Will you, Wont you??

[Sambatiki]

Hi Ladies!

I was just talking to a friend tonight and we mentioned about telling IVF/ICSI babies about how they were conceived... so will you be telling you children how they were conceived or will you just leave it?

Just interested to hear your thoughts on this xxx

Best of luck with your journeys xx

 

[phoenixrose]

I'm still trying to see if IUI/clomid will work, I'm on round 2 of probably 6, but I would definitely tell my future kids no matter what the method. I think you can just work it into the stories that kids like to hear. My mom would tell me the stories surrounding my birth and her pregnancy with me and I always enjoyed them. I will tell my kids that it took their mommy a very long time to have them, and a doctor had the help mommy and daddy, as they get older you can fill in the blanks more and more. Besides what if they also have problems when they get older, at that point it would come as a shock.

 

[readyformore]

I didn't do IVF, but I did do IUI.

My IUI baby is now 9. I have told him that I had to wait a LONG time to get him.

My ntnp for 1 cycle baby, is now 7. I have told him that he was impatient and couldn't wait to come to us.

I am not sure if I will tell my oldest that he was assisted conception. I am not sure if the children themselves would make a big deal out of it or not. They tend to have a ridiculous amount of sibling rivalry and I feel that this is one issue that they could use to poke at each other. I probably would tell them if they were all conceived the same, but since they were all conceived differently, I just might wait. I don't want my 'surprise' baby to ever feel less wanted, valued, special, or loved just because I didn't have to work as hard to get him. He basically feel into my lap, whereas my IUI baby I had to fight for. They are loved and wanted the same. Route of conception is meaningless when it comes to mothering.

I don't know what I will do in the future about it. For now, telling them, "I had to wait a long time", or "You couldn't wait to come to me", explains enough.
They might not need more details unless they themselves struggle with infertility.

 

[Mrs. Bear]

I will definitely discuss it with them when they are older - especially if I have a girl since I have PCOS and she could have the same problems down the road. In cases of MFI, I think it would be important to make sons aware of that as a potential issue too.

I can't envision a child asking for that many specifics that couldn't be responded to with generalized responses but once they are older I don't see a problem with them knowing when it makes sense for them to. I definitely won't hide it - infertility isn't anything to be ashamed of. They may have to deal with that one day too and knowing we went through it can only help.

 

[Nicker]

For sure I will tell. I agree with phoenixrose. For me, I am single and doing IUI using donor sperm. I am also only considering open donors so that my child will be able to find the other half of his/her DNA contributor.

I guess I am kind of jumping the gun. I don't know if I even have egg reserves to concieve with.

 

[lovie]

I'm not at the stage of starting IVF yet, but the doctor thinks we could start as early as april, I definatly would tell our child how they were conceived, other people in the family would know and I'd hate for them to be told be someone else (not that it is something to feel bad about, just that they might feel we were keeping secrets from them) i think i wouldn't make à big thing about future ttc issues as my mum did the opposite told me how increadably fertile our family was and how i had to be so carfull (turns out im the not so fertile one after generations of fertile myrtles!) hopefully my children wont take after me!!

 

[_Nell]

I will, not least because infertility problems can be inherited.

This is one of the reasons we have not told any of our families and friends about our ttc journey and ivf, I would sort of hate for a child to find out via anyone but me and DH and would like to choose to tell them when we think is the right time.

 

[ILuvBabies200]

Definitely....It will be a heck of a lot easier discussion than what most parents get to tell. This could very well be a plus to infertility!

 

[berki]

Hey there,
I agree... willd definately tell our baby or babies that we had to wait a long time for them and that we had some help from the Doctors. If we have boys we will make sure to provide them with all the information as they get older (due to MFI) in case they end up the same way.

 

[Sambatiki]

Thanks Ladies.

I know I will when they are old enough to understand mainly for reasons as above. xxx

 

[kchandler]

I think I would definetly tell them. I don't think it would be a negative thing for them to know, and may be potentially helpful to them down the road if they were ever in the same circumstance.

 

[goodies]

hi im doing ivf in the summer and will def tell my baby how he or she was made

xx

 

[cooch]

My children will know exactly what we went through and just how much they were longed for x

 

[Gille01]

For sure I will tell. I agree with phoenixrose. For me, I am single and doing IUI using donor sperm. I am also only considering open donors so that my child will be able to find the other half of his/her DNA contributor.

This is my situation exactly. I used an open donor via IUI. I always planned to tell him exactly what happened but being single, there's no way I can not tell him especially when he'll have to wait till he's 18 to even consider future contact.

 

[phoenixrose]

For sure I will tell. I agree with phoenixrose. For me, I am single and doing IUI using donor sperm. I am also only considering open donors so that my child will be able to find the other half of his/her DNA contributor.

This is my situation exactly. I used an open donor via IUI. I always planned to tell him exactly what happened but being single, there's no way I can not tell him especially when he'll have to wait till he's 18 to even consider future contact.

That is definitely a more complicated and tougher situation to explain then most of us here. But I still think that you can explain it little by little, starting very simple and then add more to the story as he or she gets older. There's a movie with jenifer aniston that's about a donor. She called it a 'seed guy'. I don't think it will be a huge issue, especially if it never comes as a shock and the child feels loved. Personally, I was an accident at 18/19 years for my mom and I always felt that she blamed me somehow for how her life was. It created a lot of tension. So if the little one knows that you wanted them so badly and you couldn't wait for mr perfect to show up, then that's a step in the right direction.

 

[Nicker]

For sure I will tell. I agree with phoenixrose. For me, I am single and doing IUI using donor sperm. I am also only considering open donors so that my child will be able to find the other half of his/her DNA contributor.

This is my situation exactly. I used an open donor via IUI. I always planned to tell him exactly what happened but being single, there's no way I can not tell him especially when he'll have to wait till he's 18 to even consider future contact.

That is definitely a more complicated and tougher situation to explain then most of us here. But I still think that you can explain it little by little, starting very simple and then add more to the story as he or she gets older. There's a movie with jenifer aniston that's about a donor. She called it a 'seed guy'. I don't think it will be a huge issue, especially if it never comes as a shock and the child feels loved. Personally, I was an accident at 18/19 years for my mom and I always felt that she blamed me somehow for how her life was. It created a lot of tension. So if the little one knows that you wanted them so badly and you couldn't wait for mr perfect to show up, then that's a step in the right direction.

If IUI works out for me (my FS won't tell me if I get the green light until January) I plan on telling stories to my child and make the language more complex as the child is more able to understand. Like you said, early on I will tell him or her that I wanted them so much so I went to a special doctor who planted some seeds that a nice man gave him so he could help mommies without daddies grow a baby.

Gille, did you get a positive response from everyone? So far only a few people know of my intentions. If I get pregnant I will tell all once risk of miscarriage is low.

 

[Sambatiki]

Totally understand that for some its more complicated, but its nice to see how open everyone is going to be xxx

 

[allmygodly]

They are loved and wanted the same. Route of conception is meaningless when it comes to mothering.

 

[sunyellowbby]

I guess I am kind of jumping the gun.