WHY?! WHY does she "need" to get used to being away from me?

[socitycourty]

I don't agree, i think that if you dont' get them used to it at least a little then it creates problems down the line if there is an emergency. I'm glad my LO is comfortable with my mom and my sister in case I get really sick or have to go somewhere, she wouldn't be distraught the entire time.

Sometimes people are just genuinely trying to be nice and offer to help, most of us real life moms need a break sometimes. FOr instance you can't bring a baby to a surgical procedure or a teeth cleaning, or a salon treatment, etc.

There will come a time when baby has to be away from mom, it's not the end of the world

 

[Scottish mum]

Eek! I'm the opposite!! I don't mind leaving lo at my mums for time out!!

Growing up I wasn't left much and when I was at school I was so home sick if I were invited to stay with friends, even family!! So much so they would have to phone my mum and dad to come pick me up at silly o'clock!! My lo doesn't know any different! : )

 

[cbass929]

F**K!
I am so sick of hearing this crap!
"You NEED to leave her a few hours more often so she can get used to being away from you"

"you HAVE to stop co-sleeping, she'll be too attached!"

"Why doesn't your (insert husband, mother, mil, friend here) watch her and we'll go out"

Im a SHAM for heavens sake! I CHOSE to be a SHAM so I wouldn't have to leave her.

Rant over...... PEACE!!!!

I feel completely without a doubt the same exact way!!!

 

[korndogger123]

I had multiple trips to the ER and eventually surgery since the time LO was born (she is 3.5 months old. I was having bad gallstone attacks). I wouldn't say I wanted this time away from LO but it made me realize that she needed to get used to hanging out with my mom or my sister.(prior to this she had been left at home alone with her daddy) We started out them coming to the house and me taking a shower, then the next time me going to the store, then I would take her to one of their places while I ran to the store, or a drs appt for myself. The weekend before my surgery, I decided to take LO to my moms for an entire day so we could get the house ready for after my surgery. She liked hanging out with my mom or my sister. The day of my surgery it made it so much less stressful knowing my mom and sister had her. When my sister brought her home she was just as happy as when I left her 12 hours earlier. I had to "fight with her" to get her to take a bottle though. It was hard, and 24932 different bottle brands later I have found one she will take. She doesn't have a bottle if I am nearby, but its much less stress on me if I have to leave her. (I will not take her to the drs with me during flu season)
Because she does so good with my mom, I am going back to work 3 Days a week.

I hate people telling me I HAVE to do something though! Like BFing, my aunt and grandma keep saying I HAVE to wean.

 

[xsadiex]

My LO is very rarely cared for by anyone but me and when I do leave him he doesn't care! They don't necessarily need to get used to it. It depends on their personality and how confortable they feel I guess. Certainly not something that needs doing though, people can be so annoying with their advice.

 

[TheNewMrs]

Shes so easy going! She's fine to hang out with people she knows. I've left her with my Dad and his wife, on a few occasions (4! no more than 3 hours each!) and for me that's fine. She's perfectly fine to stay home with her Dad if I go get groceries ect. Or if were out and we need lots of stuff done. she'll happily wave me off and go with her Dad.

As for the emergency situation. I don't live by that! I'll deal with it when or if it happened. But I've no intention of putting her through hours of people she doesn't know or doesnt like for a "just in case" situation. If something happened, her Dad and my Dad and his wife would handle it.

I don't leave her on "overnights" because my boobs are stuck to me, I'd miss her too much and I don't think Ill ever look back on these moments thinking "I wish I'd cuddled her less!?"

 

[aliss]

Not leaving your kid ever has nothing to do with attachment parenting, just to clear that up - even Dr. Sears who coined the term "attachment parenting" has said he & his wife have a weekend date at least 1-2x a month without their kids.

I've been an "AP" mom for 3 years and I've lost count how many times I've left my kid with my parents, OH's parents, his auntie, etc. New baby has been about 5-6x when it coincides with his awake times right after being fed (he refuses a bottle).

Being an AP mom doesn't have anything to do with it.

I'm a SAHM and I love taking breaks from the kids. I don't need to be with them 24/7, even though I breastfeed/cosleep/babywear blah blah ....

(This isn't really towards the OP but those who suggest this has nything to do with AP, def. not!)

 

[scottiejunior]

I'm 2 faced on this one cos I think it will do my lo good to spend time with other ppl alone other that just me n oh but I haven't let anyone have her yet apart from the like twice for an hour lol.

 

[onetwothreebp]

i think it's unhealthy for moms and their kids to be together 24/7. i think children need to learn to bond with other trusted people in their lives and i think moms deserve a break. it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or that you're doing something wrong. i'm a stay at home mom as well but i will still go out without my son.

i'm a mother, yes, but i'm still me and i don't want 'mom' to become my only identity.

 

[jd83]

I'm 2 faced on this one cos I think it will do my lo good to spend time with other ppl alone other that just me n oh but I haven't let anyone have her yet apart from the like twice for an hour lol.

