*venting here* Not so happy with having a boy :(

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Dahlia05, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. Willow87

    Willow87 Well-Known Member

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    I would love to have a girl with my first. If it turns out to be a boy, I might be like, "oh.. ok well!" When you get pregnant, you take the gamble. There is nothing wrong with having a preferance but to be soooooo negative and horrible AND WRONG about boys is just mind boggling.

    If you don't want him and feel like you are going to be a horrible mother to him, which seems like it from the first post, then give him up for adoption.

    I do think you will fall in love with him the minute he is born. Start buying some baby boy items and try to bond. There is no point in dwelling and being hysterical because that baby is what it is now. A BEAUTIFUL BOY. Get used to it.
     
  2. ILoveYouZandT

    ILoveYouZandT Well-Known Member

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    I post here, and have been posting here for sometime because I crave a daughter just as bad as the next person who wants their gender dream. I do not have a daughter already, I want the relationship with her, I want to buy dresses.. I just simply want the experience. If I find out that this baby is a boy, I will cry, if I find out it's a girl I will cry.

    Different reason's perhaps. But I will not hate him and I will not regret him and I would never give him up. And even though I know my eldest will have a hard time with the idea of a second brother, I would never say he is going to hate him. I will teach him to accept and love his brother with his whole heart, the same way I would anyone or anything else.

    I have bought pink items already for the little girl I pray that I'm carrying. I open up my closet several times a week to look at them, pick them up and I just cry. I want a daughter so badly it hurts. BUT I will love this baby no matter who he/she turns out to be because I made the conscious choice to have another BABY. Not just to have a daughter, but a baby in general. I knew my chances when I got pregnant.

    Someone used the word "vile" and it does completely sum up your outlook on this. All of us in this forum have our reasons for our desire of a particular gender. A lot of us have suffered the grief of not getting the one we wanted so bad. But I can't think of anyone else who has said the hurtful things you have.

    How could you make a post like this and not expect this kind of backlash?! If I'd have to guess, there are likely more son's throughout these forums than there are daughters as the majority of people are trying to get their daughters. Of course you're going to majorly offend people! My main guess is that your friends and family who are parents are MAJORLY lacking in the parenting department! How else could ya'll end up with that many bad male influences to push you to feel this way?!

    And I saw someone who had posted your previous comments. So what is this? Come here and make some outrageous post to get peoples juices flowing? Come on now.
     
  3. patooti

    patooti Pregnant - 2nd Trimester

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    I am still confused by her earlier post about her great reltionship with her own brother and happy acceptance of either sex that then turned into feeling she was carrying a demon spawn drug addict just like her evil brother.

    I understand gender disappointment. Before I knew the sex of my LO I wanted and thought she would be girl and I have always wanted a girl and might get only one chance because I am older. When I found out boy it set me back because I felt just like well I don't know like my image of the future that i had bonded to was gone. But that is TOTALLY different to throwing and irrational tantrum about how horrible your sweet baby boy will be. Take some time to think rationally about it please. You can still be sad your baby is not the second girl you wanted and even afraid you won't know how to raise him to be a good little man but the way you are going to conclusions is not healthy for you or him and it is not based in fact and it is NOT consistent with what you were saying before you found out.

    I don't want to insult you but I encourage you to stop and think rationally for a minute. Seriously also maybe you are suffering from depression etc I don't think it is typically to suddenly shift from thinking either sex is fine to wanting to give the baby away. I am not being mean when I suggest you get some help.
     
