some sort of plan so he doesn't feel like he has to do everything and doesn't feel the weight of the world on his shoulders, since guys tend to do that regardless. Good luck and you always have us here to talk to!!

 

[Milalacht]

tell you husband, that not just your "fault"...you could wait to tell him until you're far enough, that you can't legally abort anymore (In Germany that's the 14th week since the first day of the last period), if you don't want to talk with him about abortion.
You guys still have the possibility to give the child up for adoption, so that is also something you could talk about with your partner. there are a lot of people that can't have children and would be extremely happy to give a home the little boy or girl.

And then, if he really doesn't want a child any more, ask him to have a vasectomy, so you don't get in such a situation anymore. as long as you're having sex with an "active" man, even with the best contraceptives there's still a very small chance that you'll end up pregnant.

 

[hayz_baby]

I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant with ds3, ds2 was 6 months old, I had just started a new job we only had a 2 bed and didn't have a big enough car for sure. It's hard and a lot has changed which we are still working through. I even had a similar post yours when I found out. Stay strong, you'll b fine x

 

[Misscalais]

He went to the Dr about 2 months ago and asked for a referral to have a vasectomy and the Dr refused to give him one because we are still young. Even though we already have 3 sons. He told him to come back for another appointment to discuss and evaluate.
I couldn't place my child up for adoption and definitely can't have an abortion. Im afraid its going to tear apart my marriage.
Thanks everyone for your support and understanding.

 

[rebeccalouise]

I hope you manage to talk to your OH, and that he's more understanding then you think he'll be. Talking from my personal experience, I think guys seem to take a lot longer to get their heads around the whole pregnancy thing. My first wasn't planned, I was 17 when I fell pregnant with her, and FOB didn't want to know until she was 4 months old! However, he's now the best Dad he could be to her. I was terrified when I fell pregnant, I was still living at home with my Mum, I had no money, no job, but somehow I managed to make it work and she never went without. There's always ways around things. X

 

[joeybrooks]

I'm so sorry to hear your worries. Having a child can change so much and they can also cost so much, but I am sure you and your husband can make it work.

Of course when he hears, his first reaction will be to worry. Anything that happens without planning can be scary and your first reaction is to panic. However, as other posters have said, try to think of some positives and solutions before telling him.

Yes, you only have two bedrooms, but I'm sure for a while you could have the two little ones in cots in your room. Is there a possibility of extending your home or moving to/renting a bigger home. Is there the possibility of having your living area convert to your bedroom come night time and the kids can then have two bedrooms.

Re the car, I know this is a tricky one, but maybe for the first while you wont all be going out together. Unless it is for a family day out, it would be possible to leave an adult at home with some kids.

These solutions are all temporary and longer term you will need to look at a larger home/bigger car etc, but for the time being, you are only just pregnant, you have 9 more months of that, and then maybe a month or so of trying to recover etc before you will be out and about as a family unit.

I'm not sure about your income or working situation, but is there any work you could do from home that could help contribute to savings towards the future. Try to have a positive attitude towards it, even though you know it maybe isnt how you had planned things, and hopefully that will rub off on your husband.

I hope all works out for you both.

 

[pinkpassion]

Hi misscalais!!! I went through my dd pregnancy with you last year!! I'm sorry to hear what you're going through .. I know you will be ok and this baby was obviously meant to be!!! I hope your dh comes around!! I'm sure he will!!!

 

[charlie_lael]

This pregnancy is unplanned for us as well.

It sucks, but your husbands first reaction will probably be too blame someone and Unfortunately it will be you. My husband did. Ignore it. He's hurt and scared and doesnt know how to handle it. Once the shock wears off he'll come around and you'll be able to talk about solutions. Just don't expect too much from him when you first tell him. My husband was upset for the first couple of weeks, but now he's more excited about it and more prepared than I am.

 

[Misscalais]

We are in the middle of trying to sell our home in another state, so paying full mortgage on that while there is no one renting it and we rent my in laws guest house for $250 a week as we can't afford to rent where we live on one wage. My husband is self employed and the car i drive is a company car so I can't even sell it or trade it in for another. The only thing we can do is convert the dining room into a bedroom at the moment though it serves as a home office as well.
I just can't believe the situation. I feel so awful because we tried so hard to conceive DS3 after having two early miscarriages to manage to get pregnant without wanting a pregnancy is not a nice feeling for me. I feel like a bad person. I have no family within 5 hours where i live other then the in laws which have nothing to do with us, they even forgot DS3 birthday in May

 

[psychochick]

That's a toughie =\ I was actually always terrified of accidental pregnancy before I was married, for reasons similar to yours: don't want to go through abortion, but can't have a baby. Except in your case, your DH is involved in the decision making.