I think this is pretty accurate, lol. It's really hard leaving your kids! I feel like I could spend all day every day with them, but the reality is I have to work to pay our bils, so they go to a sitter. And I also have some appts that they cannot go to with me, so they spend some time with our family. I think once you have had them stay with someone for a few hours several times, it does get easier, but you still miss your kids. That's just reality.

Even though I miss them when I'm not with them, I still think its good for them to spend time with other people than just me and DH all the time. We need to have some date nights to maintain a healthy relationship, and OF COURSE family want to spend time with them! They love them jsut as much as we do!

Sometimes I think the way people state things is just bad wording, and not really how they are meaning it. People saying you need to leave your kids so they can get used to it, IMO a lot of times people really mean they would love to spend some time with your kids and they just didn't come across that way.

 

[toby1331]

I agree that I hate when people tell me what I have to do wuth MY child. I know that most times they are coming from a good place but she's my child and I'll decided what is best for her and works for us. Though I've also learned that there are certain people I don't discuss my parenting choices with.

I knew from the get go that I was going back to work at twelve weeks. Financially I needed too, but I also wanted too. I love my job and have never wanted to be a SAHM. This meant my LO needed to be use to going with other people. This doesn't mean that I send her with just anyone. She is with OH three days a week and my dad the other two (plus an hour every morning because OH works nights and our times over lap some). Ocassionally if my OH or dad have to work extra my sister or mother in law watch her for a few hours. These are all people LO is familiar with and spends a lot of time with. I also think as important as family time is you need to nurture the relationship with OH and I need me time. All of these things help me be a better mommy. This is what works for my family.

 

[scottiejunior]

I'm 2 faced on this one cos I think it will do my lo good to spend time with other ppl alone other that just me n oh but I haven't let anyone have her yet apart from the like twice for an hour lol.

I think this is pretty accurate, lol. It's really hard leaving your kids! I feel like I could spend all day every day with them, but the reality is I have to work to pay our bils, so they go to a sitter. And I also have some appts that they cannot go to with me, so they spend some time with our family. I think once you have had them stay with someone for a few hours several times, it does get easier, but you still miss your kids. That's just reality.

Even though I miss them when I'm not with them, I still think its good for them to spend time with other people than just me and DH all the time. We need to have some date nights to maintain a healthy relationship, and OF COURSE family want to spend time with them! They love them jsut as much as we do!

Sometimes I think the way people state things is just bad wording, and not really how they are meaning it. People saying you need to leave your kids so they can get used to it, IMO a lot of times people really mean they would love to spend some time with your kids and they just didn't come across that way.

I go bak to work in June so going to start 'getting her used to it' over the next few months

 

[Bunnikins]

I see why its annoying when it seems like everyone is telling you how to do things, and i can understand that if youre happy to stay at home with baby and be with baby all the time, there is no need for baby to spend time apart from you, but on the other hand ive seen how much good its done my baby spending 3 days a week away from me. I feel we both appreciate each other more, and she gets to spend time out of the house having fun. I was starting to feel a bit trapped in and it was as though there was no world other than the one with me and her in it, and i didnt dislike that, but now i have those few days away from her i dont get as annoyed when she has the odd day moaning cos of teething or illness, cos i appreciate my time with her.

I do commend the fact that you are genuinely happy to spend all your time devoted to baby though, thats lovely and you should be proud. Just ignore any comments that upset you. Ive had to ignore loads of "advice" along the way (and take notice of some too!) We mums know whats best

 

[Unbridled]

So far, the only people who support my decisions as a parent are my husband and my parents. Everyone else, including the pediatrician, tells me that I'm spoiling him. If what I'm doing is so wrong, how come he's so far ahead developmentally? Why is he so confident and so happy and so bonded with us?

Nope, I gotta call b.s. on the whole "attachment parenting is another word for overindulgence" train of thought.

well both of mine are also developing nicely(I wont say so far ahead of anyone elses baby because every baby developes at different rates so you can't really compare when they are just babies) Mine are also confident and very happy with us and I leave both of mine at least once a week(not being back at work until 04/03)for at least 2hrs with grandparents and until we did CC with youngest my parents would come over and stay at mine the night and have LO for the night so me and DH got at least 1 nights decent sleep a week as my 2.5yr old is an angel of a night 99% of the time. Its just personal preference. If you were leaving your LO every night to go out partying then that is a different story but once a week or a mth for the night wont do you or LO any harm but, as I said its personal preference and in this situation no one is right and no one is wrong.

I never implied that the babies of non-attachment parents were developmentally behind, did I? All I was stating was that at 9 months old, Maddox is developmentally ahead (he's talking, crawling, standing unaided, cruising, etc). Therefore, my method of attachment parenting can't be harmful to him.

Not really sure how that translated into my criticizing anyone for doing CC. Especially since I never mentioned anyone's parenting style but my own in my post.

