Very Low Labido and Frustrating Husband. Help?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by BubblegumV, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. BubblegumV

    BubblegumV Member

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    I am about 29 weeks and I have lost my labido except for at like 5:00am. First off... What is the deal?
    Second... My husband is being very rude and not supporting me through this time in my pregnancy. He keeps blaming me for not being in the mood and yelling at me. (Its not like I got this way on my own btw)
    What makes it even worse is I feel icky and fat and I've caught him looking at super skinny (nude) girls online or "late night tv". It really hurts me and I have no clue what to do anymore. :cry:

    I am young, pregnant, and feeling very hurt and alone in all this.
    Advice? Anyone?
     
  2. Jkelmum

    Jkelmum Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: Ive no advice as my hubby doesnt like :sex: while i am pregnant and i hardly got any then was banned from 24 wks due to preterm labour ....All i can say is he needs to be more supportive have u spoke to him ? You,ll not feel like this forever it will come back ....sounds like your OH needs a good slap !
     
  3. BubblegumV

    BubblegumV Member

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    I have tried but all he keeps say is "how am I supposed to feel"
    I have considered how he feels and I make him dinner, clean, cuddle, kiss him and shower with him as often as I can but NOTHING seems to work.
    I'm already feeling down from all my weight gain and stress but this just makes me sad... depressed even.
     
  4. Smiler

    Smiler Well-Known Member

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    I think it is quite normal to go off sex during stages of pregnancy. I for one was way too tired most of the time, however made sure that i spent time with OH, cuddles etc. He did tell me at the beginning as well that once i got a bump then i would be the one not getting any action!! That hasn't quite been the case!! However, I am lucky that he has been supportive of me and my ups and downs and tiredness etc. Try talking to your OH and explain that it is natural that you dont feel like it at the moment, that it isn't forever and you would appreciate it if he didn't make you feel so bad (some tears thrown in seem to work!!) He needs to appreciate that your body is undergoing some amazing changes, and seeing and feeling your body doing this without your control, can be quite frightening/depressing. I hope you get the support you need from him. Like you say, you didn't get pregnant on your own! x :hugs:
     
  5. sarah_george

    sarah_george ♥Proud Mummy!♥

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    Sorry hun but he sounds like a total tosser to me! its very common to loose your sex drive during pregnancy, I'm at a stage now where if I just get through the day then thats a mega achievement, sounds to me like your running yourself ragged trying to be a good wife and see to his needs and he is just taking the piss! someone needs to have a word, sorry I havent got more helpful advice but it sounds like he's at fault here hun, good luck trying to kick him into shape :hug: xxx
     
  6. happygirl

    happygirl Well-Known Member

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    i have totally gone off sex! my OH is great about it but he does make the odd comment about it but ihe does know that its just my hormones! before i got pregnant i was all over him like a rash! lol! so he knows its nothing to do with him.

    i just make sure that i tell him that i love him loads and that once we get to the closer stages of me giving birth then we might have some! lol

    what i do however do for him is other "FAVOURS" if you know what i mean.......

    anyway hun,if you dont want it then he shouldnt be making you feel bad! big hugs hun
    keep your chin up and just think of that beautifull bubs that you have on the way!

    xxxxx
     
  7. peekers

    peekers Well-Known Member

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    im so sorry that ur oh is being like this, that just plain sucks :(

    i would try and talk to him again, and u are right, u didnt get pregnant all by yourself!!

    my oh has been very support and he cant keep up with me lol but i think as im getting really big its going to get harder.

    I hope u can talk some sense into him, he needs to be more understand and u need a supporting OH during pregnancy, its not like it lasts forever

    :hugs:
     
  8. moomin_troll

    moomin_troll mummy to zane and corey

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    i felt like u and personaly i told my oh to stick it up his ass! im pregnant im having HIS baby and i dont need him giving me rubbish! i made it all about me after months of taking it all lying down (no pun intended) being preg is a hard enuf time without ur oh makin u feel ugly or blaiming you for not wanting sex.

    i banned my oh from porn (long story behind that aswel as hurting my prego feelings lol)
    and said if i catch u on it ur dead and he believed me.

    also whats ur oh going to be like after u have his baby, ur not going to want sex at all! i made my oh wait 3 months as i was terrified of sex. tell him he needs to grow the hell up
     
  9. booflebump

    booflebump Mummy to Toby

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    Thats awful that hes being like that - he shouldnt be shouting at you! How is he supposed to feel? He is meant to be considerate to the fact that his partner is doing an amazing job of carrying his child and should treat you accordingly!!! xxx
     
  10. Emsy26

    Emsy26 Mum of 4 & Wife-To-Be xx

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    I agree with the other ladies hunny, you don't need it!!
    You're carrying his child, what more does he want?!
    I personally think he's being a selfish [email protected] and thinking of himself more.
    Get your foot and give him a good kick up the @rse hunny, he's being totally unreasonable.

