1st m/c January, 2nd m/c May, still trying for 3rd BFP

[MrsNJR]

Well the title says it all really. Had my first m/c in January, first pregnancy, and a bolt out of the blue when things went wrong, just never entertained the thought that we would have any problems having our family.

Got BFP again in April, and then m/c again May. So both times had got to around 8 weeks before things went wrong.

Since May we have been trying each month, I know my cycle inside out, I can tell exactly when I ovulate each month. And clearly I'm right in saying I know this, as the last 2 times I was pregnant virtually the first month we "tried".

So since last m/c as I say we have continued to try each month, with no luck. I know it's not that long between May and now, but when over all we are talking nearly a year into this process and still no positive news it seems an awful long time.

When I got my 2nd BFP again I never dreamed things could go wrong again, had just put the first time down to bad luck, so again was a huge shock when things went wrong again. Being pregnant that second time had meant I'd have been pregnant, and past the 12 week mark by the time my original due date came round, which in some way made it feel better. Unfortunately I didn't get that far.

So after 2nd m/c my next "aim" was to at least BE pregnant again by the time my original due date came round, thought it would make it easier in some way. But again, that was not to be. The date passed, 8th September, and the very next day I got my AF, meaning ANOTHER month had come and gone with no success.

So, that is where I'm at. Still trying. I ovulated yesterday and we've done everything we can do again, and are in the dreaded 2 week wait to see if we've done the trick this time.

Im not sure why I'm posting, not really asking anything, just getting my story down I guess.

I wish u all the best of luck in your quests, after all we r all here for the same reasons! Fingers crossed for a lucky month.

 

[Native_gurl]

I will pray for you

 

[mannymoo]

Hi mrsNJR. sorry for what you're going through. My story is very similar - mc in Jan at 8 weeks and again in may at 11 weeks. With both BFPs we succeeded first time TTC and then had a very long 4 months before getting my next bfp last week. All I wanted was to get my third bfp before my first due date (which was 27 Aug) but like you I got AF instead!! But the good news is that I got my bfp a few weeks after my first due date and I'm really hoping you're going to as well. I know four months isn't very long but it felt like years to me

I will be checking back to see how you get on. Xx

 

[MrsNJR]

Thank u both for ur replies. I posted this a few days ago and watched it move lower and lower down the page with no replies... So really cheered me up to see ur replies!

Mannymoo ur dates and past experiences r so closely matched to mine. I'm so pleased to hear u have had ur good news, and fingers crossed it could be my lucky month too!

I know what u mean abt it feeling like forever, it seems such a long time for me too. And I can't help but think what I "should" be doing now... I "should" not have gone back to work this September (I work in a college), and then once I'd got my 2nd BFP I "should" be finishing at Christmas. And now if I'm LUCKY I'll be working till nearly NEXT summer holidays...

Do u mind me asking how old u r? I'm 30, and I can't help but think abt wanting more than one child, and how long THIS is taking, let alone how long it might take to have more. I know 30s not old, but its not young either.

Well, keep fingers crossed, I'll keep u posted, and lots and lots of luck to u, and I'll be keeping track of where u r up to also. Do u know when they r gonna see u/scan etc?
Xxx

 

[mannymoo]

I'm 34 so the body clock thing definitly concerns me. And we would love 3 children if we can.

Its horrible how we plan our lives around our BFPs and then it all falls to pieces. With our first one, we made plans to go see dh's parents in Oz for Christmas because we were supposed to have 4 month old. Then that fell to pieces. Then the in laws were coming to visit us for Christmas when we were supposed to have a one month old. Now I'm just hoping to still be baking this little bun by christmas time. It sure is a roller coaster ride!

Did you get to the bottom of why your mcs happened? And will you do anything different with your next bfp? My doc says ours were just bad luck but I'm taking prog and baby aspirin anyway.

Well our dates are so similar that I have a lot of faith that this will be your cycle too

 

[MrsNJR]

In terms of why things went wrong for me we don't really know. The first pregnancy I had terrible abdominal pains at around 6 weeks. They were concerned about ectopic and scanned me, found the sac in the right place but at six weeks couldn't see much more. But we were reassured that it looked normal, the treated me for a UTI and wanted to see me 2 weeks later for a follow up scan when they would hopefully see more development.

2 weeks later we went for the scan and were told that the sac was still there, still growing and measuring the right size, but there was nothing growing inside it. No fetal pole, no yolk sac. Just an empty gestational sac - a blighted ovum.

