Fallacy
Soon to be mum of 2!
- Joined
- Jan 3, 2011
- Messages
- 455
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For my first baby, I wanted a girl. So when I came out hearing, "It's a boy!" I cried in bed for a few days before I got over it. Like, hey, I can still have one more. Every time he kicked, I felt horrible for being disappointed. Flash to now, and I couldn't love my DS more. He's the light of my life and I wouldn't trade him for anything.
So I went to the gender scan today thinking, if I have another boy, he'll have a little brother! They'll be close and play together!
But I really really wanted my little girl. My precious little girl whose name I have wanted to use for so long.
And the gender scan pic looks exactly like Micah's did at 16 weeks. It's another boy. I smiled and thought of all the positive things I had tried so hard to focus on before. I didn't even feel too bad!
But during the drive home tears just came out....and kept coming out. I'll never have a little girl. This is our last baby. DH said as much. He's insanely disappointed too, so it's hard for us to talk about it. He wanted a little girl too. I'll never have a mother-daughter relationship. My sons will get married and never talk to me again, just like my dad and his mom and my husband and his mom. ...And my sister and her son. I guess I'm surrounded by bad mother-son relationships so I feel scared. I'll never braid my daughter's hair or buy her dolls. Or dress her up as a princess and comfort her after her first heartbreak. She won't go to me when she's getting married or has her first baby - my sons' wives will all want their moms there when they give birth.
I just feel so crushed. I'm mourning the daughter I'll never have when I should be happy about the healthy little boy inside that I do have...After all, Micah is perfect and so loving, so why wouldn't this LO be?
I got the scan at 15 weeks, is there any chance it's wrong when it looks exactly like Micah's 16 week scan?
I'm kind of glad in any case I got the scan since I had originally planned on staying team yellow and I don't know if I would've liked having his birth tinged with gender disappointment...
So I went to the gender scan today thinking, if I have another boy, he'll have a little brother! They'll be close and play together!
But I really really wanted my little girl. My precious little girl whose name I have wanted to use for so long.
And the gender scan pic looks exactly like Micah's did at 16 weeks. It's another boy. I smiled and thought of all the positive things I had tried so hard to focus on before. I didn't even feel too bad!
But during the drive home tears just came out....and kept coming out. I'll never have a little girl. This is our last baby. DH said as much. He's insanely disappointed too, so it's hard for us to talk about it. He wanted a little girl too. I'll never have a mother-daughter relationship. My sons will get married and never talk to me again, just like my dad and his mom and my husband and his mom. ...And my sister and her son. I guess I'm surrounded by bad mother-son relationships so I feel scared. I'll never braid my daughter's hair or buy her dolls. Or dress her up as a princess and comfort her after her first heartbreak. She won't go to me when she's getting married or has her first baby - my sons' wives will all want their moms there when they give birth.
I just feel so crushed. I'm mourning the daughter I'll never have when I should be happy about the healthy little boy inside that I do have...After all, Micah is perfect and so loving, so why wouldn't this LO be?
I got the scan at 15 weeks, is there any chance it's wrong when it looks exactly like Micah's 16 week scan?
I'm kind of glad in any case I got the scan since I had originally planned on staying team yellow and I don't know if I would've liked having his birth tinged with gender disappointment...