Very nosey questions: mums of 3.

[Midnight_Fairy]

P.S I found the jump hard. Definitely not easy. I dont think any baby is easy lol. I just find 1:1 more hard because I like to have 1:1 with all my children and it means I have to wait for J to go to bed before I can do homework with them. That said, I like the bigger gap, they are independent and can help look after Jade. It means I can nap during day etc I wouldnt have coped with a smaller gap personally.

 

[Jaysmummy]

1) there are 5 years between my first and second, they are almost 9 and almost 4 and then 21 months between 2nd and 3rd, 3rd is 2.

2) I am 28

3) household income is £31,000 plus child benefit and around £2,000 child tax credits. Disposible income varies but normally about £500 a month whilst we are paying debts off

4) I don't work but am thinking about starting mobile beauty

5) we have a vauxhall Astra. We used to have a vectra as we couldn't fit the double buggy in the old Astra but now we don't need a double anymore we've gone back to a smaller car.

I found the transition easy-ish. My 3rd was a very good baby so that was a big part of it I suppose. The only bits I find difficult is if I take them out on my own (park for example) I have 3 running in different directions lol so I try to go with someone. Same with things like swimming etc

 

[kerrie24]

Our 3 each have a four year age gap between them.

I'm 30,oh is 31.

I dont work,oh earns around 20k I think and we get some tax credits.We afford nice dats out,meals etc but booking a holiday has been on hold for 3 years as its harder with 3 on room sizes etc.

I drive a Kia Rio.The two eldest dont need seats now so just one carseat.

I found the transition ok except guilt at not having loads of time to spend individually with them.

 

[Pearls18]

Thank you everyone, it's giving me lots of food for thought. I know if we were going to have 3 another gap of around 3 years would be good as I think the reason the transition between 1 to 2 hasn't been too difficult is because of our gap. However, I do worry about having to go back to the newborn stage again, effectively spending 9 years with a less than 3 year old, I just feel like family life is some what paused in the baby stage? But I'm only 4 months in maybe I will feel different next year.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I agree with on pause 100% x

 

[lau86]

I feel like life is on pause too. Hubby feels it more as he enjoys going out and on holiday more than I do. I think if I was to have a third I will do it sooner rather than later. Really interesting what everyone has said!

 

[catty]

This is really good to read! We havnt even had no.2 yet but we have been thinking and we had thought maybe 3 although would be at least 3/4 years until I want to be pregnant again. Very useful to read this!

 

[aimee-lou]

I feel like life is on pause too. Hubby feels it more as he enjoys going out and on holiday more than I do. I think if I was to have a third I will do it sooner rather than later. Really interesting what everyone has said!

Agree with this. While we didn't exactly plan our age gaps - well we kind of did as we originally intended to ntnp after DS2 but later changed our mind opting to try for a similar age gap (2-3years). We didn't get a choice though and I think that we got a good deal.

Ok - pitfalls are that it's 2 under 2 plus a pre-schooler and it's a madhouse on school mornings. I have had to get a double pushchair (well 2 actually as we need to change our current one! ). 2 in cots etc but luckily we had a cotbed for Edward and the original cot so that has been ok so far. 2 in nappies is expensive and we've been paying for formula for nearly 2 years! lol

Up-sides to all this. There's 4 years (well 3y10m) between all of them. They get along swimmingly and things like days out will be easier as they'll be able to share a lot of interests. We're already finding the hotel thing a bit of a bind but for the time being we're ok as baby goes into a travel cot in with all of us. Once he reaches 2 we'll have to re-think lol. Age wise too, Earl will be in full time school from this september and I'll have the 2 babies at home for another full year before either of them has freebie nursery hours. Earl is a very independent little soul and tends to get a bit overwhelmed by teh attention he gets from Edward at times. It's going to suit him being the older sibling definitely. Edward and Charlie are already thick as thieves and being so close they're at similar stages and pretty soon will be able to play at similar levels (as soon as Charlie gets mobile I'm in trouble! lol). They'll be heading off to school in 2 consecutive school years, with Charlie eligible for pre-school when Edward goes full time so no-one is going to be left behind as such.

Not only that at the other end of the scale - no-one is going to get left behind (well for no more than 1 year anyway) when they finish education. Charlie will be one of the youngest in his year anyway, so that final year at school is going to be a bit of a drag for him I reckon but I'm sure we'll cope lol. I'm 30 and when Charlie turns 18 I'll be 48! That's not too old to be off seeing the world which is awesome! lol

I'm not going to lie, the urge to have a 4th is there definitely but I'm so excited about the future and seeing my 3 boys grow up. I feel very blessed to have them here, and I couldn't imagine life any other way! Adding a 4th would just throw so many spanners into the works and distrupt this dynamic that we now have.

