wish i never had my baby :(

[billy2mm]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

who the hell said that the baby is growing up in a hostile environment?!? you are making damaging and unfounded claims there!!

if you dont have anything constructive to say then tbh you are doing more harm than good. yes you think you are helping by trying to "bully" the op into getting madical help but she is making slow progress and is getting there.

she needs support not "GO DO THIS NOW" posts. if she is like me, if someone tells me to do something the more i will fight against it coz i dont take well to being told what to do!!

every single mother i know has had a point when they have had such a bad day with colic/teething or whatever and have been so close to smacking or hiting or shaking their baby as they are so frustrated and they have put them down in their cot and walked away for a few mins to calm down and gather their thoughts and compose themselves.

you may not think those thoughts are normal but for about 95% of mothers i think they are. if you have never ever had one fleeting moments thought like those above you must be supermum.

i wasnt gunna post any thing else on this thread because im obviously not getting my point across clearly . but now ur just getting personal.. i have had 9 children and i can say hand on heart that i have never for one second wanted to shout,shake or hit my babies so if that makes me super mum then yes i must be...i beleive that children are gifts from god and should be treated as such..not be living in fear of being shouted at or hit because they are in pain with teeth or colic..

where exactly did i make it persoanl?

 

[Tally05]

it sounds a lot like postnatal depression is not someones fault, its happens coz of the rapid hormone drop which some people react to more than others - just like some people get really bad morning sickness and some dont. The important thing to do is to ask for help. Nobody can make you go on anti-depressants and there are other ways of treating the blues. A lot of people i work with(they are all men) well their wives and girlfriends have it or have had it in the past. One thing they all said the same was that once they started to get to have time on their own to pamper or chill out or go out with friends everything started to get better. And they all said going back to work was the best thing too. Its not a rule that you are meant to feel love straight away it takes time. It would do the world of good to ask someone for help you havnt done anything wrong and youve got nothing to lose right? xxx

 

[Tally05]

iv just read the bit above about the nasty comments...and billy2mm is right, you cant blame someone for how they are feeling or how they react on the spur of the moment. She sed she feels liike slapping the baby but does she go ahead and do it? No! The baby is not going to remember it when she grows up so it is having little impact on her. Shouting is no different to any loud noise. Thats like saying she cant turn the hoover on coz the loud noise might distress the baby. what a load of rubbish. As a baby I had colic and i wouldnt stop crying and my mum was so ready to shake me to death she had to go outside in the garden and shut the door so she couldnt hear me for an hour. It did not do me any damage. Who are you to judge? At least she is trying her best and she knows there is something wrong and feels bad. Itd be bad if she didnt care. She does or she wouldnt have posted it on here. The "poor child" is not in a hostile environment. She is not maliciously attacking the baby. She is just not bonding with it. dont you listen to them sweetie xx

 

[Tally05]

oh god the baby p comment just made me laugh... "baby P's mother said she hurt the baby coz of PND" ........well obviously...its a psychological condition due to the hormone drop after giving birth...and what do psychological conditions do for you in court.....they get you a lesser sentance or just stick you in a hospital for a few years until your "better" and you get released. Its the oldest trick in the book blaming stuff like that. Baby P's mother was a psycho she did not have pnd it was an excuse to get away with it. So comparing her is a complete joke. What people say and the truth are two different things.

 

[Tally05]

argh the more posts i read that were put previously the angrier im gettin!! Saying that feeling like slapping the baby is completely wrong. Do none of you lot have feelings??? HAvnt you ever had the office bitch goin on and just felt like cracking her in the face...doesnt mean your going to do it?...or your oh has come in at 4am drunk and peed in the wardrobe and you have been ready to strangle him? Thinking about doing something is just a thought. It cant hurt anyone as long as it stays in your head. Your all overreacting. My supervisor at work is a sexist pig and the amount of times iv felt like giving him a good kick in the balls in uncountable. and iv never done it once. So you all need to get off your pedestals im sure every single one of you has done something similar in the past. Even if your not willing to admit it to yourself.

 

[LittleMadam]

argh the more posts i read that were put previously the angrier im gettin!! Saying that feeling like slapping the baby is completely wrong. Do none of you lot have feelings??? HAvnt you ever had the office bitch goin on and just felt like cracking her in the face...doesnt mean your going to do it?...or your oh has come in at 4am drunk and peed in the wardrobe and you have been ready to strangle him? Thinking about doing something is just a thought. It cant hurt anyone as long as it stays in your head. Your all overreacting. My supervisor at work is a sexist pig and the amount of times iv felt like giving him a good kick in the balls in uncountable. and iv never done it once. So you all need to get off your pedestals im sure every single one of you has done something similar in the past. Even if your not willing to admit it to yourself.

Well said! Hope Kitabird is still reading. xx

 

[pinky1987]

Some ladies on here!

I hope you find the strength to get help and have everything sorted.

Fantastic job for actually facing your troubles!