    Me and my OH haven't had sex since I found out I was preggers...he makes the odd comment about needing it and that it would be nice t have intercourse, but I remind him that once baby comes along things will slowly start to return to normal...and he is absolutely fine with it. xxx

    :hug:
     
  11. cheeselover

    cheeselover Guest

     
  12. Dukechick

    Dukechick Wife & proud Mom of 2

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    Awww... honey, I'm sorry he's treating you like that. He shouldn't be yelling at you, that's just plain stupid. Ass.
    Looking at girls online huh? It would bother me too, but at least it's online, and he's not out in public doing anything about it. He's not talking to them right? I'm assuming he's just looking..... that's all he better be doing!
     
  13. Sherileigh

    Sherileigh Well-Known Member

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    I'm really not into it now either...I'll have the odd craving...at weird times as well...and I'm sure to wake him up when I do! lol. But it's like my body changed the second I got pregnant and things just weren't the same down there...hopefully they change back!! My OH will make the odd comment, but he's fine with it...we just try to cuddle a lot instead. Just remind your OH how tough pregnancy is on you...and you don't need anymore stress right now! If your body is like mine right now, you're probably feeling pretty crappy....and sex is just the last thing we need right now! Tell him he's acting like a bully!!
     
  14. BubblegumV

    BubblegumV Member

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    I made him read a bunch or aticles last night and he acted like he might have understood but then went back to saying the same things. He says hes not taking "all this stuff" very well and its frustrating for him. I said its 10x more frustrating for me and he just shook his head.
    I am beyond frustrated. I need some support. I don't have any friends anymore because no one wants a "prego chick" at the party. Plus my family doesn't fully support my pregnancy and the way I want to do things (giving birth and after the baby is here). I need him to be here for me and hes not.


    Sorry for blabbing on... I just really don't know what I am supposed to do.
    Should I ask the doctor to try and explain to him?
    Get him a new daddy book? (Where can I get a new daddy book?)
    Have sex anyways?
     
  15. Enodia

    Enodia Well-Known Member

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    He sounds pretty typical to me. You don't owe him anything and I find it quite disgusting that he'd be perfectly content with getting "it" from you by trying to guilt you into it. What's more so is that you're the one carrying the baby, going through body changes, hormones, soon to be labor that no guy will ever experinece and his only frustration is that he isn't getting any?

    I haven't found my sex drive since I found out I was :bfp: and my OH is lucky if he gets it once every 2 months. My bump just gets in the way and the baby moves, and it just all puts me off. Tell him to go find a hobby or something if 98% of his focus leads to the protruding parts of his anatomy and he feels compelled to look up porn on the internet. That's pretty sad, especially when he has a baby coming and should be focusing all his attention on his LO.

    I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Try getting him to do something that keeps him involved with the baby, like putting up the crib or decorating the nursery, something that might shift his focus even a little bit. A book for fathers-to-be might be a good idea, but sometimes men don't have the ability to be sympathetic in any capacity when they're feeling neglected, but it's worth a try. :)
     
  16. amie-leigh

    amie-leigh Mummy To Princess Morgan

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    i totally understand my oh is the same, he trys to make me feel bad if im tired or just can't be bothered by shouting or putting on porn really loudly
    i tried talking to him but its impossible (gggrrrrrr men)
    keep ur chin up hun and remember that xtra weight is ur baby if he cant accept that then he's the one with the problem
     
  17. NoSpringChick

    NoSpringChick Well-Known Member

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    Is he cuddling you etc? I mean are you getting anything from him that you need? If not i shouldnt be feeling guilty at all.

    We havnt done the deed since i got pregnant but as I tell him - he has a hand! Not that he goes on about it. I had a m/c with my first so we both didnt want to take any chances.

    Your oh should be more understanding imo. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  18. tropicana

    tropicana Well-Known Member

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    i caught my bf watching porn a bit back, i was only in the other room and walked into our bedroom to catch him doing himself! it really peed me off and upset me loads, i had gone of sex alot and i dont feel attractive int he slightest bit with the weight i have loaded on.. and ive told him this and he knows how upset i am and how i dont like my image, yet he went and did it anyway. he even shouted at me and said it was my fault he was watching the porn as how can he w*nk off to nothing.. well i ended up throwing all sorts at him and got in a fight!and he never did appologise for it.. men are just utter nob heads who are only thinking about themself!

    ive tried to get him into reading about baby "stuff" and suggesting books and showing him the daddy pages from prego mags but he has no interest at all, i feel he does certain things because i nag him all the time :(

    i dont really have anything to say or advice as my bf is just the same and ive not got anywhere with him from what ive tried, all im hoping for is for it to calm down once baby is here and let him realise what a prat he is being!

    :hug:
     
  19. NoSpringChick

    NoSpringChick Well-Known Member

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    he puts porn on loudly? WHy are you with him? he sounds very immature - i'm sure you can do better! :hug:

    urghh some men :hissy:
     
  20. BubblegumV

    BubblegumV Member

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    He has been really distant and odd lately. He says sorry randomly and then acts like a jerk the very next minute. He says its stressed and frustrated about not having sex and finding out that the baby is a girl.
    Just because hes stressed doesn't mean he has to be a jerk though... right?

    He will cuddle with me a night but as soon as he wakes up he moves away like he didn't mean to do it.
    Its really frustrating.
     

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