WTT for number 3......maybe :)

[DocMcStuffins]

Hi,

I'm new here so i'll introduce myself. I'm a very very proud mummy to 2 gorgeous girls. My eldest is 3 years old and my youngest is 21 months. I've been with my oh for 11 years and married for 6 years.

I only ever wanted 2 children, and 2 girls so I'm extremely lucky in that my dreams came true and I got all I ever wanted. My oh however has always been very open that he'd like 3 children. Not to get a boy as he would happily have another girl, but he just said he always imagined us having 3 children.

I'm not totally opposed to it and would love to go through all the excitement of trying, the pregnancy, having a newborn in the house again. BUT then my practical head kicks in and I think about how we're at such a great place with the girls now, they both sleep well, they're at that age where they play wonderfully together and I'm just loving every minute.

Our house would be big enough for one more, we have a spare bedroom, but we would need to change both our cars in order to accommodate 3 car seats. Both me and oh work full time, well i work in a school so i work full time but term time only so i get all school holidays off. this means both girls currently go to nursery 2 days a week, 2 days a week my mil has them, and the other day my oh works from home to have them. As my eldest is 3 we no longer pay for her childcare (15 hours a week free), so that cost has drastically reduced. She will be starting school in September and then it won't be long after that that my youngest will turn 3 and we won't have any childcare costs for her either which will be really nice. If we had another baby we would be looking at another 3 years of childcare costs. Plus I love our family holidays abroad, I like the typical all inclusive package deals with kids clubs and lots for them to do. It's expensive seeing as we have to go during the summer holidays but if we had another the price would jump dramatically because all holidays are tailored to families of 4.

I don't know, I'm in turmoil as to what to do. One day I'm all set to tell my oh we can go for it, then the next I'm thinking about all the practical things and talking myself out of it.

So I guess I don't know if I'm wtt or not really. If we do then I don't want too big an age gap so would ideally need to start trying in the next few months.

So anyway, essay over! Nice to meet you all!

X

 

[DocMcStuffins]

Wow, reading that back it looks a bit pathetic that I used the holiday thing as an excuse but it is the sort of thing that plays on my mind. I guess I don't want to sacrifice the luxuries we have and I'm worried that things like that would obviously be the first to go if we found things tight.

X

 

[callmedan]

aww dont be daft i think if your not 100% about every aspect of having a child then maybe you should wait a bit more and think it through properly!
its not pathetic as that is a big part of your life and its important to keep doing things that you enjoy and are best for your 2 little girls!
if you want another it will play on your mind and one day you will just know, good luck

 

[Yo_Yo]

I know what your saying. So much is tailored to the 2 adults, 2 kids set up. From family hotel rooms, to holidays and even cars!
But these things aren't impossible to continue doing, it will just take a bit more looking to get a good holiday deal for 5 for example.

Did you ever see that programe 16 kids and counting? Well there was a couple who had 16 kids and went abroad on holiday!! If they can do it, sure you could! There's a lot of room for negotiation on costs with booking a holiday too if you speak to someone.

 

[DocMcStuffins]

Thank you both! I feel so torn sometimes. If I think about it and think that I won't ever have any more children and never be pregnant again that really upsets me. Maybe I need to just wait until I really get that urge, the need to have another.

And Yo_Yo I have watched that and saw the episode where they went on holiday. When I think of things like that and see friends etc with 3+ kids and still able to do the things they want then I start to think it wouldn't be impossible and like you say might just take a little more planning.

Like next year we aren't going abroad, we're doing a caravan holiday on a big holiday park in Devon. We love holidays like that just as much as going abroad and the caravan is like an 8 berth one so could easily take a family of 5.

Sometimes I do wonder whether I use these practical things as excuses because the real reason I'm so hesitant is because I'm so scared of how a new baby would change the dynamics of our family. How would I ever have the time for all 3? I remember when my second was born I felt awful because I didn't have as much time for my eldest. What if one child is always left out, after all there's only 2 of me and oh, how do you split yourself across 3? When we're out at the moment we can watch a child each, it works, how does a third fit into that.

Plus, I'm an older mum. I'm 31, that plays on my mind. Do I just be thankful for the fact I have 2 perfectly healthy children. Sometimes I feel as though I'd be pushing my luck to try to get pregnant at 31/32 and expect everything to be perfect again.

Grrrr, why are these things so difficult. Sometimes I really want to just stop using protection and let whatever will happen, happen.

Either way I think I might be in here a while!

