What do you think of this plan?

[Serene123]

I am getting better and i will be fully recovered by the time we TTC. I am getting a job in a few months too and so is he. We are going to meet in Dec and talk about TTC first and the sacrifies we will both have to make, and if we are both fine with that we are going to TTC.

Don't you want to be living with him first? Who in their right mind would choose to be a single mum?

 

[coccyx]

Madness.

 

[AutumnRose]

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

 

[Serene123]

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

You WILL be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..

I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

I can understand you really want a baby but you have to think when a baby comes along your life is never just yours anymore, if this man is all you say he is then dont you think your time should be concentrated on getting to no him in RL and spending quality time together, i no alot of mothers that say i wish wed had more time as a couple before we had kids, having kids is the most stressful thing ever for a couple but youv never met him. not just that if you meet get pregnant and he turns out 2 be a weirdo your forever linked to this guy threw a child.

i think you should concentrate on your relationship with this guy not TTC.

xx

 

[Jkelmum]

I am getting better and i will be fully recovered by the time we TTC. I am getting a job in a few months too and so is he. We are going to meet in Dec and talk about TTC first and the sacrifies we will both have to make, and if we are both fine with that we are going to TTC.

How do u know you will be better by dec ? theres no time limit on these things ? also just cos u open ur legs doesnt mean a baby will come ...after being here 6 months if it hasnt happened what then ?

why not meet fall in love have fun make plans no rush ?

 

[samzi]

i agree with the others.

why rush it?

 

[AutumnRose]

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

You WILL be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..

I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.

It cant be that hard if your having another baby with him though.

 

[Serene123]

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

You WILL be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..

I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.

It cant be that hard if your having another baby with him though.

We're changing things first. So he travels into London in the day and doesn't stay there.

I would never put myself through this again

 

[Mitsuko]

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

The only thing is that it's not just about you. It's about a child too. No matter how much you desire to have a kid, you still have to take into consideration the happiness of the LO.

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

enjoy your time with this guy trust me, i spent 2 years concentrating on ttc, and negelecting my OH. if i could turn bk time and spend more time going out and going on holidays just me n him i wud.

 

[binxyboo]

Ok, I am going to give my honest opinion, and it may sound quite harsh.

I think this plan is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

1) you have NO idea if you will be cured of your social phobia by december. I hope you are, but there is a chance that it may take longer. There is no time limit on these things.

2) Talking of time limits, One of my friends took 18 months before she managed to concieve. Another was trying for a baby for 3 YEARS before she was successful. What if you don't fall pregnant straight away?

3) you say you are getting a job in a few months? Is this a definate job in the pipeline? or are you going to start looking in a few months. A job is not a given, especially in this economic climate.

4) You have NEVER met this man. I had an online relationship with someone years ago. I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. When we finally got together in the flesh, his lies were more exposed than when he was telling them online. I'm not saying that this will happen to you, but you haven't actually met yet.

5) He will be here for 6 months only. IF (big if) you fall pregnant as per plan, who will be at the birth of his child?
You say he will give you emotional support, but when my husband is away (not too often anymore thank goodness) the emotional support I crave is a hug. No words - just a hug. How can he give that to you when the baby has been screaming non stop and you want his emotional support?

6) I have looked at your profile and you are only 18 years old. You have plenty of time to get to know your OH BEFORE you bring a baby into the world.
I have been desperate for a baby for a long time, but I wanted to wait until my relationship was happy, content and STABLE. I am 32 years old.

My other concern is how much of this plan have you discussed with OH?
Is he 100% committed to trying for a baby as soon as he meets you for the first time. Or does he want to get to know you first? I would be interested to hear his side of things.

I am sorry if what I have said is not what you want to hear, but I really think you need to rethink this through.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

[Serene123]

I'm kind of pissed off that you'd even bring my situation into this. It's on a completely different planet to this!

