Would you let finances determine family size?

[Dk1234]

Everyone is matEriakistic to a certain extent. This especially refers to children. When I was in school kids got made fun of for not having nice things. I doubt much has changed. Doesn't make it right, but I sure wanna do anything I can to make my child's life easier. I think you can raise your children right but no matter what you do, money matters to people and until they are strong enough to not care what others think (usually not in school) then money will matter.

 

[PitaKat]

wanting my children to have extras, wont make them materialistic

Oh no, I wasn't speaking directly to you

DK, you're right that everyone is materialistic to an extent. But life is not about the things a person amasses. Kids need to be taught that. I want my child to value people and experiences more than they value things. Just my opinion

 

[meli1981]

i want my kids to have both! great values, and great things!

 

[JASMAK]

I raise my kids to not judge others by their abilities, looks, or what they have. My kids do have the extras....but, I dont let them forget that I did not. My daughter is disabled, and they all are a minority. I am not going to raise bratty spolied judgemental children. Soooo many times at my kids school, you will hear the PARENTS judging others, and what do you know...their kids are snotty brats.

 

[Gunnhilde]

I think as long as you can feed them, they are well cared for and loved, and you and your OH agree on the number - go for it indefinitely.

We don't believe in unnatural birth control. We believe it is important to open a marriage to the possibility of children and to allow the universe to decide when we are to be parents.

We've agreed to a start of 5, although I can tell OH is caving to more. We'll be using NFP and then accepting more as they come, if they do.

I had a very privileged upbringing, was the only child in my household (my brothers were raised in different houses), and was freaking and absolutely miserable. I would have traded material things in any day for love.

 

[Natsku]

I think having great things can really oppose having great values. My fella was telling me about how his dad would always get him the nice things he wanted, like guitars and mopeds and whatnot and it taught him to not value anything and he still can't value anything. I don't want my kids to learn that so I'd rather they moan at me while they are kids cos they don't have designer clothes and don't have the latest toys but appreciate me when they are older for teaching them the value of things.

 

[vaniilla]

It's a very personal thing I guess!

I would not have a child unless I felt I could give it a standard of living I would be happy with, I would feel very irresponsible having a child I could not afford and as a result making any existing children live worse off, yes accidents happen but that's a very small amount and can be mostly avoided if people are really cautious in regards to protection, I wouldn't have a child if I wasn't in the right circumstances - not just money but health, relationships and space would have a big factor too. I've been brought up in a well off family and neither me or my sister are spoiled/bad with money, we both know the value of things, how ridiculous to assume that if you have money your kids will be spoiled, you can spoil kids regardless of your income!

Parenting and environment affect what your child grows up to be, not money or lack of, it's just a matter of living standards and what you are willing to live like. Money is very important regardless of what people may say, the cost of living increases every day as does education and property, it's also about choice, I like having the choice of living in the area that I want and being to buy the things I want, I do not want to limit mine or my family's choices nor what they are able to do.

 

[meli1981]

I think having great things can really oppose having great values. My fella was telling me about how his dad would always get him the nice things he wanted, like guitars and mopeds and whatnot and it taught him to not value anything and he still can't value anything. I don't want my kids to learn that so I'd rather they moan at me while they are kids cos they don't have designer clothes and don't have the latest toys but appreciate me when they are older for teaching them the value of things.

not necessarily true, my girls have nice things, toys they want, clothes from a decent store, and weve gone to disneyland, two years ago, and st thomas this year. they arent bratty whatsoever! i give them the quality of life i want them to have. i want them to see the world, and i think family vacations are SOOOO important. i dont want them to have the same worries i had as a child, worrying about not eating, and having to go to catholic charities fir clothes. just because i grew up like this doesnt make me value the world any more in fact i learned the world is kinda a crappy place! i want my kids to view the world as full of opportunities. and money makes that sooo much easier!

