What a immature inconsiderate *******!!!

[skymommy08]

Rhinnaroo we are practically neighbors I live in Hastings

As for the OH smoking pot...I understand not wanting your child around anyone under the influence and being upset that he went behind your back but maybe he is stressed out and that is why he chose to smoke? I just had this fight with my DH last week so I know how complicated this is.

 

[elephant29]

I think the issue is more to do with his lack of compassion and understanding towards how much you done for him today! Of course being stoned out his mind around his LO is not a good thing, but I think you'll both be good enough parents (and people) to know this and not allow him to have your LO alone or in a situation were she could be harmed.

The fact that he was supposed to be working late and was actually out and didnt tell you is, imo, a bigger issue. You worked hard looking after LO, tidying the house and cooking him a meal and what thanks do you get??

I'd sit him down and explain this is why you are angry. Obviously if him smoking is an issue throw that in the mix as well. It's important to be completely honest now otherwise you might not get the opportunity and you'll regret not saying what you wanted.

I also dont think it's fair to bring other aspects of Lydia's personal life that she put in an area most dont go into to, onto these boards. Maybe she didnt want everyone to know she was thinking about that so it's not really someone elses place to roadcast that info (not having a go but just felt a bi funny about this).

xxx

 

[hajis-sweetie]

I personally don't like weed, but I think people react strongly to its use. I don't see the same reaction when people have a few drinks after work!
Saying that, I think the issue is more the lie of saying he was working late and was actually with mates smoking, knowing the OP was home with baby. What if something had happened and she couldn't find him?

 

[louandivy]

Smoking pot in itself doesn't make someone a bad father. Plenty of attentive caring nurturing parents smoke pot. My husband smokes bud every day when he gets home and he is an excellent father. He doesn't drink and pot is his way to relax after a long day.

It can be very hard for young men to give up their vices, I know I'm married to one. But I have to remember that where I live its decriminalized and it's more socially accepted. I see people smoking outdoors in my neighborhood and when I'm downtown shopping.

I agree. Although your OH sounds very inconsiderate I don't understand why people react sooo strongly to the cannibas part, it is absolutely no different from having a few drinks after work. In fact in my experience it is probably better! Not that it excuses your OH's behaviour, I just am mystified by people's hypocritical views about cannibas.

 

[Natasha2605]

Tbh I think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If you feel strongly about him doing it, particularly behind his back then you need to tell him so.

I don't accept any kinds of drugs or drug related behaviour in front of LO, whether it be alcohol or actual drugs so I would have put him straight back out the door but that's just me

Hope you manage to sort it out and he realises he was unfair by lying xx

 

[lilyd]

Smoking pot in itself doesn't make someone a bad father. Plenty of attentive caring nurturing parents smoke pot. My husband smokes bud every day when he gets home and he is an excellent father. He doesn't drink and pot is his way to relax after a long day.

It can be very hard for young men to give up their vices, I know I'm married to one. But I have to remember that where I live its decriminalized and it's more socially accepted. I see people smoking outdoors in my neighborhood and when I'm downtown shopping.

I agree. Although your OH sounds very inconsiderate I don't understand why people react sooo strongly to the cannibas part, it is absolutely no different from having a few drinks after work. In fact in my experience it is probably better! Not that it excuses your OH's behaviour, I just am mystified by people's hypocritical views about cannibas.

That's not always the case. Same as alcohol, people react differently. I don't think with either cannabis or alcohol you can apply a generalisation as everyone has different tolerences & responses.

 

[louandivy]

Smoking pot in itself doesn't make someone a bad father. Plenty of attentive caring nurturing parents smoke pot. My husband smokes bud every day when he gets home and he is an excellent father. He doesn't drink and pot is his way to relax after a long day.

It can be very hard for young men to give up their vices, I know I'm married to one. But I have to remember that where I live its decriminalized and it's more socially accepted. I see people smoking outdoors in my neighborhood and when I'm downtown shopping.

I agree. Although your OH sounds very inconsiderate I don't understand why people react sooo strongly to the cannibas part, it is absolutely no different from having a few drinks after work. In fact in my experience it is probably better! Not that it excuses your OH's behaviour, I just am mystified by people's hypocritical views about cannibas.

That's not always the case. Same as alcohol, people react differently. I don't think with either cannabis or alcohol you can apply a generalisation as everyone has different tolerences & responses.