X

 

[Missy08]

So glad I came across this thread, it's exactly what I got on this site to look for! I feel the exact same way as you. DH & I Just had our second daughter a few months ago. Before she was born, I had really set my mind that she would be our last and I had kind of always imagined us having 2 kids and that would be it. Now, however, I keep wondering if maybe I would want one more but I keep thinking about everything you are. Do we have enough space/money, what about our cars, my other 2 daughters, etc., etc. and then on the other hand, I don't feel like I'm quite done yet...(my husband would absolutely cow if he saw me typing this, lol! Not sure how he would feel about having another baby).

 

[DocMcStuffins]

Having a really broody day today

We were at oh's cousins daughters 1st birthday party today and they were talking about trying for another baby. Made me just want to start trying ASAP.

But I just feel like my mind is in constant turmoil about it. It's just not as easy and straightforward as it was when we decided to try for number 2. In my head I get all excited about it and then I feel all selfish and keep thinking how it might affect my daughters, about one child being left out and it breaks my heart to think one of them might be pushed out.

Then the car thing really bugs me. I have no idea what cars we'd need. What cars fit 3 car seats without having to get a ridiculously expensive car to run etc.

Urg, I just feel so torn tonight between my heart longing for another baby and my head trying to put me off!

X

 

[momof2tobe]

Wow, I'm in the same situation.
It's weird because now i really don't know if I really want to have another one. One moment i do and I'm thinking how happy we are going to be but then I'm thinking that it's going to be hard with 3 and i won't have time for the other two.
... and yes, the car. Anyways, we have to buy a car next year so i already researched that. As for me, i like the suv with 3 rows, something like kia sorento.
It was so easy with my two girls because we just didn't plan them and it worked out perfectly. Now, planning a baby can be stressful.
I just find myself worrying about all sorts of things, but if i was just pregnant i know i would be extremely happy and i wouldn't have to worry.
I think i just need an oopsie baby! That would be the best.

 

[Mrs Cupcake]

doc, i know we have spoken on the other ttc no.3 thread but thought i would add something here.

you say that the thought of never being pregnant and having another baby etc upsets you, well it does me too which is why i am going for it and ttcing. i just hope the feeling goes away after next baby! i just dont feel like my family is complete and it sounds like yours isnt complete either (or else you wouldnt be having these thoughts).

 

[DocMcStuffins]

Thanks guys. It's nice to know I'm not alone in feeling a bit torn. I think sometimes an oopsie is what we need because I also know that if I found out I was pregnant I'd be over the moon and we'd just find a way and make it all work.

I wish I was just one of the people that went for it! Lol.

I look at my 2 girls and think how lucky I am and I do have a perfect little family but I can't shake this feeling of 'needing' another baby and then just praying that feeling finally goes because I really don't want to be having 4+ kids!

X

 

[Yo_Yo]

Oh your not an older mum at 31! Your still very young. I mean, my mother had my sister(her 3rd baby) at 40.

Car seat wise-cars like picassos fit 3 in the back.

I have my I don't want anymore moments too. Had one yesterday actually as lo is going through terrible twos!!

Really, you just have to just go with your gut feeling on this decision.

 

[Missy08]

I'm having the same feelings you are about not ever being pregnant again. I really always assumed I'd be done at two. With my 2nd daughter, I had to have a c-section and the doctor said "well next time you can schedule this" (or something to that affect) and without missing a beat I replied "There will be no next time!" Now that my daughter is a few months old and I'm all healed from the section, I get really sad thinking about not ever having another baby and not ever being pregnant again...But then like Doc said, I sure hope that feeling goes away after the next one!!

 

[aidensxmomma]

If it helps ease your fears at all, when I had my third, I was also worried about splitting my time between three kids. I didnt know how my older two would react and I was just stressed thinking about it. However, after she was born she just "fit" into the family I guess. I dont know how to explain it. It was like she had been with us forever already. My older kids handled it great. And whenever I could, I would do special things with them, even as simple as taking them to the store with me and leaving Seraphina at home with daddy. That, and whenever she was sleeping, I would make sure to spend that time with Aiden and Mady and do the things we would normally do during the day. Everyone was happy and adjusted easily.

 

[Mrs Cupcake]

its good to hear that aidensxmomma x

 

[shinona]

It's good to read all this. My two are 4 and 21 months, a boy and a girl. After i had my daughter i was sure i was done and stayed sure until literally last night. It had crossed my mind a few (well, a lot of) times but I dismissed the idea due to all the practical issues, car etc. Then last night, on hearing friends are expecting again, hubby asked if I wanted a third. I think we're going to try for a couple of months and if it doesn't happen then I'll take it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Nervous about ttc again. I fell first month with ds but dd took much longer and I had a mc too. Scared about another mc and scared in case i do get preggers and baby has health problems xx