Warning - very broody and kinda pathetic post.

[Kiki1993]

Hi I just wanna write all my feelings to be honest, just to get it all out. We have been together for about 6 and a half years, our wedding is booked, we are trying to save for a mortgage and we are getting a new car on finance soon because our car is unreliable. Anyway we have been waiting for so long and i use to be so happy for friends when they tell me they're pregnant but for the last like 4 people I have been, and i know it's pathetic of me, but jealous. I find myself thinking, "you've been together for 5 months" or "you still live at home" or "you're younger than me" .. dont get on at me I do not I'm out of order and I don't say anything, but after more than 4 years waiting I have gotten fed up. I know I am waiting for good reasons, I know we will be so mch happier and relaxed being pregnant once we have the mortgage instead of renting, once we get married and stuff but seeing all my friends that are having babies now makes me just want to cry because i want one so badly. They are in worse situations/positions than me but they seem happy and pregnant now and that's what i want... everything i'm doing now is so we can have a baby. I only want to buy to give my child a nicer home and more security, i want to marry my other half but i would gladly get married after baby is here ... just one of those days i think.
P.S i do realise i probably sound bitter, petty, childish etc I am aware! I just need to get this out of my head without seeming like a crazy bitch to the people i know in real life
I mean i'm 22 but in my past jobs i have become friends with younger people, older people and people with different lifestyles etc, one student from my last work is 18 and pregnant and happy, ex colleague who is my age but lives at home is pregnant, a friend from college is pregnant and she is debating her options and it makes me so sad because i would do anything to be in the position to be trying right now.

 

[EmmyReece]

it's not crazy to feel jealous when people get something that you're (not so) patiently waiting for. I totally get where you're coming from.

The only thing that I can suggest is just try and focus on the reasons why you want to wait. I feel exactly the same as you as we're waiting until I lose a chunk of weight before we start trying again. Yet it hurts like hell that a friend of mine is due with her 11th baby

Are there any diy projects that you could do that would transfer over well when you get a new house? Like designing a canvas or something? Or even get on pinterest and get boards together of inspiration for when you move. I've found that that is helping to distract me at the moment

don't beat yourself up over feeling like this. We're here if you want to let your frustrations out xxx

 

[EmmySocks]

I completely do the same. I feel annoyed knowing we're in such a good situation (married, renting but now buying house, good jobs...) and we've worked hard to be here so we can have a family... but some people just seem to bypass the lot and have their babies while i feel like we're still being cautious about saving up for one!

I'm 24, married for 3 years and just bought a house... but we're still waiting. I tend to balance it with the idea that there are people quite a bit older than us who are still wtt. I have to keep reminding myself it's OUR journey - what we want in preparation for our baby will be different to what other people want. If you are waiting to be in a good financial situation, buy a car, a house... then you have higher demands/ more goals than some people. That's not to say it's a good or bad thing just that we feel thats what we need to achieve.

It's still difficult, it's still frustrating. Especially when people just seem to have a baby on a whim but it's their life, their decision and you know you'll be happier doing it your way xxxx

 

[dgirl]

Not crazy at all. I already have 2 kids and I get jealous since I'm in this waiting phase too.

It will all happen for you guys soon. It's just hard some days. I feel the same when I see people who probably aren't ready having kids while I'm totally impatiently waiting.

 

[Kiki1993]

I'm glad no one called me crazy 11th kid? Holy shit :O
Yeah I know I have a hell of a lot to do and keep myself busy with, I am starting my new job after my holiday in july, we are going to buy between december 2015- july 2016 depending on how we save, we have the wedding to plan it's just I do feel like i am doing this to have a baby and then i see people still living at home, been with their boyfriends less than a year and they have what i want most, a baby. I know it's our journey and it will be worth it in the end i just want to be at the stage where i'm pregnant and know that i will have a baby soon. Right now im so scared i will struggle to get pregnant, it's irrational i have no reason to think it but i worry about it a lot!
I met with my bank today and we spoke finances and stuff, she estimated by december we should be able to scrape a deposit and legal fees, she also said my credit rating must be pretty good because i could get a 7500 loan there and then if i wanted which generally means my rating is in the green. She heped a lot actually, opened my savings account and we also found out they don't require me to be in new job for a year like some places we could get one as soon as my probation period is up which is normally 3 months
I guess we all just have to hope time passes quickly.. without wishing our lives away!