  4. Dahlia05

    Dahlia05 Well-Known Member

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    I understand your point of view here. For a long time, my brother & I did not have any relationship. He was quite rebellious toward his family. He went everything toward against us & didn't make our life easier. Yes, he is a good uncle to my daughter now. My father (who is the most loving & kind man) had a heart attack because he was stressing out so much with my brother, he stopped eating, sleeping, etc. He was very worried. I hated my brother for making so much troubles toward my parents. My parents did their very best in raising us with all of their hearts. Unfortunately, my brother wasn't easy at all. Now that he is an adult, he is good to my daughter & I am thankful for that. I didn't expected this. My mother also didn't have a good relationship with her own brother, who gave a hell to his parents & herself too. I guess we were unlucky here with some of the males we had in our families who were quite difficult to deal with. My father is just rare in my eyes. I am just scared that I will put all my energy in trying to raise my son well & in the end, he will become like my brother or that estranged uncle. I've been there & I've seen how much heart breaks he did to my parents. My father was praying that I would have a daughter when I was pregnant with number 1. His personal experience raising a daughter was so much easier.

    I also very strongly wanted to give my daughter a sister that I never had. I wanted her to have this special bonding time with a sister. Is there something wrong in that??

    I'm sorry if I am offending some of the people on here. I have receieved many supportive private messages here. These people are scared to admit their feelings on here & that they will get bashed too. For those here that want to judge & bash, clearly, aren't in my shoes & don't know why I feel this way. I don't say this out of my bum. I am stating from my own personal experience. Maybe pregnancy hormones are acting up and I am being emotional. I am not usually an emotional person. It just hit me yesterday. I just found out the news. In the back of my mind, I was really hoping a girl but never ever imagined that I would feel this strongly when I found out that I am having a boy. This is all new feelings for me.

    I was hoping to hear some guidance on how to deal with it. If anyone went through something... maybe could give me some guides. I am getting plenty from the private messages (who are nervous to post on here). I don't blame them. I can see that I shouldn't have said openly here, stating my feelings on here. Clearly, some people will never understand & aren't in my shoes. Who are you to judge here? You don't know me. You take everything literally & making the devil out of me.

    To the previous comment, with 2 sons & wanting a girl so badly. I am not in your shoes & I wouldn't judged you if you had your say on here. Everyone is in a different position here with different experiences.

    Clearly, I can't say much here... I never shared my feelings out loud to anyone outside... I thought I should get my feelings out here... hoping to find some piece of guidance. Of course, I may say something irrational like "adoption"... do you think I'll intentionally do this?? :dohh: I just found out yesterday & am still trying to digest all the new feelings now.
     
  5. Samie18

    Samie18 Well-Known Member

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    The disappointment when you get the opposite of what you want is horrible but will get better.
    I just think the adoption bit seems very extreme. when you get pregnant its because you should want a baby.

    Im sure your a fab mum to your little girl and will bring your boy up to be a wonderful person who you will be so proud of.
    Just take time to adjust to how your new family will be and enjoy planning for him and buying him things and making him a 'real' person and hopefully it will get better
    x
     
  6. BeccaxBump

    BeccaxBump Mummy to Lily Ella*

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    I have no freakin' idea what to say to this...
    To say you'd have him adopted if he is a boy is rotten. I'd never give my baby up! I'd of loved her if she was a boy.
    Disgusting...
     
  7. _jellybean_

    _jellybean_ Well-Known Member

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    I honestly think that maybe it would help you to talk to a professional, like a counselor or a therapist. Your gender disappointment seems severe (and your misconceptions about gender also seem radical to me), and I really think that a professional will better know how to help you through.
     
  8. cckarting

    cckarting Well-Known Member

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    Did you ever think that your brother was so "horrible" because your mother didn't want a son because she "hated her brother because her parents had a hard time with him"? Was he treated differently from you? Treat your children equally and they will turn out as you make them, no one else but you can shape them into the people they become!
     
  9. No1showgirl

    No1showgirl Well-Known Member

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    I really think its time to stop critisising OP now. Infact, i didnt know so many people "lurked" on this part of the forum....Im now personally wondering if this is really a safe place to post anything GD related - it seems to me some people could just be here sifting through the posts waiting for something like this to flair up.

