We're new here (and at TTC) help/support needed :)

[Catzilla]

Hey all!

Firstly, thanks for even opening this thread. My fiancee (Hannah) and I (Clare) are new to all this and we greatly underestimated how much of an undertaking this would be. Thought we would search the world wide web for answers, help, anything! *pulling out hair*.

We've been together a little over 3 years and we're getting married in May (YAY!). We made a lot of plans for this year, one of which was TTC. We are both 32 and so our biological clocks are ticking, but really we just want to get on and start a family and live happily ever after. So... we started to take a look at our options. We liked the least intrusive way of AI at home with a known donor. Hannah will be the one to carry the first baby. She is super maternal and super lovely! So I have taken a back seat on this one. We sieved through a few potential donors, we found we really had to have a sense of humour about it. Many chaps loved the idea of offering their services, so they could do the deed with a lesbian. Poor guys were disappointed when we put them straight on that point. We thought it would take a long time find the right guy but we lucked out. We found a great guy who is local and just plain nice/normal. He has donated for a couple before so knew more of what to expect than we did. So all good news so far!

Yes, it was earlier than originally planned but we were both happy to bring everything forward a few months. We wanted to start trying originally after we were married. That's only a couple months away and we couldn't contain ourselves. It's all so exciting.

We got our donor guy round at the beginning of this month. As we are total novices we were kind of just winging it a bit. We had done research on ovulation time. Hannah was taking her temperature and we also had a bunch of opk tests. We felt kind of informed but thought if anything this would be a learning curve. Hannah has regular cycles so we were set!

Right so here comes the stressful part. Our guy donates and all that goes swimmingly (Almost a pun). What started the stress is the opk never showed an LH surge. We did it daily, way before and after the time that we predicted ovulation should take place, but nothing. However, the temperature chart was different. There was the rise in temperature as expected which has held out until this morning. Yes! This morning! Hannahs cycle is 31 days routinely. She is currently on CD38. We did a test this Saturday but it showed negative.

Stress! Really, that's what I think it might be. As the opk showed nothing, I'm assuming that the stress of the situation (and wow is Hannah stressing about it) has caused AF to take a holiday.

I'm inwardly stressing myself, but hiding it all the way. :/

What do you think guys? Could she be pregnant? Is it more likely stress as I believe it to be? I guess not one person can tell us yet, but I wish you could!

I might make a pot of tea and sit relaxing for a while.

 

[Carrie&Char]

Hi can not help but wanted to say hi and wish you luck!!

 

[ifoundmysoul]

It may be the opk sticks, we got some cheap ones from ebay which never showed an LH surge for me however at the same time superdrugs own brand (often on buy one get one free packs) opk tests worked very well! i know it was the tests as we run them side by side one month.

It may be worth trying a different brand of tests.

 

[Jessica60]

Which test did you use because they all have different levels of sensitivity. When I found out it had worked for us I had really bad period pains the night before and slight spotting, I woke up and there was no more blood but still period pains, we decided to use one of our internet cheapy preg teststhat morning before work and there was a really, really faint line, I couldnt see it but dp could. This was 16 days past ov and insemination. I went to work bought a clear blue digital and came up pregnant straight away!x

 

[ifoundmysoul]

i agree clear blue digital are better than cheapies and they actually say pregnant or not pregnant so its a lot easier to read

 

[whatwillbex]

Hi Both,

We are new to the game too. Reading your post made me laugh we were the same. I did OPK for about four months and only once had a clear line.
We were like ah no I dont ovulate the worlds over lol. Anywhoo its turns out we were doing the test wrong, our consultant told us to do it with the 1st wee of the day but turns out you do it normally the 2nd after 10 am - 8pm trying not to drink anything two hours before. Well we did that and guess what it works
Well it did for us, everyone has there different ways. We are currently in the 2ww period arghh. I stressed my self out about ovulating too, I think we nearly had tears off joy for the OPK stick when it happened (weirdos!) and now that seems not so bad in comparison to this wait.

I wish you all the luck in the world ladies and hope it works out well for you.

 

[Catzilla]

Thank you everyone for the replies and kind words. It's a relief to know that we are not the only crazy obsessive pair that worry about every little thing.