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I understand completely how you feel. When we thought about TTC before I became pregnant with my daughter, I could have sworn all my friends from school already had at least one or two babies. They were all over FB bragging about it. I don't like to judge but it was sad considering that they had no way to support themselves, let alone a baby, since most of them were pregnant by the end of high school or close to it. I wanted to make sure I was set up for children instead of having them first and then figuring out how to make it work, but the wait was agonizing. I felt really broody. Every time I saw a pregnant woman it made me jealous. I wanted to be in her shoes so bad.

Finally my now husband and I were married and went on vacation 6 months later as a late honeymoon, then 2 months later I found out I was 4 weeks pregnant with my DD only three days before my 21st birthday (no for me ). This was a really good time for us because we were going through the loops of purchasing our first home. I was very happy! The wait was definitely worth it!

Now I don't think about the differing ages or the number of babies my other friends have since I am too busy with my own. I still occasionally get that broody feeling when I see another pregnant woman, especially after having two losses. I believe it is normal for all women to feel that way from time to time. After all, having babies is what we were made to do!

 

[Kiki1993]

It' not time to time for me lol, it's all the time, all my friends with babies post so much on facebook and when i look through their pics i just can't wait until i can go for scans, i can buy my baby stuff, i can have a little baby to care for and love Just makes me so unbelievably broody! Aw that's so cute, we have our wedding booked dec next year and we should be buying by april so hopefully we can try straight after our wedding maybe have a late honeymoon even if i'm pregnant just a short haul flight to spain or something
I know once i have a baby of my own i wont care about other pregnant people and my friends that have had kids already but it's just the waiting.
One of my friends who had a baby (child is now 2 and a half) she keeps posting how all her friends abandoned her when she got pregnant and i just keep thinking i wont be like that when i have a kid, i visited her 12 times (once a month) to her house 2 towns away for the first year of her kids life, i made the point that next time she would have to make the effort to come to us because i was sick of making all the effort just because she had a child, so she didnt visit, she cotnacts me ayear later guilting me for not visitng soi visited in feb and she said its so hard for her with a child to get him packed up and go to me (yet she visits our mutual friend who also has a kid multiple times and she lives in my town) ... i told her this is the last time im coming to hers unless she makes an effort to visit me for a change and she said she would, been 3 months and not a peep Why do so many of my friends claim that the childless friends abandon them when they have a kid, when in actual reality they do the abandoning! They have this mummy club so they make an effort to meet their mummy friends but totally forget about their childless friends it's not just her either, i have about 15 friends that had kids in the last 2 years, all of them still meet each other, but none make the effort for me and our other friends without kids. (yet all of them want an invite to my wedding) .. sorry i'm just grumpy, another one of our friends announced her pregnancy yesterday and 3 of my friends who haven't made any effort to see me have all said "aw yay, welcome to mummy club! When you free?" .. this friend who just announced has said she was sick of them not making an effort with her and she even said i bet as soon as i announce my pregnancy they will be all over me again .. and yeah they are.
It just annoys me because in normal world you do lose friends when you have kids, but in my world you lose you friends if you havent got kids because they just wanna hang with their mummy friends and their kids.
I don't know how i will react when i do get pregnant and they all want to be best friends again because I am angry, I don't want to lose friends but why should I be friends with people that only want to see friends with babies or pregnant friends?

 

[ladywife]

There's a lot of people who understand what you're feeling. Me being one of them! I'm so happy for the people who get to experience pregnancy and having a baby but the majority of the time now, when I find out, I congratulate them then head to the bathroom to have a small pity cry because it isn't me! Keep your chin up.. I think we all know how it feels. Hugs!

