18wks fluid gone and baby has died Please advise

[Nikki_d72]

Aw hon, it does take a long time for the hormones to fully get out of you even after everything seems normal - it took about 4 months for my nips to go back to normal colour (sorry TMI!) and I was getting wicked headaches and pains here there and everywhere. Your body has gone through a lot of changes and it takes a while for it all to settle down. A trip to the doc wouldn't hurt though if you're worried.

As for karma, yes I too had these thoughts, especially as everything seemed to go wrong in our house about the same time - I felt like it was one big payback. I think the way Jojo has put it is dead on though - you will eventually get to the place where you can think of your angel and be thankful for the short time you had, but that will be a long way away, you have a lot of stuff to process first. Don't worry about asking things here or sounding moany at all, it's all part of it, we don't expect you to be a bundle of fun at the moment.

I'm glad the funeral was special for you and I hope you get your PM results too, I know that will be another hurdle to get over. xxx

 

[Bride2b]

Hi Sarah

I had (and still have) bad headaches....I think it is all the tension etc. This is such a traumatic thing to go through emotionally & physically so its bound to have some impact.

The lead up to the funeral was awful for me....unlike you I couldnt take my eyes off his little white coffin. I just couldnt believe my baby was in there
But like you the funeral was really nice and looking back not as dreadful as I thought it would be.

Can you chase up the hospital regarding the pm? I think once you have the results you will start to feel alot better. Its the not knowing that kills you. Last weekend was awful for me, I had so many emotions as on Monday I had my follow up...I think all my emotions were related to that. The rest of the week wasnt great either as I digested what was said. I feel a little better over the last few days (i've spent time with friends talking weddings etc and getting quite excited about our weddings this year). My point is once you know when it is and once you have had it I am sure things will seem easier & make more sense. Maybe try and find something to occupy yourself, get amongst people who will help take your mind off things in the mean time as the waiting for answers bit is awful.

As for going to the doctors....you must. Its likely they will find nothing wrong, your body has been through loads. I went back to the doctors as was getting awful stomach pains...it turned out to be my bowels (tmi). I think the body has a funny way of turning the emotions into physical ailments as an outlet for the pain.

Let us know how you get on hun xx

 

[majored]

Hi girls, thank you for your replies. Reading what you have said has changed my mind. Just to let you know oh has made an appointment im going to the drs in the morning at 9am. I feel a little sick now its been made also worry mode has now set in. Which means more headaches i guess.

I will have to go with a list to tell you the truth. Its like the headache goes, then i get the pulling thing in my vagina. I go to get up and my knee hurts then the headache comes back so i sit down then i get a pain in my chest.

When i was younger i just went to the dr with a problem and if he said take this or go to the hospital i just did it. Now i worry about what ive got then worry about when they can see me, what they will say, what the problem is and then you have the outcome. A few years ago i cared for 4 people that were very close to me. Two of them have now passed away and i tried so hard to look after and care for them. One of them died in 2009 and watching them go through all of it made life seem so different. I would watch them while they were sleeping just in case they stopped breathing. I would even count the seconds between each one just in case there was a problem. There comes a point where in life you just cant do any more. Since this i worry about life alot. Even having the baby i would of needed a section. I then got given a leaflet informing me that there was an increased chance of me dying because ive had two sections in the past. Well as you would imagine, worry worry worry. In the end i was having days going mad with worry, yet other mums would be fine with it. I need to learn how to relax.

thank you once again
Sarah

 

[Hellylou]

Glad to hear you have an appt in the morning - hope it goes well. I think stress and grief can manifest themselves in a physical way. Hope your doc can help.

 

[jojo23]

hope all goes well at your app hun! i think some alternative therapy might help too...acupuncture,reflexology etc are great ways to relax without having to go on medication cause sometimes the tabs they put you on are whacky lol. stress is unbelieveable to our bodies and we dont even realise sometimes how it can affect us.

let us know how you get on hun xxxxxxxxx

 

[Bride2b]

Are you ok Sarah?

I thought I worried, but you are something else my dear! I am hoping that the aches/pains etc are just stress related & that chilling out might take some of these away. Like jojo says maybe some alternative therapy. Anyway just thought I'd let you know that I'm thinking of you xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Sarah I am thinking of you and sending love and positive thoughts. Hope all goes great at your appointment. We are all here for you, anytime..
XOXOXOOX

 

[Aidan's Mummy]

No real advice hun just wanted to send hugs x

 

[majored]

Thank you ladies for your replies. Ive had a bit of a week to tell you the truth.