 

[NuKe]

ok Autumn Rose. I have direct experience in this so I'm going to offer my advice, and I really hope you take it!!

a few years ago I met a guy called Jake online. we talked online and on the phone for hours every day, and realised we were totally in love with each other. I flew to canada to meet him a few months later, and ended up staying for 4 months. At the start everything was amazing, felt like I was living in a dream. So I went home, got a job to save up some money and planned to move there. went back 3 more times to visit, staying for a few weeks each time. then a month before i was due to emmigrate (I had my ticket booked, visa sorted, apartment sorted, everything) I found out he had cheated on me. it tore my world apart. I'm not saying that your oh will cheat, and I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with meeting people online. All I'm saying is you need to WAKE UP!!! yes, you know this man but you don't know it's going to work out until you have lived together. I only wish someone had slapped me about and told me to wise up. There's every chance that it will work out and you will both live happily ever after, but DON'T BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD WITH A MAN YOU'VE NEVER MET JUST BEACAUSE YOU'RE A BIT BROODY!! This might seem harsh, but I call it like I see it. and if you need to talk about anything, send me a wee message hun. all I'm saying is wait for a bit before ttc! my ex and i wer sooo close to ttc and I will be eternally grateful we didn't. i hope it works out for you.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

How do u know you will be better by then ?! ... im sorry but you asked for opinions .. and if i met you in real life , nd u told me this story i would be looking at you like this its just not normal sorry, its like something you read in CHAT or HELLO or sumthing like that sorry

 

[kristy87]

I'm kind of pissed off that you'd even bring my situation into this. It's on a completely different planet to this!

i agree toria, i got a bit pissed off when i read the reply about your situation. i personally think this is utter madness. how the hell can you want to ttc with someone you havent even met?and trust me, its not as easy as you think its going to be.

ive wanted a baby all my life, i started ttc at 18, and im still here.

this is weird...

 

[malpal]

Wow........I really don't know what to say.
I can't quite believe that you would be willing to go through with this.
I really hope i don't upset/offend you when i say this as it really isn't my intention, but do you think that you may just be using this man as a way to get the much desired baby that you wish for?
Seems that you arn't really bothered by the prospect of doing the whole pregnancy, labour, birth and bringing up baby on your own.
My dh went away for the weekend recently and i had 2 days and nights on my own. After this time on my own i have to say that i have so much respect and praise for all the mums that have to deal with life on there own. I can honestly say it's tough, real tough and that was with a 5 month baby. I truly don't think i would have coped with a newborn.
I have been with my dh since i was 16 and since then i have been desperate for baby. My lo came at the grand age of 27 (which i still class as young!). I waited 11 years for her but am in a very happy, stable and financially secure relationship and i know that i couldn't have done anymore to make sure Lexie has the best i can do (emotionally and physically).
Also with your social phobia would this not mean you were more suseptable to PND? Not something you can deal with on your own.
Please please take everyones advise into consideration, we care about people here that's why people take the time to write.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[AutumnRose]

You guys dont really understand my situation and my social phobia...so you cant make out im weird... i know its not normal but then what is normal?
Nothing wrong with me wanting a baby, i will get better first for the fact it means i can become a mother.

 

[binxyboo]

You guys dont really understand my situation and my social phobia...so you cant make out im weird... i know its not normal but then what is normal?
Nothing wrong with me wanting a baby, i will get better first for the fact it means i can become a mother.

I have a feeling that we have told you what you don't want to hear, but you are going to do it anyway.

 

[welshlass]

do you want a baby 'with' this man or just him to get you pregant ? Are you sure its a baby you have wanted since you were 12 and not someone/something to love you unconditionally ? I'd suggest you get some support or councelling for the social phobia and also discuss the need for a baby as well as it might mask some other needs.

By all means meet this man and see how you get on - internet relationships can work and you may well end up having a child together. but even if you had met its still very early in a relationship to decide to have a child with someone.

You seem to be a nice and caring person so will make a great mum but just take your time ! ! you've got time on your side