What would you do?

[curiousowl]

I'm really torn about this. We've been WTT for a variety of reasons. Partly financial (I'm planning to be a SAHM for a couple years and would like to work for 1 more year but am currently job hunting due to just having moved) but largely because my DH just wasn't ready. Well, as a present he bought me a pregnancy book and wrote inside that he was ready whenever I was. Which is super exciting! But now I'm confused.

We currently live a 6 hour plane flight from both mine and DH's family. That's not going to change in the next couple years. I know my mom would want to come out for as long as she could after the birth but she's a teacher so she doesn't really get vacation time. I talked to her about it and basically, if I gave birth over the summer she could come for a month or 2. If it's during the school year she can use her sick time and unpaid time but might only be able to come for a couple of weeks.

That's the difference between TTC probably in spring 2014 or waiting until late summer/fall and then hoping I conceive immediately to be due in June. I am planning to go off the pill soon regardless. If we decide to wait I would start tracking my cycles, etc to make sure I was ovulating and had the best chances of conceiving to be due in June. I know it's not that much longer to wait but then what if I don't conceive immediately and miss the summer due date window anyways? I'm also going to be 30 by then so while it's not a huge deal I'm not getting any younger.

I just don't know what to do. I desperately want a baby but I'm also scared of doing this with no family nearby. If I knew my mom could come for 2 months that would at least help a little. What would you ladies do? For those of you who have already had a baby how much would a few extra weeks of help matter?

 

[Reidfidleir]

I would start when you feel ready. Like in the spring. It could take a few months. Or not. My parents live 5 hours away by airplane and my husbands parents a 4 hour car drive away. His parents came out a couple weeks after the birth for a week or so Nd it helped. My parents came out a month after he was born (when he was supposed to arrive) and it was even better because I was suffering from mastitis and it was better to have their help then than right after. They stayed a couple weeks and it was nice. Just long enough but not too long. (Then again we had hardly any room where we lived. (A 700 sq ft loft)).
Babies come when they come! Let it happen naturally.
I think you should start!!

 

[Yo_Yo]

My family are far away too, but it hasn't stopped me.
The first few weeks with a newborn can be daunting, but you get the hang of it pretty fast.
It's really what you prefer-to wait and have that support from your mother, or go for it with just you and your OH.

 

[curiousowl]

Thanks ladies. I really do appreciate the encouragement and sharing your stories. It makes me feel a little better!

I also just did the math and if we conceived immediately in the early spring when I was planning to go off the pill (which my Dr did warn me is completely possible) then I'd be due mid-December. Which would be fine except we've missed Xmas with DH's huge extended family the last 2 years and I know we need to be able to fly home for it next year, whether it's with me pregnant or with a baby... So I guess my options (if I'm not waiting until late summer/early fall) are either start next month or wait a couple extra months until late spring. What to do?! I'm driving myself mad here!

 

[MamaByrd]

The way our life is panning out, we may be no where near my family (or even his!) when we start a family. It's honestly just something we've learned we need to accept. We'll be our own little family

I'm sure it'll be hard.. but you have your OH & us here at BnB of course!

 

[lozzy21]

There is no way I could have my mother stay that long. I'm lucky in that she's just round the corner so it's not an issue but living with her would drive me crazy. A few weeks is fine but after a few weeks you start wanting to get yourself in a routine with everything and you can't do that with someone else around. Even 3years down the line it bugs me when OH has an unexpected day off during the week and messes with what we normally do. Then there is the wanting to do it your way. The support can be great but some mothers don't know when to draw the line and not take over.

 

[MamaByrd]

I'm with PP. There is no way I could spend more than a weekend with my mother!

 

[katherinegrey]

In the beginning the help was great, but like pp has said, you probably won't want two solid months of company anyway, you'll probably want to be your own little family after the first couple of tough weeks so you can all bond and adjust to this new little person. I wouldn't worry to much about when you'd be due though, I was ttc 9 months (I know it isn't that long, but it felt like forever!) and by the time I conceived I was just so grateful I didn't care much

 

[curiousowl]

I so appreciate the reality check here, thanks gals!

My mom and I are super close and tend to work off of each other really nicely so that's the only reason I'm tempted to wait. My friend who just had a baby last month let her mom come visit for 3 weeks but insisted she stay elsewhere, lol. DH is with you all too though, he says he'll do whatever I want but having someone else in our space for that long isn't appealing to him. I just never envisioned raising a child without my parents nearby so I think it's just hard coming to terms with that.

I'm sure it'll be hard.. but you have your OH & us here at BnB of course!

Aw, thanks!

I wouldn't worry to much about when you'd be due though, I was ttc 9 months (I know it isn't that long, but it felt like forever!) and by the time I conceived I was just so grateful I didn't care much

It drives me crazy that, as the over-planner I am, I can't exactly pick when to have a baby! So frustrating. Glad you didn't have to wait any longer! That's part of the reason I'm really tempted to start sooner rather than later. You never know how long it can take.

 

[Reidfidleir]

They say that ttc number one usually takes longer than subsequent pregnancies but that's not always the case.