I visited the dr, who checked me over and asked me lots of questions. He thinks the headaches are due to tension or migraine. He couldnt find nothing wrong with my chest but asked me to come in on the Wednesday to have an ECG.

My head was still bad and i took some paracetamol which took the edge of the pain, but i could still feel it. I relaxed more after visiting him.

On Wednesday I woke up with no pains in my head. ( ive had pains for weeks now)I walked around the house waiting for it to start. Then i noticed i had started my monthly period(well i think it is). Its 5 weeks since i lost Samuel, so i am assuming its a period. I then went to have my ECG i was all wired up, just laying there. The nurse took the print out to the dr and come back to say something was not right. Then she checked everything over and did another. That print out went to the dr and once again she came back said the dr is not happy with something. WELL..... Ive gone in to panic mode big time. I couldnt take anything else in after that. I just sat there thinking OMG now ive got this problem, i cant take anymore. I was crying and the nurse just sat there looking at me. I then said "whats wrong with it?" she replied " I dont know". I was booked in for another appointment to see the dr 2 hours later. I was in shock i couldnt do a thing and i had to wait another 2 hours to find out what was wrong with me. I didnt want to go back, i didnt want to see him as i was so scared of what he was going to say to me. My OH managed to get me back to see the dr, his first words were "ohh your here about the ECG". He then informed me nothing was wrong with me...... it turns out that it was one of the wires and thats why he wanted me to have it done again. It was the nurse that messed me up.

Anyway the rest of the day still no head pains yay! However my period started to come through quite heavy. Yesterday it got worse, i cant seem to move without it all coming out. Ive never had a period like this. The blood loss is quite watery a few small clots but the rest is quite stringy(sorry tmi). I had plans for yesterday but couldnt go out, for fear of flooding. I looked around on the net yesterday and i have read that a few other ladies have had a simular thing. So ive tried not to worry about this. However i would say this blood loss is just as bad if not worse than after i lost Samuel. I dont think i have an infection, i have no pain, no temp, no sickness and the blood loss doesnt smell funny. There just seems to be loads of it. I dont want this to last for weeks i want to be normal again. In the last four months ive had 2.5 weeks where i did not bleed.

Well OH and i have decided to open a shop on the 30th jan. A shop of all sorts of vintage furniture and clothing etc. I then hope things will settle a bit and then i wont worry. lol .....as if.

Thanks again, take care all . xx

 

[Bride2b]

I'm so glad things are fine! Bit of a scary moment for you though with the ECG - you hear nothing but f**k ups with the NHS lately...I dont think its necessarily doctors & nurses faults but maybe being overworked & mistakes happening. But glad your ok.

As for AF mine came bout 5 weeks after...bit of spotting off & on for a few days then WHAM! Just like you, was worried about flooding as it was the heaviest one I've ever had...not as heavy as immediately after my loss but was really heavy. I think this is fairly normal. I found it hard to deal with & found it another brutal reminder that my baby was gone xx

 

[majored]

Well this time last year i had just found out i lost my son Samuel.

Yet months before, I was told the chances of having children with my partner were very slim even with help. Then there i was aged 38 going to have a child. Then i bled from 9 weeks until i lost him.

It turned out he was perfect but he had tangled himself up in his cord. I blamed myself for a while but over time i know it was nothing that i had done. I often look around and see other young children and know that Samuel would be that age. What would i have been doing now?, how much my life would have changed? Having Samuel could of been the only chance to have a child with my partner.

Now a year later every thing gets dragged up again, i remember everything from this time last year......i wonder if any body else who knows me will? I felt on my own then and i feel on my own now. life at times is just so unfair it can be so cruel, but life does go on IT HAS TO! In my head ive dealt with it all but my body is miles behind.

MY DARLING LITTLE SAMUEL, MUMMY LOVES YOU SO!

I TRIED TO KEEP YOU SAFE FROM HARM, BUT I HAD TO LET YOU GO.

I KNOW YOUR NOW WITH NANNY....SHES LOOKING AFTER YOU!

SO HEAVEN NOT ONLY HAS ONE ANGEL IT NOW HAS TWO!

 

[socitycourty]

 

[Twinkie210]

I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[Pink_Sparkle]

Im am so so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar to you when I lost my baby Freya at 19 weeks. Thinking of you xx