*venting here* Not so happy with having a boy :(

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Dahlia05, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. Dahlia05

    Dahlia05 Well-Known Member

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    Man... I can't believe how this can affect me I am pretty sad that it is a boy. I really wanted a sister for my daughter.

    I'm scared to tell my own mom that I might have a boy. She will freak out, lol. She said, "If it is a boy, he's not welcome here. Boys are horrible! Look at all our family friends' sons they're lazy, messy, etc. Look at your brother too."

    I called my father (he's one of the best person to vent). I told him not to tell mom that this one might be a boy. I know he won't. I've always been a daddy's little girl to him. I know this may sound bad... I even told him that I might give him for adoption if it is a boy. My dad said that he'll gladly adopt him.

    I'm scared to deal with their rowdy attitude, messiness, laziness, ...might get into bad crowds (Drugs...etc). Not wanting to study. Be rebellious. Vice versa... All the family friends' sons either got into drugs, got nowhere, messy, lazy, drop out, ... all the moms wished they only had girls. I'm scared now I don't want my life to be ruined. I have a younger brother. He wasn't easy at all. My parents tried so hard with everything for him. He gave them so much troubles. My mom cried enough time because of him. I even hated him for giving them so much trouble too. He was very rebellious.

    I am very thankful that I have a daughter who is well behaved & is wonderful. I love her to death. I'm scared that I might favour her more over my son.

    I'm pretty down now. I can't believe how it is affecting me... I am scared to what my life will look like. I don't want to deal with so many troubles because over my son. I don't tolerate well with messiness & laziness.

    end of venting here...
     
  2. ILoveYouZandT

    ILoveYouZandT Well-Known Member

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    Woah woah WOAH!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't even finish your post! You have a HUGE MISCONCEPTION on gender, and boys in general! HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY!! Slower down there!!!!!!!!

    I have two son's. They're amazing children. They're loving, caring, gentle, sweet. Do you know how many times I heard "I love you mommy" today?!?! Probably about 100 times, no joke. My oldest tells me literally every 10 minutes! Do you know how many random leg hugs I got today? My younger son walks up to me also about every 10 minutes and lays his head against my leg and squeezes me.

    Your children will be messy if you are a sloppy housekeeper and don't teach them how to take care of themselves and their surroundings.

    Are you planning on treating your son like complete and utter crap? Like he's worthless and deserves nothing? Then yes, that broken relationship will raise the likelihood that he could get involved with drug and criminal activity. These things are not a given when you have a boy. Not every male is a slob. Not every male does those things. Do you have a husband?! Is that what he does?!

    And a drop out?! Guess what dear, I'm a female, I came from a home with a proper mom and dad, I was always a good kid, I did not get involved in drugs or other activities. I was to responsible for my own good really! But drop out I did. At 13 years old. I am 24 and am still not graduated. I went back after being out of school since then and did 11/12 courses with straight A's. All I need is too complete a math course and I'm good to go.

    We all have our own path, and that path is not guided by our gender! I honestly think you need some hardcore counselling. To me it seems like you have some extremely deep seeded issues going around inside you.

    I have friends with little girls, plenty of friends with little girls, they are not better than my son's. They're no less attitude-filled than your average toddler. As a matter of fact, they act like little princesses and get away with everything because that's what their parents allow. Shit, if I based my desire for a daughter on the little girls I know in my life I would 100% not want one and would stick with wanting boys! But MY children will always be different and more tolerable than OTHERS children.

    If you've raised your daughter to be a proper nice little girl, then the chances are you will do the same with a son. Your ideals on gender are a bit crazy to me. I can't quite wrap my head around them. So I'm sorry if I offend. I mean, I hear the average tale on why people want a particular gender but yours is based on no reality whatsoever.

    So I will stop there. Wow!
     
  3. ILoveYouZandT

    ILoveYouZandT Well-Known Member

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    I wasn't going to say it, but after seeing your awful comment on your other thread, I've decided to add.

    Please do yourself a favor and stop having children after this one. Every pregnancy will have a 50% chance of being a boy, how many boys are you willing to give up to get your second girl?

    I apologize to you, and everyone who may find my posts rude. Perhaps it's the pregnancy hormones. But really I think you've just completely offended a mother of two BEAUTIFUL son's.

    How could you say your daughter will hate him? Already?! And if your daughter is oh so lovely, why at 3 years old would you imagine she would be so capable of hate simply because her sibling has a penis?

    I can say with 1000% certainty that if I felt the way you did towards a child, I would have my tubes tied.

    I feel very sad for your son.
     
