What's the dumbest/most offensive thing someone's said to you about TTC?

[3Doglover]

This story isn't about TTC, but it's got to be one of the most insensitive things I have ever heard!!! It wasn't said to me but to my mother in law.

My MIL had a son, Kevin, and then 11 months later had a "surprise", which is my husband Tyler. Kevin was diagnosed with a childhood cancer at the age of 3 (neuroblastoma). Now, DH's family is very religious and believe a lot in their faith and about praying for healing, but Kevin was also recieving a lot of medical treatments for the cancer (they used the church and praying more as support, they aren't radicals that won't get medical attention to help their children). Anyways, long story short, they were very involved with this church and the people there. Sadly, Kevin passed away at 6 yrs old from the cancer. My MIL told me that one of the people had the audacity to come up to her at church after Kevin had died and told her "the reason your little boy got sick and died was because there is sin in your house". She said she never went back to that church again after that. I can't believe some one would do that!! I told her I would have punched that person in the face and FREAKED OUT!!!!

 

[momto2grls]

I HATE "If you were meant to be a mother, God would have made it happen by now."

I seriously can't believe that someone has said this to you. I am quite certain that that person or persons would meet my fist in their face if I was on the receiving end of that comment. And I am not a violent person.

Bah! My blood pressure is seriously rising right now at this entire forum.

 

[momto2grls]

Some people are soo rude!!!

This wasnt said to me but everytime I hear it on the advert it aggravates me its a clip from that new Kardashian show Khloe and Lamar and she turns round to her friend and says 'It has to be easy to get pregnant otherwise how are we all here?'

Oh my gosh, I saw that episode just recently! I like the show but those girls can seriously say some crazy things sometimes!

 

[nevernormal]

This story isn't about TTC, but it's got to be one of the most insensitive things I have ever heard!!! It wasn't said to me but to my mother in law.

My MIL had a son, Kevin, and then 11 months later had a "surprise", which is my husband Tyler. Kevin was diagnosed with a childhood cancer at the age of 3 (neuroblastoma). Now, DH's family is very religious and believe a lot in their faith and about praying for healing, but Kevin was also recieving a lot of medical treatments for the cancer (they used the church and praying more as support, they aren't radicals that won't get medical attention to help their children). Anyways, long story short, they were very involved with this church and the people there. Sadly, Kevin passed away at 6 yrs old from the cancer. My MIL told me that one of the people had the audacity to come up to her at church after Kevin had died and told her "the reason your little boy got sick and died was because there is sin in your house". She said she never went back to that church again after that. I can't believe some one would do that!! I told her I would have punched that person in the face and FREAKED OUT!!!!

That happened to my best friends parents. They are German, but the husband was originally from somewhere in Africa, so they are a racially mixed family. Their first child died as a baby, and people in churches were telling them it was God punishing them for being a racially mixed couple! Arrgh! Thankfully God wasn't listening to those people, and blessed them with 4 other beautiful children.


I haven't had anything super offensive said to me. Of course there's all the "ok when are you guys going to have a baby?" questions, but I just tell people I can't have kids and it shuts them up. lol.

Some of my co-workers though say things about they don't understand why people want kids, or stuff like "you shouldn't be allowed to have kids until you're at least 27, and no older than 35". All of them have kids -- one has 2 oops babies, another has 1 oops baby, and the other married a woman with 3 children.

Also, I have a friend who got married 2 weeks before I did. Her and her DH conceived like 11 months after getting married or so, and they'd been trying for about 7 months. She was telling me one day that she used some app on her phone to tell her when she was most fertile, and that I should try something like that. I said no, and explained it wouldn't work with my highly irregular cycles. She didn't believe me! Even after I explained the biology of it, she's like, "no my phone is right, look I'm pregnant now." I wanted to say "Oh yes, that's what I need, a phone that can tell my body when to ovulate. Why didn't I think of that?" And this girl is studying to be a nurse!

 

[fraisefatale]

The worst person for me is hubby's best friend's wife. She has two small kids and a new baby...my baby was supposed to be born at the same time as hers, but I had a MC (the timing = not my choice!).

She is always saying "wait until you have kids!" "when you have kids!" "when you have a baby, I'll buy you..." The worst part is that she knows about the MC.

If/when the next one happens, I'm not telling anyone until I'm super big. It's like Satre said "hell is other people."

Hugs to all of you -- I feel your pain and you are not alone!!

 

[lisabutterfly]

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[Yammas]

^^ That song is beatuiful it made my eyes water to listen to, although I was shocked by some of the statistics they showed 1 in 10 infertile couples sounds a lot!!!

