What age gap is better and why, 2 years or 3 years?

[jessicasmum]

Hi not sure where to put this so posting it here and also in the waiting to try section.

As the title says really, what age do you think is better between your children 2 years gap or 3 years gap?

I already have 3 children; DD1 12 years, DD2 turning 3 years next month and DS nearly 8 months. We are thinking of maybe having a 4th and final child either start TTC February 2018 or February 2019, so will either have around a 2 year gap or 3 year gap between the 4th and DS. I know we already have a 2 year gap between DD2 and DS and some might be wondering why am i asking this question when i have this gap but the thing is DD2 has autism and obviously i know to some extent what it's like with this gap of 2 years but it is somewhat different with her different needs compared to a NT child.
My concern if we go for the 2 year gap that we will probably end up with 3 children in nappies at the same time because DS will only just be around 2 depending how quick we conceive and DD2 will probably be still be in nappies because she's non verbal at the moment so can't really communicate her needs. But on the other hand having a 2 year gap we will get the baby stages over quicker and hopefully #4 and DS will have a close relationship, also it will then be quicker then for us then focus on a career for myself. 3 year gap would be good for that hopefully DS would be out of nappies and that hopefully he'll be able to understand about the baby.
Just looking for a bit of advice from people's experiences and opinions on having a 2 and 3 year gap.
Thank you in advance

 

[pinkstarbinks]

Hey we've got almost 2 and 3 year gaps, id go for 2 years x

 

[JessdueJan]

Iv got an almost 3 year gap and an almost 2 year gap. In the beginning I would definitely pick the three year gap. The smaller gap was a lot harder, two in nappies and two up in the night. DS2 also didn't understand having to be patient while I fed baby etc whereas when DS2 was born DS1 was of an age where he understood more and I could reason with him.

Now they are that bit older the 2 year gap is better, they are able to find common ground a lot easier meaning they play better (most of the time) xx

 

[jessicasmum]

Thank you both for replying

It does seem that getting over the early part is going to be really hard if we go for the 2 year gap but I'd love it when they are a bit older to be close and playing together.

Do you both think the 3 year gap there aren't as close in wanting to play together much?

 

[JessdueJan]

My two boys with the three year gap do play together quite a lot but DS1 gets very frustrated with DS2 because they seem to Struggle to get on the same wavelength xx

 

[jessicasmum]

Suppose it's hard guess yet what my youngest will be like but you can already see the difference between him and DD2 because his eyes light up when he see his sister's and other kids, it was hubby that brought up about having another i thought we were done but he was like I think DS will love it the way he is.
Nosy question, is your family complete or do you plan on having any more kids?

 

[JessdueJan]

I'd love at least one more but I'm a single parent at the moment so for now it's not an option unfortunately. I just keep acquiring pets instead

 

[Louise88]

I have an 18month age gap and hate it haha the kids fight and argue with each other and I find the age gap difficult I wish id waited and gone for a 3-4 year age gap so my oldest would be abit more independant/mature when the youngest hit the toddler stage lol

 

[jessicasmum]

I'd love at least one more but I'm a single parent at the moment so for now it's not an option unfortunately. I just keep acquiring pets instead

I got like that and ended up with 3 cats when we wasn't sure we were going to have any more kids after our first child.

 

[jessicasmum]

I have an 18month age gap and hate it haha the kids fight and argue with each other and I find the age gap difficult I wish id waited and gone for a 3-4 year age gap so my oldest would be abit more independant/mature when the youngest hit the toddler stage lol

Thank you for replying

Sorry you feel like that about the age gap. It's hard isn't it because in a way you wouldn't want to change anything because you wouldn't of had the children you have but just wonder what could of been, i feel like that about if we would of had a closer gap between my first and second.

 

[jessmke]

I have a 19 month gap between my two and I find it a lot of work, mostly because DD doesn't understand being gentle with the baby. Today I had to dive across the living room and shove DD onto the floor because she was about to plop her butt right down on the baby's head who was laying on the living room floor. DD loves her little brother but their interactions have to be very closely supervised which makes getting anything done during the day very difficult. It is made more difficult by DS being born in the summer, it's just way too hot for me to wear him very much during the day which is the only way to keep him safe from DD, so I end up having to spend the first few hours of the morning (when it is cool enough to wear DS in the carrier) making all our food for the day, packing the diaper bag, loading the car or setting up the house for any activity we are going to do that day, etc. it takes a lot of planning and is a bit exhausting! But I am really hoping that they will be close and play well together when DS is a bit older.

 

[pinkstarbinks]

I think their personalities, individual circumstance and routine can also play a big factor in things. We'd have another at some stage yes. There are definitely plus points to both age gaps. Tables turn at different stages different age gaps become more favourable but as with all families you hash out the tricky bits and savour the sweet bits.