Yes obviously but to claim that in general cannibas has worse effects than alcohol just because it is illegal is ridiculous. That being said I still don't agree with being intoxicated around my LO at all but I'm a bit touchy when it comes to drug legalisation!

 

[henny]

Tbh I think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. If you feel strongly about him doing it, particularly behind his back then you need to tell him so.

I don't accept any kinds of drugs or drug related behaviour in front of LO, whether it be alcohol or actual drugs so I would have put him straight back out the door but that's just me

Hope you manage to sort it out and he realises he was unfair by lying xx

Totally agree

 

[Marzipan_girl]

I understand that you're upset because he was considerate of your feelings...but people are acting like he's a smack addict?! He was a bit stoned....why are people saying "OMG he should NOT be near his child...lock him out! He's DANGEROUS!!!"

My dad is a real aussie hippie and every night since I was little he's had a little smoke to get to bed at night (he has insomnia). He's the greatest dad ever, and has never ever done anything even remotely dangerous! All I remember from when I was little is that at night when I stayed with him in australia, he's get a little stoned late at night and get a bit erm, chilled out lol. I never saw anything wrong with it, neither did my mum and theres no way she'd allow anyone near me who she thought was a risk? HE took us for the long walks everyday, has always worked, told us stories etc, the best dad ever. Smoking weed doesn't make you a bad or dangerous father...
It's not like he's been shooting up...
Sorry I just got offended by some of these posts because of my own experiences.
Lock him out and not allow him near your baby if he's being violent or dangerous, not because he's just a bit stoned lol.

 

[louandivy]

I understand that you're upset because he was considerate of your feelings...but people are acting like he's a smack addict?! He was a bit stoned....why are people saying "OMG he should NOT be near his child...lock him out! He's DANGEROUS!!!"

My dad is a real aussie hippie and every night since I was little he's had a little smoke to get to bed at night (he has insomnia). He's the greatest dad ever, and has never ever done anything even remotely dangerous! All I remember from when I was little is that at night when I stayed with him in australia, he's get a little stoned late at night and get a bit erm, chilled out lol. I never saw anything wrong with it, neither did my mum and theres no way she'd allow anyone near me who she thought was a risk? HE took us for the long walks everyday, has always worked, told us stories etc, the best dad ever. Smoking weed doesn't make you a bad or dangerous father...
It's not like he's been shooting up...
Sorry I just got offended by some of these posts because of my own experiences.
Lock him out and not allow him near your baby if he's being violent or dangerous, not because he's just a bit stoned lol.

Honestly by the time we go to Shambala festival this Summer Ivy will be 1 and I will guiltlessy indulge in a spliff or two thanks very much, no ndifferent from having a beer on a hot summers day. Your little family should come Yasmin!

 

[NG09]

I totally agree with Gemmabee, I'd kick him out, if he wants to be part of you and LO's life then it's time to shape up or ship out. If you forgive him and allow it to happen time after time you are just enabling him to be a prize twat. In his mind why should he change if he knows you will let him off with it anyway?

 

[Eve]

Wow...
Oh yes, I agree!
Kick him out, throw away everything you may have with him, have your family split up, single moms don't have it rough, you don't need a man you obviously love and care for enough to have children with right? Yup, kick his ass to the curb, working on problems and talking things out are a thing of the past! We should all kick our OH's out when they make mistakes, then we can all have wayyyyyyy more time on our hands to come on here and enjoy ourselves!

I couldn't help it, seriously ppl... I think it's a little much to advise someone to leave their partner because they messed up. We all mess up, doesn't mean we don't love someone, or our kids.

OP- I hope things work out and you and your OH can get things back on track Fighting isn't worth it in most cases and talking after calming down is usually the best way to go about things. Now, if you wanted to kick his ass out before this, and this topped it off, then kick his butt right to the curb, but if you love this man, and wish to work things out, then go for it. Relationships aren't relationships without trust, understanding, and compromise. He has broken your trust by lying saying he was working late, which is not nice and would upset me as well.

You need to ask yourself, is the relationship worth saving?
Is this that much of a big deal today as it was yesterday?

lots of again hun, if you ever need to talk, I'm here!

 

[NG09]

There's messing up and allowing someone to be under the influence of drugs around your children...... I guess some of us aren't as tolerant to taking drugs especially around children

 

[Eve]

I don't think it should be around children hahaha, I am just a little less uptight I guess you could say.... there is a difference between sobering up and kicking him out LOL I thought you would understand my post....