The way they explained to me was that at the point where the cells divide into two distinct bunches, one to become the sac and one to become the embryo - something has gone wrong which meant the embryo part was not developing any more, but my body had not realised this yet and hence the sac continued to grow with nothing in there.

I had an evacuation in theatre 2 days later. We were told just bad luck, no reason why it should happen again, and really felt very reassured by that.


My second pregnancy things were different altogether. I was 5 weeks pregnant when I got a nasty tummy bug - no vomiting, just lots and lots from the other end, very loose, very frequent. This went on for 5 solid (no pun intended!) days, in which time I'd seen the GP and spoken to her on the phone. She was not too worried about me, I was keeping really well hydrated and making sure I was eating even though I didn't feel like it at all. Had a feel of my tummy and no problems, blood pressure etc all fine. So was just waiting to shake off the tummy bug.

One the fifth day my tummy settled down, and on the 6th day I started bleeding. Went to EPAU who did my bloods that night and booked me in for a scan 2 days later. The next day the bleeding was like nothing on Earth - and when I went to the loo I had an absolutely hysterical moment when I saw on the loo roll what I am convinced was the pregnancy tissue.

Another day later I rang the hospital to say I didn't need to come for the scan they'd booked me as I knew I'd lost it, but they encouraged me to go along anyway. So I lay there knowing that they weren't going to find anything.... Only to be shown a little gestational sac on the screen! With a yolk sac (which we'd not had last time) but a little smaller than it should be. I was floored. I was just so sure it was over, but there it was on the screen.

Maybe I was carrying twins and I'd passed one and this was the second? Maybe what I saw was just clots and not tissue? I'll never know.

But bittersweet news on this day, coz although we saw this sac on the screen, my repeat bloods that night showed that my HCG was falling, which can really only mean one thing can't it? So we were told I was losing, even if it was not actually over yet.

Anyway, days and days of repeat bloods and scans, I can't tell you how many times, resulted in the inevitable - my bloods kept falling, and the scans kept showing that what was there was getting smaller and smaller until eventually they just said they didn't need me to go anymore and to wait for my next period to come.

Again, I was told it was bad luck, it's "fairly" common to have 2 losses and then most people have success the next time etc. I was comforted by the fact that we'd got a "little" further development wise because we'd seen this yolk sac, which we didn't even have that first time. If the exact same scenario had happened again I'd have then been worried that we were always going to have the same problem, where as I can sort of believe that these 2 thigns could be unrelated. And we were told they don't investigate until you have had 3 losses.

So just before I went back to work after the second miscarriage I went to see my GP. Couldn't see the lady I usually see and got booked with a man instead, who I have to say was lovely with me. I was basically asking him to consider doing just something - a baseline blood test, a chromosome test - just something to make me feel like we had a better idea what was going on.

He was very against it - and just reitterated the party line that they won't investigate until after three losses. But he did make me see things a little differently.

He asked me why I believe my miscarriaged happened. I said that I think it probably meant that something was wrong with that particular embryo, and that natures selection process means that these embryos are lost to ensure that babies are healthy. And he agreed - he said that a chromosomal mis-match between that particular sperm and egg combination probably meant it just wasn't a viable match - which I can also understand.

But one of the things I asked about was aspirin and progesterone. He said there is no harm in taking the aspirin - he personally woudn't because he said that the "sticky blood" problems that this can help with usually only affects a woman who's had one baby already, and is on a subsequent pregnancy. But he said take it if it will make you feel better - which I am!!

But in terms of prog - he said that progesterone helps to support early pregnancy - which I knew. So then he said, given what I said I believed about why my miscarriages had happened, that I thought something was probably wrong, did I think it was neccessarily a good idea to support those pregnancies? Which put like that I think my answer has to be no, I don't know that we should. Because wouldn't that be overriding this natural process?

I know that is all a bit deep - but in essence I agreed with it! So I am NOT on progesterone. However despite what I've just said - another part of me thinks but what if there WASN'T a problem with those embryos, and they just needed that extra support? God - who knows?


What about you? Have you any knowledge of why your losses happened? Did they allow you to have any investigations done? And when do they plan to see you this time around? I was told to ring the EPAU myself once I am pregnant again and they'll just arrange me an early scan without going through the GP because of my history. Do you have an EPAU at your local trust?

Sorry, a million questions! xx

 

[bazzb]

so sorry to hear about your losses you will be in my prayers!

