What would you do (video games)

[misspriss]

So this is what happened today.

DS is turning 5 next week, his party is this weekend. Earlier in the week, DH sold his Xbox because he wanted a newer model and he was going to sell off his old consoles and invest in a new one later on. No biggie, right?

So his mom calls him and tells him her sister (his aunt, DS's great aunt) is getting him an E rated Xbox game for his birthday. He tells her he sold the Xbox and his plan to buy a new one later, and his mom says she will give him the $200 he lacks to buy the new one. So he goes and buys one on lunch, to make this gift happen.

He did try to call me, but I was at the gym and missed his calls and was not in a position to have a discussion with him about it when we did connect. He said he'd tell me about it later and not to worry, and just went and bought it.

I don't think that Xbox is appropriate for a barely 5 year old. I planned to delay in the introduction of gaming consoles to at least 7-8. I just don't think it is something that a 5 year old needs in their life. He already has limited use of an Amazon Fire tablet, and I think that is enough personal electronics in his life.

I think this was something we should have discussed first. I don't think it's appropriate for our son. I don't think he should have spent a large, unplanned purchase without my input. I don't think he should have accepted a large amount of cash from his mom for a large purchase we couldn't afford.

I do not have a good relationship with his mother and try to keep things like finances separate as much as possible. I don't want her to try and buy her way into a better relationship with our family. I need him to cut the cord and quit relying on his mother financially, and this doesn't help. I thought we were past accepting money gifts, especially at that level, I don't think that is appropriate either.

Am I overreacting? I would just plan to put the game away until his is a more appropriate age and send a thank you to the great aunt, we are not close and if it comes up I am happy to tell her I set it aside until he is older, we literally see them once a year or less.

I'm upset and frustrated and I need a bit of a normal meter check.

 

[lau86]

You're not over reacting I don't think. My sons play mario Kart sometimes, but if you prefer your ds not to that's your choice. I agree your husband should've consulted you before buying the x box. Have you spoken to him about it?

 

[misspriss]

You're not over reacting I don't think. My sons play mario Kart sometimes, but if you prefer your ds not to that's your choice. I agree your husband should've consulted you before buying the x box. Have you spoken to him about it?

On the phone. He hasn't come home from work yet. In his defense, he tried, he called 3 times and texted that he needed to reach me. IMO, a reasonable person, when they couldn't reach me, would put it off and buy it after he did discuss it with me, not decide oh well let me do it. But I can see how I might make the decision about a large purchase like that, if I was standing in the store needing it, feeling like it was something we needed to buy (because he wanted him to have the gift and saw no reason not to), I would probably do the same if I couldn't reach him. We are both adults. This is why I feel like I may be overreacting a little bit.

On the other hand, we could not afford it out of pocket. I am offended that he accepted a large cash gift from MIL. That to me would make it where he needed to discuss it.

 

[Zephram]

Personally I don’t see what the big deal is. We let our 5 year old play a few PlayStation games. We limit his time on it (he’s only allowed on it on the weekend for an hour max) and we only let him play age appropriate games. He loves it and I don’t think it does any harm. Games often have a problem solving element which is actually good for your brain (small doses obviously).

I think accepting the money is a separate issue from whether or not you think a gaming console is an appropriate thing for a 5 year old to have access to.

 

[jessmke]

It sounds like you are more upset about the large sum of money from your MIL than the age appropriateness of the gift. I would personally give your husband a bit of a break, he did try to contact you multiple times and then made a decision when he couldn't reach you. Maybe you guys need to sit down and make some family rules about accepting money from your MIL or just other family members in general. I personally agree with you that an Xbox is not appropriate for a 5 year old, we don't plan on ever having a gaming console in our home. Not that we think there's anything inherently wrong with it but because we are not gamers and it's just not something we would ever consider purchasing, even if we did, it wouldn't be before 5 years old. But like you said, you could just put it away for a couple of years until you are ready for it.

 

[misspriss]

Thanks guys. DH came home and we talked about it, and I do think I was overreacting a little bit about the gaming thing. Long store, aunt's grandchild (our LO's second cousin?) got HER first game, probably for her 4th birthday last month, and loves it. So Aunt thought it would be a great gift for DS. I see her reasoning on this.

He said his mom only offered the money, we didn't have to take it. I told him I'd rather not. If we were going to buy it, we were going to buy it. MIL and I have had a lot of issues, I am probably overly sensitive to things from her, but I know she'd never take a repayment, although she will say she is just loaning it, then there is this sense that either we owe her or we are financially dependent on her, or something. I just don't like it.

It still seems to early for me for video games, but I think I may be in the minority thinking that. My other thought though is that my 3 year old will not let the 5 year old have anything she doesn't get, so it would be a huge struggle for him to have it without her. Him getting a booster seat has been a huge struggle (she gets in his seat every time she gets in the car). I guess that is something DH and I will have to talk about.

 

[Mannie89]

Thanks guys. DH came home and we talked about it, and I do think I was overreacting a little bit about the gaming thing. Long store, aunt's grandchild (our LO's second cousin?) got HER first game, probably for her 4th birthday last month, and loves it. So Aunt thought it would be a great gift for DS. I see her reasoning on this.