 

[XJessicaX]

hmmm, not sure. My parents are/were wealthy and I grew up with a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I worked small jobs from a young age so was independent but I did live a luxurious lifestyle. I wasn't overly spoilt but I just presumed that how I lived was how everyone lived so was pretty naive. Even now my naivety embarrasses me and I am frequently shocked at how people cope with so little money. I went straight from my parents to my husband lol! makes me a bit of a princess. I want my daughter to have nice things, but I fear that I may be spoiling her.

 

[Natsku]

I think having great things can really oppose having great values. My fella was telling me about how his dad would always get him the nice things he wanted, like guitars and mopeds and whatnot and it taught him to not value anything and he still can't value anything. I don't want my kids to learn that so I'd rather they moan at me while they are kids cos they don't have designer clothes and don't have the latest toys but appreciate me when they are older for teaching them the value of things.

not necessarily true, my girls have nice things, toys they want, clothes from a decent store, and weve gone to disneyland, two years ago, and st thomas this year. they arent bratty whatsoever! i give them the quality of life i want them to have. i want them to see the world, and i think family vacations are SOOOO important. i dont want them to have the same worries i had as a child, worrying about not eating, and having to go to catholic charities fir clothes. just because i grew up like this doesnt make me value the world any more in fact i learned the world is kinda a crappy place! i want my kids to view the world as full of opportunities. and money makes that sooo much easier!

I wasn't saying they would be bratty but I think kids that get everything they want are much more likely to be bratty than those who don't, doesn't mean it happens to every kid raised that way of course. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting your children to worry about not eating, no child should have to worry about that, thats so sad but there's nothing wrong with getting clothes from charities, a lot of my clothes as a kid came from charities, it didn't upset me, just made me really appreciate the few times that I did get brand new clothes.

 

[meli1981]

i think if you plan to have kids, you shouldnt rely on charities to provide clothes and food for your children, you should be able to buy them nice things, every child deserves that. there are excepts to this as my mom was a single mom and had to take care of three kids while working. so im glad they are there, i just think if you can only afford one child, then inly have one child. and its how you raise your children that makes them bratty, not getting "things".

 

[Natsku]

I think its better for people to get their kids clothes from charity shops as its less wasteful of the Earth's resources and kids grow out of clothes so quickly they don't usually get destroyed before outgrown. But thats another point entirely.

Getting them things is part of raising them though. For instance I think its different to give a child something really nice if they earn it first through doing chores than just giving it to them for nothing. One way teaches them that nice things require effort and the other doesn't usually teach that.

 

[Gunnhilde]

not necessarily true, my girls have nice things, toys they want, clothes from a decent store, and weve gone to disneyland, two years ago, and st thomas this year. they arent bratty whatsoever! i give them the quality of life i want them to have. i want them to see the world, and i think family vacations are SOOOO important. i dont want them to have the same worries i had as a child, worrying about not eating, and having to go to catholic charities fir clothes. just because i grew up like this doesnt make me value the world any more in fact i learned the world is kinda a crappy place! i want my kids to view the world as full of opportunities. and money makes that sooo much easier!

Well, I should come out and say that my daughter has more clothes than she could ever wear, travels all over the places, and everything a child could ever dream of. I can't say it is worth a damn though, to be honest. I just buy things because I like shopping and she is just as happy playing with my 25 year old children't toys as new ones (actually many of those were used as well when they were acquired a quarter century ago).

My mother and biological father grew up very poor. Almost never enough food, no clean clothes, no hot water or central heat (in the case of my father), etc. I don't see much difference in terms of opportunities. Actually, I'm much lazier and less successful. XH was also a trust fund brat, completely lazy and useless. Current OH had nothing growing up and is hard working and so decent.

I just don't think money has anything to do with parenting. Love, education, and family bonds are so much more important.

 

[meli1981]

not necessarily true, my girls have nice things, toys they want, clothes from a decent store, and weve gone to disneyland, two years ago, and st thomas this year. they arent bratty whatsoever! i give them the quality of life i want them to have. i want them to see the world, and i think family vacations are SOOOO important. i dont want them to have the same worries i had as a child, worrying about not eating, and having to go to catholic charities fir clothes. just because i grew up like this doesnt make me value the world any more in fact i learned the world is kinda a crappy place! i want my kids to view the world as full of opportunities. and money makes that sooo much easier!

Well, I should come out and say that my daughter has more clothes than she could ever wear, travels all over the places, and everything a child could ever dream of. I can't say it is worth a damn though, to be honest. I just buy things because I like shopping and she is just as happy playing with my 25 year old children't toys as new ones (actually many of those were used as well when they were acquired a quarter century ago).

My mother and biological father grew up very poor. Almost never enough food, no clean clothes, no hot water or central heat (in the case of my father), etc. I don't see much difference in terms of opportunities. Actually, I'm much lazier and less successful. XH was also a trust fund brat, completely lazy and useless. Current OH had nothing growing up and is hard working and so decent.

I just don't think money has anything to do with parenting. Love, education, and family bonds are so much more important.

of course i agree that theres more to parenting than money, but education costs money. ALOT of money, and the opportunities in this world comes largely from a good education. i want to give my kids that instead of being saddled with debt before they have even begun

 

[Natsku]

Education doesn't cost money here thankfully (not even university), so I don't need to have a lot of money to make sure my children get a decent education.

 

[Mummy2B21]

i've always said id like 4 children, but ive started thinking about it more practical recently and having two is on my mind, mainly so i can spend more time with two easier than 4 and give them everything they could want, get them both into university, and deposits for a house and all the latest things as there teenagers that if we had four would make it harder to help secure them in the ways we want to be able to. However, growing up with 2 brother's i do think if my next baby was a boy i would continue to try for a girl so who knows how it will pan out..

 

[holly2234]

Yes and no. I am not currently in a position to have another baby and be financially comfortable. Of course we would manage but everything would be second hand just like it is for DD and nobody notices!

But i dont think i would have more than two in this position. There is only so many times you can cope and god forbid, what if DH or i need anything?! We dont currently get the things we need or would like because DD comes first. But i would never let it get to the point where nobody could have what they needed.

I would also like my children to have their own bedrooms ad they get older. I see it unlikely that im going to be the owner of a mansion any time soon.

 

[meli1981]

Education doesn't cost money here thankfully (not even university), so I don't need to have a lot of money to make sure my children get a decent education.

you are SOOO lucky! university is ridiculously expensive like 5000 a semester. and im going to college in the fall, and my program is 3000 a year!

 

[Natsku]

Education doesn't cost money here thankfully (not even university), so I don't need to have a lot of money to make sure my children get a decent education.

you are SOOO lucky! university is ridiculously expensive like 5000 a semester. and im going to college in the fall, and my program is 3000 a year!

Thats a lot of money. I am very lucky to be here and not have to worry about that.

 

[Gunnhilde]

Education doesn't cost money here thankfully (not even university), so I don't need to have a lot of money to make sure my children get a decent education.

you are SOOO lucky! university is ridiculously expensive like 5000 a semester. and im going to college in the fall, and my program is 3000 a year!

Hehehe that is nothing compared to some of the $30,000 USD a year ones in America! I think my boarding school was around $40,000 USD.

Education doesn't cost money here thankfully (not even university), so I don't need to have a lot of money to make sure my children get a decent education.

you are SOOO lucky! university is ridiculously expensive like 5000 a semester. and im going to college in the fall, and my program is 3000 a year!

Thats a lot of money. I am very lucky to be here and not have to worry about that.

It isn't something we have to worry about either. Daycare and preschool provided by the state can only be charged at 25% of cost and I think private upper schools are 50% subsidized. I'm not sure. DD's school is going to cost double because she doesn't have a CPR number yet. University is free in DK and you get a stipend to live on. I don't know what we'll do if the LOs want to go to university in America. *faints* Fortunately, or not so much so, my British citizenship doesn't pass on to them, just the American. I think DD has a sizable trust fund coming her way, so she could - but it wouldn't be fair to the other kiddos.

We also get child benefit! Wheee! I don't think it will be all that expensive to have lots of kids, at least in Finno-Scandinavia.