WHY?! WHY does she "need" to get used to being away from me?

[midori1999]

I just don't think that's a comment on your parenting I think it's just people trying to be understanding. Being a mom is hard work and being a SAHM is hard too. I am far more offended when people act like I have it so easy because I only work for people when they take vacations so I'm home all the time. I think people are just commenting on how you need to take time for yourself too. Thing is I think moms feel guilty for leaving their babies and that's why they don't do it much, I know I do. I should also say I hardly ever leave my son but I think it would do is both some good if I relaxed on that a bit. Maybe when people are suggesting this they aren't saying your kid would be better off if you did, maybe they're simply saying it doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting a few hours to yourself to be a normal human being rather than super mom.

But that's the point, isn't it? You can't judge other shy your own experiences. I don't find it hard being a Mum, a SAHM at all and one of my children is 'disabled'. It comes easily and naturally for me and I feel I get plenty of 'me' time.

I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty about leaving my baby, why would I? She's well cared for, she's looked after if I do leave her, I just don't feel the need to, so why would I?

Of course, not everyone is the same as me, but that doesn't mean everyone is the same as you either.

Imagine if the situation was reversed and someone was telling another Mum she shouldn't leave her baby so much it wasn't good for them...... It wouldn't be ok, would it, so why is it ok to tell someone else that they should leave their baby or presume to know what they need.

 

[Noelle610]

Imagine if the situation was reversed and someone was telling another Mum she shouldn't leave her baby so much it wasn't good for them...... It wouldn't be ok, would it, so why is it ok to tell someone else that they should leave their baby or presume to know what they need.

I think when you post something on a public forum, you have to be open to the opinions of others. People are going to comment!

 

[Dk1234]

I just don't think that's a comment on your parenting I think it's just people trying to be understanding. Being a mom is hard work and being a SAHM is hard too. I am far more offended when people act like I have it so easy because I only work for people when they take vacations so I'm home all the time. I think people are just commenting on how you need to take time for yourself too. Thing is I think moms feel guilty for leaving their babies and that's why they don't do it much, I know I do. I should also say I hardly ever leave my son but I think it would do is both some good if I relaxed on that a bit. Maybe when people are suggesting this they aren't saying your kid would be better off if you did, maybe they're simply saying it doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting a few hours to yourself to be a normal human being rather than super mom.

I just don't think that's a comment on your parenting I think it's just people trying to be understanding. Being a mom is hard work and being a SAHM is hard too. I am far more offended when people act like I have it so easy because I only work for people when they take vacations so I'm home all the time. I think people are just commenting on how you need to take time for yourself too. Thing is I think moms feel guilty for leaving their babies and that's why they don't do it much, I know I do. I should also say I hardly ever leave my son but I think it would do is both some good if I relaxed on that a bit. Maybe when people are suggesting this they aren't saying your kid would be better off if you did, maybe they're simply saying it doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting a few hours to yourself to be a normal human being rather than super mom.

But that's the point, isn't it? You can't judge other shy your own experiences. I don't find it hard being a Mum, a SAHM at all and one of my children is 'disabled'. It comes easily and naturally for me and I feel I get plenty of 'me' time.

I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty about leaving my baby, why would I? She's well cared for, she's looked after if I do leave her, I just don't feel the need to, so why would I?

Of course, not everyone is the same as me, but that doesn't mean everyone is the same as you either.

Imagine if the situation was reversed and someone was telling another Mum she shouldn't leave her baby so much it wasn't good for them...... It wouldn't be ok, would it, so why is it ok to tell someone else that they should leave their baby or presume to know what they need.

I think if I was never with my child (which is the exact opposite of what were talking about here) my mom would also say something. That's what your mom is for. I just think extreme anything probably isn't ideal. Balance is key to everything.

 

[overcomer79]

working moms on this forum get told all the time that they shouldn't leave their baby all the time...so again everyone is entitled to their opinion...You only have to go to the debate forums to see a thread about this very topic. It wasn't very long again that it was in baby club...so the opinions isn't just one way on this forum.

 

[wookie130]

You know, I haven't read the entire thread, but from what I've gleaned from the OP's remarks, she just really needed to vent about how other people were treating her based on her parenting style, and how irritating the comments of others can be, no matter how well-meaning they were intended.

I don't think the OP's intention was for this to become a debate over whether it's best to attachment parent vs. other parenting styles...she just wants other people to leave her to what she thinks is best for her child, without judgement. People have so many philosophies regarding how to best raise children, and often, they are not afraid or remotely hesitant to force these belief systems onto others.

There are many ways to raise a healthy and happy child...we base these decisions out of love, and wanting the best for our kids. Just when we think that our way is the "best" or the "only" way, someone else is willing to jump in, and give their $0.02 about what is "really" best, or that they're making a mistake by doing things differently.