 

[WackyMumof2]

I have 21 months between DS1 and DS2. It worked well for the first few years and they got along pretty well. Around the ages of 5 and 3 they learned to spend more time antagonizing and framing each other for stupid shit. People don't believe me when I tell them I have a wolf pack with an Alpha and Omega wolf and 'fighting it out' is not an option because they like attacking each other with anything they can use as weapons. DS2 and DS3 I have 6.5 years between and I like it. DS2 dotes on his baby brother and gets very over protective where as DS1 forgets DS3 is only 10 months and can get a little too rough at times. There will be 15 months between DS3 and DD so I'm dreading that. Too late to change my mind now!

 

[jessicasmum]

I have a 19 month gap between my two and I find it a lot of work, mostly because DD doesn't understand being gentle with the baby. Today I had to dive across the living room and shove DD onto the floor because she was about to plop her butt right down on the baby's head who was laying on the living room floor. DD loves her little brother but their interactions have to be very closely supervised which makes getting anything done during the day very difficult. It is made more difficult by DS being born in the summer, it's just way too hot for me to wear him very much during the day which is the only way to keep him safe from DD, so I end up having to spend the first few hours of the morning (when it is cool enough to wear DS in the carrier) making all our food for the day, packing the diaper bag, loading the car or setting up the house for any activity we are going to do that day, etc. it takes a lot of planning and is a bit exhausting! But I am really hoping that they will be close and play well together when DS is a bit older.

Thank you for replying

That does sound tough. The smallest gap there would be between my DS and #4 would be 23 months. I hope that your 2 do have a closer relationship when they are a bit older.
We struggle at times with our youngest 2 now i do worry if #4 could break us at the early stages, it's just trying to see past that early stage and see the hopefully easier nicer future.

 

[jessicasmum]

I think their personalities, individual circumstance and routine can also play a big factor in things. We'd have another at some stage yes. There are definitely plus points to both age gaps. Tables turn at different stages different age gaps become more favourable but as with all families you hash out the tricky bits and savour the sweet bits.

Yes you are right it depends on characters of the children, i think that's why my hubby has said he would like a 4th because what my youngest character is showing already, he loves the attention and he gets excited when he sees his sister's and other children.

Yes that's right about savoring the nicer bits but your just hoping for more of them bits rather the harder times.

 

[jessicasmum]

I have 21 months between DS1 and DS2. It worked well for the first few years and they got along pretty well. Around the ages of 5 and 3 they learned to spend more time antagonizing and framing each other for stupid shit. People don't believe me when I tell them I have a wolf pack with an Alpha and Omega wolf and 'fighting it out' is not an option because they like attacking each other with anything they can use as weapons. DS2 and DS3 I have 6.5 years between and I like it. DS2 dotes on his baby brother and gets very over protective where as DS1 forgets DS3 is only 10 months and can get a little too rough at times. There will be 15 months between DS3 and DD so I'm dreading that. Too late to change my mind now!

Thank you for replying

Ideally we would of had a 5 year gap between our first and second child but health issues made me put off if to have another child for years, i do wonder what if sometimes how that age gap would be like.
I'm now thinking about my age as I'm now 32 and want to be under 35 if we do have a 4th so it's either the 2 or 3 year gap or not at all really i think.

Fingers crossed for you that it's not as hard as you think the 15 month gap

 

[donnarobinson]

I have a 2 year age gap between 1/2 and 22month gap between 2/3
It's hard at first but it does get easier although I agree with the fighting . Mine fight like mad I sometimes wish I had waited a while but in the same sense they love to play also and keep each other entertained. & im looking forward to saying bye to the first few years and getting a bit of me back x

 

[jessicasmum]

I have a 2 year age gap between 1/2 and 22month gap between 2/3
It's hard at first but it does get easier although I agree with the fighting . Mine fight like mad I sometimes wish I had waited a while but in the same sense they love to play also and keep each other entertained. & im looking forward to saying bye to the first few years and getting a bit of me back x

Thank you for replying

It does sound tough 2 year gap, i keep questioning all the time and then the thought if they fight a lot, really don't know if I'm crazy even considering it.

Understand you wanting to get the first few years over, that's in a way why I'm thinking of trying next year so it's quicker to be able to focus on other things for myself rather than waiting another year to just push everything further back.

 

[Lizzybee]

Anyone have a 3.5yr + gap and have good things to say? I'm trying to convince my DH that we should have another and he is concerned about them fighting. I'm a realist and know that there will be some but is there anyone who has more loving siblings than fighting ones?

 

[pompeyvix]

Anyone have a 3.5yr + gap and have good things to say? I'm trying to convince my DH that we should have another and he is concerned about them fighting. I'm a realist and know that there will be some but is there anyone who has more loving siblings than fighting ones?

We have a 4 year 4 month age gap and absolutely love it (so far anyway!). My Daughter is just fantastic with Jamie and can be trusted around him when I'm not in the room. She just loves playing with him too even though he is only at the 'grabby' stage. She changes his nappy, settles him when he wakes up, helps me dress him and generally just adores him. Likewise, he adores her. Of course things may change as they both get older, bur right now I am very happy with this gap