When to worry... NTNP 3+ years

[Sunshine32]

Hello!

Some brief background: I was on birth control briefly when my husband and I first met but BC does not agree with me very well so I went off shortly after and we started using condoms. About 4 years ago (the year of our wedding) we started using a kind of half-attempted withdrawal method, and for the last roughly 3ish years we've kind of just been letting nature take it's course. We've been somewhere between NTNP and TTC since then.

I don't chart, temp, regularly ovulation test, anything like that and honestly we would rather not right now. I have a cycle tracker app that I track my cycles with and that is about it. I have very regular and predictable periods, NEVER miss one. As we're pretty busy, I wouldn't say we're overly sexually active by any means but usually at least 1-2 a week and usually even more during estimated "fertile" period because it just seems to happen for some reason lol.

As time goes on, and no surprises have popped up, I think both of us are getting increasingly concerned that this may be something we're really going to have to work for in the future. We are 26, so we're not in a scramble at this point and neither one of us want to commit to completely diving in and doing the whole obsessive tracking, scheduling sex thing. But if we are going to have problems, we'd like to know so we can plan accordingly whether that means simply moving our timeline or beginning to save money for any necessary treatments or worst case scenario... potentially adoption (adoption is something we both want to do anyways so I wouldn't necessarily consider it worst case scenario, though we would love biological kids as well if possible.)

Family history wise, we have no reason to suspect that we would have fertility problems (my husband is one of 8 kids and I am one of 3 born all while my mother was on birth control). The only thing to consider is that about 4 years ago my husband did have orchitis which can occasionally, but not commonly, cause infertility.

When should we worry? How long is it "normal" to go without using protection and never getting pregnant?

Should I approach a doctor with this? Will they even discuss this with us if we haven't been actively trying for over a year?

Anyone with any experience or advice on this would be super helpful - thanks!

 

[BunInTheBelly]

I don't have any experience with this, but I'd say if you're having regular unprotected sex for more than a year the doc will at least talk to you. It's worth a conversation at this point!

 

[bkp16]

I definitely agree with BunInTheBelly! Even if you're not ready to start TTC now, a visit with your doctor sounds like it could be helpful for you.

 

[Miriam12]

I agree, normally after a year TTC they can start the fertility test, at least it's good to know where you're at

 

[Tk421]

I'm in the same boat as you except it's been nearly 4 years for us and while we haven't been really "trying," I've been trying harder than my husband realizes. My husband hates the idea of "trying." He thinks that it will just happen on it's own. I get it, he doesn't want to take the fun or spontaneity out of sex, but you do have to time things! So, I always track and try to time intercourse as best I can but nothing! I went to my dr last month because I started my period on CD 15 and my periods have been getting shorter and shorter. She didn't even examine me, just referred me to a specialist and put in the computer that we had been trying for 4 years so that insurance will pay for treatment. I had my exam a little over a week ago, and our consultation is two weeks from tomorrow. My husband dropped off a sample last week and I have to have another blood draw 2 days after I get my period. It feels weird that we are going to see a specialist when we're not really completely ready for kids (my husband is changing careers right now), but we just want to know if there is something we should be working on to get our bodies ready to have a baby. I'm turning 30 next year so I am really feeling anxious about starting a family.

 

[cutestuff]

Hi sunshine. You sound like I did. I've been with my husband for 14 years and we only used bc for the first 4 maybe and then it's just been withdraw and timing and luck that we never got preggers before we planned or wanted. It took a total of 10 cycles with 6 well timed ones to get our bfp. I didn't do any temping and only tried opks twice with the second cycle resulting in a bfp. I'm not sure if that was the sole factor because I had tried some fertility tea as well but I don't put a lot of stock in that. I think if you know for sure you've timed it right and he's stopped pulling out you should see a doc. If it's hit and miss then it could be timing and I would discuss with him going full ttc and see what happens. If within a few cycles of not pulling out you still haven't gotten a bfp then I would see a doc. I should have just for peace of mind but didn't have the financial recourses. FYI I was 31 when I delivered dd. It was a good thing I waited too cause I now can stay home whereas before she would have been in daycare or babysat all the time. Good luck

 

[Sunshine32]

Hi again all!

