Wedding Dilemma

[Zuki]

Imagine you're invited to a family wedding, at which the bride and groom have stipulated they don't want children. You have one child of twelve, and one newborn. The couple tell you that as the newborn will be a matter of weeks old they're happy to make a concession for that one. You are breastfeeding, and the wedding involves travelling enough distance that it would mean an overnight stay at the location.

What would you do?

 

[Storm1jet2]

Mother, father and baby attend. Older child spends the night with family - but only if you really want to go to this wedding and its important to you - if you weren't fussed I wouldn't bother

 

[Zuki]

It's a very close family member, me not being there is not up for debate at all, and the older child is my stepson.

 

[Hunbun]

If it was someone whose wedding I really wanted to go to then I would say mum, dad and baby go.

You don't have to tell stepson that he isn't invited, just say you think it would be more fun for him to stay with friends or family. Which is no doubt true, I can't imagine a 12 year old boy really wanting to go to a wedding.

 

[Dream.dream]

I would say unless it's close family then no one goes . 12 year old you might think wouldn't want to come but he might actually feel left out .

 

[brandonsgirl]

I chose the other option in the poll, mainly because i'm in two minds about this. My immediate reaction was if this was me, i wouldn't want to leave someone out etc. But then i actually thought about it, your 12 year old is at the age where they can make a choice for themselves. They may want to spend the night with family or friends rather then go to the wedding. If they really want to go to the wedding then i would stay at home. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing my other child was some where else wishing they were with me. However, if said child would rather go to a friends house or family members and was happy for you to go to the wedding then go.

But it all really depends on you. Do you really want to go? Like does it mean a lot to you to go?

 

[Take2]

I'm a bridesmaid next year and we have to travel, the baby is fine to come but my 10 year old will stay with friends for the night, I understand not everyone wants a pile of kids at their wedding, we're lucky to have a baby sitter option too tho and my daughter is excited to stay with them, prefer not to have bub there too but impossible as she will be around 5 weeks and ill be breastfeeding

 

[Zuki]

your 12 year old is at the age where they can make a choice for themselves.

Just to point out, he's not mine, stepson.

And yeah this is a very important wedding for me, my cousin is one of my favourite people on this planet!

 

[Zuki]

We've actually decided we're going to try and get him a sleepover arranged at a friends place. I will not miss this wedding, I'll naturally want Para with me at that age, and I really don't want to do that level of travel and be away overnight with a newborn on my own so I really do want DH with me.

We figure this way it's not ditching him with my inlaws and the rest of us skipping off for fun and games, he'll likely spend the night sat up playing Xbox or something till 3am which he'll likely enjoy way more!

 

[sun]

Since you are very close, I would definitely go with hubby and the newborn and have my son stay with friends or family. I would just tell my older son the truth - that no children are attending, but the newborn is allowed due to age/breastfeeding. I'm sure he would rather stay with friends (sleepover!!) than be the only child at an all-adult wedding.

 

[sojourn]

I think you made the best choice.
The 12 year old will have a great time at a sleep-over.
Kudos to you for not getting mad about the "no-kids" edict and just bringing him anyway. I have a million horror stories of less polite guests than you!

Personally, I think 12 is old enough to handle it if he feels "left out". It's a part of growing up. There will be things he can't do or places he can't go. He can't smoke or drink or drive a car either! Any kid whose parents have been left with the babysitter on date night have had the same "left out" situation. It wouldn't be a problem for me. I'm sure many people would feel differently though.

 

[chulie]

I couldnt agree more...you made the right choice...

I was that bride who said "NO KIDS"....My age was like...20 and over...it wasn't that I don't love my little cousins...just numbers wise I COULD not do it....and...you still have to pay for kids so it's still an expense...my whole family got annoyed and I felt terrible but...I was paying for this myself and DH and I just couldn't do it...that being said..if I knew anyone was in your situation I definitely would have allowed a newborn...

I think making the concession for the newborn was very kind of them and it's not to be looked at as just cause he's a step child he's left out.....it's just a rule plain and simple......no kids....it doesn't mean they are loved any less!I'm glad your still going...sounds like they are trying their best to accomodate everyone...

 

[Zuki]

I think you made the best choice.
The 12 year old will have a great time at a sleep-over.
Kudos to you for not getting mad about the "no-kids" edict and just bringing him anyway. I have a million horror stories of less polite guests than you!

Personally, I think 12 is old enough to handle it if he feels "left out". It's a part of growing up. There will be things he can't do or places he can't go. He can't smoke or drink or drive a car either! Any kid whose parents have been left with the babysitter on date night have had the same "left out" situation. It wouldn't be a problem for me. I'm sure many people would feel differently though.

Seriously?! Maybe I'm just uber polite but there is no way I could do that! Yay, my parents brung me up proper like innit!

