Would you let a newborn cry it out?

[jd83]

Absolutely agree with previous posters, NO NO NO to CIO with a newborn! I totally agree with looking into the 4th trimester, it really helps to understand what your baby is going through as he/she transitions to being outside the womb. Its hard for them, because they have been safe, warm, cuddled tightly inside you for 9 months. That's a long time. you can't expect them to magically just be okay on their own outside the womb. They need constant attention and reassurance for those first few months as they get their bearings on being outside, and start to feel comfortable with it. I think so many people just don't realize until they have a newborn just how much attention they need! It seems really overwhelming the first few months, but in the scheme of things, its not really that long. Hold them and cuddle them as much as you can while you can. Your DH and MIL are wrong on this point. YOu just can't spoil a newborn; they NEED that amount of attention and love to know that they are loved and to feel secure.

 

[Miss Vintage]

Agree with everyone else, no to CIO with a newborn. I find it so sad that people genuinely believe that a baby is capable of manipulating its parents.

 

[xxxLeoxxx]

It actually makes me feel so sad to think that there are 1 month old babies being left to CIO

Good for you for following your instinct - tell your OH and MIL to shush!!

 

[ClaudiasMummy]

A newborn needs cuddles and food. You cannot spoil a newborn.
I wouldn't let my DD CIO until she was around 6 - 7 months.

 

[LilyValley]

I'm just agreeing with everyone else here, nothing new to add. Except - I found that ignoring 70% of 'advice' from people who from the school of been there/done that made me feel heaps better. You've been amazing to question this advice when your LO is so tiny, it (very regrettably) took me a while longer before I was confident enough with my gut instinct. Just nod, smile, ignore . You're doing great, LO will settle soon.

 

[gemxgem]

No never, I'd be tempted to tie your OH to the bed for half an hour in a dark room so he can see what it would feel like to leave your newborn to cry.

^^ this.

I can only imagine how scary it must be for a newborn, blind, unable to move much, not knowing what's going on, scared and the only thing they know is mummy's voice, scent and hold. How could u leave them frightened like that?

 

[Button#]

I wouldn't let my 19 month old CIO and certainly not a newborn.

When Ashley was tiny I found he lasted a bit longer between wake ups if I held him for 20 minutes after he fell asleep before putting him down in his basket. I also found swaddling to be helpful.

 

[mom2b2013]

Wow I guess that's a resounding NO to letting baby CIO! Its so reassuring to hear that other mothers have been in my situation. I actually had to leave the table the other night because I was starting to cry and was so mad and disgusted at my OH for thinking its ok to let her cry. Like other posters have said he thinks she is trying to manipulate us into holding her. It seriously makes me question his ability as a father. On top of that MIL was saying that babies are supposed to cry because it helps develop their lungs

OH saw that I had been crying after I went to comfort her so he was a little more open to what I had to say. I haven't had a chance to show him the 4th trimester stuff yet but I think he will take me seriously after that. He is only going on what his mother is telling him but he can't ignore what research and expect opinions are. I'm also tempted to show him this thread but he'll probably get annoyed with me.

From now on I'm going to follow my own instinct even if it means clashing with the MIL. Thanks again for all your reassurance

 

[mom2b2013]

I would point blank tell my dh and my MIL to suck it! Like the other's said, its way to young to be CIO and also with regards to your MIL, its your child so her opinion means nothing. Your dh should be trusting your instincts and not trying to force you to do something you aren't comfortable with. All your baby is learning now is not to trust you because her needs are not being tended to.

Have you considered letting her sleep on you at night? I never thought I'd do that and I was terrifed in the beginning but it really worked wonders for us. I'd feed LO then let her fall asleep on my chest while I was slightly propped up. We'd spend half the night like that and when I woke up I'd gently move her over to her basinett.

This is exactly what I have been doing with her lately and then I try to put her back in the crib once she has been sleeping for 20 mins. Of course she usually wakes up though. I'm scared that I might accidently roll over on her but I guess being such a light sleeper that would be unlikely.

I'm also waiting for my moby wrap to come in so I can hopefully get some work done while I'm holding her (I'm a full time student atm). Fortunately all my classes are on the weekends so I can be with her during the week.

 

[Pink Sunshine]

I would suggest never allowing MIL to look after your LO. This just makes me sad.

 

[aliss]

lol... was I the only one who took that bad advice?

I was so desperate, but I still feel bad three years later. Oh and mine had a broken collarbone at the time too, not exactly mother of the year. Sigh!!

 

[hubblybubbly]

OP - you did the right thing, Leaving a newborn to CIO is cruel, I feel dreadful of I'm in the car and piper starts to cry, makes me feel sick, I would hate to think people are advising new mums to leave them when they can be comforted. Enjoy those cuddles as they grow up so quickly and soon will be running away from you when you ty and snuggle. I've never known anyone to feel guilty for picking them up but I do know people who feel guilty for leaving them...see below....