Sorry for not responding - I think I forgot I posted this after a couple weeks and didn't check back for new responses.

To clarify to the most recent response, yes, I don't think we've used withdrawal method in years but I'm not sure on timing as I use a period tracker but not fertility tests. The deed has been fairly infrequent lately as well due to being very busy, and me being on an SSRI.

The only update at this time is that we decided to do at home tests first and see what they say. So they're coming in the mail soon! I just got regular ovulation tests for myself and then an at home sperm check for my husband. Other than that we're still in that awkward land between NTNP and half-assed TTC haha.

I'll update with test results!

 

[robinsonmom]

I'm in the same boat as you except it's been nearly 4 years for us and while we haven't been really "trying," I've been trying harder than my husband realizes. My husband hates the idea of "trying." He thinks that it will just happen on it's own. I get it, he doesn't want to take the fun or spontaneity out of sex, but you do have to time things! So, I always track and try to time intercourse as best I can but nothing! I went to my dr last month because I started my period on CD 15 and my periods have been getting shorter and shorter. She didn't even examine me, just referred me to a specialist and put in the computer that we had been trying for 4 years so that insurance will pay for treatment. I had my exam a little over a week ago, and our consultation is two weeks from tomorrow. My husband dropped off a sample last week and I have to have another blood draw 2 days after I get my period. It feels weird that we are going to see a specialist when we're not really completely ready for kids (my husband is changing careers right now), but we just want to know if there is something we should be working on to get our bodies ready to have a baby. I'm turning 30 next year so I am really feeling anxious about starting a family.

Hi there same for me 4 1/2 yrs ntnp. I will be 29 next yr and getting anxious to.

 

[Sunshine32]

Hi again!

Hi there same for me 4 1/2 yrs ntnp. I will be 29 next yr and getting anxious to.

I'm just turning 27 in a couple months so I'm not panicking by any means yet, but it does make us wonder. I have older parents (mom was 35 and dad was 31) so I'm not opposed to being an older first-time parent myself if that's how it plays out. We originally wanted to have kids right away at 22-23 when we were married, and honestly I'm so glad we didn't. Our life, marriage, everything is in such a better place now than it was then.

Sorry, tangent there for a minute. So we did the at-home tests. I have no idea how accurate the sperm check is, but it came back with a faint line, still within the normal result according the directions. (Could also have been faint because my hubby had a little alone time while I was at work that day lol and didn't know you were supposed to wait 48 hours). Even if it's not the most accurate thing in the world, it helped his self confidence a lot because he's convinced himself that something's wrong with him. Plus.. the science-experiment-like directions were very entertaining!

As for me, I never did get the ovulation tests to work. I tried intermittently during my "fertile" period but never did have one that had a darker test line. So I don't know. Could be worrisome or I could just not know what the heck I'm doing lol.

We did have a weird thing happen last night though! TMI GROSS WARNING SO PROCEED WITH CAUTION LOL:

Last night we had sex and when I went to the bathroom to clean off there was blood all over. Not like murder scene levels of blood but definitely on my nether regions, his nether regions, and enough on the toilet paper that I had to keep wiping several times. I put my cup in but it didn't look or feel like a period... it was a light pink and just didn't have the right flow or consistency. Plus my period is never early, and I always know when it's coming (bad mood swings, cramps, pms, etc). Today the bleeding stopped and everything seems normal?

I would be somewhere around 7-9dpo and I've heard of implantation bleeding but this seemed like way too much blood for that. Of course it was hard to tell because it got spread all over from our activities. So I'm guessing maybe a chafing or irritation or something? It doesn't hurt so I'm not going to worry about it.

 

[bkp16]

Sunshine that totally sounds like implantation bleeding! Ahhh so exciting! 😀

 

[Sunshine32]

Sunshine that totally sounds like implantation bleeding! Ahhh so exciting! 😀

Does it really?? I just assumed it was way too much blood for that. It wasn't a periods amount worth, but enough to get everywhere and make a mess and didn't stop right away when I was wiping.

On another note... yikes D: I had a little too much fun and got drunk on Saturday night. I hear a lot of people do the "drink till it's pink" because you're not sharing a blood supply yet anyways. Is that accurate?

