What should I do? Need your advice ladies!!

Discussion in 'Waiting To Try' started by jillypoop, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. jillypoop

    jillypoop Mummy of one

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    Hey :)

    I know I should probably post this in the relationships, home life and finance bit but really wanted your opinion because this is where I spend most of my time and are more familiar with you guys so value your opinion more if that makes sense?

    Well as most of you may know, I've been unemployed since January. OH is working full time but we have had to move back with my parents because we couldn't afford to pay for our rented flat.

    Basically, I have always dreamed of moving down south to Cambridgeshire, I have family there and really see myself living there in the future.
    My OH is from the North East and sees himself living there and won't hear anything to the contrary. The first year or so we were together I was so desperate to get away from where I live now (worst city in the uk!) that I said ok to living in the North East.

    The problem now is that now that TTC and kids aren't too far away (trying as soon as I get a job and we have our own place!) I really don't want to bring my kids up in the North East. Now there's nothing wrong with the north east, I love the place, but I know Cambridgeshire pretty well and where I want to go is just so perfect for a young family. There's nothing stopping us from moving to the North East in a few years if cambridgeshire isn't for us!

    OH just flat out hates the south (all shandy drinking southerners according to him!!!no offence lol) although he always said he would like to live in London for a while.


    This isn't really making much sense here, but I really don't know what to do. I want to go and stay with some family down there and try and get a job, and save up a couple of month's pay to put a deposit down on a rented place, then OH can move down, but I'm scared if I do that then he will just not come down and I know that I wouldn't be able to pay the rent etc by myself so would have to return home with my tail between my legs.

    What would you guys do? I know this sounds awful, but OH won't take any chances, it feels like he is holding me back. He has some holiday in May so going to take him down and try to sell the place to him but if he says no then I am always going to wonder what would have happened if we had moved down there.....

    Another reason I want to move down there is because my sis is planning to go to uni either in East Anglia or London so want to be nearer her as we are very very close.

    Sorry guys this is a totally confusing ramble but would really appreciate some honest opinions here....

    Thanks :hugs:

    xxx
     
  2. Nyx

    Nyx Well-Known Member

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    Hmm, it's a difficult situation to be in. If your OH is completly set on staying where you are now, it would take a lot of persuading to get him to move. I think your idea to take him down during his holiday is a good plan, will at least show him the differences. I've always lived in Cambridgeshire and there are some very nice villages and towns around. I can't say whether there are a lot of job opportunities at the moment, but I guess it's the same everywhere anyway. I think if you find a job/ place down here then I would think it wise to go for it - especially if you're not having much luck up north.
    Does your OH have any specific reason for not moving? Other than hating the south lol.
     
  3. jillypoop

    jillypoop Mummy of one

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    He doesn't want to stay where we are now, he wants to move back to the north east, we are living in cumbria atm.
    He hasn't really spent time in Cambridgeshire (its Ely I'm planning on) but thinks because of the whole Cambridge uni thing that he's going to be surrounded by people with PhD's and we are just going to be the "stupid northern couple" kind of thing.... He's a bit special lol!
    I am hoping that once we go down and spend some time, he will fall in love with it as much as I have!

    thanks
    xxx
     
  4. Nyx

    Nyx Well-Known Member

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    Ely is a nice place, I'm not too far from there. Oh I see, well there are plenty of people that aren't as clever as those that go to Cambridge university. I can't say I even notice the Cambridge uni students when in the centre of town, obviously if you're looking at Ely then you don't have to worry too much about being in the busy Cambridge centre.
    I hope he does change his mind after having a look for himself, seeing as you have your heart set on it. :)
     
  5. Webbykinskt

    Webbykinskt Well-Known Member

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    I don't think there's a lot more you can do but to take him down there and show him it's the right place for you. Visit your family and show him how much you want to be around them. Other than that, you may have problems as men can be stubborn lol good luck with it all
     
  6. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    If you are having to move back in with your parents because of money problems moving down south will be even tighter. House prices and rent is way more expencive and no matter where you go jobs are getting hard to find. I personaly would stay where you are or move closer to me!!!!!!! untill we get out of this stupid recession.
     
