Waiting to try no. 3 and feel a little weird

[hello_kitty]

Hi ladies, the husband and I have set a date to start ttc next february. We have plans coming up from now til then and having another baby right now is just not an ideal time.

Ods is currently 2.5 and 2nd ds just turned 1 last week, and let me just say I LOVE the age gap! Yes it is exhausting at time, but its also so heartwarming see how they relate and play together.

I got pregnant with second baby right after ods's birthday which resulted in a 21 month age gap (second baby was born 1 month early so now its a 20 month gap)

I felt kinda sad after second one's 1st birthday because I know the "window" to aim for that 20 month age gap has passed. Realistically, its impossible for me to get pregnant at this time, it just doesnt fit in with our family schedule, and I keep telling myself to enjoy my boys at the moment, but I dont know why I still feel like this. Can anyone relate?

 

[ask86]

My daughter just turned 2 a few days ago and both DH and I got this crazy bittersweet feeling, but as you said it just doesn't work right now... I am waiting to hear about a permanent job opportunity (currently on contract), and we want to minimize if not eliminate the amount of time we have to pay for 2 daycares which means waiting at least until September but preferably until January... and yet every time I look at my daughter's newborn pictures I feel my uterus calling lol

 

[hello_kitty]

My daughter just turned 2 a few days ago and both DH and I got this crazy bittersweet feeling, but as you said it just doesn't work right now... I am waiting to hear about a permanent job opportunity (currently on contract), and we want to minimize if not eliminate the amount of time we have to pay for 2 daycares which means waiting at least until September but preferably until January... and yet every time I look at my daughter's newborn pictures I feel my uterus calling lol

My youngest just turned 1, so I dotn really miss the newborn days yet. I am only a little bit sad that the age gap between the next child and my second wont be as close as no.1 and no. 2. They will be less than 3 years apart according to plan, might not make a huge difference in the way they interact with each other, but it just kind of feels odd. Both my pregnancies were so close together. I keep telling myself that this is for the best though, and getting pregnant right now would also be unfair towards my existing kids. I remember when ods was 16 months, I was already really heavy and physically couldnt catch up with him. I guess now is the time I should really take that break and spend quality time with both before another one comes.

 

[Missy08]

I feel that way too, except my 2 girls have a pretty large age gap. DD1 is 6 and DD2 is about to turn 2 and DH & I are still tossing the idea around about whether or not we want to try for #3...I feel like I want to and he's open to the idea. I'd LOVE to start trying now so there's not as large of an age gap between by 2nd and 3rd but it is just not a good time for us either. I am currently in the process of opening a home daycare and I'd like to get some medical bills paid off and get a decent amount of money saved up before we try, but I just don't want to wait

 

[HAKing]

I can relate. DS wasn't even 1 when I was pregnant with DS2. They have a 20 month age gap which I absolutely love. They are very close and play pretty well together and have many similar interests.

I was hoping for a close age gap with #3 but it just didnt work out that way. We moved a year ago and are trying to finish the house before another baby and I also would like to minimize the amount of time we pay childcare for 3 kids.

If everything goes to plan ds2 will be 5 or nearly 5 when we have #3. I just hope that the boys won't be too old to be bothered to play or interact with the baby.

 

[hello_kitty]

I can relate. DS wasn't even 1 when I was pregnant with DS2. They have a 20 month age gap which I absolutely love. They are very close and play pretty well together and have many similar interests.

I was hoping for a close age gap with #3 but it just didnt work out that way. We moved a year ago and are trying to finish the house before another baby and I also would like to minimize the amount of time we pay childcare for 3 kids.

If everything goes to plan ds2 will be 5 or nearly 5 when we have #3. I just hope that the boys won't be too old to be bothered to play or interact with the baby.

I think your third will get along better with your second than your 1st. They always get along better with the one that has the less age gap. I've spoke with many people who have the 5+ age gap and they said its more of a big brother/little brother relationship vs. friendship. A woman I know said her youngest looks up to his brother who is 5 years older but the older brother is mostly annoyed. When the mom asks the older brother to play with the little brother he would be like "but we have nothing in common! Do you expect me to play power rangers with him? I am going to go play with my big friends". Yea it happens to quite a few families that way, but hey, at least we will have the middle child to play with the youngest.

According to plan, my second will be 2.5 when baby no.3 is born. BUT, I have been monitoring my oldest's behavior who is now 2.5 to get an idea of what my second will be like once baby is here, and I think its going to be a nice experience. My oldest is much more aware of what is going on, he likes babies and know what they are. He's helpful when I ask him to get simple things such as water, or toys for his little brother.

When I got pregnant with ds2, he barely turned a year old, and for the 9 month journey, he didnt know what was going on or that mommy was having a baby. I definitely think the experience will change since they will be older once I am pregnant again.

 

[ttc126]

Hi Hon! I can relate. My two are 16 months apart. Oldest is 22 months and youngest is 6 months. I'm already feeling so broody! I would LOVE another gap the same or closer. But with #2 I had a c section and really that's the biggest reason for waiting...my ob said to aim for 2 years from delivery to delivery and I'll have a better chance of a vbac. So we will start ntnp in feb when he's 13 months.