 

[Kiki1993]

Yeah it's all good I know one day it will be me and at least when it is Iwont have doubt like "oh where will we live" "how can we save for a mortgage and pay childcare while i work", everything i'm doing now and the waiting will be worth it once we have a baby and we are married and living in a more decent area The majority of my friends with babies don't have a mortgage they have council or private and they constantly moan when i see them about it, i understand, i have had both council and private and they do suck, for a decent private house round here, 2 bedrooms is 750 a month, if you have a mortgage the repayments would be about 470. So now they have a baby they have no spare money and wont be able to buy for at least 5 years when kid goes to school and she can work full time again (childcare here is like 1000 a month full time, i will only make 1800 a month, 900 part time, so once we have kids i would return part time and profit 100 because after childare full time you earn less. (my other halfs mum said she will babysit when i work but only if it's under 24 hours) As you can probably tell my mum, brother, his mum, his dad, his sisters want us to have kids already which makes it harder, if we had someone telling us;
"remember you are waiting for good reason, you want a house and married first"
it might be easier to wait because all we have now is
"Aw people always think they aren't ready for kids, no one will ever be fully ready" .. the usual. all my friends want me to have a kid but honestly i just want tl minimise the risk of my kid having to grow up in a place like i did, i want to make sure he/she doesn't come from a broken home (nothing against them it's just i came from broken home and fathers day at school was always humiliating for me) so thats what i need to remind myself seriously nothing against broken homes at all, if a person is unhappy with a person defo leave but i am happy with other half and i know not many believe in marriage anymore but we do and we wouldwork extra hard on a marriage if that makes sense ..
i did some maths today it was 18 months ago one of my friends told us we were pregnant, at the time me and emily had said aw i want to be pregnant and both desperate for a baby, 18 months later emily is pregnant and she said she is glad she waited just to get everything she wanted done before baby, and 18 months from today is my wedding and when we try it gave me hope that it will pass quickly

 

[Sasha92]

Right now im so scared i will struggle to get pregnant, it's irrational i have no reason to think it but i worry about it a lot!

I'm so glad you said this because I fear the same thing and I'm only 23! I just have this sinking feeling that I will start trying and I just won't be able to have one I don't know why my best friend had 2 children (the last one was born 22nd February) and she has promised to be my surrogate of I can't

Most my friends have children I only have one friend who doesn't but she also doesn't want children so that's different I rarely get jelous of that but when people I dislike have children it makes my blood boil!

 

[ask86]

Why do so many of my friends claim that the childless friends abandon them when they have a kid, when in actual reality they do the abandoning! They have this mummy club so they make an effort to meet their mummy friends but totally forget about their childless friends it's not just her either, i have about 15 friends that had kids in the last 2 years, all of them still meet each other, but none make the effort for me and our other friends without kids.

I have a 22 month old daughter and for me personally I will tell you why I am just as you describe... because IT IS hard to go over to someone's house who does not have kids and their home is not toddler proofed! And I don't enjoy chasing her around and worrying that she will break things that are expensive and sentimentally valuable to my friends who don't have kids... and in the winter - guess what - it is a lot easier for that friend to put on a coat and boots and drive over to me then for me to dress my toddler, undress in the car (no coats in car seats!) then dress again, time around naps and meals...
I have a few friends that don't have kids and they completely understand these realities and do accommodate me, I do try to meet them on their terms when possible but they are true friends and understand that this is my life for the time being and that when my daughter gets older it will be different and that friendship is not about keeping score of who visited whom and how many times...
Again just my view on the matter...

 

[Kiki1993]

It is compeltely irrational, i have no reason to think i can't concieve but it's just a horrible feeling that because i want a baby so badly it will be hard for me

 

[Kiki1993]

I totally get what your saying about it being harder with kids but Sorry but no, i don't think its fair to say that in this case and i'll explain why.
1. for 3 and a half years since she got pregnant i have made every effort in the friendship. Even though I had custody of a 2 year old at the time due to family issues. We still made the effort to go see her with a young child in tow.
2. my house is very child friendly due to this and i've told her this. I even have a playroom and everything is childproofed.
3. i have a massive garden with a trampoline, slide, swings and she has no garden or parks nearby to let him play outside.
4. She makes the big effort you outline to visit her friends with kids... if she can do it for them why not me?
5. It's hard not to tally it up when she accuses her 3 childless friends left that we have abandoned her, when in reality, it was all her.

Honestly i get what you are saying but to expect childless friends to make every single bit of effort, to never reciprocate the effort is just out of order to me. A child makes it harder yes, i've been there, but it doesn't compeltely stop you making an effort to see friends. It is very selfish to expect a friendship to be one way all the time, if she can make the effort to see friends with kids and go through putting their kids shoes on, coat on, getting the bus then she can do it for me. I've made every bit of effort for the last 3 and a half years and i refuse to be in a friendship where she alienates people without kids into thinking they have to do all the work and where the friendship is a one way street. nope i wont do it anymore. I'm sick of feeling like she thinks im only a friend of value when she thinks im pregnant.