  4. Rozie_1985

    Rozie_1985 Mummy To Joel

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    Deleted before admin removed it themselves.

    Angry!
     
  5. patooti

    patooti Pregnant - 2nd Trimester

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    I don't get it... before you found out the sex you posted this in your other thread...

    Were you lying to yourself thinking/hoping it would be a girl or have you gone a bit over the top since finding out and just lost the plot.

    I can't relate and don't understand your reasons but there is something unhealthy going on here I think and I think you should really try to get some support/help or counselling. I don't think this is a "normal" gender disappointment reaction.
     
  6. jamhs

    jamhs Well-Known Member

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    Agree with above! Seriously my boys are the best things in my life!!
     
  7. Christine33

    Christine33 Well-Known Member

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    Your attitude is just vile. I feel for the wee lad you are carrying. I have a son aged 4 and he is NOTHING like the description of boys you gave. In fact, all wee boys are awesome, loads of fun and have a loving cuddly side. Get a grip of yourself. Your post truly shocked me.
     
  8. stevesgirl1

    stevesgirl1 Member

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    Also removing my post before someone else does...
     
  9. Hemmo

    Hemmo Well-Known Member

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    Now I don't think we should all be so harsh on the OP. She has come to the right place to express her feelings and she should be free to do so. Obviously everyone has an opinion but there's no need to border on being nasty.

    OP, while I can't say I understand how you feel (pregnant with my first, a boy!) I can understand your need to vent. It sounds like your Mum has a lot to do with the way you feel about boys, but as you say your Dad is great to you so not all men are awful!

    It might seem like it's all boys who do drugs, get into trouble etc etc, but a lot of the time they come from broken homes or have terrible relationships with their parents/family. If you raise him right and give him the same love you give your daughter there is absolutely no reason why he can't grow up to be a loving and gentle human being, as many of the Mums on here will tell you.

    All the best honey :)
     
  10. Dahlia05

    Dahlia05 Well-Known Member

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    Um... to some ladies here, I came to a different forum...hence: "Gender Disappointment".

    I don't understand why you are here? You shouldn't be here to bash at me. Just don't bother coming to this section or even, yet...if you have nothing to say but to criticize...don't bother coming to this section! Simple as that! I don't understand why do you bother coming here & to read?? To judge?? I was told to come here & yet I find the same bunch here from the other forum who've already read it.

    I mistakenly posted the other post (not knowing this such forum existed). So sorry for posting at the other forum. Again, hence: "Gender Disappointment" forum. Why are some of you here? IF you know what's this forum is about. *shakes my head* just more drama I guess.
     
  11. edigirl82

    edigirl82 Well-Known Member

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    It's one thing being disappointed in having a baby of a particular sex, I can understand that.

    But to make judgements on a little ones character purely because of his/her gender before it's even born, is (in my mind) a tad harsh! I really hope that when your little guy is born that you can forget the gender stereotypes and what others have planted in your mind and manage to fall hopelessly in love with him :)
     
  12. angela2011

    angela2011 Well-Known Member

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    As a mother of 3 boys 1 girl and another boy on the way I am shocked on your views of boys. I love my girl to no end as I do my boys and am so very blessed that I have a girl but she makes so much more messes than my boys ever could . Sure I would love my daughter to have a sister but she loves her brothers and they adore her and is so excited she is going to have a baby brother. All boys do not grow up to be lazy messy good for nothing people. If my sons grow up to be half the man as my husband I will be super proud. My boys are kind polite and very loving as is my daughter They are so much fun and they are so sweet they include my daughter in everything so she want feel left out. It makes me laugh to see my 5 year old play with his batman cave with his superhero figures and my 3 year old daughter playing right along beside him with her barbie doll and it becomes Barbie vs batman. Your children will become how you raise them to be not because of their gender. So sorry you have such a bad view on boys because they are great and loving. Children are messy but that is all kids and that is how they learn. My 8 year old son is the best cleaner I know. He loves to surprise me and cleans his room perfect and I praise him for it and he goes on to clean the whole house spotless just to please me he is not at all lazy. Boys and girls are blessings just having a child is a blessing. Really hope you can come to terms with a boy and see how lucky you are and if my mom reacted that way then she would never see any of my kids.
     
  13. henrysmumkaz

    henrysmumkaz One son & twin daughters

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    I'm sorry to have to say this but it sounds very much like this thought process stems from your mother who was clearly a shitty mum to your brother.

    If you are the product of bad parenting then you probably will end up a total loser in life.

    If you bring your son up in the way that you do your daughter and don't treat him as a second rate human being like you describe boys to be, then he will be a lovely little guy.