Firstly I think you have to talk to DH about it, and I really hope both of you can be clearheaded and analytical in making a decision. I think in general with really difficult decisions like this one, it's important that you make a decision for the right reasons. My personal observation is that a wrong decision (in retrospect) is still right if made for the right reasons. You don't have control over the future, only the present. So I urge you to remain calm, think it through; think about why you don't want to abort and what might happen if you did abort, think about what will happen if you don't abort. Talk to DH and also take into considerations his reasoning and decide what is right for you, your DH and your family. If he freaks, then let him calm down and get back on track with having an analytical conversation.

Easier said than done, for sure. Whenever I reach difficult times like this, I just think that life's full of difficulties and this is definitely not going to be the only bad thing that could happen. Especially because you are a mom now, you will face your own obstacles along with those of your children so you have to believe that you could overcome anything. Just focus on that thought for empowerment

 

[Lindsay109]

What a tough situation I agree with the others, you should definitely have an open, honest conversation with your husband.

My current pregnancy is also unplanned - we have a just turned 16 month old and my husband wasn't sure he wanted another (I, on the other hand, always wanted 2 - but we hadn't had that conversation yet). We were preventing, so it was a big surprise when I ended up pregnant. I was honestly really scared to tell DH because I had no idea how he'd take it.... but it went much better than I thought it would. He was pretty upset at first - but he has come around and we've now got a plan in place.

 

[jessmke]

My sisters each had one more baby than they had planned (one had an oops and the other was trying for one more and ended up with twins). They were both pretty devastated and stressed out, same situation where their homes and lives did not really work with the number of kids they would have. Kids have ended up sharing bedrooms, cars have been exchanged for minivans, budgets have been adjusted and some extras have been eliminated, and my sisters now could not imagine their lives any different. I'm sure that once you and your husband get over the initial shock and start making a plan for how this can work, I'm sure you'll fall in love with your new addition. I'm sorry you are going through such a stressful time.

 

[dinky]

I don't really have an answer for you but I'm kind of in the same boat. Just found out I'm pregnant with baby number 3 and it wasn't planned at all we were happy with the 2 girls we have got. I haven't told dp either, he will most probably be happy but it's me that needs to feel more positive about it, I'm very early only about 4 weeks and 2 days. It's me that didn't really want another baby but like you I couldn't have a abortion knowing how amazing my other 2 are!

 

[o0oCharlieo0o]

Oh Hun what a hard situation, i really hope you come to a decision that is right for you both and that your husband doesn't freak out too much, you might even be suprised by his reaction, i was living in a one bedroom bungalow with my two boys and my ex husband and when my ex husband left after a while i got with my fiance now, we were only together about 6 months when we had an ooops i got pregnant, in a one bedroom bungalow my partner wasnt even living with me because i didnt have the room for him to, i was terrified to tell him i was pregnant, all these fears run through my head although i knew we loved eachother i kept getting worried he would leave me or want me to have an abortion and i like you could not have an abortion, each to their own i dont look down on people who do i just couldn't myself, i was scared, he reacted well and moved in we had our little girl so 3 kids 2 adults in a one bedroom bungalow!!! Then we moved to a 3 bedroom my OH sold his small car and got a loan for a bigger car (should have just saved he is still paying that damn loan) the point im making is although at the time your scared you just dont know how things can change and you adapt and work around things, if you do decide to keep your baby i have every faith that things will work out for you hun like they did for me its not always an easy road but its always worth it, we a now pregnant with another little one and planning our wedding which is,booked for august 2016 so for me when i got those two pink lines when we wernt long together i was petrified and even my mum told me to abort it! Im so glad i didnt and wouldn't! My gorgeous little girl is just amazing and i would never have thought i would be here where i am now, best of luck hun just remember you adapt too the situation you are in, you can do it xx

 

[pinklightbulb]

OH is unhappy even though it was planned in my case. It sucks.
Big hugs and good luck mate xx

 

[Misscalais]

Thanks so much for your support ladies. I still haven't told him. I really don't know how.

 

[missk1989]

The sooner you tell him the better. He will have more time to process things. His reaction will be no better the longer you wait. If anything you risk hurting him more as he may be hurt that you didnt feel you could confide in him.

 

[Misscalais]

I won't leave it long, I'm still trying to process it myself. It's making it hard because he has already expressed that he'd want me to have an abortion if i happened to get pregnant again etc. Hopefully he will come around otherwise i might end up being a single mum to 4 kids.