He said his mom only offered the money, we didn't have to take it. I told him I'd rather not. If we were going to buy it, we were going to buy it. MIL and I have had a lot of issues, I am probably overly sensitive to things from her, but I know she'd never take a repayment, although she will say she is just loaning it, then there is this sense that either we owe her or we are financially dependent on her, or something. I just don't like it.

It still seems to early for me for video games, but I think I may be in the minority thinking that. My other thought though is that my 3 year old will not let the 5 year old have anything she doesn't get, so it would be a huge struggle for him to have it without her. Him getting a booster seat has been a huge struggle (she gets in his seat every time she gets in the car). I guess that is something DH and I will have to talk about.

My youngest son(3yrs) is the same way about anything my oldest son(8yrs) does or has.... has to do it, play with it, eat it, etc. too!! There is a 4.5yr age gap between them so there is a lot that my older son can do that isn't age appropriate for my youngest son. My oldest is allowed to play Mario and Donkey Kong and such but I don't want my 3 year old playing for real yet.... so we give him his own (disconnected)controller to play with while his brother is really playing. This has been a life saver when it comes to the video game/ little sibling issue in my household!

 

[george83]

I also don’t like my boys playing their play station but have accepted it is what their dad wants and he has as much say as I do so I let it go. I do try to get them to keep under control the amount of time they play for though whereas their dad wouldn’t even consider this. Perhaps you could put in place set rules for days and times

 

[misspriss]

I also don’t like my boys playing their play station but have accepted it is what their dad wants and he has as much say as I do so I let it go. I do try to get them to keep under control the amount of time they play for though whereas their dad wouldn’t even consider this. Perhaps you could put in place set rules for days and times

Thanks. I just think 7-8 would be a more appropriate age, that 5 seems young He can't even read yet. I think his reading comprehension and stuff should be better, most games have on screen instructions. He needs to be able to tell time to respect time limits. He will learn all these within the next year, and will have a better grasp and comprehension at 7 or 8. That is my view. I don't mind them playing games and I know it's a big part of DH's life, so I want them to be able to share it, but I think it would be better when they are older.

Perhaps in the earlier future he can play, with DH only, on weekends only, etc - but I am not sure I'm even ready for that, because DD isn't old enough, and I don't want to cause discord between the kids. On the other hand, she will have to understand somehow that they are different ages. She has not handled him moving into a booster seat well either.

 

[babycrazy1706]

I also don't agree with young kids playing video games. We are no where near to starting that yet but I don't judge others. I just wanted to point out you are not the only one.

Hope you sort something out

 

[AngelUK]

My boys play the lego games on their daddy's xbox and they can play it both at the same time or one with daddy. They love that aspect of it and for that reason I am ok with it too. I would not like it if it was a isolated activity. I do limit their time on it however and watch out that they get plenty time of outdoors time too.

 

[bdb84]

Perhaps in the earlier future he can play, with DH only, on weekends only, etc - but I am not sure I'm even ready for that, because DD isn't old enough, and I don't want to cause discord between the kids. On the other hand, she will have to understand somehow that they are different ages. She has not handled him moving into a booster seat well either.

If you are not ready for your son to play video games that is most definitely your prerogative. My kids play games but I am very strict regarding time limits and when they can play. For example, during the school week my oldest child (12) can only play from 8-9PM. His younger sisters go to bed at 8PM and, since he's 4 years older, he has an hour later bedtime. He's earned that because he is older.

Which brings me to my next point- I'd walk a fine line when it comes to not allowing your son to do x (insert activity) simply because your daughter isn't old enough. I highly believe in teaching children that life isn't always fair, and that certain privileges become attainable at certain ages/milestones.

Aside from my fact that DS has an hour later bedtime this year, he's also allowed to go to the movies with a big group of friends, while his 8 year old sister isn't just yet. Yes, she absolutely gets mad and will throw a fit over it because "it isn't fair", but when DS was 8 he also wasn't allowed that privilege, either.

 

[misspriss]

Which brings me to my next point- I'd walk a fine line when it comes to not allowing your son to do x (insert activity) simply because your daughter isn't old enough. I highly believe in teaching children that life isn't always fair, and that certain privileges become attainable at certain ages/milestones.

Aside from my fact that DS has an hour later bedtime this year, he's also allowed to go to the movies with a big group of friends, while his 8 year old sister isn't just yet. Yes, she absolutely gets mad and will throw a fit over it because "it isn't fair", but when DS was 8 he also wasn't allowed that privilege, either.

Oh I totally agree, but I am also keenly aware of which privileges are worth it and which aren't. I don't think he's old enough for games, full stop. But when he does become old enough, she still will not be. That won't change, that will just happen later.

 

[minties]

We are a house of gamers, even Emma knows how to do a few hits with a sword in Dark Souls. My son can create levels in little big planet and has learnt a fair bit about logic through it - and, or switches etc. We all love gaming. Gaming helped my son learn to read (ASD and ADHD) as he hates story books.

Everyone's different though!

We play games together which we've all found fun. Thomas and I have an amazing minecraft world we've worked on over the last year.

 

[BabyGirl999]

I also think 5 is far young to start playing video games, but this is just my opinion. There are studies out there showing how harmful they are and I plan to put it off for as long as I can, although my 7 year old is starting to moan for an x box!