Aliss- I wasn't advised to leave willow to cry but one night when she was about 6 weeks old and my PND was in full force, I left her on the changing mat on the bathroom floor crying while I laid on the floor next to her crying also, we both fell asleep crying and I feel horrnedous about it to this day, even more so now I hav piper....fortunately no signs of PND this time and can't imagine what I was thinking at th time. Just thought I'd share my most shite mother moment with you to let you know you're not alone!

 

[Mia Evan]

Don't let anyone bully you into letting your baby cio if you don't feel comfortable doing it or if you feel like it's not the right thing for you and your baby. My husband bugged me non stop about letting our lo cio when she was just a few months old, which really upset me because he wasn't the one staying up with her or running to her when she cried anyways! I have nothing against cio, it's just not the only solution out there; especially for a newborn! I really feel for you because it hurts when it's your own husband who is pressuring you into doing something you don't want to for your baby. Stand up for yourself and your baby! Things will get better

 

[aliss]

OP - you did the right thing, Leaving a newborn to CIO is cruel, I feel dreadful of I'm in the car and piper starts to cry, makes me feel sick, I would hate to think people are advising new mums to leave them when they can be comforted. Enjoy those cuddles as they grow up so quickly and soon will be running away from you when you ty and snuggle. I've never known anyone to feel guilty for picking them up but I do know people who feel guilty for leaving them...see below....

Aliss- I wasn't advised to leave willow to cry but one night when she was about 6 weeks old and my PND was in full force, I left her on the changing mat on the bathroom floor crying while I laid on the floor next to her crying also, we both fell asleep crying and I feel horrnedous about it to this day, even more so now I hav piper....fortunately no signs of PND this time and can't imagine what I was thinking at th time. Just thought I'd share my most shite mother moment with you to let you know you're not alone!

Ahh! Well, I can certainly relate to that one too! And to think we worried about nursery colours when pregnant with the 1st, being a mom is HARD.

 

[FAB mama]

I haven't read through all the pages of replies, but NO, I would comfort my baby as much as possible at that age.

 

[meli1981]

No you cannot spoil a newborn, your babys crying out to be comforted. Sleep training of any kind will not be effective until at least six months, but i would wait until more like nine months

 

[Beanonorder]

I would point blank tell my dh and my MIL to suck it! Like the other's said, its way to young to be CIO and also with regards to your MIL, its your child so her opinion means nothing. Your dh should be trusting your instincts and not trying to force you to do something you aren't comfortable with. All your baby is learning now is not to trust you because her needs are not being tended to.

Have you considered letting her sleep on you at night? I never thought I'd do that and I was terrifed in the beginning but it really worked wonders for us. I'd feed LO then let her fall asleep on my chest while I was slightly propped up. We'd spend half the night like that and when I woke up I'd gently move her over to her basinett.

This is exactly what I have been doing with her lately and then I try to put her back in the crib once she has been sleeping for 20 mins. Of course she usually wakes up though. I'm scared that I might accidently roll over on her but I guess being such a light sleeper that would be unlikely.

I'm also waiting for my moby wrap to come in so I can hopefully get some work done while I'm holding her (I'm a full time student atm). Fortunately all my classes are on the weekends so I can be with her during the week.

Rolling over onto her was my biggest fear too! But its amazing how your instincts just take over and you stay in that same position while LO is on you. And if you are a light sleeper that is even better. Try leaving her for a couple of hours and get some sleep yourself - it really does wonders for you!
And yes to a moby wrap while she's still little! I loved mine!

 

[pinklightbulb]

FOB wanted me to leave my 6-day-old son to CIO. I told him to go and take one up himself. Might be one of the reasons we eventually split, if we couldn't agree on something that's so obviously wrong!

 

[mrs_park]

No way, I would never let a baby (of any age) CIO, that is just me and how I feel on the matter though.

It sounds like your OH is taking that stance because of his mum and I think a lot of men think their mothers did everything right. Show him the stuff on fourth trimester and on newborn needs and I'm sure he will turn around. Its time for you and OH to decide on parenting methods together based on what suits you and your new family.

Good on you for sticking to your instincts. A mummies instincts are never wrong xx

 

[HoneyBee144]

I completely agree with everyone else that you shouldn't do CIO with a new born or at all if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Just to add another point enjoy this time when your baby wants cuddles! My DS is 4 months now and doesn't like being cuddled anymore, he's too busy grabbing things, babbling and staring at everyone else so just enjoy this time because you won't get it back. I once read on here 'no one looks back and wishes they'd cuddled their baby less' and it's so true.