wish i never had my baby :(

[sunbeam]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

 

[sunbeam]

I dunno hun, you clearly need help and you know you do so i'd bite the bullet and just go to your GP or speak to your HV. The problem isn't going to just go away and it could get worse. You don't need to go through it alone and theres no reason for you to continue feeling like this - please go see someone about it, theres only so much we can do for you over a internet forum. You're ill, if your foot was falling off you wouldnt just stay at home cos u felt embarassed, you'd sort it out.
Sorry if I sound harsh but im being cruel to be kind


In regards to people talking about her harming her baby , she is depressed she doesnt have post natal psychosis and even with people who have PNP its realllly rare to end up with a battered baby. Be a bit more sensitive guys.

but she has said she feels like harming her child

 

[sunbeam]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

Thank you for saying that Jen.

I'm so sad about the way this thread has gone. Kitabird is asking for help and support. She said she felt like slapping her baby not that she had actually harmed the baby. Using the Baby P case in comparison is just cruel, that case was child cruelty and had nothing to do with PND.

The worst thing about PND is you never feel like your a good enough parent, you are completly out of control of your thoughts and feelings.

It is so hard to get help, one of the biggest reasons you don't get help is because you feel like you will be judged and someone will take your child away.

Katabird please don't be afraid to voice your feelings, you have taken a big step just by writing this down and also by going to the baby groups.

I would still strongly advise you to speak to your HV or GP, nobody will force you to take medication just the extra support and care they can provide will help massively.

Please keep talking hun, have a look on the PND support thread there are some wonderful supportive ladies on there.

i think you will find that the excuse baby p"s mother had for her child being battered and eventually killed was that she had pnd ! did anyone feel sorry for her after they found out ! NO.... i know this sounds very harsh but just trying to get my point across how serious this could end up if kitabird doesnt seek the help she so obviously needs and u lot all pussy footing around her isnt helping the situation...it is not normal to want to hit ur baby !

 

[dani_tinks]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

No one has said they don't care about her LO we all do of course. But the OP needs help and advice.. not made to feel worse about the situation.

 

[sunbeam]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

No one has said they don't care about her LO we all do of course. But the OP needs help and advice.. not made to feel worse about the situation.

yes she needs help i agree but real help from a gp. imo...people saying to her that they no how she feels and that they felt the same somehow makes it sound like its common and normal to feel like hitting ur baby..all these hugs and stuff isnt gunna make her seek help...bet the baby aint getting many hugs at the moment. she needs to seek professonal help and quick....

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

PND is a medical condition and can make you feel so low that you have no self worth, you can't bond and you don't want to get up in the morning. I have experianced it and can completley empathise with what the OP is saying

She does not need to be told her child is in danger. She sounds like she has PND not physosis. I had thoughts of shaking Aidan but I never did. I shouted at Aidan. I wasn't my self. Yes the baby may feel their mother's resentment. But she doesn not truly mean what she says she is just very low. This forum is about support so some people need to start supporting instead of judging. Some of the responses in this thread are EXCALTY why women try and hide their PND and feel ashamed

OP- I would get in contact with your HV or doctor ASAP. What you are feeling does not make you a bad mum nor a bad person. There are people that can help you and support you. I know excalty what you are going through, if you need anyone to talk to just PM me. You need help sweetie, no one will judge you I promise
xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

No one has said they don't care about her LO we all do of course. But the OP needs help and advice.. not made to feel worse about the situation.

yes she needs help i agree but real help from a gp. imo...people saying to her that they no how she feels and that they felt the same somehow makes it sound like its common and normal to feel like hitting ur baby..all these hugs and stuff isnt gunna make her seek help...bet the baby aint getting many hugs at the moment. she needs to seek professonal help and quick....

Neither will judging her. It will just make her feel more ashamed and isolated pushing her further away from the help she can recieve
xx

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

Ive just seen the Baby P comment she let her parnter abuse her child that is not PND. I foudn some of the posts rather disgusting tbh. Yes this baby is defenseless but he is 2 months old he has no idea his mother finds it hard with him he will just feel her tension he will not mkae that connection

Until someone has suffered with servere PND (There are varying levels) They cannot say what is wrong. She doesn't really want to hurt her child, she doesn't mean it and she isn't herself. Do you know why many babies do get hurt and why PND is so hard to voice and talk about. Because of some of the 'opinions' in this thread. They are excalty the attuitudes women are afraid of. What I was afraid of.
xx

 

[ALY]

PND is a medical condition and can make you feel so low that you have no self worth, you can't bond and you don't want to get up in the morning. I have experianced it and can completley empathise with what the OP is saying

She does not need to be told her child is in danger. She sounds like she has PND not physosis. I had thoughts of shaking Aidan but I never did. I shouted at Aidan. I wasn't my self. Yes the baby may feel their mother's resentment. But she doesn not truly mean what she says she is just very low. This forum is about support so some people need to start supporting instead of judging. Some of the responses in this thread are EXCALTY why women try and hide their PND and feel ashamed

OP- I would get in contact with your HV or doctor ASAP. What you are feeling does not make you a bad mum nor a bad person. There are people that can help you and support you. I know excalty what you are going through, if you need anyone to talk to just PM me. You need help sweetie, no one will judge you I promise
xx

i agree with this 100%

she is a stronger woman and mother than me, as when my little girl was born in 2005 i DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER
i hated her for making me feel so bad and unwell there was NOWAY i would talk to any one NEVERMIND asking for help on a forum where no one knows me x
please girls stop making her feel worse she cant help how she is feeling
and im sure she will get help soon but most of you need to stop been mean yes the baby hasnt done anything wrong, BUT neither has she, all she has done is ask for help and some of your replies are out of order

just to add yes i wanted to hurt robyn and im ashamed of that but I COULDNT HELP IT ! and neither can she

oh and she know she has a problem and we should be helping her to get some help not making her feel worse

Robyn was 8 months old before i TOLD anyone EVEN KARL how i was feeling yes he knew something was wrong but just thought i was tired
he got the dr to come out and see me as i refused to go to the drs and if it wasnt for him im convinced i wouldnt be here today

anyway please girls its so hard to know how it feels if you have NEVER been through it yourself

 

[Pyrrhic]

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

Look at all the emotive words you're using to back up your point, words to inflict hurt, and make people think she is a bad mother. You are not constructive or helpful in your posts, just emotive and bashing the OP.

And bringing Baby P into this thread? Wow. There are no depths, are there?

PND doesn't make people automatically abuse their children. The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem, which she is doing. People who abuse their children have things like psychosis.

Good on her for being so brave to post this. Of course everyone is going to have different opinions, and that is fine. A few people have expressed similar viewpoints to you in a constructive way. You however are just being nasty.

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I'm sorry I think this is far far removed from the Baby P situation and I'm so sorry you had to read that Kitabird Please please do speak to somebody though. I had a pretty traumatic birth and was readmitted with remaining product left in me (placenta) and then I had horrendous problems with breastfeeding. I cried all the time and one night I felt like I just wanted to walk out and leave my husband and son and then the guilt I felt afterwards was even worse. I really hope you get some help but I think this could have been handled more sensitively. You're obviously very fragile and I'm sorry but I don't believe for one moment Baby P's vile mother genuinely did have PND; she was just a cruel, evil disgusting excuse for a human being.

Go to the dr hun and take care xx

 

[Eternal]

i can not beleive how horrible some people have been.

I am sure they OP feels bad enough about not bonding with her child, she does not need someone partically calling her a child abusier. Lets hope none of you that have judged her ever get PND.

We all feel equaily for the baby as much as for the OP, but the only way things will get better is for the OP to be supported and seek help. how on earth do you expect her to go to medical professionals and share what she is feeling when you have told her she a child abusier!

Kitabird - Please call your doctor, i know its hard but i promise they will understand and will def not condem you, if you cant you need to speak to your partner, mum, friend , someone! Its not something to put off, speak to a friend tonight.

I havent suffer PND but i have suffered depression and it wont get better until you speak about it, speaking about it will honestly make things feel so much better. You and your baby need help and support, please dont waste these percious moments with your baby by putting it off and hoping it will go away.

Lots of love hun, please let us know your all ok.

 

[Raggydoll]

Some of you ladies

The fact that Kitabird is speaking out and asking for everyones help here and facing up to how she feels should tell you already that she cares about her baby too much to harm it.

And talking about whether something is 'right',how do you think that is going to make her feel?do you think she asked to feel like this?No,PND is a mental illness and think yourselves very lucky that you obviously haven't been affected by it.The original poster is obviously trying very hard with her baby,getting out to mother and baby groups and such,I think the last thing she needs is people on here judging her when she was just looking for some sympathy and some reassurance and support.

