wish i never had my baby :(

[jen1604]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

 

[Lexi's Mummy]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

im sorry but u have NO idea what i have or havent been through, and yh your right my concern isnt for how shes feeling particularly, its for that poor child of hers who she has felt like physically harming! maybe if more people told her the truth of how serious feelings like that could be, she would be more likely to seek actual medical advice, rather than a load of people pussyfooting around her telling her it takes time.. yes i kno it doesnt disappear over night, but she needs to do something about it properly and quickly..

 

[leelee]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

im sorry but u have NO idea what i have or havent been through, and yh your right my concern isnt for how shes feeling particularly, its for that poor child of hers who she has felt like physically harming! maybe if more people told her the truth of how serious feelings like that could be, she would be more likely to seek actual medical advice, rather than a load of people pussyfooting around her telling her it takes time.. yes i kno it doesnt disappear over night, but she needs to do something about it properly and quickly..

Of course everyone is worried for the child - but say you don't particularly care about her feelings - that is very harsh. It's people like you that would turn me off admit feelings like this.

Kitabird would not have posted on here if she wasn't aware that these feelings are not right. She is looking for help and support. If you don't think things are moving fast enough you could always say so, in a much nicer way.

 

[PresqueVu]

but pnd or not its is never ok to feel like slapping a tiny baby.... .

I'd just like to point out that my midwife warned me...

in all honesty it makes no difference wat your midwife warned u of, doesnt make it right

she may be facing up to it, but as babezone pointed out, if shes having feelings of actually physically harming the child, taking it one step/day at a time may be one day to long. she needs to do something now..

I didn't say it was right, there is obviously something amiss as she is unable to bond. I just think telling someone that they are 'wrong' themselves rather than just feeling 'wrong' and that she is 'chickening out' shows a lack of empathy and is steering the thread in a direction that isn't helping. She isn't the only person who has ever felt this way.

I totally agree that she needs to be doing something positive now, and I'm sure we are all, including Kitabird, talking about this with the same focus of keeping her baby and herself safe and happy.

 

[jen1604]

To be honest Lexi's Mummy,I can't be bothered to argue with you I don't think you're adding anything helpful or constructive to this discussion.

Kitabird,I hope you're doing better hon and that you manage to get the support you need soon.Also,keep talking to us if you need to,the majority of us are here to help.

 

[Lexi's Mummy]

To be honest Lexi's Mummy,I can't be bothered to argue with you I don't think you're adding anything helpful or constructive to this discussion.

Kitabird,I hope you're doing better hon and that you manage to get the support you need soon.Also,keep talking to us if you need to,the majority of us are here to help.

tbh i didnt ask u for an arguement did i! i was just expressin my concerns for a helpless child.. that is in the hands of someone who wont seek medical advice even though admitting she has felt like harming her child..

seriously kitabird please please do something about it and VERY soon before your thoughts end up being played out and u do something you will regret..
i did say i KNOW pnd isnt easy.. but these thoughts go beyond not bonding, they are serious and need dealing with.

 

[Lexi's Mummy]

but pnd or not its is never ok to feel like slapping a tiny baby.... .

I'd just like to point out that my midwife warned me...

in all honesty it makes no difference wat your midwife warned u of, doesnt make it right

she may be facing up to it, but as babezone pointed out, if shes having feelings of actually physically harming the child, taking it one step/day at a time may be one day to long. she needs to do something now..

I didn't say it was right, there is obviously something amiss as she is unable to bond. I just think telling someone that they are 'wrong' themselves rather than just feeling 'wrong' and that she is 'chickening out' shows a lack of empathy and is steering the thread in a direction that isn't helping. She isn't the only person who has ever felt this way.

I totally agree that she needs to be doing something positive now, and I'm sure we are all, including Kitabird, talking about this with the same focus of keeping her baby and herself safe and happy.

chickening out were her words not mine...

 

[xmaspixie04]

just wanted to send a big hug your way. i have been through a similar situation and come through the other side, i had bonding issues with my first child and so i understand where you are coming from. however, if you dont seek professional help how are you going to get better? not all mothers fall in love at first sight with their babies, sometimes it can be a slow process. take each day at a time, give yourself a pat on the back when you have a better day, and most importantly speak to somebody professional about these feelings. you dont have to take anti depressants if you dont want to, i myself have had various visits from my midwife ( who is a trained pnd counsellor), plus sessions with a psychotherapist for bonding issues, and finally a referral to a mother and baby unit specially designed for ladies suffering with pnd.
please speak to your h/v, doctor or even a family member/friend about how you are feeling!! could a family member/friend accompany you to see you doctor or hv?
hope you feel better soon, and please keep us posted xxx!

 

[azzii]

Its sounds like you are having postpartum depression. Its treatable. I would get help from someone asap, if it gets worse it coud result in danger to your baby.

 

[vkj73]

kittabird,
i hope you and your baby are doing ok. i also hope that the posts on here don't bring you even more down. the bottom-line is, take care of you and in turn, you'll be able to take care of your baby.

there are a lot of people here on bnb that only wish the best for you and your baby.

i still think you're brave for reaching out.

sending you lots of

 

[Raggydoll]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

Thank you for saying that Jen.