I am completely happy with my two boys but I'd also like a #3 to be close in age as well... It doesn't help that a friend with same age gaps is pregnant with her 3rd!!!! I even do crazy things like I'm not really decorating or doing anything with our 3rd bedroom because I think to myself not to get too used to using it for an office or anything because I feel like #3 should be in there soon....Although it's silly because it shouldn't be an unused space for at least the next 18 months...

 

[HAKing]

Hello_kitty, I can relate about ds1 having no idea when I was pregnant with #2. He honestly had no idea what was happening. Just one day mommy went to the hospital and had a baby.

Last night I was talking to ds1 about a baby and he really wants a baby sister and trying to understand it all. It was cute!

I'm feeling better about waiting then I did before. But maybe because the time is getting closer.

Ttc126, I had 2 c sections and my boys are 22 months apart. Not ideal but my doctor wasn't worried about it and said I could have tried for a vbac but I decided against it for personal reasons. I'll just do c section for #3 as well at this point.

Our guest room right now is a mess but it's our last room I plan to redo since buying our house and we are redoing the kitchen early next year so it's gonna have to wait anyway.

Is everyone stopping at 3 or will you have more after #3?

 

[hello_kitty]

Hello_kitty, I can relate about ds1 having no idea when I was pregnant with #2. He honestly had no idea what was happening. Just one day mommy went to the hospital and had a baby.

Last night I was talking to ds1 about a baby and he really wants a baby sister and trying to understand it all. It was cute!

I'm feeling better about waiting then I did before. But maybe because the time is getting closer.

Ttc126, I had 2 c sections and my boys are 22 months apart. Not ideal but my doctor wasn't worried about it and said I could have tried for a vbac but I decided against it for personal reasons. I'll just do c section for #3 as well at this point.

Our guest room right now is a mess but it's our last room I plan to redo since buying our house and we are redoing the kitchen early next year so it's gonna have to wait anyway.

Is everyone stopping at 3 or will you have more after #3?

Dh is pretty set on 3, given we have a girl next. He is so ready for a daddy's girl since a lot of people are talking about how wonderful having a girl is. If our next is another boy, we will try one more, but 4 is are max, which I am happy with. I like the number 4 and would not go beyond 4. Stopping at 3 however, makes me feel a little incomplete...but its also unfair if I pressuring dh into having one more to please me. I guess we have to draw the line somewhere. I remember when I was in labor ds2, and after having him I was in a lot of pain and suffered from horrible after pains that I never had with ds1.

With ds1, I could run a marathon right after having him and felt great and I had minimal cramping. The stitches dint bother me one bit. Now ds2, I felt so wiped out. The birthing process was fast, but omg those stitches and cramping. I had to grit my teeth through them. I kept saying that I will only do this ONE more time in hopes of a girl.

Its funny on the day that I came home, dh asked me if I wanted to go walmart for some fresh air and I literally snapped at him saying no and that I was in too much pain. He really has no clue what I was in and thought I was that tough soldier from pregnancy no. 1.

Its funny how our body practically erases all of our memories shortly after the ordeal is over. I cant even remember what it feels like, except that it hurt like hell. If I were able to recall the sensations I went through, I bet I will prolong the experience for another 10 years...or maybe never lol.

 

[HAKing]

My DH would be happy with 2 but knows I want a girl so is open to 3.
Recently I tried convincing him to have 4, haha.

I'm pretty sure it's about 90% no but things could change.

With ds1 I had a hard time in labor, labored for 12 hours and ended up with an emergency c section. Huge let down for me and not what I had planned. With ds2 it was actually very nice to go in on a planned day, show up well rested and have him a few hours later. I felt amazing and was back to running like I was pre pregnancy after 3 weeks. It was great. My body just healed much better the second go around.

 

[hello_kitty]

with ds1, I suffered from pre term labor. It was totally unexpected and my ob doctor didnt suspect anything. I remember calling into the clinic at 12 am and saying I was having contractions. I was nearing 32 weeks and they probably thought I was having braxton hicks so told me to take some tylenol, get a warm bath and try to get some rest and if I was still feeling it to go to the hospital.

The contractions got stronger and I knew something wasnt right so I told dh to take me to the hospital. We got there and they found me to be 2 cm dilated. They tried to stop labor by putting me on magnesium. I was pretty "drugged" the first 2 days. After 2 days they took me off magnesium because my cervix didnt change, and later that night I went into labor again. They didnt even have time administer the magnesium again. It went to "turn the machine back on" to "nope, she needs to have the baby NOW" within a few seconds. Pushing time for me was 30 minutes.

With ds2, I also had threatened pre term labor but my doctor was aware of it so from the start he took pre cautions. I still had him at 35.5 weeks though. Probably because I didnt follow doctor's orders to the T. Its hard to do so with a toddler. The pushing was only 10 minutes though. When I got to the hospital I was already 9 cm dilated.

I try telling myself that its not too bad to space it out a little longer considering the third might be my last. I want to enjoy my pregnancy and the baby instead of running after 2 toddlers and dealing with a pregnancy. I picture myself being pregnant right now, and its crazy, no way would I be able to enjoy the pregnancy.