Funny that you all mentioned the OPK tests as I was never sure about those. Sure, it could be that Hannah didn't ovulate this time round, but I've always had a funny feeling about the tests being invalid somehow. Whatwillbex, we started like you but luckily it only took us two days to realise we were doing it at the wrong time of day. So I guess it's not that. I couldn't tell you what brand of tests they are as we got them online in a big bumper pack of goodies for home AI. I might check out the Superdrug ones or possibly Clearblue. Will take a run up to town on Thursday for some.
As for the pregnancy tests. We have One Step which is 10mIU, and we got a couple Clearblue digital which are 25mIU. Both kinds BFN.

The news today is... When Hannah was checking her cervix her mucus was pinkish. So we are thinking that AF is on her way. In some ways I feel pleased that we can try again with a few of our first timer mistakes behind us. But ultimately it's a disappointment. I have to say to all the ladies that try for months and years, you deserve a medal! Some kind of award for going through the stress of it all time and time again. A lovely baby shaped award!

 

[ifoundmysoul]

it took us 7 tries over 9 months so dont be to disheartened

you will get there.. i had a little blood the day i was due it turned out to be implantation bleeding, it may be that, it may not i just wanted to say its not always a bad thing

good luck!

 

[Catzilla]

I still have a few things crossed. I'll have a bit of me hoping until AF makes a dramatic appearance in all her glory!

 

[whatwillbex]

I know, we take our hats of to those women too. Its such a rollercoaster and we have only just got on the ride.
Im glad you figured it out sooner than us lol We just went by what we were told and thought the consultant would know what they were talking about hmm I beg to differ on this occasion!

 

[Catzilla]

So that will be 2 lots of 9 months you will have been waiting for your baby. Aww it's so nice that you have had a result after all your trying.

Did you go the AI at home route?

 

[Catzilla]

whatwillbex, we have not seen any kind of Dr as yet. We wanted to give it a go on our own first. How long have you both been trying?

 

[whatwillbex]

Its been two years since we first went to the clinic and then waiting for a suitable donor. You have to have councelling and lots of tests and HSG to make sure your ready and the donor has to have tests and I think counselling too.
How did you go about finding your donor if you dont mind me asking? did you go on the net?

 

[ifoundmysoul]

So that will be 2 lots of 9 months you will have been waiting for your baby. Aww it's so nice that you have had a result after all your trying.

Did you go the AI at home route?

yes we met up with him (he doesnt live that far really) got what we needed, gave him replacement tubs, came home and tried.

we also used pre seed. i was very uncomfortable lying on my back with my legs in the air so the one month i tried on my side it worked so the one piece of advise i would give would to be comfortable

 

[Catzilla]

Sounds like you went the sensible way about it. What made you choose that way? Hope i'm not prying too much!

We were recommended a website by friends of our that used it to find their donor. They had a great experience with it and actually conceived 1st time! Super lucky of them!

We took less time than we thought to actually find the right guy. Was great when we met him. He was so normal and really knowledgeable about the whole thing. He is local ish to us and has done it before. Grounded chap with children of his own. Willing to go through testing etc without a quibble. We feel very lucky to have found him.

I can see the benefits of testing and counselling for everyone involved. We may end up going to a clinic. There is one local to us where we went on an open day. They were great about same sex parenting. Or we liked the look of the London Womens Clinic. Partly as it's so convenient with Hannah commuting to London for work, but mostly as we have heard so many good things about them. A lot of recommendations.

 

[Catzilla]

So that will be 2 lots of 9 months you will have been waiting for your baby. Aww it's so nice that you have had a result after all your trying.

Did you go the AI at home route?

yes we met up with him (he doesnt live that far really) got what we needed, gave him replacement tubs, came home and tried.

we also used pre seed. i was very uncomfortable lying on my back with my legs in the air so the one month i tried on my side it worked so the one piece of advise i would give would to be comfortable

You know what, I think that's excellent advice. I shall pass it on to Hannah. We did have a giggle at her lying about with her legs akimbo! She was very uncomfortable.

Seems as though AF came with full force this afternoon so back to the drawing board for us. I am disappointed, naturally. However I'm excited to try again, to. Positive thinking and all that jazz.

 

[whatwillbex]

You make it sound so easy with meeting up etc maybe we might think about going down that route. We didnt really think about using the net, i think we wanted to know for def the testing had been done and we were a little worried about meeting him in person. Knowing our luck they would have turned out to be a bit weird or pervy lol
Sounds like you have found your self a really nice guy and is handy that he is local.
Definitly seems the way forward, we just need to be a bit braver I think. Do you have to have a contract signed up or anything legal? now im prying you dont have to answer that just curious now to how it works for future ref.

