Would you let a newborn cry it out?

[special_kala]

I actually think making a newborn CIO is disgusting.

They barely even know that they are out of the womb, they NEED us for every single thing can you imagine how vunerable and scared they would feel when they are alone and crying?

It makes me want to cry at the thought of it tbh

 

[Sarahdisco]

I had this with my MIL and OH who we're adamant LO was manipulating us into being held. I told them both to go away (in not so polite terms!) and that if my baby cried, I would be there for her. Yes we may do sleep training later on but that will be from 6 months onwards. She's too young to learn master manipulation tactics and I want her to trust her mummy and daddy.

I will admit I let her fuss a bit when she first wakes up (usually cause I'm in the middle of something!) or cause it wakes her up enough to take her feed rather than falling asleep again as soon as the bottle goes in her mouth! She'll often have a little fuss, then decide she's still sleepy and settle down again. When it become crying then I pick her up.

Show OH the 4th trimester stuff and ignore MIL. Trust your instincts.

 

[lilly_bum]

Simple awnser never i think its so cruel to leave a new baby to cry poor little thing i dont even let my 15 month old cry it out x

 

[Larkspur]

I had this with my MIL and OH who we're adamant LO was manipulating us into being held.

WTF, this makes me so punchy!!

Like a little baby is capable of the cognitive process, "Hmmm, on one hand, I could just go off to sleep quietly by myself, but on the other hand, if I scream, someone will come and cuddle me, so I'll do that instead."

Good on you for telling them to shove it.

 

[Leesy]

I think you should show mil 4th tri stuff aswell as oh, otherwise you'll get oh to understand then mil will come along and undo all your good work with oh.

CIO after about 6 months is the choice of the individual. I have never done it but only because i've not had the need too. Right now my 10 month old is snuggled up to me on the couch falling asleep in my arms. I still don't believe he is manipulationg me. he has a cuddle to sleep every night and self settles when he wakes throughout the night so who am i to deny him a cuddle before bed. Always go with your gut, if something doesn't sit r ight with you, don't do it - no matter who tries to talk you into it.

 

[aliss]

I did at 1 week because he was so colicky and I had no idea, took bad advice, please don't do it. My son is 3.5 now and I STILL feel horrible/sick remembering that night. I never let him cry again after that. Take it from someone who listened to that awful advice, it is just horrible.

 

[sue_88]

Aside from the fact letting a newborn CIO is disgusting, you'd actually be listening to crying for a VERY long time.

Newborns cry 'properly'.......with their diaphragm, and therefore the act of crying does not tire them. A bit like an opera singer can sing for hours as they sing properly.

Leaving them to cry would lead to thrashing about and eventually they'd go to sleep exhausted, hungry and feeling scared, startled and alone.

Breaks my heart thinking about it.

 

[Pielette]

Like everyone else has said, good Lord no.

The fourth trimester thing is right on the money. My health visitor said this to me: 'Some babies make the womb to world transition smoothly. These are the babies who you can easily put down to go to sleep and off they will drift. But some find it harder and it's not surprising - in the womb they never felt hungry, tired or cold. All of a sudden they feel all these things and they're surrounded by light and sound and it's scary and over-stimulating.'

My littlest won't go to sleep by himself. So I wear him for naps and sometimes we bedshare (the first part of the night he sleeps happily in his cot). It's a short phase in the grand scheme of things. I'd suggest thinking about bedsharing because that may well save your sanity and help you get some sleep. If you moved LO to a different room all you'd be doing is leaving your bed a hundred times a night and you'd be more exhausted!

 

[lhancock90]

Aaah give your OH and MIL a kick up the arse and let them CIO!
Follow your instincts OP. Its totally totally insane!

x

 

[lomelly]

No, no, no. Show them this information and tell them to stuff it. Your baby needs you can't spoil them with cuddles!

 

[overcomer79]

Haven't read the responses but...NO! (this coming from a person who does sleep train older babies) but 1 month old is way too young!

 

[DaisyAnne]

I'm hoping someone here can give me advice on whether its ok to let a 1 month old cry without consoling them. When are they old enough to 'cry it out' on their own? It goes against everything I have heard or read but my husband & MIL say it is spoiling the baby and making the behavior worse. I always pick her up when she is crying and most of the time I can soothe her but she will start crying when I put her down. My husband wants me to stop doing this. Tonight we were having dinner with MIL and my little one was crying hysterically. After several minutes I was just about in tears so I got up and left to comfort her. Both husband & MIL were not happy.

I think part of my husband's opinion is based on the fact that I am up all night (literally every hour) with her because she cries as soon as she is put of the crib which is next to our bed. OH wants us to move her to her own room I'm exhausted beyond belief but I would rather sacrifice my sleep and sanity than cause any psychological damage to her. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

Thanks,
m2b

I'm sure everyone has already said this, but oh no, I would *not* let an infant cry it out. I only read your first post, but it has me so worked up because I can't imagine trying to console your baby and people close to you telling you not to!

I, too, had to be up every hour and don't know how I survived those early days! For us, he started lengthening his time asleep at night around 6 weeks- I hope it's coming soon for you! Honestly, even at almost 10 months I still don't let him cry it out. You don't have to. There are many no-cry sleep training methods you can choose from, many people think CIO is your only option. I know it works better for some, but not for us.
Some people do CIO to teach them to self-soothe and not be as dependent on us, I do not let him CIO as a way to show him he can depend on me and can take comfort in knowing we're there. Both are valid ways of doing it, but at your baby's age *you cannot spoil an infant*!!!

 

[DaisyAnne]

I agree with what everyone says. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for caring for your newborn.

The only time I would ever suggest letting a baby that young cry is if your stress level is so high from constant crying that you need a sanity break. Sometimes taking care of yourself needs to be a priority too.

I agree with this. Once or twice my colicky baby at 3 in the morning crying his head off for hours and hours made me want to scream...so instead of letting my stress and frustration get too high, I put him down, let him scream, and closed myself in the bathroom down the hall, turned the fan on so I couldn't hear him crying for a minute. I felt awful leaving him to cry, but I knew I needed a minute of no crying to collect my sanity and keep going. It worked, and out of 4 months of a colicky baby I think I only had to do that once or twice.

 

[Bevziibubble]

This has got to be the first time Baby Club has been so united over a sleep training thread.

That says it all, really!

 

[aliss]

This has got to be the first time Baby Club has been so united over a sleep training thread.

That says it all, really!

Might be a good day to buy a lottery ticket then because something's going on with the cosmos!

 

[Sparrow85]

Definitely not. A newborn does not know that when you leave, you still exist. When something is out of sight, it may as well have never existed. Babies don't learn object permanence until around 6 months. After this, they know that you are still there, even if they can't see you.

A newborn baby is crying because it needs something and they are impossible to spoil. Please do not listen to anyone who tells you any differently.

 

[_jellybean_]

I actually think making a newborn CIO is disgusting.

They barely even know that they are out of the womb, they NEED us for every single thing can you imagine how vunerable and scared they would feel when they are alone and crying?

It makes me want to cry at the thought of it tbh

Agree^^^I think its disgusting too!

Also, you should read "The Happiest Baby on the Block."

Wow. I'd be really upset with mil and dh if they tried to make me let my newborn or baby/child cry at all. What is wrong with them?!

 

[Boomerslady]

I just wanted to say, I know exactly where you're coming from, when Ben was born my mum and sister were just like your DH and MIL and couldn't believe I wouldn't do it!!! I posted a thread exactly like this and got very similar replies (as well as lots of abuse!!! I soon learnt a lot about baby club!!) but like you I didn't follow the advice, and did what I felt was natural which was cuddle my boy as and when he needed me.

Stick to your guns hunni, you're the mummy and you know best. I did a form of CC from 6 months old, where I didn't pick him up at night time/nap time, I just stroked his head and sang to him and it worked for us. I hope your DH and MIL back off.

 

[Shadowy Lady]

You know I find it so weird that there are so many ppl advising new moms to CIO newborns. My mom and mother in law are both old school but they are advocates of cuddling and rocking newborns. Everyone else I know of older generation is the same around here too. Only on BnB I hear about such bad advice from older folks and it is very sad.

Newborns haven't developped a memory yet so if you CIO them they will just cry themselves into exhaustion. It's not like they will learn from it and get trained. It's very heart breaking for me to think about it and I'm actually an advocate of sleep training (at the right age though).

Stand your ground hunnie and do what feels right to you.

 

[AC1987]

My dh and mil told me to let me LO cio too! I did NOT listen to them, its all part of the baby being a newborn, my mom finally had to talk some sense into them about how you DON'T leave a newborn to cry. Because generally it means something is WRONG, could be hungry, diaper needs changing, burp stuck, tummy ache, or just wants to cuddle.