What's your planned parenting style?

[DramaFreeMama]

I was reading on another baby website that after 12 weeks, you should start talking to your oh or planning what your parenting styles will be.

Have any of you gave it any thought? After reading a couple baby books, i decided that i don't really fit a certain specific style.

I plan to breastfeed solely for the first 6 months and wear my child, but let baby sleep in its own crib and try the ferber sleeping method.

This is just my plan, i'm open to changing something if one thing i try doesn't work out. The only thing me and OH talked about was where the baby will sleep and surprisingly, he wanted to co-sleep. I thought he would be really against it, but we will have to talk more about it.

What is your planned parenting style? What techniques or methods are most important to you? And do you and your OH agree??

I'm interested to hear on all the different ideas. I don't think any way is right or wrong, just different. So feel free to share

 

[Sophist]

Ooh good question! I bet this will be a great discussion.

Since this is my third baby we've worked out a lot of the kinks I think, and I also for see being more laid back than I was 6 years ago when I had my daughter! It's been awhile since we've parented an infant, so I've been thinking a lot about what we did before and whether I think we should change anything.

We just did what felt "right" to us, and what followed with our background in psychology. (DH is in educational psych, I'm more on the developmental end, but we've both taught community ed & college courses on parenting, communication skills, etc.) I can't recall any major parenting disagreements, but we tend to talk things out until we agree so I think its more of an evolution of ideas until we find something that works well for both of us.

For behavior, which really doesn't apply until baby is a toddler and older, we maintain a 12 (or greater) to 1 ratio of positive reinforcement to punishment, and we don't use physical force, neither of us are yellers, and we lean toward natural consequences for actions when possible.

We feed on demand at first, but I've found that a (somewhat flexible) feeding schedule after about 4 months helps baby sleep better, which keeps mommy happier and more sane, therefore better mommy. I am planning to breastfeed, so a demand schedule may need to last longer in an EBF baby. (We weren't able to BF as long as we wanted with my other kids.)

We did co sleep with our kids, but not a lot as infants, more as toddlers. We had baby in our room, near our bed when they were tiny. We are planning to do the same this time.

Picking up baby when s/he cries is pretty much instinctual for us-but again for the best behavior outcomes we find that an older baby/toddler needs to be reinforced for desired behaviors, and not reinforced for crying (unless of course something is really wrong).

I really like the idea of baby wearing, but my kids hated it. They were really active and wanted to be able to physically explore their world. We will try again with this one and see what happens.

I did cloth diapering with my daughter, and didn't love it but I'm trying again this time with what seems to be a more user friendly system. We do vaccinate, but there are some vaccines we do not combine with others and we have worked out a slightly modified schedule with our pediatrician. (My daughter had a vax reaction that prompted this.)

 

[lozzy21]

This is some thing you dont hear a lot of in the uk.

Im going to use my common sence. If baby is hungry it will be fed. It will be sleeping in a crib/cot next to my bed for at least 6 months. Once old enough it will be getting put down for naps, awake in its cot. Unless it is pooly baby wont be getting cuddled to sleep. If baby crys it will be getting picked up but it wont get picked up at the slightest winge.

 

[vicwick]

Good thead! We will be doin things similarly to how we did and do with our 1st son, breastfeed until self weaned, I'm still nursing alfie once a day, babywearing, cosleeping, cloth diapering. Not leaving baby to cry and lots of cuddles, we don't believe in the tough love method and crying it out however baby likes to go to sleep if it be nursed, rocked, cuddled so be it. We got a lot of "making a rod for your own back" comments with alfie but he sleeps brilliantly, is a happy little man and is loved no end so what we're doin is certainly right for us.
This is the complete opposite to what I thought I was going to be doing before alfie came along as i was all set with the baby routines etc lol its amazing how the maternal instinct takes over!

 

[PinkEmily]

I don't think myself and OH actually have a parenting style sorted, i think we will just see how we react to being first time parents and just allow ourselves to be flexible to LOs needs

 

[goddess25]

I have no set style i just like to go with the flow and let things happen for themselves. I fed on demand, did alot of baby wearing for convenience until he was too heavy and tbh Euan never really liked it, he was in a bassinet at our bedside till he was about 6 months then he went into his own room... he was in the bassinet most nights but on occasions we co slept, and pretty much did what felt right, natural and comfortable.

I don't really agree on all these parenting options.. i think just go with what feels right for you and it will all work out. I guess I am pretty chilled out but i suppose it works.. i have a very happy, healthy, sociable, cuddly, fairly independent little 18 month old boy on my hands. I will be changing a few things with this baby as with the first a lot of things were trial and error until i found what i was happy with.

 

[pinkneon]

This is a tough one. As FOB is no longer around I have no one to discuss this with but I am planning on using cloth diapers and hopefully "wear" my baby if she will let me! I am still thinking about feeding. I know breast feeding is best but for some reason the idea freaks me out! Other than that I don't have a clue yet. I think a lot of it depends on where I will be living and things

 

[Dizzymum]

I'll just be going with the flow! I know people who have tried to stick to ridged routines, and follow specific methods, and they ended up giving up on it as it was too restricting.
My little one will sleep in the cot next to me for about 6 months. When she wakes I'll feed and change her, when she crys I'll cuddle her.

I believe 'mummy knows best'. I trust in my own instincts, and listen to my baby - that way I can't go wrong.

 

[whoops]

I'm planning to just go with the flow as well. I don't believe in routines for small babies - I'll feed on demand, definitely. I also don't believe you can spoil small babies, so there'll be lots of cuddles and I can't imagine that I'll be leaving him/her to cry.