I had a MMC last Monday, i was supposed to be 11 wwek 3 days but the baby was measuring at 6 week 4 days. At 6 weeks 3 days I had a scan and there was a HB of 120 so the baby must have died the day after my scan.

I cannot wait to get back to TTC. GL to you

 

[MrsNJR]

Ah Bazzb - so sorry for your own loss, and thank you for your kind wishes. It's just so so sad isn't it? And it hits you out of no-where. None of us think it's gonna happen to us, and then BAM, it bursts into your life and takes over everything for a while. It does get easier - in terms of accepting your loss. But then as Mannymoo and I are proof of, TTC again kind of takes over where the grief left off... it's a rollercoaster ride, that's for sure. Hope you have lots of support at home xx

 

[mannymoo]

Sorry Bazzb for your loss too. Nothing can prepare you for when you go in for your scan expecting to see your beautiful little one, only to be told there is no heart beat I'm glad to hear your ready to try again soon. For DH and I, we wanted to start trying immediately too but I know for some people they prefer to take some time out. I hope the next time around is more successful for you.

MrsNJR, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry for what you've been through. As you say, it really is one massive rollercoaster! Our stories are even more similar than I though...

With my first pregnancy, I should have known something was wrong from the start because my HCG didn't double during my first lot of Betas but then started doubling after that. I had a very early scan at 5 weeks and they found the sac in the right place which was a huge relief. DH and I then went to Oz for Christmas and the day we came back, I started spotting. I managed to get an emergency appointment with a gynae (not my normal one) who took one looks and said "this hasn't worked. You'll have to try again". I was like WTF???? Turns out mine was also a blighted ovum. I was gutted to see a perfect little sac with nothing in it. I made an appointment with my regular gynae for a week later but ended up having a natural mc a few days before. The sac was still perfect when I passed it.

So my cycle was a bit warped for the next month so although we were trying, I didn't think it would happen for a little while. In early March, we went skiing in France and AF had been due the day we left South Africa. I had absolutely no sign of being pregnant yet AF didn't show up. I tested every day even though I was convinced I wasn't pregnant. I thought my cycle was just being odd. We enjoyed many glasses of red wine and weiss beer until one morning half way through the trip when I went to POAS and it was positive! I was mortified that I had been having such a big party while on holiday. As soon as I got home I went for blood work and my hcg was great - 3300 but my progesterone was very low. He was also concerned because you should see something on an internal ultrasound from when your levels are 2000 but we still couldn't see anything at 3300. I also had sharp pains on my right side so was immediately but on watch for ectopic. That weekend I convinced myself that my tube was going to burst and made DH take me to the ER. My gynae (bless him) came in on a Saturday to give me an emergency scan and we were delighted to see the sac in the right place with a fetal pole and all

He also thought he saw a cyst which explained the pains as well as the low progesterone so he prescribe a supplement. I had spotting from week 5 through to week 11 because of the low progesterone but everything else seemed fine. I had a scan every 2 weeks and we had 2 amazing scans with perfect heartbeat and a real little baby growing. By week 10, we were sure that this was it and all would be fine so we started telling some close friends. Unfortunately during week 11, my brown spotting turned red so I went in for another emergency scan only to discover the little heartbeat had stopped. It was so devastating. DH and I just cried for hours and hours. That night I took cytotec and the whole mc was over within an hour

So like you, I'v had one blighted ovum and one that was developing normally. My dr says that because they were so different, it is unlikely that they are connected which gives me a bit of hope for this time around.

I live in South Africa where we are lucky in that you can get amazing medical care and a scan every week if you want, but unlucky in that you have to pay for it. Because there are no ground rules for testing, my dr did some basic blood testing and everything came back as normal. He said they only test for about 5 of potentially hundreds of blood clotting disorders so prescribed baby aspirin as a precaution.

I completely agree that taking progesterone to sustain an pregnancy that will inevitably end anyway seems crazy. However, with the cyst last time, it seemed the right thing to do. My progesterone was normal this time around but again he said to just take it as a precaution so thats what I'm doing and its making me moody as all hell!!!

I've got my first appointment next friday (5th) when I will be just over 6 weeks so I'm just hoping and praying all will be perfect. I'm on another thread with a few other ladies that are all pregnant/TTC third time around and its sounds like most of their EPUs have been fantastic in offering early scans and extra support so hopefully you will get the same treatment too. One lady is having a scan every week at her unit!!