 

[HAKing]

That's actually my thinking too, since most likely #3 will be our last I wanna try to enjoy that pregnancy as much as possible. With ds1 I didn't enjoy like I should have. I was sick till 16 weeks and then dh moved out of state for work and I followed 2 months later. It was a stressful time.

Ds2 was better since life was a little more calmer but not ideal since we didn't have our own place and I was crazy chasing around a toddler. So with #3 I plan to make the most out of it all. I want everything in life to be "perfect" and my ideal situation. That's a big part of the reason we are waiting. To get the crazy out of the way.

Hello_kitty, you sure had a crazy fast delivery with #2. I wouldn't imagine. How scary. And having ds1 so early must have been scary. Did either of them have to spend extra time in the hospital?

 

[Missy08]

I feel the same! Since our 3rd (if we decide to go for it) will very likely be our last, I really want to enjoy the last time we TTC, get that BFP, tell family, find out the gender, etc., etc. While I'm very anxious to start TTC, I'm also trying to remind myself to get everything done we want first and not rush into it because the TTC, pregnancy, newborn stages will all be over so quick. Right now I'm looking forward (or at least trying) to the WTT stage

 

[hello_kitty]

HAKing - What I found when being pregnant with ds2 was the overall outlook that they will gain a friend, but during the entire process I felt an immense guilt for ds1. He was a baby himself, learning to walk, wanted mommy to play etc but I felt like I couldnt do everything with him. My cervix was thinning at 30 weeks and the doctor said I needed to be on bed rest, so most of the time I just let him play by himself and sat nearby and watch. My doctor already presumes that if I go on having anymore, there's a 99% chance it will be another preemie, the only thing that got me to 35.5 weeks were the vaginal depository (forgot what it was called). I just felt like with ds1 I stripped away his "baby" title way too soon.

Ds1 stayed in the nicu for 1 month. He came home at 37 weeks. Ds2 came out healthy and well, and was scheduled to go home with me, but he developed minor problems overnight such as Jaundice, which took 3 - 4 days to treat, and he failed the carseat test, followed by apnea spells for several days. All those things kept him in the nursery (he didnt need to go to NICU, just level II nursery) for 10 days.

 

[hello_kitty]

I feel the same! Since our 3rd (if we decide to go for it) will very likely be our last, I really want to enjoy the last time we TTC, get that BFP, tell family, find out the gender, etc., etc. While I'm very anxious to start TTC, I'm also trying to remind myself to get everything done we want first and not rush into it because the TTC, pregnancy, newborn stages will all be over so quick. Right now I'm looking forward (or at least trying) to the WTT stage

The WTT phase is not to bad. At least we get to talk to other ladies that are in the same boat as us, and maybe some of us will get pregnant around same time and can be buddies.

 

[ttc126]

Hello_kitty, I completely identify with what you said about stripping away the baby title too fast! I love my boys and there are some great benefits to the close age gap but sometimes I wonder if I should've waited longer...

Looking forward to chatting with you all on here

 

[hello_kitty]

My plan (if dh would allow me) is to stretch the gap a bit with baby no. 3, and then go on to have no. 4 with the same age gap as ds1 and ds2...shhh its a secret though dont tell him lol. He wouldnt have a problem goign for no. 4 if our next is a boy, so sometimes I wish our next would be another boy, but he said even if our next is a boy and we try again he's still going to wait a few years before trying for no.4, so really there's no benefit as far as the age gap.

 

[hello_kitty]

Ekkk...I just put myself in a bad situation. My husband has been super horny (sorry all this is going to be tmi) since a few days ago, but I have turned him down because I know I am in my fertile phase. My periods have been irregular ever since I started getting them again 8 months pp, but they are only getting shorter. Last month was 29 days, month before that 33, 35, and 38.

This morning he couldnt stand it and started caressing me under the blankie with ds1 in the room. Ds1 got bored of staying in the room after awhile and ran out into the living room to watch disney. Thats when the action started. He tried really hard to cum outside but couldnt so he came inside. Now I am freaking out. My period is due on the 10th and if its late by 5 days I am gonna check. The reason I am not using protection is because we are more on the ntnp side, but ideally would be better starting Feb or next year. I keep saying I will buy condoms but never get around to it.

Lets just see what happens when my period rolls around.

 

[ttc126]

Oh yikes! It will be ok no matter the outcome
My dh has been similar lately and tries to "forget" the condom. Maybe our guys get broody too

 

[c.m.c]

Hi ladies, mind if I join you?

I'm a mama of 2 girls. I'm wtt no3 next summer, as I'm hoping for another 3 year gap. I work a lot so I am hoping to be off on maternity to bring my DD2 to nursery school everyday. I loved bringing my dd1 to school when I was off and allowed me time to be with dd2 alone. Financially we are better waiting as I really want to save money and enjoy my time off.

It's hard waiting isn't it? Are you girlies feeling broody too? I'm struggling to wait but I know it's better to wait. I only want 3 but my DH wants at least 4 😳