I think the big problem part for my hubby is that the twelve year old is my stepson, so whereas I'm getting to take my one and only child, he has to deal with leaving one of his kids home while he and his wife go away with the shiny new "their" baby.

I can sympathise, to a point, but at the end of the day it's up to the bride and groom, and I can totally understand people having kid free weddings! We had kids at ours, but basically only because we felt we couldn't have SS and none other... lol! Besides, the kids distracted each other mostly so the adults could chill, and most of us were staying at the reception venue so it wasn't like someone was "designated driver"!

 

[Zuki]

I think making the concession for the newborn was very kind of them and it's not to be looked at as just cause he's a step child he's left out.....it's just a rule plain and simple......no kids....it doesn't mean they are loved any less!I'm glad your still going...sounds like they are trying their best to accomodate everyone...

I think them making a point of saying that Para will be welcome because of his age is really sweet, I would be so gutted to have to miss this particular wedding, and I think my cousin may well have spoken to his missus and voiced a similar opinion, we are very close. But so lovely of them, must find them a very nice wedding pressie!

 

[Lara310809]

It depends how good the friends are. We were invited to a wedding, and our children were not. We were more than happy to leave them with my MIL, but my youngest was still exclusively breastfeeding back then, and notoriously hard to settle, so it got to the point where we had to retract our acceptance and say we couldn't make it because of her. The couple made a concession and we went, but they were very good friends. If they weren't great friends I wouldn't be bothered if I missed it. Your eldest child would realise she's missing out, unless she's given a fantastic night with a friend etc

 

[sojourn]

I think you made the best choice.
The 12 year old will have a great time at a sleep-over.
Kudos to you for not getting mad about the "no-kids" edict and just bringing him anyway. I have a million horror stories of less polite guests than you!

Personally, I think 12 is old enough to handle it if he feels "left out". It's a part of growing up. There will be things he can't do or places he can't go. He can't smoke or drink or drive a car either! Any kid whose parents have been left with the babysitter on date night have had the same "left out" situation. It wouldn't be a problem for me. I'm sure many people would feel differently though.

Seriously?! Maybe I'm just uber polite but there is no way I could do that! Yay, my parents brung me up proper like innit!

I think the big problem part for my hubby is that the twelve year old is my stepson, so whereas I'm getting to take my one and only child, he has to deal with leaving one of his kids home while he and his wife go away with the shiny new "their" baby.

I can sympathise, to a point, but at the end of the day it's up to the bride and groom, and I can totally understand people having kid free weddings! We had kids at ours, but basically only because we felt we couldn't have SS and none other... lol! Besides, the kids distracted each other mostly so the adults could chill, and most of us were staying at the reception venue so it wasn't like someone was "designated driver"!

Haha we had kids too. I'm a pre-school teacher and we had a $3/head backyard/museum wedding. So it would have been really silly. Plus the reception wasn't a place people could easily stay and my husband's friends and family ALL live about 4 hours from where we live/got married. I TOTALLY understand why some people have kid free weddings. It sucks to pay $125 a head for a kid who would rather be eating chicken nuggets and can't partake of the open bar.

I get why your husband would be having a tough time. It's a sucky blended family issue. I think it's fair though that he's not being left at home because he's your step-son, but because he's 12 and it's just not a place for kids.

Glad you guys found a good solution that works for you

 

[Zuki]

It depends how good the friends are. We were invited to a wedding, and our children were not. We were more than happy to leave them with my MIL, but my youngest was still exclusively breastfeeding back then, and notoriously hard to settle, so it got to the point where we had to retract our acceptance and say we couldn't make it because of her. The couple made a concession and we went, but they were very good friends. If they weren't great friends I wouldn't be bothered if I missed it. Your eldest child would realise she's missing out, unless she's given a fantastic night with a friend etc

This isn't a friend's wedding, it's family.

And the eldest is my husband's child, not mine.

 

[Misscalais]

My wedding was kid free ( apart from my boys, my nephew and my at the time baby god daughter ) if anyone had a baby under 1 they would have been able to come as well. At the end of the day it was a cost thing for us and we couldn't afford to pay for everyone's kids.
Everyone was absolutely fine with it and I've been to a wedding that was no kids as well my cousin, who my sons god mum and my god daughters mum happily looked after them for the evening
So I'd say get your 12 year old to be looked after by family and go to the wedding with hubby and bub

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Take the baby and sleepover for the older one - it's a shame when people put you in this position x

 

[bluejen]

Take the baby and sleepover for the older one - it's a shame when people put you in this position x

I agree to take the baby but I don't think anyone has put them in this position! The invite was for adults only - that's fair and a choice made by bride and groom! The fact that they have said please bring the baby due to its age I think is the right thing for them to offer. If you invite everyone's kids to your wedding you might end up with more kids than adults! People who complain that they can't bring their kids to a wedding probably need a night off!