    Things get said in the heat of the moment, OP is obviously suffering GD greater than most on here so cut her some slack. Yes i was shocked by the "adoption" thing, but im telling you, strange things go through your mind when going through GD - especially in the early stages. It can send you pretty loopy - and you wont understand that unless you have experienced it.

    OP - If you want some support feel free to PM me.
     
  10. Liesje

    Liesje Well-Known Member

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    I got here from the 'new posts' section... The title caught my eye, having boys I was going to come here to reassure the OP... I was kind of surprised by what I read.
     
  11. blinkava

    blinkava Well-Known Member

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    As a mother of 2 wonderful boys and another little boy on the way, I feel so offended by this post, but I know I can't judge. You did come to the gender disappointment section and you have a right to vent and speak your feelings, but I feel you don't have the right idea about boys. My boys are the most loving and wonderful kids around, they always protect me and are my little mama's boys. Your views on boys seem to come from your mother, and I would break the cycle right now. A baby boy or girl is a gift, there are a lot of women on this site who can't conceive and you being the lucky one are thinking about putting your baby up for adoption because he is not the right gender. You should seriously rethink your reaction and just imagine how blessed you are to be having a baby at all.
     
  12. jenniferttc1

    jenniferttc1 mommy of 1 baking #2

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    I can understand you disappointment to an extent. I think you well above the bar of serious gender disappointment though. I cany help but feel sad that your son is not here and you already class him as being an awful boy. I can promise you, you will feel silly for feeling this way and your feelings will change when you hold him. I didn't even want boys and now I would be thrilled with 10 of them. Not all boys are bad, but if you treat him differently then yes he will be a "bad boy". Give the baby a chance to steal your heart.
     
  13. jenniferttc1

    jenniferttc1 mommy of 1 baking #2

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    Op don't take it to hard. Us mommys of boys just know how wonderful it is, and you will feel the same way too once he is here. I think a lot of responses ate women getting defensive over their boys and I felt the same way. On this forum you just always hear people talking down on boys and so highly of girls. I personally think boys are the best, but that's probably cause I have a son and no daughter so its hard to understand what is so great about girls.
     
  14. jamhs

    jamhs Well-Known Member

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    I can understand feelings of disappointment when you found out, even that you were unprepared for those feelings to hit you so hard. I guess the reason so many mothers of boys got upset by them is because of our feelings for our own boys. We love love them and know how wonderful they are and hate to think that someone is already judging them just because they are boys. Think of it like someone coming on here saying how disgusted they are having a girl because she will end up a slut and sleeping around and getting pregnant young and whine and be a diva and is pathetic because she is a girl and I want to just give her away. It's not true at all, and wouldn't you want to defend you your precious daughter? You know she won't end up like that because you know you'll raise her to be a good person. That is all that I think the majority of us are feeling. You sound like you have a great dad, so work on raising your boy to be like him. Teach him to clean up after himself(I take toys away if they aren't cleaned up, so they have learned fast to tidy!) teach him hard work and the importance of being kind. You will be the one to teach him what he'll become so work on passing on to him all the values and respect that he will need to grow up into a great man. Good luck with all that you are feeling and I hope that you can come to love your new baby with as much love as you do your daughter. It might take him being born and the first time he looks up at you and grabs your finger as if to say how much he needs you for it to fall into place, but I'm sure it will.
     
  15. OmarsMum

    OmarsMum Well-Known Member
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    Wow, OP was advised to post in the right section, yet some of you decided to follow her here to stir things up before she received any replies.

    Many of your comments are really harsh, OP just found out she's having a boy, there are nicer ways to tell her that she will be fine raising a boy!

    To OP, I was raised with 3 brothers, I wanted a girl, I cried when I found out that I was having a boy, but when I held him in my arms everything changed. He's the sweetest boy, he's very sensitive & empathetic. I wouldn't change him for the world.