I have my opinions about what is best for my own child, but I chose to keep them to myself in this thread, simply because I think the point of the OP in creating this thread was to vent that she wishes others would do the same!

 

[The Alchemist]

I agree with wookie. And that's all there is to it.

 

[midori1999]

I just don't think that's a comment on your parenting I think it's just people trying to be understanding. Being a mom is hard work and being a SAHM is hard too. I am far more offended when people act like I have it so easy because I only work for people when they take vacations so I'm home all the time. I think people are just commenting on how you need to take time for yourself too. Thing is I think moms feel guilty for leaving their babies and that's why they don't do it much, I know I do. I should also say I hardly ever leave my son but I think it would do is both some good if I relaxed on that a bit. Maybe when people are suggesting this they aren't saying your kid would be better off if you did, maybe they're simply saying it doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting a few hours to yourself to be a normal human being rather than super mom.

I just don't think that's a comment on your parenting I think it's just people trying to be understanding. Being a mom is hard work and being a SAHM is hard too. I am far more offended when people act like I have it so easy because I only work for people when they take vacations so I'm home all the time. I think people are just commenting on how you need to take time for yourself too. Thing is I think moms feel guilty for leaving their babies and that's why they don't do it much, I know I do. I should also say I hardly ever leave my son but I think it would do is both some good if I relaxed on that a bit. Maybe when people are suggesting this they aren't saying your kid would be better off if you did, maybe they're simply saying it doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting a few hours to yourself to be a normal human being rather than super mom.

But that's the point, isn't it? You can't judge other shy your own experiences. I don't find it hard being a Mum, a SAHM at all and one of my children is 'disabled'. It comes easily and naturally for me and I feel I get plenty of 'me' time.

I don't feel in the slightest bit guilty about leaving my baby, why would I? She's well cared for, she's looked after if I do leave her, I just don't feel the need to, so why would I?

Of course, not everyone is the same as me, but that doesn't mean everyone is the same as you either.

Imagine if the situation was reversed and someone was telling another Mum she shouldn't leave her baby so much it wasn't good for them...... It wouldn't be ok, would it, so why is it ok to tell someone else that they should leave their baby or presume to know what they need.

I think if I was never with my child (which is the exact opposite of what were talking about here) my mom would also say something. That's what your mom is for. I just think extreme anything probably isn't ideal. Balance is key to everything.

Well that's great if that's the kind of relationship you have with your Mum, it's not the sort I have with mine. She respects my parenting decisions and doesn't comment on them.

If you don't think extreme anything is dial, then you parent that way. That's your choice. It doesn't mean it has to be anyone else's.

working moms on this forum get told all the time that they shouldn't leave their baby all the time...so again everyone is entitled to their opinion...You only have to go to the debate forums to see a thread about this very topic. It wasn't very long again that it was in baby club...so the opinions isn't just one way on this forum.

I saw that thread and actually, one person, the OP made a comment about parents leaving their child to go to work and everyone else pretty much jumped on her.

I've never seen a common theme here where working Mums are berated or told they shouldn't leave their baby to go to work.

 

[midori1999]

You know, I haven't read the entire thread, but from what I've gleaned from the OP's remarks, she just really needed to vent about how other people were treating her based on her parenting style, and how irritating the comments of others can be, no matter how well-meaning they were intended.

I don't think the OP's intention was for this to become a debate over whether it's best to attachment parent vs. other parenting styles...she just wants other people to leave her to what she thinks is best for her child, without judgement. People have so many philosophies regarding how to best raise children, and often, they are not afraid or remotely hesitant to force these belief systems onto others.

There are many ways to raise a healthy and happy child...we base these decisions out of love, and wanting the best for our kids. Just when we think that our way is the "best" or the "only" way, someone else is willing to jump in, and give their $0.02 about what is "really" best, or that they're making a mistake by doing things differently.

I have my opinions about what is best for my own child, but I chose to keep them to myself in this thread, simply because I think the point of the OP in creating this thread was to vent that she wishes others would do the same!

I agree actually. The poor O obviously wanted to vent about people telling her she should spend more time apart from her child and then for a whole load of posters telling her that maybe she should do just that.....

 

[Dragonfly]

I had mine stuck to me, bed shared the lot. And nope funny enough they didnt turn out dependant messes. I dont know what I did wrong there? I thought I was ging to get children that wouldn't leave my side not ones that run to the door and dont even wave good bye at me. Perhaps I sickened them of me hehe. or maybe what I did was form a good attachment which was my intention so they would have no issues without me. I dont believe in forcing independence. I had the same said to me about learning the hard way with bed sharing. Which I didnt. It fascinates me the strange views some have on how my kids will be, I just prove them wrong.