    My son, my first born, is an absolute delight. He was the lowest maintenance baby ever and now is the most adorable loving toddler. He is a polite and well behaved, gorgeous little man because thats what I'm bringing him up to be like.

    If you give them the right start in life, this goes for BOTH genders, there is more of a chance they will turn into decent human beings. Treat them like shit and resent them and they'll end up hating you and the world.
     
  14. flashy09

    flashy09 Well-Known Member

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    I think it's the part about wanting to adopt him out that got me!
     
  15. MeAndMyShadow

    MeAndMyShadow Mommy To Zachary And Sean

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    This thread pissed me right off...not even sure I can comment, but I'm sick of boys getting a bad rap! I have 2 beautiful and wonderful boys and I find this shocking....it's like a slap in the face! Poor little boy, I hope you realize when he comes how amazing he is!
     
  16. henrysmumkaz

    henrysmumkaz One son & twin daughters

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    And furthermore, you've got to expect the ladies here to be protective of their/our boys. We ALL understand gender disappointment or we wouldn't be here. But such extreme opinions are going to offend mummys to little boys. We have personal mummy experience and you do not. I'm not being unfair here, you may have had some experience of boys, your brother for example, but its not in any way the same as having your own.

    You will see, if you bring him up no different to your daughter, that he will be every bit as wonderful as she is. And you'll look back at these thoughts and wonder what on earth you were thinking. I guarantee it.
     
  17. cckarting

    cckarting Well-Known Member

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    I agree with all you ladies, especially i love! This post has me just floored, and sad. I would rather have 100 sons and no daughters than to give up my child based on gender, it really does hurt that you think so terribly of men/boys. My boys are the sweetest, most kind, loving children, not to mention their caring, funny, spunky. I would hope that if i ever did have a daughter they would be just like them! I know other boys/girls of other people who are terrible children but is it because of their gender, absolutely not! it's due to the half rate parenting they encounter! I know my boys will grow up to be well mannered respectable men because that's how were raising our boys! my dh is probably the best man i could have ever asked for! he works hard at work, spends as much time as he can with the kids, tells me he loves me every night and doesn't most the house work!!! So i'm sorry you have such a shitty view on men, but you are very very wrong and if you push these views on your son, when he turns out horribly and he will it will be YOUR fault, not his!
     
  18. Liesje

    Liesje Well-Known Member

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    Children are all individuals, everyone can defend their boys until they're blue in the face but that doesn't mean another person's boy or girl will turn out to be the same as their child.
    It sounds like you're already setting your son up to be exactly like you imagine, into drugs, lazy, dirty, etc. those things are caused by low self esteem. Want to know what causes low self esteem? Being unwanted by your own mother. Girls will turn out exactly the same way if you treat them like that, go talk to any drug addicted prostitute and as them why they're there.
     
  19. Armywife

    Armywife Mummy to 2 beauties

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    Just WOW! :dohh:

    I don't know where to start! Firstly, yes, this is a forum for gender disappointment but what you have said takes it beyond that! Gender disappointment is feeling desperate for one sex over another, and, obviously, disappointed if you don't get the gender you hope for. These emotions can run very deep and be hard to deal with, lots of women struggle with the internal tug of war (myself included at the minute - I'm desperate for a boy). HOWEVER... You took that and went overboard entirely, you didn't just blur the lines between personal feelings and being offensive to others, you erased the bloody line entirely!

    I'm absolutely flabbergasted at your views of men/boys! I understand wanting one particular gender, as do the majority of us ladies here but to slate half the population based upon your mothers (and your own) narrow minded opinions of men is, frankly, very sad. The males in your life may well be as you've described but I honestly, genuinely, don't personally know any as you've described. My husband is in the army, he's been to the most hellish places on earth to fight for us - lazy? Messy? Rebellious? Not even close! Imagine if a man came and posted here that he didn't want a girl as they are only good for staying in the kitchen and cooking, that they are whiney and soft - would you agree that's all your dd is good for?!

    My sister and I have never been close yet I love my brother with all my heart and speak to him every single day.

    No one on here will judge you for wanting a girl but when you yourself are so judgemental as to stereotype males as you have, you can hardly cry at being judged yourself.
     
  20. mrsholmes

    mrsholmes Well-Known Member

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    It's not that I agree with the op post but I think she felt she was able to come here and say true feelings without even thinking about it, a lot of people post here not really giving reasons and saying how they don't want a boy/ girl etc.

    If it was my mother I would tell her to shove it and she wouldn't see either of my children!

    I really wanted a girl but since having Scott my opinion has changed he's so loving, cleaver and funny, im sure ull be fine and use this time to bond with him x
     

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