Valentines Babies, 2013!

[SierraJourney]

Yeah, I hardly ever take any medications in normal life, so it seems natural to me to go unmedicated. Of course I'm keeping an open mind, and if I have to take something, I definitely will, but my aim is unmedicated! That's awesome that you've had all of yours unmedicated!! I'll let you know if I have any questions pop up! Thank you!

 

[SierraJourney]

helena! Glad I'm not alone!! I've never had a professional wax job before---you'll have to let us know how you survive! I wouldn't blame you if you did pee---how painful!

 

[Kellen]

Helena - Yes, please let us know how it goes. It does sound rather painful... and it sounds like it is a pain to get all that paperwork together. I can hardly keep my office paperwork in order as well as the bills at home... Good luck!

Sierra - I really hate taking medicine in general. I'm more into homeopathic medicines and allowing my body to dictate what it needs. With that being said I am not 100% against having medicine or pain relief during labor. DH and I have spoken at great lengths as to when and if I need to switch from the non-medicated to medicated route at the hospital. Thankfully our midwife is solidly on our side and has promised to help us make tough decisions. I'm also glad that my mom will be around because she knows what my pain threshold is and can encourage me to tough it out.

DH wants his mom to be there too. My MIL is a very nice woman. However, DH wants us to pay for her plane ticket. I feel terrible, but my mom is paying for her own way. I know they are in way different financial places, but it still doesn't seem very sporting. And if my MIL ends up being at our birth I am almost 100% positive that I'll stick it out without medicine because she has told me that I won't be able to handle the pain and I'll be asking for an epidural at 5cm. I'm a tad bit stubborn.

 

[SierraJourney]

That's hard, Kellen. It's the opposite in our family---DH's mother is in a good financial place, whereas my mother isn't. We tend to help my mother out whenever we can, and I really appreciate that DH is okay with that. (Granted, sometimes he isn't, but most of the time, he wants to help her out.) It's hard when the extended family's needs are different. But, about her being at the birth---if it's going to make you change your mind on things or do things that you normally wouldn't do if she wasn't there, I would say that she shouldn't be allowed at the birth. It's YOUR body, YOUR pain----your mother obviously is closer to you, and therefore you are more apt to want her there. . .your MIL shouldn't force her way in---and your DH should support that. Maybe pay for her plane ticket, if you don't mind, but tell her she can't come in until after baby is born. It's your choice---no matter what---do don't feel like you HAVE to have her in the room with you!

 

[Kellen]

I feel like such a complainer on here sometimes. But I know for a fact that I would definitely not allow my MIL in the room with me while I was in labor.

We have helped them out financially several times and have been promised repayment (which I never expected to receive and lo and behold have never seen... just more requests for money). Right now things are tight financially for DH and I because we are trying to save for the baby and get all of his paperwork completed for his career change (this includes additional dr appt for him, use of extra gas, and payment for the actual document he needs). We manage, but it is tight. I really don't see how we can afford a $300 plane ticket right now.

Then last night my FIL calls DH to ask if we have decided on a middle name yet. Apparently my MIL thinks that I am having DH perpetrate a conspiracy and that we have chosen a name but are refusing to tell anyone. The truth is I hate all the names DH has suggested. Now he is saying: 'If you don't like any of my names I won't suggest anymore and you just name her whatever it is you want.' I find this rather passive aggressive and tried to explain that I wanted his input (because now he is refusing to even comment on any names I suggest). I have tried to be gentle when expressing my dislike over some of his names. Last night I even told him I'd be willing to compromise with a combo name, but he refused to talk about it. Grrrr...

Am I being completely unreasonable? I know the man loved his grandmother but we are not saddling our daughter with the middle name of Melva (apologies to anyone who likes the name Melva or Thelma or Elva or Kaitlyn or Kristy).

 

[wamommy]

wamommy, didnt your midwofe say she thought you would have your bambino by 36 weeks? you have 2 days!!!!!!!

Luckily she just said to be ready by 36 weeks, since she wouldn't put it past the baby to come this early! I should know more tomorrow, since I have my first internal exam. I know it doesn't mean much (I walked around 4 cm dilated for 2 weeks with my girls) but it will give me an indication how fast things will go once it starts! I would love to hold this LO in until 37 weeks, but lately I've been having this terrible fear about going OVER due... weird. I guess I'm on his time, not mine...lol.

I can't believe you're just over 2 weeks away, Helena!!!! how exciting Are you prepared?

Kellen, I agree with Sierra that if you would be uncomfortable at all with you MIL there during labor then you shouldn't do it. Maybe offer to split her plane ticket, and have her come after baby is born? That's such a tough situation, since so many feelings are involved, but ultimately you need to do what you need to do, and hopefully DH will understand.

As for names, we're in the same boat. I get the same passive aggressive "just name him whatever you want, then..." whenever I press DH to help me with ideas. He hates my choices, but doesn't offer any real alternatives? I would be SO happy if he just sat down and made a REAL list of 10 names that he would like. I really don't want to leave the hospital with a nameless baby again!