 

[TheNewMrs]

My baby is 11 months old! She isn't to school anytime soon, that in itself is a presumption that I will send her to school. I sold my half of a business, to become a SAHM because I actually enjoy it. I get satisfaction from spending time with my child, tending to her needs, watching her grow, learning her personality. I wouldn't rather do anything else with my days right now.

My Daughter copes just fine without me, she plays and interacts with her Papa and Aunties, she isn't a mess screaming out the door after me. That being said I've only left her 4 times with him.

My friends are not being considerate. They are being rude. They don't have children, don't want children and do not enjoy being around children. That being said, I refuse to leave my child needlessly to hang out with them. I can just as well hang out with them and lunch with them with baby there too. They would prefer not to have her there. It is not from a place of love. Example. :Friday night we were to have a "girls night in". My Dad was away and hubby was working. When I text to say "Hubby needs to work and my Dad is out so I'll need to bring baby over with me, she'll be asleep about 8pm anyway. Do you need anything other than baked goodies?"
This was the response. "sorry to hear that nobody can mind baby, we'll let you know the next time we are having a night in, I don't need cleaning little handprints from all over my house! lol"

So yea, there it is.

 

[onetwothreebp]

okay, before your example i was going to that i do understand your friends wanting to go for lunch with you and not baby because you are going to be distracted when lo is there and they might want your full attention for an hour. i personally don't think that's wrong and don't blame them.

however, if something came up and you had to bring your sleeping lo to a girl's night, that response was just downright rude! there is wanting to spend time with you without lo, and then there is wanting to see you, regardless of lo or not. they were definitely rude there.

 

[Noelle610]

My baby is 11 months old! She isn't to school anytime soon, that in itself is a presumption that I will send her to school. I sold my half of a business, to become a SAHM because I actually enjoy it. I get satisfaction from spending time with my child, tending to her needs, watching her grow, learning her personality. I wouldn't rather do anything else with my days right now.

My Daughter copes just fine without me, she plays and interacts with her Papa and Aunties, she isn't a mess screaming out the door after me. That being said I've only left her 4 times with him.

My friends are not being considerate. They are being rude. They don't have children, don't want children and do not enjoy being around children. That being said, I refuse to leave my child needlessly to hang out with them. I can just as well hang out with them and lunch with them with baby there too. They would prefer not to have her there. It is not from a place of love. Example. :Friday night we were to have a "girls night in". My Dad was away and hubby was working. When I text to say "Hubby needs to work and my Dad is out so I'll need to bring baby over with me, she'll be asleep about 8pm anyway. Do you need anything other than baked goodies?"
This was the response. "sorry to hear that nobody can mind baby, we'll let you know the next time we are having a night in, I don't need cleaning little handprints from all over my house! lol"

So yea, there it is.

Wow, that is awful. I am so sorry!

 

[Dragonfly]

My baby is 11 months old! She isn't to school anytime soon, that in itself is a presumption that I will send her to school. I sold my half of a business, to become a SAHM because I actually enjoy it. I get satisfaction from spending time with my child, tending to her needs, watching her grow, learning her personality. I wouldn't rather do anything else with my days right now.

My Daughter copes just fine without me, she plays and interacts with her Papa and Aunties, she isn't a mess screaming out the door after me. That being said I've only left her 4 times with him.

My friends are not being considerate. They are being rude. They don't have children, don't want children and do not enjoy being around children. That being said, I refuse to leave my child needlessly to hang out with them. I can just as well hang out with them and lunch with them with baby there too. They would prefer not to have her there. It is not from a place of love. Example. :Friday night we were to have a "girls night in". My Dad was away and hubby was working. When I text to say "Hubby needs to work and my Dad is out so I'll need to bring baby over with me, she'll be asleep about 8pm anyway. Do you need anything other than baked goodies?"
This was the response. "sorry to hear that nobody can mind baby, we'll let you know the next time we are having a night in, I don't need cleaning little handprints from all over my house! lol"

So yea, there it is.

I was asked out a lot in the first year of my sons life, pubs, clubs you name it but turned them down. This offended my so called friends who lashed out at me about breastfeeding and took it way personally. The idea they had was babies do your head in and you need a social life and to get pissed , and some even took drugs 2 nights or so a week to keep your sanity. But with me looking after my children was never a pain, it was actually a pleasure. I dont judge any one for wanting their time but I do not see kids as nightmares I need away from. Now that they are older I get me time, then they will go to school so I get more me time (cleaning the house time) you got loads of time later on for all this reclaiming the life back I keep hearing. Ps I have no friends now many didnt accept I rather look after my kid than get drunk.