Phil- how are you doing mama? Hope you are recovering and have someone to help out! I am sure DD#1 is a huge help to you!
Hi Grey Eyes, Thanks....
Hello Everyone!
this is the first time I've had to jump on for any length of time. Babes is sleeping beside me in a bassinet.... I haven't caught up on all the posts yet, so will do that after if I get a chance!
So - Birth story- Here it is.... I'll smooth over some of the more dramatic details, but know that in the end, the only thing that matters is that Babes and I are both healthy!
So I was overdue and going in and out of early labour for more than a week. At the 41 week mark I was wanting to get things moving along because statistically things start to get dicey at the 41-42 week mark and I didn't come this far only to lose the baby in the end zone.... So we opted for inducing, but started with non-hormonal, non-medicated ways first. So the first thing we did was used what's called Cook Cervical Ripening Balloons. They insert a balloon into your uterus and it sits on top of your cervix and another is placed directly under your cervix in the vagina. Both balloons are filled with sterile saline and the idea is that the pressure between them helps ripen the cervix, effaces it and starts to dilate it.
Babes wasn't down low enough to put continual pressure on the cervix, and because I was in and out of early labour the thought was I just needed a kick start to get things going on their own.
The balloons were left in for 24 hours and overnight I had horrible back labour for about 3 hours or so.... it wasn't pleasant. I woke up the next day exhausted but excited to see if the back labour meant something was happening.... when they took out the balloons, I was 3 cm dilated and encouraged that things were going to start on their own. I did go into labour, but after 3-4 hours I was still just at 3 cm.... so they decided to break my waters - again, a non hormonal, non medicated attempt at jumpstarting things.... when they broke my waters, they discovered meconium in the fluid which isn't great. It means the baby pooped in utero, but it was light and they felt it had more to do with the baby being overdue and not that it indicated she was in distress. The danger is that if the baby inhales the meconium at birth, she could develop pneumonia.
So the labour became more intense and hours later, I was only at 4 cm.... the next check hours later, I was still at 4 cm.... the next check 4 cm..... I was getting mentally and emotionally down at the lack of progress.... so we decided to supplement the labour with oxytocin (same as pitocin) in an effort to make the hard labour I was experiencing more productive. I was moving into my 3rd day of labour, and I was not having a good time of it. Hours after starting the oxytocin, I was still just 4 cm and I was so done.... I couldn't do it anymore. I was exhausted, worn out, tired, and I just needed it to stop already. I ended up deciding to have an epidural because at that point I really just needed to sleep and I couldn't see any other way to get it. Once the epidural was in, the pain was gone and I was able to see straight again. I could feel the pressure of the contractions, but the suffering with the back labour, the hard contractions, was all gone. My mom and dd#1 went to a hotel to sleep for a bit since I was doing well and going to sleep myself. My doula stayed with me. I slept and I don't know how long it was, but it was so good to get some sleep! Suddenly I was woken up by my midwife telling me to get on my hands and knees right away.... the baby's heartbeat was decelerating with each contraction and I needed to shift positions to try and find one that was good for Babes. The midwife called the obstetrician on call and after a few hours of trying to get Babes in a position good for her, the call was made to transfer care from the midwives to the obstetrician. I was now an obstetrics patient. They tried to fill my uterus with saline in an effort to float the baby some, thinking if the cord was being compressed this would help take some of the pressure off.
it wasn't working and I knew we were heading towards deciding to go with a c-section because this baby wasn't coming any other way and she wasn't happy inside anymore....
My doula called my mum and DD#1 to come back, and the medical staff were buzzing around me, gowning up and getting me ready for the impending surgery. The anesthetist was a lovely Scottish gentleman who talked me through what was happening and what I should expect to feel. I was dead weight from my arm pits down. They rolled me into the surgical theatre and I was worried my mom wasn't going to make it. Before I knew it, my mom was sitting over my right shoulder, in gown and mask- all I could see was her eyes. I cried I was so happy she was there with me.
A lot of pressure on my abdomen, a rush of fluid between my legs, and the sweet, sweet cry of my baby filled the air. My mom had made it there with only 3 minutes to spare.
It didn't take long for them to do what they needed to in order to make sure Babes was safe, and then my mom was able to carry her over to me and laid her on my chest ( they were still stitching me up)....
Not the birth I wanted to have.... I really just wanted a totally natural, uncomplicated, uneventful birth, but in the end, I have my perfect baby and the rest doesn't matter.
Recovery is way longer with a C-section. I am not allowed to carry anything but the baby for the first few weeks, and I'm not even allowed to drive my car. I've had to rely on my mom and DD#1 for help, and friends who've come over.... it's hard to ask for help when I'm so used to being independent but I know it's important to let myself have time to heal.
I'm tired all the time and on all sorts of medications. I'm hoping to be off them by the end of next week. But Babes is healthy, strong and lovely. I love her SO much! DD#1 is totally taken with her and has proved to be a wonderful help through all this!
When my DH met her for the first time, he totally cried... it was good to see him finally 'get it'..... He's been to see her a few times and it's given him a new lease on life. All the things I've been saying to him over the last few months are making sense to him now and he's got a new perspective on his addiction issues and what it means to support his family. I am encouraged by his new desire to be a good dad and husband, so we'll see how it goes over the next while. He's more motivated now than ever before to work on his issues and be a good dad and husband. He was telling me about a conversation he had with his sister and he actually told her that supporting him meant they had to support me, too! I was pleasantly surprised at the sudden show of solidarity! I'm liking this new focus of his!
So maybe things are on the upswing!
Babes is fussing now, so should go for now. Will try to catch up on all the posts later if I can.
I think of you all very often and I hope this finds you all doing well.
love, Phil.
Shady grove is the best fertility clinic in Maryland and my OBGYN referred him. He was a bit shocked when I told him what he had said about my old eggs. Dh worked for University of MD faculty physicians. Working for a hospital we had great medical coverage. I never had to pay a co-pay for acupuncture and ivf was reasonable. However with his new job insurance doesn't even cover acupuncture. He works for an ins co. now. Go figure! 
Just a thought. There is a website I've happened upon about medical trials, search for infertility then maybe by state? I can't remember it has been a while since I looked at it.
.....2WW?
cramps at all. I should at least have a peaceful valentine's if I get 
...........
I am glad you had your mom and DD with you! 
but have any of you ever noticed that when you are ovulating that your handwriting changes? For me, I find my handwriting looks more bubbly, like I'm happy or something. It has done this for my entire adult life. Between that, the EWCM and my increased libido I always seem to know when I'm ovulating. 
(well a tear or 2 ran down my cheek). But good tears! 
I hope you heal quickly and savour every moment with your new little bundle of joy. HUGE 
Ali