Thanks for sharing your story, and for listening to mine. I really do find that talking (writing) about it all is a great for healing and hearing other people's stories make me feel so much less alone so thank you!

And just to finish off, I had a lovely morning because I've been saving my last digital test for today as its three weeks exactly since ovulation and my test was spot on showing 3+ weeks

Still keeping faith that you will get your BFP this cycle. When is AF due and when are you testing? Are you a POAS-aholic like me? This cycle I made it to 11dpo before testing which is my longest ever. I normally start on 9 dpo!

xx

 

[bazzb]

Manny moo I will keep you in my prayers!!!

I have a question, how would I know I'd my progesterone is low. My doc did not mention it and I had a lot of bloods taken. He said my mc was probably chromosonal. Just wondering though if maybe it was low progesterone.
Thanks for your help

 

[bazzb]

Also forgot to mention I had blood taken right around when I conceived to check my hormones because I have irregular periods and that all came back normal

 

[xoxo4angel]

I am so sorry for your losses. I know how disheartening it is to go through all of this...the thoughts of how can I be so unlucky! I like seeing ladies like Mannymoo though, really gives me hope! I am on my first cycle after my d&c and am already feeling the worry and the what-if's! I have to believe we will get our rainbows though...Fx for you!

Bazzb. If they checked your hormones when you conceived, then that should have included your progesterone levels. Can you phone your Dr and ask if they did?

 

[mannymoo]

Bazzb when they do your first beta test, they normally test your progesterone levels at the same time. They will probably only test it once as it should stay pretty consistent if the pregnancy is progressing normally and they may only mention the results if it is cause for concern. Your doctor should have the details on file so I'm sure if you gave them a call they would be able to assist. xx

 

[mannymoo]

xoxo4angel - good luck with TTC this cycle. I've seen lots of ladies on this site get their BFPs first cycle after D&C so it is a very real possibility. Keep us posted on what happens with you.

bazzb - I missed your latest post. I'm sure they would have tested your progesterone when you conceived then. A lot of doctors do a prog test to confirm that OV actually took place and if your level was normal then, there should have been no cause for concern.

 

[bazzb]

Thank you!
I will ask next time I come in
My clinic is so busy if I call I rarely get a call back
I went in because of spotting at 5 weeks also and they took my blood then and said all was good. I'm just very worried and right now I'm still feeling like the miscsrriage was my fault

 

[mannymoo]

Aww hun its not your fault at all. There is nothing we can do to stop them from happening. Its just one of those things. We can do everything perfectly and still lose babies. Its just not fair when you see people who drink, smoke and take drugs through pregnancies. Please don't blame yourself. xx

 

[bazzb]

thanks hun
Im sure I will feel better soon

I have been bleeding since LAST Tuedsday and now it is spotting, is this normal?

 

[xoxo4angel]

I second Mannymoo! My RE said at some point we all feel that way, but there really isn't anything we did that would contribute to mc those first few weeks. I thought the wine I had caused my first mc and she assured me it would take nearly alcohol poisoning to cause it!

And thanks Mannymoo...CD9 today. Going tomorrow to scan for follicles. RE is "holding our hand" to make sure we don't miss O! I'm excited and nervous...starting doubting if I'll ever O again!

 

[MrsNJR]

Hi xoxo4angel. I have my fingers crossed for u, hope u get some good news very soon. As u say its nice to see the positive stories isn't it? Gives us all some hope.

Bazzb - please don't beat ur self up over things. I know we all feel at some point that its our fault somehow, but in fact deep down I think we all know its not anything we have done wrong. Doesn't stop us thinking it though.

Just the other say I snapped at my hubby when he said "u just need to stop getting to wound up over it all and putting so much pressure on us both". I replied something along the lines of "pressure? I'll tell YOU about pressure. I'm the one who's under bloody pressure, it's MY body that keeps letting us down not yours!" Not always how I feel, but right that moment I certainly felt that!

Manny moo - I can't believe how alike our stories, dates etc are. A bit spooky! Thank u for sharing all of that, as u say I think it does help to write things down, but also to read about other people's tales and know that someone else in the world knows how u feel.

AF is due on Sunday 7th. I'll prob test from about the 3rd... If I last that long! I do have a positive feeling this month.... Watch this space!!

 

[xoxo4angel]

MrsNJR- I love that you've said this, "I'm the one who's under bloody pressure, it's MY body that keeps letting us down not yours." I could not have said it better! That is exactly how I feel! In the meantime, fx for you. Wishing you a speedy 2ww!

Cheers to October