*venting here* Not so happy with having a boy :(

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Dahlia05, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. lori

    lori Mom to Simon & Oliver

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    To the OP: :hugs: Much of what you wrote in your original post hurt me very much as a mom of two lovely boys, but I do understand feeling disappointed and feeling and saying all kinds of irrational things without necessarily meaning them. I've always wanted a daughter and I cried both times I heard "boy". When I found out that my second was another boy, I got hung up on all kinds of negative stereotypes and just couldn't see any version of the universe where my boys were going to be different. You've gotten some harsh replies, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because it sounds like you're hurting and because you haven't had the opportunity to see how awesome boys can be.

    It's going to be ok :hugs:

    You may have a hard time believing it when people tell you this (I know I did), but get ready to experience a whole new kind of love. Little boys are amazing and you're about to learn so much. I wish I could invite you to come have a coffee on my couch and watch my oldest son play. He would melt your heart. He's loving, affectionate, smart, and so funny. My youngest (almost 6 months) is a doll. Sometimes when I look at him I tear up wondering how I could have ever wished for anyone different to join our family. I still want a daughter very badly and I worry that I'll never get to experience it, but I've learned that sometimes the universe has a better plan for my life and family than I could have ever dreamed up on my own.

    If my next baby is another boy, I'll be crushed. I will cry. I might even sink into another depression even though I should know better by now. Don't be too hard on yourself or take the replies you've received to heart. We're all hurting to some degree, that's why we're posting in this section.

    I promise you that one day you're going to look back on this and marvel at how much more complete your life and your family feels with your little boy.
     
  2. Kitten-B

    Kitten-B Mum of 2 gorgeous boys :)

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    No judgement (while I understand a lot of the shocked reactions I don't think the GD forum should be this judgemental) - but just wanted to say i think you are in for the nicest surprise of your life. I'd never have thought it before Sam but wee boys are just so so special, especially to their mums!

    And I understand saying extremist daft things when the news is fresh and painful! I'd say don't think about too much for a few weeks and you'll find a bit of acceptance and peace with baby's gender will come.

    X
     
  3. DessyMarie

    DessyMarie Well-Known Member

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    Just thought I might add, I have a daughter and another on the way. My daughter is the most amazing little girl, however I would love to experience having a boy myself as well. I understand gender dissapointment, but as pointed our earlier by someone else, some women can't have children or have lost one or the other. I think you should get yourself in a mind frame that this boy will grow up the way you raise him. I think chilren in general are a gift from god, and no matter what at the end of the day, they love you UNCONDITIONALLY, and its the best feeling in the world. By the way, I posted from this thread because I read that you said you have only boys and no daughter, but I do have a daughter and i still want a son, even though what matters to me is health.
     
  4. jenniferttc1

    jenniferttc1 mommy of 1 baking #2

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    Havent seen a post in awhile from you, are you feeling a little better?
     
  5. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa Well-Known Member

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    WoW! Just to let you know, I have an 18yr old son who has been perfect since the day he was born. He is the smartest, sweetest most handsome & responsible boy a mom could ever ask for. Now I do have an 8yr old son who makes me want to pull my hair out but that doesn't have anything to do with him being a boy because I also have a 13yr old daughter who can drive me crazy too. Every child is different & how they are raised is a big part of it. I was disappointed about having a boy this time because my 8yr old is such a handful but I have realized that I have 2 boys & 2 girls & they are all extremely different so chances are this baby will be different too. Gender disappointment & stereotyping sexes is 2 way different things!!! In your case I hope you are blessed with a son like my 8yr old who does drive you crazy,lmao.
     
  6. MelliPaige

    MelliPaige Leo's Mommy

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    Your description of boys sounds close to a description of my sibling!
    Except, I only have a sister.
    I can understand the want, although I'm not pregnant and don't have any children, I am desperate to have a boy first! I don't have anything against girls, I just feel like if I don't have a boy *first* ill never get the experience. Everyone I know has had all girls.

    Good luck, have fun with your beautiful little guy! :)
     
  7. Ava Grace

    Ava Grace Mummy to 2 boys wtt #3

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    I think once baby arrives healthy you will adore him no matter what x
     
  8. Becyboo__x

    Becyboo__x Well-Known Member

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    I was in this section for the fact i have suffered from bipolar since i
    was a teen.. and that affected me alot when i was last pregnant
    (lost at 16 weeks) .. but i didn't want another boy just the idea of it
    upset me and everything but i love my son to bits! and i knew id come
    around to it in the end.. i went to councilling and i still do and it did help
    alot! i started speaking about it all more openly to another councillor who
    dealt with pregnancy etc .. and that did really help ...

    The only thing about your post that really got to me is that you said it like
    your girl is a perfect little girl .. and a boy would be awful.. like all girls are angels
    and all boys are the devil.. it can work both ways a boy could turn out bad or a girl
    later in life or even be naughty as a child .. me and my sister were opposite she was
    naughty as a baby/child really hard to deal with day to day.. and i was a quiet and
    a simple child .. boys aren't just bad behaved.. or more prone to it either! .. both
    can be the same way or not .. and as for when older boys get into drugs and get
    into the wrong crowds etc girls can do that too you won't know what life will bring
    kids change as they grow up ... my son was lovely as a baby toddler stage he turned
    really bad but i wouldn't change him for the world!

    all in all im not argueing over it .. just think first post was abit intense .. i understand
    that people come in here to vent about being dissappointed as iv been through it
    with my first and 2nd.. but think a few things have proberly just come out really bad
     
  9. Pearls18

    Pearls18 Well-Known Member

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    Edited because it wasn't realise advice.

    I hope when you meet him and get to know him you'll find out gender doesn't characterise someone whether totally positively or negatively. Maybe look at your OH and your dad and other men you love rather than stereotypes in the media. I have to say I used to volunteer in a youth club and it was the girls who were the most unruly haha, but I don't mean to generalise, I just mean you are not going to be lovely just because you're a girl....or we would all here be a lot nicer lol ;)
     
  10. LittleLady04

    LittleLady04 Mum of 4

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    I hope you are feeling better now hun after having some to get your head around it.

    I only have one sibling, a younger brother. I was 9 when my Mum was pg and I wanted a little sister so much but now I am so glad I had a brother :) He was loving, caring, fun and just adorable. From the day I met him I never felt the wish to have a sister ever again. I am sure your DD will be the same, she will love what she has, she will know no different after all.

    I have three DD's (7,4 and 3) and they are stroppy, grumpy and messy at times. Plus, they fight and fall out, alot!! (I can't actually ever remember falling out with my brother when we were little!) How a child behaves isn't determined by their gender but by how they are raised and their personality. I was really hoping for a DS when I was expecting #3 but once she arrived I didn't care, she was my baby.

    Now I am expecting a DS and I'm so excited to finally get to experience raising the opposite gender.

    Good Luck and if you need to chat feel free to pm me :flower:
     
  11. jessthemess

    jessthemess Well-Known Member

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    You know, I read through all of these posts, and I've been thinking about it.

    I don't think the negative reaction you got was due to your disappointment in having a boy. I think it was more in regards to why you are disappointed you are having a boy.

    You can't help that your experiences with men, boys, brothers, sons, and that the experiences of the women close to you as well, are not positive.

    But I think if you focus on finding a man, little boy, friend, uncle, grandpa, cousin etc, who is someone that you love and can be a positive model for you to base your dreams of your son on then you might feel better.

    I have a dear friend who had a little boy and was soooo thankful, I mean crying jumping up and down thankful, because her little sister was a terror in heels and she could not stand the possibility of raising a teenage girl who might be like her sister.

    Honestly, we've only got our experiences and the experiences shared with us by others to base our expectations on. But maybe try not to focus so much on what could go wrong. Realize that what went wrong in the men who are causing you these negative feelings can be prevented. And then I think it will get better. :)

    My experience with little boys? So loving and adoring of their mothers. So curious and inquisitive of the world. So hard on their parent's nice things ;). And so silly and sweet.
     
  12. RachA

    RachA Well-Known Member

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    A child is moulded by it's parents. Not all boys are awful and not all girls are really cute.

    When i was pregnant with my 1st i really didn't want to find out what i was having because to me the idea of having a boy was awful. I had 2 older brothers who were pretty great but i also had 4 nephews who i considered a nightmare. I was desperate not to have a boy as my 4 nephews were everything i didn't want in a child. When i actually delivered my baby i had had such an awful time ending with an emergency c-section that i really didn't care what sex my child was, i just wanted my baby to be alive and ok. Once i had my baby and found out he was boy i was totally fine with it. Yes, 5 years later, i still get the odd feeling of 'i don't know what on earth to do with my boy' but on the flip side i now have a girl too and i don't know what to do with her at times!!

    I do think that what you said in your OP was a bit harsh but i can understand where that comes from and i think you need to talk to someone about theses feelings before you have your boy. I think that if you deal with these feelings then you can make sure that your son doesn't turn out like one of the boys that you don't like.
     
  13. motherofboys

    motherofboys Mum of 4 boys. Baby 5 due April

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    you are in the right place to vent and I have to say in posts in the rest of the site I will say it doesn't matter what gender even though I secretly hope for a girl. I'm not so desperate I would keep going till I got one, or give up my boys for one, but that's not the point, the point is I would keep that bit of info to myself on the rest of the site.
    I will say that it works both ways on the things you are worried about, I know pretty much as many girls as I do boys who have fallen in with bad crowds, who have taken drugs, who never made anything of their lives, who had their parents wanting to rip their own hair out wondering what to do with them. and even as little kids, being complete terrors. my sister in law will tell anyone who will listen how awful girls are and how much trouble they are.
    I do not believe for one minute gender makes the slightest bit of difference to behaviour and the person you're child becomes. I have 3 boys, all of whom are very different and have different behaviours. so far they are not lazy, they work hard at school, they are no more messy than the next child, yes they are noisy, but usually that noise is laughter, when it's not, and they argue, you will get that with any gender.
    it's a matter of person experience, the amount of people who tell me I'm lucky to have boys and not to have any more in case I get a girl! every child is different and will become different people as they grow whether they study hard or are easily led in to the darker things in life remains to be seen. don't write your baby of just yet hun. you may be surprised. surely your babies father is a good man, he may follow in daddy's for steps, think of all the great men in the world, they were once little boys too.
     
  14. BabyCleo

    BabyCleo New mama to Lily-Grace

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    I read this thread a while ago and to be honest i was pretty pissed. Ive always wanted a boy, and my DF comes from 4 boys who are the kindest men you can find. He also has 2 nephews who are the sweetest little boys around. These men would do anything for me.

    But, I can get where your coming from I guess. I understand it can be painful to be dissapointed, but please dont adopt your little one out just cause hes a boy! If you raise him right, he will be the sweetest thing! Please dont think all boys are bad because they are not.
     

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