Thank you for saying that Jen.

I'm so sad about the way this thread has gone. Kitabird is asking for help and support. She said she felt like slapping her baby not that she had actually harmed the baby. Using the Baby P case in comparison is just cruel, that case was child cruelty and had nothing to do with PND.

The worst thing about PND is you never feel like your a good enough parent, you are completly out of control of your thoughts and feelings.

It is so hard to get help, one of the biggest reasons you don't get help is because you feel like you will be judged and someone will take your child away.

Katabird please don't be afraid to voice your feelings, you have taken a big step just by writing this down and also by going to the baby groups.

I would still strongly advise you to speak to your HV or GP, nobody will force you to take medication just the extra support and care they can provide will help massively.

Please keep talking hun, have a look on the PND support thread there are some wonderful supportive ladies on there.

i think you will find that the excuse baby p"s mother had for her child being battered and eventually killed was that she had pnd ! did anyone feel sorry for her after they found out ! NO.... i know this sounds very harsh but just trying to get my point across how serious this could end up if kitabird doesnt seek the help she so obviously needs and u lot all pussy footing around her isnt helping the situation...it is not normal to want to hit ur baby !

I am not pussyfooting around her I am offering support because I have suffered from PND and I know just how frightening it is. My daughter was never in danger. It's people making harsh judgements like yours that make it difficult for mums to get help.

As for the baby P case I think you'll find the physical abuse was inflicted by her partner out of cruelty. The mother chose to ignore the suffering her son was going through, PND or not this is unforgivable. However this does not compare to what Kitabird is going through, it is unfair to even bring this up.

PND does not make you a child abuser.

 

[Raggydoll]

Please can we not turn this thread into an argument. Kitabird is asking for help and a lot of people on here want to provide her with support. I would hate for Kitabird to feel like she can't express the way she is feeling.

I 100% agree the best help will come from her GP or HV but it's not easy to ask for help. In the meantime the postive support from here may just encourage Kitabird to get help.

If for even just one minute the kind words here make Kitabird feel like she's not alone then this thread is helping.

Kitabird, it may not feel like it but it does get better. I'm here if you need any help.

 

[billy2mm]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

who the hell said that the baby is growing up in a hostile environment?!? you are making damaging and unfounded claims there!!

if you dont have anything constructive to say then tbh you are doing more harm than good. yes you think you are helping by trying to "bully" the op into getting madical help but she is making slow progress and is getting there.

she needs support not "GO DO THIS NOW" posts. if she is like me, if someone tells me to do something the more i will fight against it coz i dont take well to being told what to do!!

every single mother i know has had a point when they have had such a bad day with colic/teething or whatever and have been so close to smacking or hiting or shaking their baby as they are so frustrated and they have put them down in their cot and walked away for a few mins to calm down and gather their thoughts and compose themselves.

you may not think those thoughts are normal but for about 95% of mothers i think they are. if you have never ever had one fleeting moments thought like those above you must be supermum.

 

[sunbeam]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

who the hell said that the baby is growing up in a hostile environment?!? you are making damaging and unfounded claims there!!

if you dont have anything constructive to say then tbh you are doing more harm than good. yes you think you are helping by trying to "bully" the op into getting madical help but she is making slow progress and is getting there.

she needs support not "GO DO THIS NOW" posts. if she is like me, if someone tells me to do something the more i will fight against it coz i dont take well to being told what to do!!

every single mother i know has had a point when they have had such a bad day with colic/teething or whatever and have been so close to smacking or hiting or shaking their baby as they are so frustrated and they have put them down in their cot and walked away for a few mins to calm down and gather their thoughts and compose themselves.

you may not think those thoughts are normal but for about 95% of mothers i think they are. if you have never ever had one fleeting moments thought like those above you must be supermum.

i wasnt gunna post any thing else on this thread because im obviously not getting my point across clearly . but now ur just getting personal.. i have had 9 children and i can say hand on heart that i have never for one second wanted to shout,shake or hit my babies so if that makes me super mum then yes i must be...i beleive that children are gifts from god and should be treated as such..not be living in fear of being shouted at or hit because they are in pain with teeth or colic..

 

[jenny_wren]

im not going to jump into this
or start an argument

but i will say i suffer from severe pnd
and i can relate to what the op is saying
i've never once felt love for my daughter
and yes i do have thoughts about hurting her
it doesn't make me a bad person or a child abuser
pnd is an illness and it takes time to overcome
the illness, plenty of people have these feelings
towards their children ...