 

[Kellen]

Wamommy - Thankfully we have agreed on a first name, it is just the middle name that is missing. I was very ticked at my FIL. He called just to remind DH that we are having a baby soon and should pick out a middle name. Really?! I didn't realize that not being able to get out of bed easily or see my feet meant that I was going to have a baby soon...
Hopefully our DH's will see some common sense and actually be helpful. I feel for my DH and I know he wants his mom there for his first baby. The thing is I don't think she really cares. It is all his idea, but she has three grandkids at home she is raising.

 

[SierraJourney]

Kellen---hearing all of that about how you help them out financially so often, I don't think I would pay for the ticket. I think if they want to come see the baby, they will make a way. And your DH should see that.

I can't imagine the struggle you're having with both of your DH's! That sounds so frustrating! Luckily for me, I would send my DH tons of names, and he would decline or accept them, then we picked our favorites---and he would send me some, too (usually emailing back and forth during work! We ultimately settled on a name that I suggested, that he liked right away. Then, for the middle name, he requested that we use his deceased father's middle name---so how could I refuse? (I also happen to really like that middle name too!)

I'm with you on Melva, Kellen!

If I were you, I would make a long list of names you like and put it in your hospital bag. If you haven't decided on a name once you go into labor, once your baby is born, pull out the list and hand it to DH and let him "pick" (since you already like all of the names on the list). By that point, your DH will be so enthralled with the baby, hopefully he'll agree on something on your list.

 

[Kellen]

If I were you, I would make a long list of names you like and put it in your hospital bag. If you haven't decided on a name once you go into labor, once your baby is born, pull out the list and hand it to DH and let him "pick" (since you already like all of the names on the list). By that point, your DH will be so enthralled with the baby, hopefully he'll agree on something on your list.

That is brilliant! I think I will do that. He doesn't mind my names, but they aren't what he suggested and I want him to have a say in it too. As I told him last night: "Well, she's just as much your daughter as she is mine."

Now back to writing a 20+page lesson plan over Critical Incident Stress Management. Hopefully I won't have to use any of it while in labor!

 

[SierraJourney]

Ooo. . that doesn't sound fun. lol. . .

Anyone else's lo doing weird painful things in your belly? I can't describe it, but I'll be walking and all of the sudden, I get like quick "pinches" on either side of my lower belly---and lo will be moving like crazy. I can't figure out what he is doing, but I gasp or yelp everytime! DH has started laughing at me each time now, saying "What is he doing now?" lol. . .but, dang, it HURTS!

 

[wamommy]

If I were you, I would make a long list of names you like and put it in your hospital bag. If you haven't decided on a name once you go into labor, once your baby is born, pull out the list and hand it to DH and let him "pick" (since you already like all of the names on the list). By that point, your DH will be so enthralled with the baby, hopefully he'll agree on something on your list.

I may try that, although last time it didn't work. DH was dead set on 2 names, and wouldn't budge or consider any of mine. He was SO stubborn, that DD#2 didn't have a name until she was a week old. The hospital called me and told me I had to pick a name, so I picked one of his I felt so manipulated and stuck. I really don't want to feel that again! I've probably suggested 40 names that I would honestly be happy with naming LO, and DH has found fault with all of them... Sorry, this is a touchy subject for me! I've lost a lot of sleep lately about it, and begun to get really angry with DH! It would be one thing if he were making lists too, but he isn't. He's just vetoing everything I suggest with no alternatives... ugh!!!

 

[SierraJourney]

wamommy, in that case, I would tell him that since he picked DD#2's name, he has to pick something off of your list! That's ridiculous!!

 

[helena]

no way would i want my MIL at the birth. not because i dont like her, but because its my body and i want privacy. there are parts of me my inlaws dont need to se. it is different for a woman with her own mum. thats mummy who provides comfort and support. a mummy hug is the best when you are hurting...but a mother in law hug? no thanks. i couldnt stand it.

wamommy no i am not prepared. am finally getting organised but it is taking time since i only get 2 mornings a week when both my kids are at school and nursery. but little by little i am thinking about gethering all the bits for my bag and buying the necessary things. it does feel a bit like i have left it all a bit late and i am struggling to get motivated to fit it all in.. still need to finish her room. her cot is full of car seat and other stuff. i need to sort it all out and find everything a home. i also need to rehome a load of my sons toys which are taking over the room. this weekend i shall get on with it.
i also want to order a support belt for after my operation. i havent had one before but really want one this time, i feel it will help me be mobile faster, which is needed. i will order this soon. i must i must....making a mental note..
i just went and ordered our birth cerificates. 46 pounds for both mine and my husbands, fast delivery..what a lot of money. its so annoying i have had to reorder them four times now, once for registering each child and once for when we got married. why the copies have to be issued in the last 6 months i have no idea...surely a birth certificate is valid whenever it was printed...