  7. pinkmummy

    pinkmummy Guest

    I know I don't know you hun and please tell me to butt out, but I agree with Lozzy.

    Down South it will be so much harder to afford rent etc. I know my friend's brother goes to Uni in Norwich and he is paying £2000 a MONTH rent for a 4 bedroomed house! He and his friends are sharing it obviously but still £2000 a month rent when you are trying to save up for a baby ain't gonna work lol! :D

    Also if you move down South how do you know your OH will be able to get another job down there?

    I think you should both get jobs either where you live or in the North East and think of moving in a few years when the bubba is a little bigger and you have more money.

    Hope I haven't offended you :blush: :hugs:
     
  8. mikababy

    mikababy Gorgeous little baby girl

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    Sorry, I had to chuckle when I read 'down south' - you're talking about Cambridgeshire, not Dorset!!

    We are currently living in Norfolk after moving up here from deepest darkest Essex just over a year ago. DH and I had this dream of living near the Broads and so we bought a little place in a pretty village and we've nearly finished it... however, there's no work in Norfolk and so we're having to move back to Essex, which absolutely sucks as we have put so much work into this place and it really is lovely now. :sad1:

    Point is, you have to go where the work is!! It's all very well having this idyllic dream, but if you haven't a job to pay the rent/mortgage then you're gonna come unstuck.

    However, in terms of living in Cambridgeshire house prices relative to pay aren't too bad (if you go down to Essex or Kent then you're easily looking at £185,000 for a 2 bed terrace in anywhere half nice and around the £250,000 for a 3 bed semi and pay isn't any better than in Norfolk. Yikes!!)

    If you really want to do it then as you have already mentioned, have a few breaks down there with your other half and see what he thinks. I know Ely, as my family are from there and it isn't all full of toffs at all!! Alternatively, think what it is that you like so much about Cambridge/Ely and see if you can find somewhere in the North East that has some of those features and come to some sort of compromise. I know it is difficult, as we're trying to find somewhere to relocate to at the moment too.

    Good luck!!
    xx
     
  9. mikababy

    mikababy Gorgeous little baby girl

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    I live just 5 miles from Norwich and I hate to say this, but that is a rip off!! There are loads of places on rightmove at just over half of that (we're landlords ourselves). And if they moved just 5-10 mins away (by train) they could rent a decent sized place for £750pcm.
     
  10. pinkmummy

    pinkmummy Guest

    I think he is stupid paying it myself but its not my problem. It is a nice big house and he said it is estimated at £650k so not bad when you think about it.

    Personally we find paying £390 a month and all the rest of the bills a struggle with 2 wages!
     
  11. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    I live in the north east and anything south of leeds is down south
     
  12. pinkmummy

    pinkmummy Guest

    :lol: :lol:
     
  13. mikababy

    mikababy Gorgeous little baby girl

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    Ha! Sounds like he aspires to greater things in life!

    Leeds, yes, o.k that definitely is 'up north' so cambs must be down south!
     
  14. jillypoop

    jillypoop Mummy of one

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    Yeah cumbria is as north as u can get without being in Scotland. Anywhere below manchester to me is south LOL. I just really want a fresh start, the past year has been so unbelieavably sh** and would love to be able to start again smewhere else and I love ely so much. Think I'm just going to have to keep quiet about it until we go down. Thankfully being in WTT means I am a bit more patient than I used to be!

    Thanks girls your opinions really mean a lot to me, I need to have a good think about what we are going to do.

    Thanks girlie :hugs:
     
  15. mikababy

    mikababy Gorgeous little baby girl

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    Well, I really liked the Lake District (have never been to Scotland though, which is terrible of me) but I can perfectly understand you wanting 'fresh pastures' - both for the change of scene and because your current home maybe has too many unwanted memories hanging around and being a nuisance.

    DH and I moved to Norfolk for both those reasons. I feel like moving here has really allowed me to 'breathe' and to be myself, as Norfolk is so much friendlier and down to earth than in Essex/London and I never really felt quite right there (probly 'cos I grew up in South Wales!).

    I think the subtle approach (i.e lots of planning and thinking about ideas behind the scenes, but not too sledgehammer on the delivery of them) seems to work best with men. :-=
     

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