When to tell people?

[angelbride]

Hi everyone,

This is my first pregnancy, and I'm so so excited. But I don't know when to tell people! For now, my husband and I are enjoying having the secret. We definitely won't tell anyone until after 12 weeks. But should we wait until after the 20-week scan? My husband has a 7yo from another marriage, and it would just be awful to tell her that we're pregnant, and then have something go wrong at 20 weeks. But won't I be showing by then anyway??

I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts on this!

 

[maryanne1987]

Tell people when you feel ready! Women are conditioned to think they can't share their news untill 12 weeks, personally I share when I feel ready. I get big quickly so would be impossible for me to hide till 20 weeks anyway. Just do what's best for you and your family. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

 

[angelbride]

Thank you!

I'm definitely not going to tell anyone until 12 weeks. I'm really relishing having this secret with him, and I'm not at all comfortable telling most people before then. I'm thinking if the scan and genetic tests go well, I'll call and tell family around 12 weeks, plus whatever friends I happen to see. But my husband wants to do like a big FB post...I could totally live without that, but he really wants to. I think I'm going to make him wait for 20 weeks for that!

 

[maryanne1987]

Thank you!

I'm definitely not going to tell anyone until 12 weeks. I'm really relishing having this secret with him, and I'm not at all comfortable telling most people before then. I'm thinking if the scan and genetic tests go well, I'll call and tell family around 12 weeks, plus whatever friends I happen to see. But my husband wants to do like a big FB post...I could totally live without that, but he really wants to. I think I'm going to make him wait for 20 weeks for that!

I'm totally with you on the facebook thing! I'm in no rush to announce it there. Mind you I share very little about my life on there anyway. Long as the people important to me know then that all I care about

 

[ser523]

You can definitely wait until you're comfortable to share your pregnancy! Some women like to share their news right away and other feel more comfortable waiting.

Personally, we're telling close family and friends this week, since we've had our first prenatal appointment earlier this week. We're thinking of doing our public announcement for Mother's Day, as I'll be right around 12 weeks then.

 

[Isme]

I've been wondering the same thing. So far just my DH and a few close friends know. Well, and my 13-year-old because she's a snoop and we were also sort of synched up with our cycles... so she noticed that my AF hadn't come. LOL

I don't want a lot of people to know yet because I'm still so afraid of something happening. As far as Facebook goes, I'm still debating on when I will announce there. I'm not super active with posting about our life anyway... and I think it would be kinda funny to suddenly start posting family photos with this extra baby when the time comes. Hehe.

The person I'm most concerned about telling is my 7-year-old. She has wanted a little sibling forever. We had a bonus baby (foster daughter of sorts) and she adored her. It made her (and the rest of us) so sad when the baby left. I want to be able to share this with her and enjoy her excitement, but I'm terrified of telling her too early and having her go through the loss with me.

All that to say, I completely understand your concerns. Especially about your young step daughter. I wish I had the perfect answer, but I just don't think there is one. :-/

 

[KatO79]

I think many people choose to tell close family and friends fairly early on and then tell everyone else around 12 weeks. I think many choose 12 weeks because your risk of mc is all the way down to 1% at that point. I went through IVF to get pregnant so my in-laws and toxic mother were told right away when we got our positive beta. Went to my NT scan yesterday and all was well with baby even measuring 3 days ahead so we'll be telling the rest of DH's family and our friends within the next week.

I would think by 20 weeks you're probably showing so might want to tell before then. Also I wouldn't worry too much about mc risks from 12 weeks and after. It's so low that you can just as well tell them at 12 weeks as you can at 20 weeks since I think the mc risk is about the same.

Also I don't think it's possible to completely protect children from sad things. They're going to experience sad stuff no matter how hard you try to protect them. I actually think being over protective is unhealthy for children. I'd just tell her as well at 12 weeks, the risk of you having an mc and making her sad are as said so incredibly low.

 

[vaniilla]

It's a personal thing, don't feel you have to tell anyone before you're ready! We told immediate family at 12 weeks after our scan and we told everyone else after our 20 week scan (partly because we wanted to keep it private for longer but also because we wanted to skip all of the boy/girl questions!).