 

[ifoundmysoul]

So that will be 2 lots of 9 months you will have been waiting for your baby. Aww it's so nice that you have had a result after all your trying.

Did you go the AI at home route?

yes we met up with him (he doesnt live that far really) got what we needed, gave him replacement tubs, came home and tried.

we also used pre seed. i was very uncomfortable lying on my back with my legs in the air so the one month i tried on my side it worked so the one piece of advise i would give would to be comfortable

You know what, I think that's excellent advice. I shall pass it on to Hannah. We did have a giggle at her lying about with her legs akimbo! She was very uncomfortable.

Seems as though AF came with full force this afternoon so back to the drawing board for us. I am disappointed, naturally. However I'm excited to try again, to. Positive thinking and all that jazz.

sorry its not worked this months but heres to next!

we had a good few giggles to lol not something i enjoyed doing but being comfortable helped alot!

 

[Catzilla]

You make it sound so easy with meeting up etc maybe we might think about going down that route. We didnt really think about using the net, i think we wanted to know for def the testing had been done and we were a little worried about meeting him in person. Knowing our luck they would have turned out to be a bit weird or pervy lol
Sounds like you have found your self a really nice guy and is handy that he is local.
Definitly seems the way forward, we just need to be a bit braver I think. Do you have to have a contract signed up or anything legal? now im prying you dont have to answer that just curious now to how it works for future ref.

I was worried about meeting anyone tbh. We lucked out with our guy. Although he was the 4th one we made more than passing contact with. One was just not going to work out, different ideas on how we want to proceed. The second was pervy. Talked about doing the deed a lot, and how that's the best way if we actually want a baby! Creep. 3rd guy was not right somehow. Just didn't feel great and was concerned on a few points so moved on to our now guy who is perfect for us. If you want the name of the site we used I can pm it to you.

We were the same with testing. Lucky that our guy was local so we set it all up for him and he went to the appointments. There is an element of trust in it I'm sure. A lot of guys tell you that they're blood donors and that should be enough, but it wasn't for us. It depends on the relationship you have with the donor I think. We do trust our guy. We also like that he is in a relationship. Stable settled etc and only one sexual partner.

We have all signed a contract. In all honestly I have read different things about this kind of contract. Some say it's not really that binding. Again, there is an element of trust. It's a standard sperm donor contract.

 

[ifoundmysoul]

You make it sound so easy with meeting up etc maybe we might think about going down that route. We didnt really think about using the net, i think we wanted to know for def the testing had been done and we were a little worried about meeting him in person. Knowing our luck they would have turned out to be a bit weird or pervy lol
Sounds like you have found your self a really nice guy and is handy that he is local.
Definitly seems the way forward, we just need to be a bit braver I think. Do you have to have a contract signed up or anything legal? now im prying you dont have to answer that just curious now to how it works for future ref.

I was worried about meeting anyone tbh. We lucked out with our guy. Although he was the 4th one we made more than passing contact with. One was just not going to work out, different ideas on how we want to proceed. The second was pervy. Talked about doing the deed a lot, and how that's the best way if we actually want a baby! Creep. 3rd guy was not right somehow. Just didn't feel great and was concerned on a few points so moved on to our now guy who is perfect for us. If you want the name of the site we used I can pm it to you.

We were the same with testing. Lucky that our guy was local so we set it all up for him and he went to the appointments. There is an element of trust in it I'm sure. A lot of guys tell you that they're blood donors and that should be enough, but it wasn't for us. It depends on the relationship you have with the donor I think. We do trust our guy. We also like that he is in a relationship. Stable settled etc and only one sexual partner.

We have all signed a contract. In all honestly I have read different things about this kind of contract. Some say it's not really that binding. Again, there is an element of trust. It's a standard sperm donor contract.

plus its safer for the all involved if your married to your partner and both go on the birth certificate as that gives you no right to chase him for money or him chase you for access as far as im aware

you may find this site helpfull:

https://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/lesbian_knowndonation/7/

this is taken from the below page:

https://www.nataliegambleassociates.co.uk/page/lesbian/5/

Civil partners

If you are civil partners at the time you conceive, the non-birth mother is your child's legal parent if you conceive artificially (which covers IUI or IVF at a licensed clinic, and artificial insemination at home) unless it is shown that she did not consent.