1 in 10 new mums go through pnd, the op needs support not
harsh comments, she needs to speak to a
doctor yes but the fact she has told her
feelings to someone is a huge step in the right
direction

it took me 6 months to even ask for help
because i was afraid of people would think
and some of your comments are the sort
of thing i was afraid of

some mothers bond with their children and love them
from the very start, some mothers like myself struggle
to find the love, my child's 17 months and i still dont
feel we have a strong bond, not everyone feels like
the perfect mother, not everyone has the patience
you need with a small child and not everyone feels
they can cope to begin with ...

to the op ... the longer you leave it the worse it
gets trust me as soon as you speak to someone and
they get the ball rolling you can only go forwards
it may take some time but it does get better
you're not alone i promise but you do need to speak
with someone, im always about if you need me

​

 

[Raggydoll]

I am actually shocked at some of the comments on this thread.

Kitabird, I hope you're ok and that you seek the medical help you need soon, it's nothing to be ashamed of and it really is helpful to talk to someone about how you feel. xx

yes im actually quite shocked too, at the amount of people on this thread who just dont seem to care about this tiny defenceless baby being brought up in such a hostile enviroment... yes i do feel for kiitabird if indeed she does have pnd as i have said but feel more for the por child being yelled at for no reason . what must this poor child be going thru

who the hell said that the baby is growing up in a hostile environment?!? you are making damaging and unfounded claims there!!

if you dont have anything constructive to say then tbh you are doing more harm than good. yes you think you are helping by trying to "bully" the op into getting madical help but she is making slow progress and is getting there.

she needs support not "GO DO THIS NOW" posts. if she is like me, if someone tells me to do something the more i will fight against it coz i dont take well to being told what to do!!

every single mother i know has had a point when they have had such a bad day with colic/teething or whatever and have been so close to smacking or hiting or shaking their baby as they are so frustrated and they have put them down in their cot and walked away for a few mins to calm down and gather their thoughts and compose themselves.

you may not think those thoughts are normal but for about 95% of mothers i think they are. if you have never ever had one fleeting moments thought like those above you must be supermum.

i wasnt gunna post any thing else on this thread because im obviously not getting my point across clearly . but now ur just getting personal.. i have had 9 children and i can say hand on heart that i have never for one second wanted to shout,shake or hit my babies so if that makes me super mum then yes i must be...i beleive that children are gifts from god and should be treated as such..not be living in fear of being shouted at or hit because they are in pain with teeth or colic..

You're children are extremely lucky. I wish so much that the early days of my daughters life could of been like this but they weren't. I had such severe depression I was stuck in this black hole, yes I felt like shouting at my baby. I was scared, frustrated and most importantly I could not see what I was doing. PND is a chemical imbalance, myself, Kitabird and anyone else suffering from PND have no control over the thoughts and feelings experienced.

The OP has come on here because she recognises these thoughts are not right, she is asking for help but all you are doing is comfirming her fears she will be judged as a bad mum for speaking about this.

I highly doubt her baby is in danger, she has not hit him, she said she felt like hitting him, not that she had. Nearly a month has passed since the original post and she has not hurt him. She may of shouted at him but he is 2 months old, yes it may of scare him at the time but he won't remember it.

Believe me when I say it is the only small comfort for me that my daughter will not remember those early days. I may now be able to deal with the day to day, I love my daughter enormously, she's is at 7 months a happy and thriving baby but I feel the most horrendous guilt for the way her early days were, let me & others hold onto that small comfort because we can't change the past.

I think you show great compassion in the fact you worry about a baby you don't know but please could you let this thread continue providing the support the OP or anyone reading this in the same position need.

 

[amazed]

I am incredibly shocked by what some of you have said, shes brave enough to speak out Jeeezzzz..

I hope you see your GP hun or your HV many hugs hun xx

 

[Kitty23]

You poor darling

I am really shocked by some of the "advice" on this thread.

If you've never suffered from PND its hard to imagine wanting to hurt your child it doesnt mean you will hurt your child and its horrible thinking like it but its not your fault!

You should not be ashamed Pnd is bloody shit, its turned me into a wreck. Its so horrendously horrid not to feel anything for your children, you know you should love them but nothing is there. But I promise you it will change, you will feel better and the love will come.

Really seek out help, people are so willing to help. Good luck xxx