 

[Laurenmomma]

It's a personal thing! With my 1st I announced around 11 weeks, 2nd it was around 15 weeks then with my third I didn't announce until 33 weeks as the heavy cardigans in summer were getting funny looks! Iv never had any congratulations it's always been oh dear so me and oh are tempted to not even tell anyone (except my work) until the end haha x

 

[Biotechick829]

We wait to tell family and close friends until we get the clear from genetic testing, which is now around 10w since we do the Panorama blood test instead of the traditional NT scan at 12w. DH doesn't ever want to post on FB until after the 18w u/s for some reason.

 

[Jessicahide]

Its a personal thing, but with my little one we kept it a secret as long as we could because if felt more special, but i didn't do a fb announcement until after he was born as i was conscious of some of my friends having fertility issues so i just kept it to people i see and speak to most days xxx

 

[LDC]

I agree with the other ladies, it's completely up to you when you feel comfortable in telling people.

We told my in laws and my dad a couple of weeks after we found out for every pregnancy as they were the people closest to us and I knew no matter what happened they would help and support us.

I don't ever put anything on social media until after I've had the baby, only because I like to tell people face to face and I'm aware that people on my friends list have had losses/struggle to conceive, and having been there it's utterly crap seeing lots of pregnancy things even when you just want to be happy for people.

With my first I told people after the 12 week scan, with this pregnancy I didn't tell people until after my 20 week due to complications leading to the loss of my son. I didn't want to have to explain myself to millions of people and we also didn't tell my dd about the pregnancy this time until after the 20 week due to having to explain to her last time that there would be no baby.

I don't regret the way we've ever done things though; you never know what could happen and whereas this time it was a protection for my dd not to tell her, had we had a good history then I'd have told her again after the 12 week.

It's really hard to know!

Xx

 

[mom and ttc]

My mom would be hurt if i would hold out until 20 weeks. i will tell her after my first scan and the rest after 12-14 weeks

 

[schnoogles]

I work on a basis of so would I want to support me if things went wrong, so parents, our siblings and very closest friends get told before 12 weeks face to face. After the scan I will tell work and we will put it on Facebook. I'm useless at lying and don't like the attention of all the is she/isn't she gossip. Also, we are very happy so want to share this time. Everyone is different. I really couldn't have hidden it after 18 weeks as it was summer and I had a noticeable bump. We won't tell our 3 hear old or young nieces and nephews until 20 weeks as they won't understand and don't need to know. We will have a 3d scan around 28 weeks which we will take our son to to help him understand. My main issue is that I want my employer to hear it from me first and after the first scan. Do what makes you comfortable, and be aware that this may change a the pregnancy progresses and you feel more confident

 

[WhisperGirl]

This is my fifth and I always tell people when I feel ready. I've waited until 7 months before haha. My family live in a different country and I just thought that was time enough. It's entirely up to you, but 20 weeks wouldn't be considered too early no xx

 

[5Miracles]

With our 2, we told a very few close friends/family initially--and then once we got the genders told to us at the u/s (nope, I couldn't wait, LOL!) that was when we told the rest of our worlds, including FB. If we wind up with #3, methinks I will do the same, except I won't tell the gender since he or she will be the tie-breaker since we have one of each right now

 

[JleStar]

I will most likely tell most people after the viability and Nuchal scan. If all looks good including blood work then I would feel better telling others at that point. With my last pregnancy, we told immediate family really early who then stupidly told people (even though we asked them not to). The baby ended up having issues that resulted in me losing him at 27 weeks. We then had to go back and tell people about our loss. IT was rough.

I pray everything goes well this time around. Wishing you all happy healthy pregnancies!

 

[rose.]

I've told my son already as he has been asking for a brother/sister for ages. I've told him he has to keep it a secret and it's quite fun knowing that the 3 of us have a secret I think he's quite enjoying it the only person I could see him telling is my mum and it wouldn't be the end of the world if he did. We plan to start telling a few close family members after my first scan at 8 weeks and then once I've had the 12 week scan we will tell everyone else.