 

[alicecooper]

1) what age gaps do you have?
2) how old are you?
3) what is your household income/disposable income (sorry! Understand if you miss this one!)
4) do you work? If so what do you do about childcare?
5) what car do you drive?

Also, any info on having 3 generally really, what the jump from 2 to 3 has been like for you physically, eomotionally, financially.

1) 22 months between DD and DS1
25 months between DS1 and DS2
3 years 9 months between DS2 and DS3

2) I had my DD at 21
I had DS1 at 23
I had DS2 at 25
I had DS3 at 29
I'm now 30

3) N/A

4) I'm a carer for DH, as he has mobility problems. Last year I did some webcam (yes cam girl) work but I haven't done that in about 10 months now. Maybe I'll go back to it sometime, maybe not, but at the moment no I'm not working.
I'm currently working on playing piano (I'm working towards taking my Grade 5 exam later this year). Eventually, in a few years time, I'd like to be a piano tutor in my own home (or in the pupils' homes). Or maybe I'll even apply to work in a music college or something, we'll see. When the kids are a bit older.
I'm also writing - I have one self published ebook but it hasn't sold very well (only about 15 copies). But I might see if I can write a sequel. I live in hope that one day I'll be a "proper" published author, but that might just be a never achieved dream, we'll see.

5) Fiat Multipla. It has 6 full sized seats (3 in the back, 3 in the front).

We never planed to have 4 kids whilst on benefits. Never.
When I got pregnant with DD, I was in uni plus working part time at a commercial estate agents, and DH was working full time in an electronics shop (Maplin).
When I got pregnant with DS1, I was in uni, and DH was working full time as a first line I.T. support technician.
When I got pregnant with DS2, DH and I were both managing directors of our own online company (self employed) and were making quite a lot of money.
Unfortunately that all went pear shaped. The business went bust, and DH's mobility problems had increased so much that he couldn't manage without me, so he ended up on Disability Living Allowance.
Our finances were horrendous and we nearly lost the house. We had to sell up because we couldn't afford the mortgage.
That was it after that, we weren't going to have any more kids. Hell, we were put in a position of having to support 3 kids whilst on benefits. We had become a statistic. It was awful.

So you can imagine our utter dismay when 3 years later I fell pregnant again. Baby 4 wasn't planned, not even slightly. We had been careful. But after many tears we just decided to get on with it.

So here we are, 4 kids and on benefits. We're the very people the Daily Mail loves to bash! But we didn't start out this way, and hopefully we won't end up this way either.

DH is teaching himself 3D graphic art whilst he's stuck at home, in the hope that in a year or two he might be able to do some freelance work from home as a 3D graphic artist. His mobility might still be poor, but if he can work from home we can get off benefits and we can be seen as respectable again.

As for the kids themselves, I found that once we had the first two, the third and fourth just slotted right in without any problems. Granted we had to get a bigger car when number 4 came along, but that's all really.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Finance is important but I wouldn't let it take over. My OH os enployed bu Exxon Mobile so a huge company and could work so much more hours BUT as long as we have enough that's all that matters. We value family time more.
Memories matter. Dont spend every second working. Ryan is home for school runs and after school clubs. Id hate to be on my own

 

[SisterRose]

I'm not technically a mum of 3 yet, but soon to be!

1) what age gaps do you have? There's a 3 year age gap between 1st and 2nd and there will be a 12-13month age gap between 2nd and 3rd.

2) how old are you? 25

3) what is your household income/disposable income (sorry! Understand if you miss this one!) 45k

4) do you work? If so what do you do about childcare? I don't work, I'm a SAHM so OH goes to work.

5) what car do you drive? I don't drive(yet!) I'm currently learning but OH drives and we have a renault clio campus, which is a really small two door car so we are going to be buying a new one before #3 comes which will probably be a 7 seater.

 

[going_crazy]

1) what age gaps do you have? My children are 12, 11, 10 and 3
2) how old are you? I'm 33
3) what is your household income/disposable income (sorry! Understand if you miss this one!) Complicated.... When we had just the 3 children, OH was working full time and earning £32k.
4) do you work? If so what do you do about childcare? I work now, but OH is a SAHD
5) what car do you drive? Vauxhall Zafira (and a double decker bus lol!)

Also, any info on having 3 generally really, what the jump from 2 to 3 has been like for you physically, eomotionally, financially.