Also I get the we're too young comments the worst I had was OH's mum and Nan took great pleasure in launching into a 10 minute rant at us after OH mentioned the POSSIBILITY of us CONSIDERING having children (after I told him not to)

Personally I think if you are in a decent situation theres no harm in trying because as some of the LTTCers have shown you dont always get pregnant straight away we've been NTNP since the start of this year and apart from a suspected chemical I've not even got close o a bfp so if I'm still here when im 25 and still TTC then at least I can say that we tried instead of wishing wed tried earlier

 

[Skoer1360]

I've had a couple insesitive things said to me (and one recently)

A couple months ago..maybe towards the beginning of the year my mother's father (I refuse to call him gpa cuz he was MIA until I was 16) told me that kids are more trouble than they're worth and that we would be happier with a dog because they live shorter and cost less. I was like 'uhh wtf I'm your biological grand daughter you ass'

And I've just had some upsetting news (you can stalk my journal if you like-its in my siggy) and I LOATH the phrase 'itll happen when its the right time' excuse me but I didn't start ttc so I can have a baby in 3 years, if I did then I would start 3 years from now!

I've also had lots of the 'you're young, stay a couple for as long as possible because once you have kids it all goes down the drain' pardon, but we've been legally married for 5 months yes, but we've been living together for four years so we've done the couple thing, and you know what's a couple thing to do, have a baby!

Jackasses.

 

[Gitlost80]

I think people in general cant relate to someone who is having trouble TTC,unless they themselves have experienced it. They can say all the wrong things,sometimes even if they think they are helping. I would just take it with a grain of salt(or punch them if necessary).People are kinda dumb sometimes and dont think before they talk. No one knows how hard your TTC journey can be.People take having babies for granted all day every day.I see tragic stories on the news every of women trying to "get rid"of their babies. People will always suck, but not all of them. Think about all the people who support you and make you smile.Try not to let the dumb ones get to you!I went through a tragic loss last year and I was so fragile and emotional.I found myself lashing out at friends who I thought were saying things that I determined to be insensitive.Looking back now,I realized that some of the time they were just trying to make me feel better and theres nothing anyone could have said to make me feel better. I also think that some times jealousy can lead to a stupid comment. Dont let those people get to you and keep on with your journey! Good Luck to all of you.

 

[manduh726]

I just text a friend telling her I was bleeding and got a negative test after my positive and she has the nerve to say, "You can always adopt."

What the heck. I listened to her whine about not being able to conceive for 2 years and now she has 2 boys. She knows what I am going through. She should be glad she lives 2 states away. If I could reach in through my cell phone and slap her I would.

 

[tigerlilly]

On the subject of in laws...

DH and i have been TTC for over a year and told his family ( mum, dad, brother and SIL) back in sept 2010.

1./ When SIL & BIL annouced they were pg in june/july 2011, DH's brother asked if he had his soliders tested as you might have issues because its taking us a while! Dh only told me this the other day and admitted how upset and insulted he felt.
Dh felt so angry because His brother weighs less than 8st and is 6ft tall, smokes, drinks and lives on chocolate, meat and potatos and hasn't eaten fruit or veg in 25 yrs. On the other hand DH has done as much as he can to improve his health for TTC, he eats a vegtarian based diet, exercise, quit smoking and drinking well over a year ago.

2./ On the evening of the big pg announcment dh's dad be it, drunk made the comment " At least one of you can get it right!" and yet it took his parents a year to concieve DH!!!

3./ We told my MIL 10 yrs ( i was nearly 29 at the time) ago we were thinking about starting a family and she was vile about it and almost wenr balistic, we were married and living togther for three years and said its upto you, so do what you want, yet my SIL is 29 and live with my in laws!?!? This one still has a sting in the tail!

4./ When the big annoucment was made MIL asked if we had any news? i said it's in the laps of the gods, we can't do anymore! If it happens it happens. she replied " i think thats the best attuded to have"

5./ We told her depending on my age when we concieve (i'm 38) we may have to stick with one : ( (this idea makes us sad) she said i thinks thats the best idea!!!!! her mum was still having children in her late approaching 50!

6./ None of them have even asked us if we are pg since their announcement not even when we have all been talking about babies! not once has MIL asked how we are doing or going through yet she told us all about SIL's woe's and how she doesn't think she'll have much time left to concieve, she was 29. Our SIL has admitted that the baby/timing was a mistake and they should have got their own place first!!!!! WTF this made us so angry.

The saddest thing is when we do get pg DH doesn't want his family to know. So we try to stay away from them as much as possible.

 

[happy9months]

My husband's aunts all tell me :

"It's not like if you want a kid you'd get one...Having a kid is a gift from God. If he thinks you're ready, you'll get it"