I'm so sad about the way this thread has gone. Kitabird is asking for help and support. She said she felt like slapping her baby not that she had actually harmed the baby. Using the Baby P case in comparison is just cruel, that case was child cruelty and had nothing to do with PND.

The worst thing about PND is you never feel like your a good enough parent, you are completly out of control of your thoughts and feelings.

It is so hard to get help, one of the biggest reasons you don't get help is because you feel like you will be judged and someone will take your child away.

Katabird please don't be afraid to voice your feelings, you have taken a big step just by writing this down and also by going to the baby groups.

I would still strongly advise you to speak to your HV or GP, nobody will force you to take medication just the extra support and care they can provide will help massively.

Please keep talking hun, have a look on the PND support thread there are some wonderful supportive ladies on there.

 

[gemini xo]

BIG hugs hun, I know EXACTLY how you feel! Going through the same thing as you, feel the same - just feel like there is something missing, when I hear of how other parents feel about their babies I just don't "get" it, like I do adore him SO much but I don't know.. it's so hard to explain, I've been told I have PND, my doctor told me to stop taking my tablets which she prescribed me because I wasn't feeling down like I used to everyday but it's slowly going back that way.

I've had such bad days with him & lately he's teething which isn't helping. I've shouted at him, just wanted to slap him as you said, I've wanted to cry but can't! The feelings are awful and I just feel like he doesn't deserve me as a mammy.

Hope you get better soon. xx

 

[gemini xo]

but pnd or not its is never ok to feel like slapping a tiny baby.... .

I'd just like to point out that my midwife warned me that you may have these feelings and that you need to face up to them and control them - the problem is not in having them, but of the danger of acting them out. I've sometimes felt like I could just walk out the door and leave baby alone in the flat when he won't stop crying and I can't figure out whats wrong - but I would never actually do this.

Kitabird IS facing up to these feelings and does seem to be aware of the danger. I understand that there is a big concern here but she is already seeking help, even if it is in small steps like speaking out on this forum. How much courage do you think it took to admit that she felt that way?

I agree that it would have taken a lot of courage to come on here and admit how she is feeling. I also think that she is quite self-aware & will go and speak to someone soon.

but not soon enough tho, she posted here weeks ago and has openly admitted she still feels the same but still hasnt got any help.. im quite concerned that nearly everyone on here is supporting her but no.one is supporting the baby

Supporting the baby is mainly down to mother, which is why people are supporting her. SUPPORT is what is needed in a situation like this! No one has the right at all to judge her on what she has posted unless you've been in the sitution yourself, not everyone can just get up and go to your GP and say 'I think I'm depressed'. I was in denial for a couple of weeks until my family HAD to ring up my health visitor.

I personally felt ashamed, it's so hard to admit because like every new mother you want to instantly LOVE your baby so much & want to protect them from anything and everything, no one wants to ever feel the opposite of that but support is what's needed here, don't you guys think she isn't worried about her baby herself? Of course she is that's why she has posted here, she isn't just thinking of herself she's also thinking of her baby.

 

[Raggydoll]

Gemini. Have you reduced your anti d's slowly or just stopped taking them? I'm at the same point with my GP's ready to lower the dose but I'm not quite ready. I'm a lot more calm and less anxious and I can cope with Kate but I keep getting sad about how things were in the early days. I've also got to face the return to work in the next few weeks.

 

[LittleMadam]

Kitabird,

Despite some of the negativity on the thread, do not stop posting! We want to know how you are doing. As for wanting to slap your baby, thinking is not doing. I don't think you're alone in these thoughts, tbh. I think a lot of women have these things go through their heads but do not act. If you were going to hurt your child, you would have done so. I do think you need a break though. And, yes, I am all for you seeking help--the thing is you have to be ready to seek it.

Lots of hugs.xx

 

[gemini xo]

Gemini. Have you reduced your anti d's slowly or just stopped taking them? I'm at the same point with my GP's ready to lower the dose but I'm not quite ready. I'm a lot more calm and less anxious and I can cope with Kate but I keep getting sad about how things were in the early days. I've also got to face the return to work in the next few weeks.

I just stopped taking them, don't think it has done me any good now to be honest..

 

[kitabird]

I've not read all the replies about the baby being in danger etc but just wanted to say yes I am aware of this issue and I don't have a problem with people bringing it up, but if you're going to please could you address me directly and offer something useful in your post rather than talking as if behind my back. cheers

 

[Eoz]

I have no concerns for your ickle one simply because you are aware and have asked for help.

How are you both doing xxxxx

 

[Blah11]

I dunno hun, you clearly need help and you know you do so i'd bite the bullet and just go to your GP or speak to your HV. The problem isn't going to just go away and it could get worse. You don't need to go through it alone and theres no reason for you to continue feeling like this - please go see someone about it, theres only so much we can do for you over a internet forum. You're ill, if your foot was falling off you wouldnt just stay at home cos u felt embarassed, you'd sort it out.
Sorry if I sound harsh but im being cruel to be kind


In regards to people talking about her harming her baby , she is depressed she doesnt have post natal psychosis and even with people who have PNP its realllly rare to end up with a battered baby. Be a bit more sensitive guys.

 

[dani_tinks]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx