Would you take a 3rd old to a funeral?

[hypnorm]

We lost a close family friend this morning and i am now not sure what to do.
Would you think it inappropriate to take a 3yr old to a funeral? Our friend Roy and his wife although more friends to my mum and dad had become friends of ours too, coming to our wedding and seeing me through college etc. Even used to come on holiday with us all.
It means that one of us will need to stay at home with Ewan, or we try and find a friend to baby sit.

Any advice would be appreciated!

 

[Jo]

I personally wouldn't take a 3yr old hun, it could be very upsetting to see other people upset, and you really can't guarentee he will sit through it all

 

[Vickie]

I tend to agree with Jo.

 

[hypnorm]

thats sort of what i was thinking, we are not sure if it will be a church thing or a crem. but he might be able to come to the wake. But we will see what is organised and if we can find baby sitter.

 

[oOKayOo]

i also wouldnt take a 3 year old. just for the fact people will be very upset its not a good surrounding for him.

 

[dippy dee]

We lost my mother in law 3 months ago and we didn't take our 3 year old to the church but did take them to the wake and then a few days later we took him up to the grave and explained, luckily we have tropical fish and had just lost a batch before mom passed so he kind of understood about things passing, we've told him that nanny is a special star now and he took it well.

 

[Tilly]

I wouldn't personally.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Barneyboo]

I would try if you can and get a baby sitter x x

 

[Carley]

It depends on how close they were...I'd rather teach my child about them, then shelter them from it.

 

[BeckyBoo]

I know Mikey doesn't behave all the time. He was recently at a wedding and he's not far from 3 and made a kick up. So I'd be scared he'd kick up at the funeral, which wouldn't be fair on the family.

 

[cherylanne]

My daughter is 3 and i wouldn't take her to the funneral or the wake. It can be upsetting for the child to see people distressed and it's not fair on the grieving family.

 

[hypnorm]

Roy had known Ewan since he was a bump! and last saw him a couple of weeks ago.
i havent tried to explain it to him yet, but i will do.
Just have to see what is organised - i wont take him to the funeral thats for sure.

 

[hypnorm]

Doesnt look like i'll be going, OH can't get the time off work as he is self employed on his own there is no one to cover his work. So he cant have Ewan.
My friend can look after Ewan but said she would have to have him at work with her which i dont think is very fair, or safe as she works with adults who have special needs but live independantly. She doent think she can have time off to look after him which is fair enough, but i know my parents are going to get arsy because Tom wont have the time off to have Ewan, not so easy to do when you are a one man band, and work in big factories that can't just put it to another day.

Will suggest to dad that we just come to the wake if Ann is happy about Ewan coming, not ideal but at least i would be showing a bit of support.

 

[Nikkie28]

Hey, I took my 2yr old to a Funeral and she was ok.

 

[mommy2]

I personally would NOT take a 3 year to a funeral -- its too much for them --

 

[hypnorm]

Have spoken to the crematorium and they said it was fine and would pose no problemsif i brought him, and best not to shelter children from these things.
I probably wont take ewan in to the service but will take him to the wake, my worry is more that Ewan will start asking questions at the wrong time during the service.

 

[Caroline]

Daniel's grandand died when Gabriel was about 2 & 1/2. We sat wit him @ the back and if he had gotten fidgety, or started making a noise we would have taken him out. (OH family live 350 miles away & we too didn't have anyone to look after him). We debated for ages whether to take him or not, but he was fine.

He was as good as gold, and was a little star at the wake (TBH he was happy sat quietly with a plate of food, whilst everyone came & chatted to him).

I really think it depends on the child, how well they'll cope.
I would maybe have a chat with your mum, and expalin your concerns to her, & maybe speak to Ann, some people find they can't cope with young children at these times, but sometimes people find it a help ( not sure if thats the right way to put it, but I can't think how to word it better).

I'm sure you will make the right decision. Its a very difficult one to make.

 

[Tezzy]

im trying to figure if we should take rhys to his great grandads funeral next week

 

[hypnorm]

Well I Ann has said she is happy for him to come and mum has said she will sit at the back with me, i will take a pocket full of smarties too!!
I havent explained anything to him, just that on wednesday we will be going somewhere special where he needs to be very good for Ann.
We have got him a special waistcoat and a little tie, then once we are home i will explain what has happened.
Ewan is pretty bomb proof, if i feel he is getting distressed or upset then i will take him out side.
I cant shelter him from these things and will use my own judgement on the day, not quite what i wanted but i have no other options, same as caroline really.

 

[Jo]

I hope everything goes well for you hun and above all you know Ewan better than anyone
Sorry again for your loss x