Who did you tell after m/c?

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by colsy, Oct 29, 2008.

  1. colsy

    colsy Mummy to 2 li'l pudd'ns

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    I was just wondering who other people told after they miscarried. I was six weeks pg when I lost our baby last week in a natural miscarriage.

    https://www.babyandbump.com/images/smilies/cry.gif

    The only people on the planet who knew I was pg were my partner, my yoga teacher (because I needed to explain why I wasn't at her classes) and the GP and hospital staff.

    I am seeing a close friend this weekend, and I will tell her. And I am planning to tell another friend when I see her in a few weeks, because she works in the pg field so I feel she will understand.

    But apart from that, I don't want everyone knowing, mainly because I just feel that every time I see my family and other friends they'll be thinking "Is she pg again yet?"

    Do you think it's normal to absolutely definitely not want to tell my mum? (Oh god, she'd make such a fuss that I couldn't bear it. It would just make me feel a zillion times worse.)

    Thank you XX
     
  2. Jessa

    Jessa Guest

    Sorry to hear about your loss.

    After my natural miscarriage at 7 weeks in August, the only people that knew right away were both sets of our parents since we had already told them that we were pregnant. Eventually we also told my sister-in-law as well, and I told a close friend at work. Other than that, I don't feel the need to make sure that everyone knows. Eventually we'll be pregnant again and after the first trimester, I'll tell everyone the good news....not the bad news.
     
  3. princess_t

    princess_t Proud mom of 1

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    Sorry about your loss hun . No one new i miscarried lastime apart from oh. not telling no1 this time till after 12 weeks apart frm da hubby
     
  4. cerilou

    cerilou Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun

    I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

    With my 1st mc, I told my parents, my OH parents, my 3 close friends and my boss (I had to rush off to a scan so had to be honest with him). With my 2nd again I told my parents and 2 close friends. It's hard to tell people cos they just want to either feel sorry for you or speculate as to why it happened but it was also good to get some support off people. It's a very personal decision and yes, I do get the feeling that people are waiting for me to announce another pregnancy.

    :hug:
     
  5. misstrouble

    misstrouble Slowly going Insane!!!

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    I am so sorry to hear about you loss :hugs: With my natural m/c at 8 weeks I told both sets of parents and the close friends that knew. This was great as I needed their help and support(i have 2 children) However now, if the situation arose I would tell others. Simply because I am not ashamed of what happened and that the baby was as much part of my family as my other children You just need to do what is best for you. :hug:
     
  6. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    Sorry for your loss. :hug:

    With my first, I had told everyone that I was PG. I had even announced it at work (about 70 co-workers) and also my husband announced at his work, as well, he told some people at the grocery store. My friends and family (and husband's family and friends knew). Pretty much the entire world knew I was PG. When I m/c, I tried to put the word out through a co-worker who had a m/c, but she didn't do it. I didn't know this...so when I returned to work a week later, people were patting my tummy etc...it was AWFUL! Months later there were people still asking me when I was due...and all sorts of comments. The hardest was telling my son that the baby died. He was devestated. He cried and was upset that it was "going in the toilet" so I had to explain that the baby was in heaven and then he was better.

    With my second, we only told my mom, my sister, my best friend. But...when I m/c, I had to call in to work, and my boss told EVERYONE that I was pregnant and lost the baby. Unbeknownst to me, I came to work and everyone was looking at me weird. People were facebooking etc...


    My last pregnancy, I told my mom, my sister, and my best friend (and my husband of course). My son did manage to find out this time from someone's BIG mouth. Again, someone found out and facebooked me...and then a bunch of people found out! Ugh!

    I think if I ever get pregnant again...I won't tell a soul except me and my husband.
     
  7. colsy

    colsy Mummy to 2 li'l pudd'ns

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    Hi Jasmak, it's actually stories like yours that make me really grateful that my partner and I hadn't told anybody. I am sure people are only trying to be nice, but until you've miscarried your own baby I do not believe that ANYBODY, not even my partner, can understand quite how it feels.

    I know a few girls who have miscarried, but until now I felt sad for them but I sometimes wondered why it seemed such a big deal. Well now I know.

    So yes, I agree with you. When we are lucky enough to conceive again (bleeding has so nearly nearly stopped ... I am so excited!), we won't tell anybody again.

    XX
     
  8. moomoo

    moomoo Mumma to 2 & 1 in heaven!