ETA: And how was my saying "developmentally ahead" offensive? Maddox had his 9 month check on Tuesday and these were the words the doctor used. There are average ages when babies reach certain milestones. Just because mine reached them early doesn't mean I'm belittling those babies who haven't--or that I'm implying my own child is better than them.

 

[Katiekola]

I hear you OP! It is annoying to the extreme and everyone has so many opinions about this!!

 

[midori1999]

It's not really anyone's business but your own.

I also don't see why people always say 'what if you had to leave them in an emergency?' as if that is somehow going ot be different for the child than if you leave them for the first time in a planned situation.

I don't leave my daughter overnight ever. I seriously doubt I ever will leave her overnight until she is old enough to ask to go herself, if she wants to. I didn't do the same with my boys and now I look back on it I feel sad that I wasted their young childhood in a way and so much of me thinks I wasn't really ready to be a parent then and that I have much more to give now.

I also didn't leave my daughter with anyone except her Dad until she was about 9 months old and even when she was left with her Dad, except one night out it was while I popped to the shops etc. The first time I did leave her with a friend, she was just fine, no crying, just fine. She is now 20 months and is a happy and secure child and so secure she will happily stay with someone she hasn't even met before. (We use an agency for babysitting now as I would rather have a 'professional' and although we know the sitters now, we didn 't the first time they sat)

I am my own person, I do have a life of my own, but my children are my life and I don't feel any desperate need to spend time away from them.

 

[midori1999]

Oh, and my husband feels the same as me. He has to work out of the home and is away a lot with work, so whatever tim he is not working he wants to spend with the children.

 

[Noelle610]

I also don't see why people always say 'what if you had to leave them in an emergency?' as if that is somehow going ot be different for the child than if you leave them for the first time in a planned situation.

Totally respect your opinion, but in my view it is different. It's a different situation because it's not a choice. You can choose not to go on a date night with your husband, but emergencies happen whether we like them or not. If something happened to me or a close family member and I needed to be there, I would rather be confident that my LO was safe and happy where she was rather than stressing that she was scared and unsettled.

All that aside, I do think a lot of how a baby reacts with others is tempermental and not just a case of getting them used to others. Some are more social and outgoing and others are more reserved, just like adults.

I guess the whole idea of not ever leaving my daughter is just so strange to me since I have to work full time and she goes to an in-home daycare on a regular basis. But then it's also NOT strange to me, because I get nervous leaving her with people other than my husband or the daycare provider (who is like the the third parent in this situation). But for me, I think it's more anxiety than the belief that my daughter is better off with just me. I think it's harder for ME than it is for HER to spend alone time with others. It's all highly personal I suppose.

I think when you have kids, people just feel the need to comment.

 

[shmoo75]

So far, the only people who support my decisions as a parent are my husband and my parents. Everyone else, including the pediatrician, tells me that I'm spoiling him. If what I'm doing is so wrong, how come he's so far ahead developmentally? Why is he so confident and so happy and so bonded with us?

Nope, I gotta call b.s. on the whole "attachment parenting is another word for overindulgence" train of thought.

well both of mine are also developing nicely(I wont say so far ahead of anyone elses baby because every baby developes at different rates so you can't really compare when they are just babies) Mine are also confident and very happy with us and I leave both of mine at least once a week(not being back at work until 04/03)for at least 2hrs with grandparents and until we did CC with youngest my parents would come over and stay at mine the night and have LO for the night so me and DH got at least 1 nights decent sleep a week as my 2.5yr old is an angel of a night 99% of the time. Its just personal preference. If you were leaving your LO every night to go out partying then that is a different story but once a week or a mth for the night wont do you or LO any harm but, as I said its personal preference and in this situation no one is right and no one is wrong.

I never implied that the babies of non-attachment parents were developmentally behind, did I? All I was stating was that at 9 months old, Maddox is developmentally ahead (he's talking, crawling, standing unaided, cruising, etc). Therefore, my method of attachment parenting can't be harmful to him.

Not really sure how that translated into my criticizing anyone for doing CC. Especially since I never mentioned anyone's parenting style but my own in my post.

ETA: And how was my saying "developmentally ahead" offensive? Maddox had his 9 month check on Tuesday and these were the words the doctor used. There are average ages when babies reach certain milestones. Just because mine reached them early doesn't mean I'm belittling those babies who haven't--or that I'm implying my own child is better than them.

You might not of meant it to come across like that but it could quite easily be taken as such so, I just put out there what my 2 children are like when I am one of those parents who do leave their children for some much needed timeout and, my kids do not seem to care that I have left the building and, I only mentioned CC as my parents had to stay one night a week so we could get 1 decent nights sleep and this is what we did to break the unhealthy sleep habits DD2 had gotten/been allowed into. Personally your wording didn't offend me but, I could see how it would/could be taken that way. So if my remarks offended you I am sorry just putting the other side out there.

 

[Hunbun]

Whenever anyone used to say this to me, I would answer: 'The more you push me, the longer I will take to do it.' That soon stopped them.

I think it's different for everyone when they want to leave them and you shouldn't be pushed into it by anyone.