 

[cutestuff]

Sunshine that totally sounds like implantation bleeding! Ahhh so exciting! 😀

Does it really?? I just assumed it was way too much blood for that. It wasn't a periods amount worth, but enough to get everywhere and make a mess and didn't stop right away when I was wiping.

On another note... yikes D: I had a little too much fun and got drunk on Saturday night. I hear a lot of people do the "drink till it's pink" because you're not sharing a blood supply yet anyways. Is that accurate?

Hi sunshine I saw this and wanted to put my 2 cents in. With dd I had implantation bleeding or spotting. Long story short starting about 6 days after ovulation I started spotting. It was very lite pink and was just that a spot on the toilet paper, but it lasted 4 days. I also experienced 3-6 months of break through bleeding about the time of ovulation so what you are describing could be either especially since you have had shorter cycles lately. As for the ovulation tests I tried them two months. You should take them at the same time each day and hold your urine. I did mine around 10 in the am. I would get very faint positives then one or two days of strong lines. These are tests you should let sit for a full minute or two and I would give yourself a couple days on each side to see if you are ovulating late or early.
As for the drinking it's true the placenta develops at 3 months but I'm not sure how accurate drink til it's pink is. I drink when I'm on my period but that's about it.

 

[Sunshinesd32]

So after my overly excited hoping in June, and subsequent nothing happening, I just decided not to worry about it for now. I'm not even charting, temping, none of that so I don't feel like I was taking it seriously enough to be obsessing over it as much as I was every month.

Welp, that lasted all of 3 months and here I am wondering again lol. I wasn't even thinking about it earlier in the month and honestly I didn't even keep track of anything really. I didn't start thinking about it until some things started happening that made me wonder. We only had sex one time that week (terrible I know - sorry, hubby) and that was on the 13th. The very beginning of the "fertile window" according to my tracker.

First, on Friday (9/22 - an est 7-9 dpo by nothing other than my own guessing and Ovia app) I was having cramps, bloating, and pain in my lower back. Later in the day I had mild diarrhea (TMI sorry). It felt just like the start of my period so I thought maybe my period was coming early (rare for me, but not unheard of). So I chalked it up to that and eating too many veggie hot wings haha. But no bleeding occurred and then the discomfort disappeared.

Sunday I started feeling like I was getting a little cold - nothing major just a slight cough and stuffy nose. Yesterday and today it's gotten progressively worse and I feel like a full blown chest cold/respiratory infection - tight chest, cough, congestion. Except (again TMI) when I blow my nose it's normal - not greenish or thick like you would expect with a cold or sinus issues.

I took a wondfo last night (est 10-12dpo) but nada - I thought for a moment I might have saw like an indent or very faint line but I decided I was crazy and threw it away lol.

So, now that you've heard way too much about my bodily fluids in my ramblings, could you tell me if I'm having one of my crazy months or whether this could actually sound promising?

 

[Sunshinesd32]

Still wondering and waiting. AF was est. for Sunday (10/1). The last time I tested was yesterday morning - BFN. Still have somewhat of a cold but it's gotten better. Been cramping on and off today but no AF yet - lots of creamy/phlegm like CM.

so I guess this month has looked like:

9/13: BD
9/14-9/16: Est Ovulatiom
9/22 morning: Cramps, bloating, lower back pain
9/22 afternoon: Mild diarrhea
9/24: Hit with the start of a terrible cold - chest congestion, tight cough, sinus congestion
9/25: BFN
9/26-9/30: 3-4 more BFNs (mostly wondfos but one clear blue)
10/1: Est AF start - no AF
10/2: BFN in morning (wondfo). "Wet" feeling - put it in menstrual cup but no AF
10/3: Phlegm-like, slightly yellow, creamy CM, cramps (especially after poking cervix), slight lower back pain

Any thoughts, anyone?

 

[Babybum35]

Hi sunshine

When I was preggers I only noticed a change in my cm from 6dpo to 10dpo. I spotted for those 4 days and was using the bathroom every hr or so...though I was chugging water like a champ so prob not related. I really didn't have many other symptoms till after my test but every woman and every pregnancy is different. Good luck