Kellen, what about not having a middle name? they are kind of pointless. my mum and my mothr in law dont have middle names and have survived life just fine! though i do quite like Melva...i would be tempted to go with it to make DH happy...makes me think of peach Melba.
we are probably going to have my middle nam. its sort of pointless but goes with the first name. but maybe we will rethink it yet. first name is still the name chosen by our 4 year old from a Disney film!

booo to your husband wamommy!

 

[SierraJourney]

I agree with helena---no way would I want my MIL to see me naked! goodness!

I am so excited to find out everyones' names once the babies are born!! It's going to be so fun!!

Speaking of babies being born, how are you and the twins doing, Dragon?

 

[helena]

i kep thinkng over the MIL at birth situation. i would ask DH if he would be comfortable with his FIL seeing, literally, the ins and outs of his tackle...if his FIL would be a comfort to him when he was passing a grapefruit out of his winkie..

 

[Kellen]

i kep thinkng over the MIL at birth situation. i would ask DH if he would be comfortable with his FIL seeing, literally, the ins and outs of his tackle...if his FIL would be a comfort to him when he was passing a grapefruit out of his winkie..

My DH has no shame and would proudly become a nudist if I let him.

But I agree that there is no hug like a mommy hug. My mom already has strict orders that no one but DH is to be in the room while I'm in labor and no non-family visitors until at least 8 hours after birth (depending on the time of day she is born).

I have honestly thought about completely doing away with the middle name, especially since I am feeling pressured. Apparently DH's side of the family doesn't realize that when they push me towards their view I will become obstinate and do the exact opposite.

In other news: does anyone else really hate wearing shoes right now? I've been drinking water like crazy and trying to keep my feet up but they keep swelling. Shoes and socks are evil!

 

[SierraJourney]

I literally keep my feet up all day at work (I have a box underneath my desk, and as soon as I sit down in the morning, I take off my shoes and put my feet up). Once I get home, I'll do a bit around the house in the evening, but when I'm on the couch watching tv or something, I always have my feet up on the couch with me. So far, (knock on wood), it's kept me from getting any foot/leg pain. Is there something you can put your feet on at work to keep them elevated? And any chance you can slip your shoes off at work?

 

[wamommy]

In other news: does anyone else really hate wearing shoes right now? I've been drinking water like crazy and trying to keep my feet up but they keep swelling. Shoes and socks are evil!

I haven't had bad foot swelling (yet) but I do have a yucky indent when I take my socks off.

i kep thinkng over the MIL at birth situation. i would ask DH if he would be comfortable with his FIL seeing, literally, the ins and outs of his tackle...if his FIL would be a comfort to him when he was passing a grapefruit out of his winkie..

!!! What a funny mental picture!!


How are everyone's backs? I woke up in the middle of the night last night in so much pain that I did the cat stretch on the floor next to my bed for 20 minutes before climbing back in bed! I've yet to find anything that really helps, except a heating pad right on my lower back for an hour or so. I still feel guilty about that, like I'm cooking the baby!

 

[Jo_Bean]

I can't think of anything more stressful for me personally than having anyone but hubby in the hospital with me! I love mine and his family and we are both really close to them but I need some space and would absolutely hate it if anyone else were in there! Because of the GD, they will keep baby and I in for 24 hours after birth, I've set the scene and told our families that I am looking forward to that time alone with Baby and hubby and that we will invite them over when we are ready.

I have to set boundaries as if I gave my parents a chance, they'd be there for the duration that would just make me stressed out so I'm setting expectations up front.

Luckily both sets of parents are only 20 minutes away so I can have them over to help out and visit for an hour or so (or however long I need) then send them home again. I think those of you having people to stay are very brave! I might feel differently when she's here but I am looking forward to spending the 2 weeks that hubby has off, just the three of us and will be hinting to every visitor to go after about 30 mins

My husband didn't want a middle name but as he ended up sort of choosing the first name, she is having a middle name and I've chosen it.

I think with the names, you will end up agreeing eventually, whenever that is, if you can't agree at the moment then maybe it's just that you haven't found "the one"

I'd be stubborn and obtuse about the name too though, if the in laws were getting involved I get a bit annoyed at how much of a 'right' grandparents seem to think they have to children. I know it varies and everyone is different but I do get annoyed that they are so entitled some times.

The best bit for me about picking our name was when we got to tell our families that they weren't going to know the name until she's here because we don't want their opinion! It was so satisfying!

I realise that I've made myself sound very anti family there but seriously, this is a big thing for me because I am that person who ties herself in knots to make everyone else happy and worries about their feelings so much, that being strict and looking out for myself and my husband and what we want has been quite liberating for me! I think I am a slightly new woman!

 

[SierraJourney]

My back has just started to hurt lately. . .in the middle of my back on the right side. A pillow under my belly has helped, but still isn't the most comfortable. . . I'm so sweaty and hot at night that I couldn't stand a heating pad! Yikes!