All the best hun

xx

 

[Tally05]

ok..final thing.. hunny..when you feel like shouting at him (coz everyone gets like that at times when they are frustrated) a good thing to do is either leave him in his pram in the garden or in his cot or whatever and go where he isnt (either in the garden or inside while he is out etc) and scream and stomp and cry your head off! Personally i think screaming into a pillow works. then i cry and then i feel better At least then the baby wont hear anything (not that i think its going to do long term damage but at least then the shock of the loud noise wont make him cry any more than he is). Then at least until you start feeling better your dealing with it a little better xxx

 

[better2gether]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

 

[billy2mm]

it sounds a lot like postnatal depression is not someones fault, its happens coz of the rapid hormone drop which some people react to more than others - just like some people get really bad morning sickness and some dont. The important thing to do is to ask for help. Nobody can make you go on anti-depressants and there are other ways of treating the blues. A lot of people i work with(they are all men) well their wives and girlfriends have it or have had it in the past. One thing they all said the same was that once they started to get to have time on their own to pamper or chill out or go out with friends everything started to get better. And they all said going back to work was the best thing too. Its not a rule that you are meant to feel love straight away it takes time. It would do the world of good to ask someone for help you havnt done anything wrong and youve got nothing to lose right? xxx

well put and stop on! its a chemical imbalance causing the feelings and nothing else!

 

[billy2mm]

argh the more posts i read that were put previously the angrier im gettin!! Saying that feeling like slapping the baby is completely wrong. Do none of you lot have feelings??? HAvnt you ever had the office bitch goin on and just felt like cracking her in the face...doesnt mean your going to do it?...or your oh has come in at 4am drunk and peed in the wardrobe and you have been ready to strangle him? Thinking about doing something is just a thought. It cant hurt anyone as long as it stays in your head. Your all overreacting. My supervisor at work is a sexist pig and the amount of times iv felt like giving him a good kick in the balls in uncountable. and iv never done it once. So you all need to get off your pedestals im sure every single one of you has done something similar in the past. Even if your not willing to admit it to yourself.

so well put!!

 

[special_kala]

Some of these posts are bloody disgusting! We are here to support each other not have a go at someone who is clearly struggling!

I shouted at River once when she wouldnt stop crying does that mean im going to beat her to death like poor baby P was?

I have also felt so frustrated with River that i honestly wanted to poke her in the eye! doesnt mean i would ever do it!!

PND is not the same as people who just beat their kids!

Some of the posts i read have made me feel ashamed to be a member on here.

To the OP

you have done so well so far admitting how you feel hun, please go to the doctor. Dont feel ashamed about how you feel at all but please get the help you need

 

[Raggydoll]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

Sorry but you're wrong and your comment isn't helpful. I'm not suggesting it's ok to shout at your baby but it won't cause them any long term damage. I say this as a mum who had a complete breakdown due to PND. The pain of my depression had me screaming as I felt trapped in a black hole. My daughter was in the house. She is now a happy 7 month old who bears no I'll affect from the early days.

 

[better2gether]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

Sorry but you're wrong and your comment isn't helpful. I'm not suggesting it's ok to shout at your baby but it won't cause them any long term damage. I say this as a mum who had a complete breakdown due to PND. The pain of my depression had me screaming as I felt trapped in a black hole. My daughter was in the house. She is now a happy 7 month old who bears no I'll affect from the early days.

Actually, I'm not wrong and your opinion is your opinion, but I'll post mine regardless if you don't think it is helpful. Did I say anything about long term damage? No. Feel free to reread my post. I simply said that babies can pick up on your moods and adjust theirs as such.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

A baby will pick up on a mothers stress and tension yes but they do not know that it is aimed at them. They have not got the social or emotinonal skills to know.

Having suffered from PND I wanted to shake aidan but i never did. Yes he picked up on my stress and yes he became worse but with depression it is not something you can turn off by a switch

Some of the posts disgust me. Some of the attitudes is why women are ashamed of PND. These 'opinions' can cause more harm than good for the mother and baby because it makes her more ashamed and less likely to get help, therefore prolonging the tension etc

xx

 

[Blondie2008]

Sorry but this post has been taken WAY out of proportion! My god all the OP was doing is crying out for help - thinking she could get it here. She was right too because i think the majority of people have recognised the post for what it is and offered a kind word.

Others on the other hand have just seen it as a green light to make an already depressed person feel like absolute s***. I'm so ashamed to say that i come on this forum when i see threads like this.

OP said 'when he cries I can't cope and sometimes end up shouting at him and feeling like I want to slap him across the face'. And suddenly the Baby P situation is being brought up and she is being accused of raising her child in a 'hostile environment'. WTF!!!!!?????

I really suffered when i first had Beth and thank God i had supportive people around me to drag me back out of the black hole i was in. I am just SOOOOOOO glad i didnt ask for help on here! It would have been the end of me.

Really annoyed by this thread.

 

[Raggydoll]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

Sorry but you're wrong and your comment isn't helpful. I'm not suggesting it's ok to shout at your baby but it won't cause them any long term damage. I say this as a mum who had a complete breakdown due to PND. The pain of my depression had me screaming as I felt trapped in a black hole. My daughter was in the house. She is now a happy 7 month old who bears no I'll affect from the early days.