    If you don't have a good advise for OP to help her overcome her feelings, step back & leave the thread, She's not looking for insults, she's is looking for HELP & Some support to overcome her feelings & disappointment.

    OP, if you feel that you can't get over your gender disappointment, try to seek professional help Hun, not all boys are the same xx
     
  16. mrsholmes

    mrsholmes Well-Known Member

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    In Wales they have something called the PRAMs teams it's for women with really bad depression I know that they also work with women that are not coping with pregnancy for whatever reason . Maybe worth asking midwife?

    I think the op is saying how she feels and should be supported. I coped well with my GD but could have easily gone the other way.
     
  17. Dahlia05

    Dahlia05 Well-Known Member

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    Thank you to a few mums here for understanding & giving me some supports. I truly appreciate it.

    I was quite disappointed to see some jugdemental comments on here. You can't really open your true feelings. So I can see in the near future, not to open up so much & just to shut things away.

    I thought I'd come here, thinking ok lots of mums are pregnant, probably dealing with hormones/emotionalities too, would understand more. I guess I was wrong for some here. Of course, mums with boys, will be defensive but I didn't think that it would go to this extent. At least, they would have been smart enough not to post anything & just don't comment or left the thread alone... thinking: maybe this pregnant woman (me) is going through some hormones or something.

    I spoke to my husband, who was very supportive of what I am going through. Even as a male, he never bashed or judged me this harshly. He understand that I am not being myself now. I know I am not. He said you're different when you're pregnant, more emotional now. I know. I can be irrational now. I never said that I wasn't. I am coping with it. Part of it, because I lost my baby (who was supposed to be a girl) last December 2011. I was devastated.

    When I got pregnant again, I was hoping that it would be "her"...coming back. I know this may sound silly. It has lots to do with everything. Like I said, for those who judged/bashed me, clearly don't know me & my experiences.

    I am slowly accepting it that I am having a boy. I know I will. I just needed some supports.

    Thank you again for a few here.
     
  18. Mummy2B21

    Mummy2B21 Mum of Two

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    Your son will be whoever YOU guide him to be, if you are a good mother and teach all the right things inspire him to be the best then he can achieve anything, If you bring him up believing he is going to end up in trouble and put no effort into raising a amazing man then sure he could possibly end up the way you discribe, your children learn by example you teach them well give them inspirations they can acheive.Gender makes no difference it is a pretty lame excuse your mother obviously didnt bither with her son as much as her daughter/s maybe she had favouritism a girl can just as much go off the rails as a boy it depends on YOUR parenting to lead and guide them into respectable adults.
     
  19. Phantom

    Phantom Mommy

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    I know there are a lot of angry people after reading what you wrote, but I'm going to approach this without judgement if I can because something you said hit home for me about not wanting to tell your mom its a boy. When I found out I was having a boy I didn't want to tell anyone either. Everyone was expecting and wanted it to be a girl. I cried coming home from the ultrasound and felt very guilty because of it. But in all honesty, a child is a child. For thousands of years boys were the best gift! Husbands used to kill their wives if they wouldn't give them a son! Now people want girls because they like pretty pink dresses. Its different than it used to be, but it doesn't have to be.

    My son (whom I was scared to have because I didn't know what to do with a boy) is the most amazing kid. And wherever we go he turns heads because he's "prettier" than most girls. It's very different from what I expected and I can't imagine having a girl instead. You will love him. And others will too. If they don't, they need help.
     
  20. tinkerbelle93

    tinkerbelle93 2 little boys :)

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    I agree that it's down to parenting how your children turn out, nothing to do with gender.

    I mean you get girls who are lazy or selfish or messy, or who don't bother with school and you get girls who fall in with the wrong crowd and turn to drugs etc. You also get boys who are sweet and intelligent and motivated who don't any of that! And vice versa.. those things have nowt to do with gender!

    i hope you see sense soon and feel better. I also hope your mother changes her mind, it's sad :( xx
     

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