When does "motherhood" start?

[everdreaming]

Odd Q, but my mum says I won't get a mothers day card (UK mothers day date means i'll be 38 weeks preg) unless baby is born as I'm not a mother until she's born. Opinion? I disagree. She says Motherhood starts with a living out of womb baby. But what about mothers of still borns? Or miscarriage?

I was only politely pointing out when we were discussing plans for her own mother that I don't have a partner to make the sweet gesture of getting me a card and gift on bump's behalf in the hopes she would take the polite hint and do it for me like I've done in the past for friends

 

[x__amour]

From conception, IMO. No matter what the outcome, they're always your child(ren) and you're always their mother.

 

[LoveCakes]

From the moment you find out for me

 

[Jes.shortcake]

For me it was from the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test. That's why we eat healthy, take prenatals, etc when pregnant...bc we're their mothers and we want to nurture and protect them. I got Mother's Days cards when I was pregnant and I've given them to people when pregnant.

 

[modified]

I agree with others that it's essentially from conception.

... but then I'd find it very weird of my husband to come home with a mothers day card before baby is here! Plus, it's more special to have those firsts once baby is here.

 

[mara16jade]

I don't know. I feel like a mom already. But I don't think I am one yet since I'm not physically caring for him. Right now he's just going along for the ride in my tummy. lol I don't know! That's a hard question!

 

[Sinclair]

Agree with everyone, starts at conception for me as well. Lovey and I lost our daughter in 2007, however since then we still say "Happy Mother's Day" or "Happy Father's Day" to each other, we've even gotten gestures from other people/co-workers as well.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

They make 'Mother to be' cards too for Mother's Day..I've gotten one

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Conception..and for many women, even before. When we find out we're pregnant, we make decisions to care for our bodies better, eat healthier, exercise, see our midwives or doctors on a regular basis, take prenatal vitamins, stop drinking or smoking...ALL FOR THE BENEFIT AND HEALTH OF OUR GROWING BABIES. THAT is a Mom. A mom cares for her children and sacrifices herself, and that's exactly what we do through pregnancy to bring a healthy baby.

And Mommies of Angels are still Mommies. I have two angels that I carried for only 6 weeks. They would both be 6 this year. Just because I can't physically hug them and raise them doesn't mean I love them any less, or that I'm any less their Mom. I miss them every day, and wonder what they would be like if they were still here.

You're a Mom, hun.

 

[RaspberryK]

Motherhood starts from conception and you never stop being a mother regardless of the circumstances.
I wouldn't be expecting a card before baby was born though.
Xx

 

[AC1987]

from conception

That said my DH did nothing for me on Mothers Day when I was pregnant with DD, nor did he do anything for me when my DD was a baby on Mothers day

 

[Kate7590]

Maybe Im the only one who thinks this way, but IMO you become a mother when you have the baby…. Id think it was very odd if someone referred to me as a mum before I had a baby.

 

[deafgal]

I disagree. If a mom can weep over a stillborn, it doesn't make her less of a mother than a mom who delivered hearthy alive baby. I can not imagine not referring a woman a mother just because she does not have her child in her arms yet.especially the ones who had to bury their child. I do not mean to bring stillborn into the picture but i have met a few who lost their child and never had children. I still call them their mom. This is, when there is a child, there is a mom.

 

[BigAl]

Tough question that brings in a moral debate.

Personally I didn't consider myself a mother after an early miscarriage, but I definitely would if I'd have had a stillbirth.
But then I get stuck with late (past 12w) miscarriage.

 

[Celesse]

DD was conceived and we found out just before Father's day. But I didn't get OH a card then, and he didn't want one as it was early first tri and chances of miscarriage still at the high stage. She was born just before mothers day so I got a card.

I think it all comes down to when an individual couple feel that pregnancy is a person. I personally don't like to think of a pregnancy as being a baby until I've seen the heartbeat- I don't want to get attached to something that might not grow. But others don't share that attitude and see it as a baby straight away.

 

[LoveMyBaby786]

As soon as I see those 2 lines!
With ds my hubby wasnt here so my sister got me a card when I was pregnant on mothers day

 

[everdreaming]

thank you so much for all your replies. It's really interesting to hear different opinions from both first time mums and those who already have kids!

I think really this is one of those things where there is no "right" or "wrong" answer; it's an individual feeling and everyone relates differently.

 

[Loui1001]

For me it begins at conception too. During pregnancy you do everything you can to protect and nourish your baby, my job as a mum started the second I got a BFP

 

[Ckelley]

I felt like a mom when I could feel my daughter move. It was more real for me and I started to develop a relationship with her. I would pat her bottom in utero (She always shoved it under my ribs and it stuck way out) to sooth her. It still works.

My daughter was born the end of January, she was 3 weeks when she had her first Valentines Day. I got her a card, because I'm sentimental and that's just what I do. I signed it "M" because I felt so WEIRD calling myself "Mom."

It's like when you get married and you say "husband" for the first few times. The label is odd, but it does not change how you feel.

If you do not get a Mothers Day card, consider buying one for your baby and writing him/her a note explaining why this card spoke to you, how being a mom makes you feel, and how these words helped to capture the kind of mom you aspire to be for your little one. This day is to celebrate the greatest bond that you will ever have with anyone, you have the right to celebrate that as well.

 

[Pearls18]

I'm going to go against the grain and say after baby is born, you're definitely not the same after conception but for me I didn't feel like a proper mum until baby is born, it genuinely didn't occur to me to think Mother's Day was for me also when I was pregnant, my first Mother's Day was very special but wouldn't have been the same without LO there. But it's subjective of course.