Actually, I'm not wrong and your opinion is your opinion, but I'll post mine regardless if you don't think it is helpful. Did I say anything about long term damage? No. Feel free to reread my post. I simply said that babies can pick up on your moods and adjust theirs as such.

Apologies, because the discussion had been on the long term effect I thought you were referring to this. I actually agree that babies can pick up on tension in the short term but as Aidens Mummy has said they will not understand the tension.

You are entitled to your opinion but I still don't think this is helpful on a support thread.

If you're wondering why Kitabird hasn't come back perhaps you may want to consider the way this thread has turned. I know if it was me I wouldn't want to post when people have been comparing the situation to the baby P case and berating her for not getting help when this is exactly why thiis thread was started.

 

[better2gether]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

Sorry but you're wrong and your comment isn't helpful. I'm not suggesting it's ok to shout at your baby but it won't cause them any long term damage. I say this as a mum who had a complete breakdown due to PND. The pain of my depression had me screaming as I felt trapped in a black hole. My daughter was in the house. She is now a happy 7 month old who bears no I'll affect from the early days.

Actually, I'm not wrong and your opinion is your opinion, but I'll post mine regardless if you don't think it is helpful. Did I say anything about long term damage? No. Feel free to reread my post. I simply said that babies can pick up on your moods and adjust theirs as such.

Apologies, because the discussion had been on the long term effect I thought you were referring to this. I actually agree that babies can pick up on tension in the short term but as Aidens Mummy has said they will not understand the tension.

You are entitled to your opinion but I still don't think this is helpful on a support thread.

If you're wondering why Kitabird hasn't come back perhaps you may want to consider the way this thread has turned. I know if it was me I wouldn't want to post when people have been comparing the situation to the baby P case and berating her for not getting help when this is exactly why thiis thread was started.

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the way certain posters have handled this thread, I honestly believe we are all concerned for her and the baby, otherwise WHY would we all be posting?! I like to give people the benefit of the doubt though. Maybe that is silly of me.

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I am not supirsed she hasn't come back. After pouring her heart out about her PND and her emotional well being, after taking a very brave step and admitting she has a problem. All she got from some people was accusation and cirtism. Even likening her to a monster like baby p's mother. That is what sickened me.

We will probably never know now. But I really hope some of teh narrow minded replies havn't put her off getting help through fear of being repremanded, judged and put on par with a child abuser
xx

 

[Raggydoll]

I'm of the firm belief that babies do pick up on hostile tension or anger (whatever you want to call it). Sorry if I offend with my word choice, but honestly, I don't think we are giving LOs enough credit here! A baby can detect how the mother is feeling when they are in womb, so how is it any different when they are born and near us a majority of the time? When I'm stressed out, my LO definitely picks up on it. She just gets fussier! But if I take a deep breath and smile at her, she instantly relaxes. Maybe it is all in my head?

The only thing Kitabird has said is that she doesn't want people to act like they are talking behind her back and even then, we get a "cheers" at the end of her post... I find that very upsetting. We have gotten no update on if she is getting help, how she is feeling, etc. Clearly people are concerned about her and the baby and would appreciate an update...

Sorry but you're wrong and your comment isn't helpful. I'm not suggesting it's ok to shout at your baby but it won't cause them any long term damage. I say this as a mum who had a complete breakdown due to PND. The pain of my depression had me screaming as I felt trapped in a black hole. My daughter was in the house. She is now a happy 7 month old who bears no I'll affect from the early days.

Actually, I'm not wrong and your opinion is your opinion, but I'll post mine regardless if you don't think it is helpful. Did I say anything about long term damage? No. Feel free to reread my post. I simply said that babies can pick up on your moods and adjust theirs as such.

Apologies, because the discussion had been on the long term effect I thought you were referring to this. I actually agree that babies can pick up on tension in the short term but as Aidens Mummy has said they will not understand the tension.

You are entitled to your opinion but I still don't think this is helpful on a support thread.

If you're wondering why Kitabird hasn't come back perhaps you may want to consider the way this thread has turned. I know if it was me I wouldn't want to post when people have been comparing the situation to the baby P case and berating her for not getting help when this is exactly why thiis thread was started.

Regardless of whether you agree or disagree with the way certain posters have handled this thread, I honestly believe we are all concerned for her and the baby, otherwise WHY would we all be posting?! I like to give people the benefit of the doubt though. Maybe that is silly of me.

Ok then tell me exactly how you think you are helping the baby by ripping the mother to shreds and probably scaring her from posting and getting support?

Exactly where have the people who have supported the OP not shown concern for the baby?


Tell me how you think it is helpful making people with PND feel like child abusers and negletful of their children?

Can I just point out this is the Postnatal support forum. If you want a discussion on PND start another thread. Carry on with your opinion, you're entitled to it.

In case you're wondering why I'm being so angry, it's because some of these post have confounded my worst fears they have made me feel like a s**t mum just because at my lowest ebb I wanted to shout and scream. I am dealing with my PND much better these days so god knows how the OP must be feeling.