Personally I found having the 3 fairly easy all through the younger years. Bit different now because we're hitting pre teens all at once LOL! I find that there are good and bad points to both small age gaps and larger age gaps.
We live comfortably, don't have too many luxuries but the kids don't really miss out - although I'm of the view that just because "all my friends" have an ipad, ipod, iphone, latest trainers etc, doesn't mean they have to have them! We have a holiday once a year (in the UK) and often go for days out (saying that, things like the London Eye, Chessington etc would cost over £120 for us lot so we don't really do things like that a lot!)
Number 4 also has health issues but has slotted in just fine and the older kids are very understanding.

Whatever you choose will be right for you xx

 

[Noodlebear]

Sorry for the little hijack but I'm confused about tax credits and would appreciate it if someone could clarify..... Our income is around 30K and we have been told we aren't entitled to tc but I see there are others who earn similar amounts who are? That in itself doesn't bother me as we are fine without but we're having to pay quite a substantial amount of money back (which is proving to be a complete nightmare) after the previous tax year based on them telling us we earnt over the threshold???

 

[aimee-lou]

Sorry for the little hijack but I'm confused about tax credits and would appreciate it if someone could clarify..... Our income is around 30K and we have been told we aren't entitled to tc but I see there are others who earn similar amounts who are? That in itself doesn't bother me as we are fine without but we're having to pay quite a substantial amount of money back (which is proving to be a complete nightmare) after the previous tax year based on them telling us we earnt over the threshold???

I think it all depends who you speak to on the day. If you're confused I would ring them and speak to someone and don't come off the phone until you have a definitive answer.

If your income has dropped or increased considerably, they'll go off this years figures though, not last years. I am unsure what the threshold actually is so sorry I can't be more help.

 

[shellideaks]

The threshold goes up to around 32K when you have 2 children. It may even increase again when you have 3 (I'm unsure on this one). We weren't entitled when we just had DS1 but once DD was born we started getting CTC.

 

[Noodlebear]

When we got the letter telling us what we owed it even said on there that we'd been entitled to x amount of money and hadn't claimed it and they deducted that from what they wanted us to pay back but every other time we've spoken to someone/received any paper work since then it's been a totally different story. sigh I really think I need to stand my ground on this one to get an answer, just getting bored of it all now. Thanks ladies.

 

[Pearls18]

Noodle bear it depends on how many kids you have, the limit is £26,000 I believe for one child so you wouldn't be entitled if you earn more than that (unless you claim for childcare when it's a completely different sorry). The limit is then £32k for 2 and I don't know about 3. We only get tax credits because we pay for childcare and are under that threshold, otherwise we wouldn't be entitled, but the paperwork is still mega confusing I find.

 

[Pearls18]

Noodle bear, did you go on maternity leave for long? Because they discount the first £100 per week of SMP so you might have been eligible for the year after maternity leave but then once you returned the following year you maybe weren't. The key with tax credits, especially if incomes regularly change, is to keep updating them, as soon as you know your income will be different at the end of the current year to the last year give them an estimate, or you will owe (or be owed) money.

 

[Noodlebear]

Yeah it gets so confusing! The timing of our financial change was just shite, there was no getting around this. After what you've said MW I'm thinking it may well have been my maternity pay. In a way it's good that we didn't know we were entitled to it because atleast some of what we've got to pay back has been deducted from straight away but the whole process has been one messy paper trail that never seems consistent. Anyway, rant over sorry again! And thanks for the info!

 

[lisa89]

If you have 3 or more children, and wouldn't mind answering some if not all of my questions I would appreciate it.

1) what age gaps do you have? [[/I]
2) how old are you?
3) what is your household income/disposable income (sorry! Understand if you miss this one!)
4) do you work? If so what do you do about childcare?
5) what car do you drive?

Also, any info on having 3 generally really, what the jump from 2 to 3 has been like for you physically, eomotionally, financially.

My biggest concerns are money (we could "survive" but I would like more than that, holidays, treats etc), work: I love working but don't have any family nearby so am reliant on childcare, I'm worried about the logistics of working with 3 kids. And my own independence, I am quite an independent person, I enjoy working, I do things by myself, I just kinda imagine it being harder with 3 children...

Thanks!

1> Brian, MY oldest is 9. Then Michael is 7yo. Then twin girls, Gina and Francesca, 5yo (and unexpected). Holly is 4yo and unexpected). Nicholas and Tiffany are 18 months.

2> Im 25

3> 110,000

4> SAHM

5> Chevy Suburban