What do you think of this plan?

[pinkmummy]

Ok here is my opinion: (mainly repeating what others have said, but maybe if its repeated enough you may understand)

1) How can you want to have a baby with this man when you haven't even met him before?

2) Do you really think that you could cope with a baby when you have this social disorder? Its hard enough having a baby and not having a disorder. If I could not leave the house with the kids and go to toddler groups etc I would go mental!

3) You don't REALLY know that he will definately send you the money, what if he gets you 'up the duff' and leaves? You will then have to go on benefits and use our hard earned cash to look after YOUR child. Also with him living in another country will you actaully be able to get Child Maintance if he leaves you?

4) You are only young, 18 if I remember correctly. You have your whole life ahead of you, you have years to have a baby. Go out and enjoy your time together while you can. Have holidays together, get jobs and save to make the furture of your child the best it can possibly be. I had Caitlin when I was 18 and it is so hard! Its not just a walk in the park, I found it difficult enough trying to cope with just one baby during the day when OH was at work never mind him not being there at all!

5) I think it is selfish to bring a child into this world when its father is in a completely different country. I think every child deserves to have 2 parents, I understand single mums who have split up with partners etc but MOST of the men still see their children. If you had a child it wouldn't be fair on the father.

6) Jobs. Neither of you have jobs at the minute am I right in understanding?? how on earth can you afford to have a child? My OH has a well paid job and I STILL need to work for us to be able to enjoy life. I have to go back to work in September, I don't want to, but I need to to support our family. This job you were talking about, is it guarnteed or are you actually going to go looking for a job, coz I'm sorry to burst your bubble but in this day and age it is bloody damn well hard to find a job!

I hope you take into account the childs feelings in all of this. Go and enjoy your life with your 'OH' before you have a family. Live together first, enjoy holidays together etc coz once bubs is here thats it your buggered for the next 18 years!

 

[AutumnRose]

We have talked more and decided that we are going to meet first before TTC. He wants me to move over there and get married so thats what we will do before having a baby.

 

[welshlass]

yeah ! you need to enjoy each other and being young first and then the time for babies and being a grown up will come soon enough !

 

[Mum2bewaiting]

Do u want to do that? I really hope it works out for u both. Children need a stable environment. At least when planning a baby that can be almost ensured

 

[celine]

The only thing I would add is that I do think you two need to talk it out once you eventually meet one another. How long have u 'known' him?
For me the big question is what kind of man would be ok to fly over to you, get you preggy with his child (and I beleive he is quite younge too 17?) and not be there for the birth

 

[T'elle]

im sorry but i have read this thread and im finding it hard to get around the fact your going to try for a baby with someone you have never met before, i understand the ttc with a donor which is completely different, i have friends who are going through this process, but meeting someone and wanting a baby straight away is rushing into things dont you think, what about if he doesn't stick around to help, and what if the relationship doesn't even pan out as 'planned' surely you would want to date like normal couples for a few months etc before even thinking of trying for a baby!? rather than jump in feet first?

 

[Serene123]

How are you going to feel telling your friends and family about it?

 

[pinkmummy]

How are you going to feel telling your friends and family about it?

Thats what I was going to ask.

What do your parents think of this?

Do you have your own house or do live with your parents?

 

[T'elle]

No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.

Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?

yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.

When you get married to live out there u do understand they question u both on how much u know eachother they monitor to check when your visiting each other and they ask you how long youv'e been in a relationship etc....so its gonna be hard if youv'e never met its almost impossible immigration will even let you over there

 

[AutumnRose]

No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.

Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?

yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.

When you get married to live out there u do understand they question u both on how much u know eachother they monitor to check when your visiting each other and they ask you how long youv'e been in a relationship etc....so its gonna be hard if youv'e never met its almost impossible immigration will even let you over there

yes we have looked at every option. Obviously we will be together at least a year before we get married and then by the time they process visas that will take at least a year.

 

[bunnyg82]

hey hun, just dropping by to say , I am so so soooooooooooo pleased you have decided to wait. It's going to be a huge enough step for you if you are going to move so far from home and far from family and friends, so it really will be better for you to get yourself settled before taking on this responsibility

I hope that you understand that all of the above messages were sent because people care and wanted to help you understand that your plan was really not the wisest of ideas.

Take care hun xx

 

[binxyboo]

Please listen to the girls on here.
I don't feel that ypu have your eyes wide open in this, and you are blinded by the concept of being a mother, rather than the reality

 

[Serene123]

I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?

 

[binxyboo]

I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?

Yes, I also feel you are avoiding a lot of important questions.

How old are you both?
Where do you both live (as in who with - do you own your own places? rent? live with parents?)
What do you currently do for money?
still at school? college? uni?
How will you afford to travel to each other?
do you know what you need to do to get a visa in either country? How long the process takes? how much it costs? what it involves?

There are many more questions that I think you really need to look into.

 

[Charliemarina]

What is dodgy?

Planning a baby with someone you have never met and this 'situation' ...I find it unhealthy

couldn't have said it any better wobbles huns i dnt like sound of it really and i would NEVER contemplate having a baby with a stranger, i mean come on has no one heard of genetics and genetical illnesses that are sometime so deverstating, i think u need to know someone well and there past and health situation b4 anything like this goes on sorry if i offend but i find it rather desperate sorry again

 

[pinkmummy]

I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?

Yes, I also feel you are avoiding a lot of important questions.

How old are you both?
Where do you both live (as in who with - do you own your own places? rent? live with parents?)
What do you currently do for money?
still at school? college? uni?
How will you afford to travel to each other?
do you know what you need to do to get a visa in either country? How long the process takes? how much it costs? what it involves?

There are many more questions that I think you really need to look into.

 

[T'elle]

I think theres alot that needs to be thought about and everyone in here has a valid point in each post... i think its more of a 'childs dream' to be honest it takes more than being 12 and wanting to be a mum meet prince charming and live happily ever after... if not then none of us would be on this forum with our efforts of WTT TTC LTTTC etc and our problems helping eachother, i think you have alot to learn before you should even consider jumping into this whole i want to be a mum thing....x

 

[pinkmummy]

I think theres alot that needs to be thought about and everyone in here has a valid point in each post... i think its more of a 'childs dream' to be honest it takes more than being 12 and wanting to be a mum meet prince charming and live happily ever after... if not then none of us would be on this forum with our efforts of WTT TTC LTTTC etc and our problems helping eachother, i think you have alot to learn before you should even consider jumping into this whole i want to be a mum thing....x

Well said.

Personally I think you should be given a child/baby for a few days and see how you actually coped. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think it was a walk in the park after all the screaming, feeding, changing etc. Its hard work and NOT something to be taken so lightly too, you would need all the help you could possibly get.

My friend had her first baby at 19 but she was married at 17 and had been with her BF for 5 years. They moved in together at 17 when they got married and then had their baby. She had always wanted a baby and even though about having one when she left school, luckily she was talked out of it and she is now so happy that she waited until she was that little bit older, had fun with her OH on their own and enjoyed each others company and then had children.

 

[T'elle]

dont get me wrong i wish it was as simple as that and we could get pregnant when we wanted to but it takes alot more time and planning, money and efforts, i just dont think its wise to rush into something as big as this xxx

 

[Charliemarina]

also iv just noticed ur only 18 years old hun u need to think about this seriously!!!