As for nappies and breastfeeding and co-sleeping, it will depend on what works best for us. I'd like to try breastfeeding, but if formula suits us better, I'll switch. Same with cloth nappies and co-sleeping.

I'm getting a fair amount of advice, so I'll be sifting through it to find out what works best as well. I like the idea that there's no need to be quiet around babies during the day, so that they get used to noise. I also like the suggestion that you don't start playing with them/talking too much to them in the middle of the night when they wake up for a feed - you just feed them and put them back down. It will all just be a case of trial and error though, and I'm sure I'll make tons of mistakes before finding out what works and what doesn't.

 

[okciv]

I'm a tough love routine loving mum!
With my DD - I fed on demand until she was about 8 weeks (she was a big bay) then she went on 4 hourly feeds and was sleeping through at 10/11 weeks. We did dream feeds for while.
She has never once slept in our bed (shes 4 now)
She was left to CIO..... You do learn the difference between a hungry cry and a tired cry.
She was on solids earlier than she 'should have been' as she needed them!
We also didn't tip toe around during the day, we made normal noise so she would learn the difference between day and night

I think if you do what feels right for you then you can't go wrong.

I am not planning to do anything different this time around except keep an open mind!

 

[mumtobeplus1]

Ill just go with the flow like i did with my daughter, demand fed and slept
when she needed it, not at specific times. x

 

[milamummy]

TBh hadnt really thought about a particular parenting style as such..Plan to breastfeed if I can for as long as I can, LO will be in her own cot in her own room right next door to us from day 1 and I would like to wear her if she will let me.Love the comments about keeping the noise level normal during the day and nothing more than changing and other nessesary things in the middle of the night. Me and dh have agreed on a basic structure and then we are gonna see how it goes when LO gets here. I have a feeling that any well laid plans might fly out of the window once she arrives

 

[mumtobeplus1]

Yep noise level normal, still hoover ect when bubs is sleeping so they get
used to sleeping through noise and dont wake up at the slighest thing.
Keeping lights dimmed for night feeds and only change if needed. x

 

[Natsku]

I want to breastfeed (though I'm scared it'll hurt, I'm such a wuss) and use cloth nappies (though mainly for the cost reason, although the environmental reasoning does play a part). Didn't consider co-sleeping til my OH suggested it so might give it a try if he stops drinking by then, otherwise then the baby will sleep in our room still, just next to the bed. I doubt I'll try and make routines for the baby, never had routines when I was a baby.
Want the baby to sleep outside in the fresh air as much as possible, and definitely keep normal noise levels while baby is napping.

 

[snagglepat]

With our first we started out being determined to be attachment parenting types with the odd modification - so for example we co-slept but also had a cot that was the same height as our mattress with a side removed so it was really a bed extension. This gave us all more space but allowed us to sleep next to each other/have physical contact still, and worked great when she got a bit older as we gradually reintroduced the missing side, moved her further away etc until we moved the whole cot into her own room when she was about 15 months. We exclusively breastfed till 6 months, on demand throughout, she self weaned when she was 30 months and we wore her a lot. We also did baby-led weaning once she reached six months. We did use other methods to help with sleep training as she got a bit older though - mainly the pick-up, put-down method followed by gradual withdrawal. And now she's older we use the time-out method of discipline with no physical punishments, but we will withdraw privileges if she misbehaves.

There's bee a real process of adaptation as time went on and as we learned what methods really worked for us and for her. It was helpful to have read books on other parenting styles as it meant we had ideas of things to try ready for when whatever we were doing wasn't working. I imagine we'll do something similar this time, but will probably move baby into their own room earlier and possibly be a little less earth-mother-like. If anything I think I'll wear this baby more simply to keep him/her out of reach of a curious, mischievous three year old more easily!

Good thread!

Gina. x

 

[Babydreams321]

Ive never heard the term "wearing the baby" before - pls can someone explain????!! sorry!!!

As for me - i would like baby in own room by the time OH is back to work off of paternity leave...plus more sleep for me = happier mummy = happier child!!!!!!!!

I would like to breast feed, certainly until im back at work next August ( so when baby is 9 months old ) although obviously have all the bottles etc incase i cant physically do so for whatever reason..

I would like to start a bedtime routine from abuot two weeks old - bath, storytime, feed & bed from 6/7ish to establish a bedtime routine early on.

we have discussed manners etc - me & OH both are keen that our child sits at table with us from a young age & realises they cany leave the table until everyone has finshed etc etc...this conversation was prompted by out 5 yr old neice eating with her mouth open ,getting up to play half way through dinner & starting eating before everyone else was seated!!! Thankfully both me & OH agree that we both thought this rude & something we just wouldnt put up with....xx

 

[Ang3l]

I don't have any parenting style. We are just going to see how it goes and do what comes natural to us with a bit of common sense. This will be our 1st baby so I don't really have an idea what it will be like.

 

[Sophist]

We also didn't tip toe around during the day, we made normal noise so she would learn the difference between day and night

This here too! I taught piano lessons when my kids were tiny...My babies could sleep through anything!

Ive never heard the term "wearing the baby" before - pls can someone explain????!! sorry!!!

Baby wearing is carrying the baby in a sling or carrier for most of the day.

 

[Babydreams321]

Thanks sophist!! whats the benefit of this???? surely itd make them more clingy??x

 

[Love3Hope4]

Forgive me!! As a mama who is pregnant for the fourth time...what is "wear my baby"? I think I have an idea but I'm not to sure!!