 

[ProudArmyWife]

i get where you are coming from. It took us over a year to get pregnant the first time and I swear everybody and their brother was popping ip pregnant. I would get so extremely jealous and then I felt like a terrible person because I was jealous. It really is a vicious cycle. I have those feelings quite a bit now too because Im itching to have a third but its just not realistic at the moment as im finishing up nursing school. For me I just try to find something else to focus on but the jealous feeling of others who are pregnant or giving birth doesnt really seem to go away. Itll make ttc that much more rewarding when its time though

Now when it comes to the whole friends issue i can honestly say ive never thought of it form the childless friends stand point. To be honest with you i found in my experience we just kinda of drifted apart. We didnt have much in common because sadly when you have kids they kind of consume your life where all my childless friends were still out partying and things like that so there was just no common ground in conversation anymore.I didnt hold it against them and they didnt hold it against me we just werent in the same stage of life and thats okay. Now with that being said i was 18 when i got married and 20 when had my first child so at that age most people are still partying and such lol I agree with you though a friendship should def never be one sided.

 

[Kiki1993]

I think thats exactly the issue army wife, i mean the last time i went to her house we sat in silence for quite some time and it wasn't a comfortable silence it was just awkward! I am not a party girl at all but my life consists of working, saving, running my house, planning the wedding and holidays, looking after family, planning fun trips with my fiance and nephew .. her life is a stay at home mum which i would love to be but unfortunately i dont think we will be able to have me at home full time when we have kids. But it was just so awkward she asked me what i'de been up to since the last time we spoke and i was catching her up; booked 2 comedy gigs, got a new job, booked our holiday, me and other half had booked loads of wedding related stuff, we opened saving accounts for mortgage, went on a weekend away with my nephew and other little things and I asked her expecting a big story because it had been a while and she just kinda looked blank and said same old same old. I feel bad for her because she seemed miserable and lonely, the only time she seemed happy was when she said she was meeting our friend next week with their new baby, the rest of the time she just kinda seemed bored. Maybe I am just boring as fuck But i didn't even think about this till now but she made this comment when saying she was visiting the new baby and she said "well R has agreed to give me 20 quid to visit J and the new baby so that will be fun" ... i dunno it just seemed like a weird thing to say to me? But i don't know how it works for SAHM when they depend on their OH for money? Is that a normal thing to say? I thought it sounded really controlling but when i said to my mum she said well it is his money so he should decide what his money is spent on.
I duno, i just hope she is happy and enjoying life, people drift a part and that's okay, sad but okay anf it's not like its goodbye, i know she will try reconnect once we start our family, and when that happens i will just put the past behind us and try move forward

 

[Kitteh_Kat]

I find the money comment controlling - I understand budgets, but it sounds strange to say that their partner is giving them the money to spend. I have my own bank card to our joint account though, and my husband considers the money "our" money, so maybe it's just different family dynamics!

Hopefully you are able to reconnect later on! Have you tried catching up with her online via social media or email to see if she acts any differently with that type of communication?

 

[Kiki1993]

I find the money comment controlling - I understand budgets, but it sounds strange to say that their partner is giving them the money to spend. I have my own bank card to our joint account though, and my husband considers the money "our" money, so maybe it's just different family dynamics!

Hopefully you are able to reconnect later on! Have you tried catching up with her online via social media or email to see if she acts any differently with that type of communication?

She is friendly on facebook, but im not really a facebook kinda gal but i suppose i could make mroe of an effort on that front

 

[ProudArmyWife]

I agree that' totally sounds controlling. I was a SAHM up until my second baby was 8 weeks old when financially I had to go back to work but it was always our money. I would ask him before I purchased big things out of consideration for him but I still do that now and I bring in more money than he does. Could def be family dynamics like kitteh_kat said. I loved being a SAHM but I did get very very lonely especially once we moved away from my close friends. While it was hard to leave my 8 week old to go back to work I found it extremely rewarding to be contributing to providing for my children. There are pros and cons to both.

 

[MenWriggler]

I feel exactly the same! You are not alone!