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    I did exactly the same as this, we were so excited! if i get pregnant again we wont tell a soul! :(
     
  9. Visqueen

    Visqueen mum to 2 beautiful girls

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    I told the whole world and his dog too i was far to excited to keep it quiet :rofl: im not sure now next time i think i still will have all on unless oh gags me :rofl:
    I think same as all you, we will just know what suits us and when we feel ready
    :hug:
     
  10. gezameza

    gezameza Member

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    I've had both experiences - I didn't want anyone to know after my 1st m/c - especially at work as I thought they'd be thinking "they'e obviously trying so she'll be telling us she's pg again soon", and I kept it to myself. But I would get annoyed that people were inconsiderate (we're married 6 yrs so always getting the - You'll be next - comments).
    In hindsight hiding it didn't help me to recover.
    This time I kept the pg quiet in work, but gradually told family and friends over 6 - 12 weeks. Then I m/c at 13 weeks (the irony of telling a lot of family just two days before is still hard to take). I told a few more people in work this time about why I was off, and I think it helped me.
    As someone else said I'm not ashamed - Its hard for people to support you if they don't know, but its a very personal choice.
    Good luck
     
  11. Barneyboo

    Barneyboo Mummy of 2 beauty's

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    With my 1st m/c everyone knew, and to be honest I was glad I had fantastic support from everyone they gave me the space that me and my O/H needed! But with our 2nd m/c we only told mums and close friends at first, but because I started to bleed I had to take time off work and it went around the place pretty quickly.

    Next time we are preggers I don't want to tell anyone until we are safe because when I went back to work after the 2nd time there have been plenty of hurtful comment like:

    Your to old now
    At least you have 1
    At least you know you can get PG!!!! :hissy::hissy:

    But I will tell the girls on here!

    Good luck x x x :hug::hug:
     
  12. colsy

    colsy Mummy to 2 li'l pudd'ns

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    [QUOTEwhen I went back to work after the 2nd time there have been plenty of hurtful comment like:

    Your to old now
    [/QUOTE]

    I cannot believe somebody said this to you. :growlmad:

    I totally understand why you'll not tell anyone at all next time. Apart from us on here:)

    XX
     
  13. todteach

    todteach Dreams can come true

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    I am so sorry that you are going through a loss. :hug:. My heart aches for you. Sending you my love.:hug:

    Everyone knew that I was pregnant, I was showing and beyond the "high risk period" so we had shared our pregnancy news with the world. I felt like I had disappointed us, our families and our friends. Even our nephew and nieces were excited that a baby cousin was on the way.

    However, after our miscarriage I had a tremendous amount of support from our family, friends and coworkers. And I am still receiving this support today. It has been almost six months since our loss.
     
  14. kinc

    kinc New Member

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    I just had a mc this weekend. Its been hard. I have three other kids and they don't know. The only person I told other then hubby was a good friend. Only because she could tell something was wrong and she has been through it a few times. I thought she would be good to talk yo but so far has not really been there for me. I don't want a lot of people to know. We had not announced that we were pg yet as I was only 7 weeks. I have thought about telling my mom, but I don't want her to think that she needs to help me. She is not very healthy and I don't want to put any stress on her. I feel for all who are going through this. It is hard. I think you should be able to tell whoever you feel comfortable talking to. Other then that, it no one else's business. Good luck to everyone.:flower:
     
  15. camster

    camster Active Member

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    i am so sorry for your loss.

    i lost my babe at -6 weeks. so i didnt even know until it was already gone. but the only people who do know about it is my boyfriend some of his friends. 2 of mine and then we are going to tell his aunt this weekend. just because i feel like i need her
     
  16. gormama

    gormama Member

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    We told our families and close friends that we were pregnant before miscarrying at 12 weeks. We have an almost 2 year old and had no problem with that pregnancy so I didn't think something would happen this time. I told the people that I would want for support if something did happen.
    The hardest part for me was after a month or so, it seems like people just forgot about it and didn't ask how I was. I know people don't know what to say, but it was still on my mind all the time and I felt like I needed support still. It's definitely a personal choice, but I needed people around to talk to about it so that's why we told close friends and family.
    Like someone else said, I'm not ashamed of it and it's unfortunate how common it is after you've had one. One of my friends just had a m/c and didn't tell anyone except me since she knew I had one. It was a huge relief to her to able to talk to me about it. So for that reason, I'm glad my friends knew.
    It's such a hard thing to go through and I wish you the best of luck.
     
  17. JASMAK

    JASMAK Mom of three

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    I am so sorry for your loss. This thread came up on my feed because it's old. But wanted to send my condolences. :hugs:
     

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