Whether or not to have another

Discussion in 'Gender Disappointment' started by Sander, Aug 4, 2020.

  1. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies :)

    Soooo milestone for me as this is the first time I haven’t posted in this forum regarding my current pregnancy :rofl:

    I have (soon to be) 3 boys! They are wonderful (at least the 2 I know :p) and we’re looking forward to meeting our third.

    I, more than my husband, decided to be done after 3 babies. Mainly because I don’t love pregnancy, and after a bad tear with my first I have to have sections for any other babies. However now that we know our third is another little boy, I keep going back to thinking maybe we could swing a fourth. Of course, it’ll depend on how my section goes and if I’m cleared for a 3rd section.

    Here’s my dilemma - and please no judgement, just suggestions! I know you ladies are usually very lovely. At this moment - and I am about to have 3 under 3 - I wouldn’t choose to have a fourth if I knew it would be another boy. I would of course adore another little boy, but I don’t have as much of a desire for another child as I do to experience raising a girl - if that makes sense! Part of me feels like I’m going too far into the future (I am still pregnant with number 3 after all :rofl: ), and at the moment I’m very much feeling like we will take a break once this baby is born and revisit the idea of another baby in a couple of years. If I don’t feel ready to ‘start over’ at that point, we will be very happy with the 3 we have.

    But I keep thinking - is it a bad thing to TTC when you’re really only wanting a girl? It sounds awful just to write it! I know there are no guarantees, and I think we’re even more likely for a 4th boy since we’ve had 3 already haha. I mean if we did decide to try for a fourth I feel like at that time I would have to fully embrace the idea of a 4th boy and not just go into it only hoping for a girl. Obviously we would love whatever baby made it’s way into our family; I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through this! Should we just stop with the 3 wonderful kids we have, as we would have likely done if this baby had been a girl - or do we go for one more with hopes for a daughter even though we weren’t really planning on 4 kids?

    Anyhow I want to make it clear that if we were to TTC a fourth we would NOT love a boy any less! I dunno I’m just trying to write my thoughts down so they make more sense :haha: Part of me feels like when the time comes I’ll know whether or not I want another baby and it will be irrespective of the baby’s gender. My boys are my world and I wouldn’t trade any of them for a girl! It’s just tougher when planning for the future if you know what I mean.

    Thanks in advance! Hopefully I’m not offending anyone 8-[
     
  2. Flueky88

    Flueky88 Well-Known Member

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    I'm the opposite, 3 girls. When I found out my 2nd was a girl, it hurt because my DH was unsure of having a 3rd. I thought I may never have a little boy. For whatever reason I was much more at peace and happy when finding out my 3rd was also a girl even though we had said regardless of gender we are done. My DH had a small bit of time he considered wanting a 4th but ultimately agreed that we are complete with 3.

    I think if you are on the fence then I would leave it at that regarding a 4th but I think if you have doubts about stopping you'll probably ttc#4 and that's okay. I hope that if you do, you get your girl, but I know you'd love another boy.
     
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  3. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Strange how for both of us the gender disappointment was worse with the 2nd baby! For me I think it was so much easier to process my 3rd because my 2nd ended up being the sweetest, most easygoing baby ever. My first was colicky and a really high maintenance baby! Realizing each boy would be different helped me a lot mentally. I actually had pretty much no disappointment when finding out this 3rd one was a boy.

    Thanks for sharing! Who knows what will happen in the future :p
     
  4. wanna_baby

    wanna_baby Well-Known Member

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    Hi,
    I was in a similar situation after my 2nd was a boy too. I only wanted two kids and started to accept the fact that I’ll never have my girl. I didn’t want to try for the 3rd just to get a girl. 5 years after the 2nd, I came to a mindset, I wanted a 3rd baby regardless of the gender and if it turned out to be a girl then it’ll be the cherry on top. Long story short, I now have my girl in my arms and so so glad I decided to go for a 3rd baby.
    I did do some gender swaying. I have a thread on that in this group if you are interested to try for your forth! Gluck!!
     
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  5. missielibra

    missielibra Well-Known Member

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    I have 2 boys. I remember being *so sure* my second was a girl, and then gender reveal happened and my stomach dropped. And yet, I couldn't be happier. He's such a happy boy, calm (opposite to my first who's just a BALL of energy and sounds).

    I thought I was done at 2. And now, well for a while, I thought my need for a third was for a girl (which really I wouldnt be betting on. Even my doc told me after 2 boys, I'd prolly be having a 3rd). But as time goes along, Im realizing it's not so much that I want a girl, and more that the family doesn't feel complete.

    I think there's no easy way to go about it. How does an extra addition to your family feel to you? (I dont have the 3 under 3 haha but I do have 2 under 2, and it can get crazy!) Would another one add to your dynamic, put stress? Littlest one isnt there yet, so maybe the answer will be clearer post birth! FX for you!
     
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  6. Sander

    Sander Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like our boys are the same haha, my first is craaazy - my 2nd was the calm baby we all needed, lol. I don’t know yet - but I think you’re right. Once this baby comes I’ll know if we feel ‘complete’ or not. I was really confident in wanting 3. 4, I’m not sure yet!
     
  7. daneuse27

    daneuse27 Well-Known Member

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    I know this thread is old but thought I'd reply anyway!

    First off, I think life will be fun with three boys! I grew up with three male cousins and they have a great relationship now, always did.

    My DH's best friend had three boys, and they tried for a fourth hoping it would be a girl - it ended up being a 4th boy. lol. They are complete now with four boys.

    I think as long as you're happy with the idea of having a 4th boy, then go for it. But if you're happy with three, then I think three is good.

    They may give you granddaughters one day and you'll have the experience then. That's whats happened to my aunt. She raised my three boy cousins, but then she ended up with two granddaughters to help raise. O:) You never know what life will bring you.
     

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