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Smoking pot in itself doesn't make someone a bad father. Plenty of attentive caring nurturing parents smoke pot. My husband smokes bud every day when he gets home and he is an excellent father. He doesn't drink and pot is his way to relax after a long day.

It can be very hard for young men to give up their vices, I know I'm married to one. But I have to remember that where I live its decriminalized and it's more socially accepted. I see people smoking outdoors in my neighborhood and when I'm downtown shopping.

I agree. Although your OH sounds very inconsiderate I don't understand why people react sooo strongly to the cannibas part, it is absolutely no different from having a few drinks after work. In fact in my experience it is probably better! Not that it excuses your OH's behaviour, I just am mystified by people's hypocritical views about cannibas.

I agree I think the main issue is that he didn't let you know etc, did you try and phone, what happened etc? Hope your ok xx

 

[PepsiChic]

Lock him out and not allow him near your baby if he's being violent or dangerous, not because he's just a bit stoned lol.

i think people have the "kick him out" response because they feel so strongly about NOT allowing people who smoke/drink around their LO. I do not and never will tolerate smoking or drugs around my LO. I dont drink, and my OH occasionally has a beer at the weekends once hes in bed.

and the reason people feel strongly is because when people are off their head on drugs AND/OR alcohol, they do things without control, and that could potentially put the LO at risk to harm, or even the mother.

and theres a big difference between having, 1 beer, or 1 joint and getting wasted on alcohol or stoned on weed. when your drunk or high you dont have as much control over your actions as you would sober. THATS why people dont like it, and thats why people read this thread saw that he wasnt just a little chilled but stoned out his head and responded int he manner they did, with the LO and mothers best interests at heart.

 

[Hayley90]

I wouldnt want him breathing fumes on my child, nor would i want him sleeping in the same room as me... i wouldnt want his high ass self wandering around my house!

SO yes, i WOULD kick him out because he was stoned. Same as my OH stays elsewhere when he drinks.

Pepole who are not in complete control of their actions shouldnt be around children. Ever.

 

[tempie]

What you need to ask is

1) if you ask him to will he stop
2) what would you do if he says no
3) if SS were to find out would you be able to deal with the consequences

Taking drugs as an adult in your own place with in reason is his choice he is an adult as long as he is aware of what might happen i is not up to anyone else to judge.

BUT

Your baby is being sent the message ,even at this age, that drug taking is normal and acceptable. Is that the message you what your child to grow up with ?

I wouldn't say kick him out if he is willing to stop using then thats great but if he isn;t then he has chosen drugs over his family

 

[mummy2jack]

I'm really sorry and am probably gonna get linched for this, but cannabis is not as bad as you all seem to think, smoking a joint does not make you a bad parent, i have seen people who have had a smoke, and people who have had 3 glasses of wine. The people drinking the wine were in a worse state than the ones smoking.
I personally have no problem with it, its personal choice. I really dont believe it effects people in the way you seem to think, its not like his guy is injected heroin and its zombiefied all the time!! Think people need to chill a bit (pardon the pun!)
Anyway OP, with regards to the cannabis, if he knows you are not willing to accept this and chooses to do it anyway, that IS an issue, the satying out and not telling you is also but does he KNOW this? You need to talk to him and then see if he's willing to accept he needs to change a bit now you have a family. If you fell so strongly bout the cannabis, you need to make that clear to him. It then his choice if he is willing to live within his bouundaries to make the relationship work.
Dont think you should kick him out, like others have said, its not easy doin this on your own, but on the same level, you have to do whats right for you and you lo. There are so many different views on everything, so do what YOU wanna do xxxxx

 

[RinnaRoo]

To the post above me. It's not like he's gonna wake up in the middle of the night and smother you, or decide to walk into the wall.
It's weed.
He'll smoke it, have the giggles then the munchies. He'll probably be more fun and want to do you. The worst anyone is gonna do is want to turn Stairway to Heaven up on full blast and accidently wake the baby up. Then all he'll want to do is cuddle LO back to sleep.
Besides that, you can't blow THC in some ones face once the joint or blunt or whatever is gone. And you are in complete contoll of your actions. Experienced, full functioning smokers any way.
Ok that's it. Lol