we chatted - things arent so bad!!!

[Alchemist]

Ok, so we had a real heart to heart. It has been decided that for us setting a TTC month date is virtually impossible as its a cycle that leads to us both feeling insecure. So we have abandoned that plan and so the next plan is to figure out how we can both get our needs met and then make plans to start trying.

He does want to start trying but he wants us to be in a more communicative place and closer emotionally. me setting a date, him being non comiital, me having insecurities and then getting upset with him is a cycle which has to stop. but he is going to have to start taking an interest in when we try and talk to me about it or we are going to have more problems......

I am still hoping it will be next month (wow it was next month???) but it may be only june. which isnt THAT bad but i will monitor him in the next month and if I see no improvement in his attitude and his willingness to share my pains and needs, then i will have to kick his lilly white ass a bit

so, all good again ( i am a bit sad but he has offered to deposit money into my bank account for a new car!!!!) so i will try focus on that for the next month and then we can start talking about a baby seat for the new car ha ha

 

[Rumpskin]

That sounds brilliant lovely. I am liking your style.

I hope it works out for you both.

Liking the car seat bit too

 

[Alchemist]

thanks hon. what i have realised in the last 7 months of battling hubby to TTC, is that while I could have continued what is the point? It just makes me upset and gets me nowhere..... I know DH wants a baby but he is afraid i wont be there for him (and he feels i am not there enough now - which is fair but its becuase i am so upset about TTCing and friends have kids etc) its a lose lose. he has to give me a baby for me to give him my full support - he cant hold back and neither can i. we have agreed to that point. so now its a matter of doing it. for my hubby giving me a baby means him feeling happy and reassured. i wouldnt want him to do it reluctantly anyways. so actuaully it serves me to make sure he is happy (that comes out pretty selfish but dont know how else to say it). and it serves him to give me confidence in him coming around so that i can be his lover and wife ........

ah, men and women and their weird needs. we really are complicated species humans!!!!!

 

[Rumpskin]

I understand completely where you both are at. In order for you to please you, you must please him too but first (hope this makes sense).

It sounds like a good ground to build a new phase of your relationship.

I am praying that this works out for both of you and stick to your guns.

That little one is only a matter of time xxx

 

[Alchemist]

thanks rumpskin. i agree. he even asked me just now how many i want...i asked him and he said 3 (which i already knew) so i said well you sure are taking your sweet merry time (in a nice way) and pulled my toungue at him

 

[MandaR]

Goodluck chick.