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Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by Hippielove, Jul 9, 2013.
Melts my heart!
Kasey - he is so cute!
Hi! How is everyone? After a few really rough days with an over tired girl (It was impossible to put her down for naps! But now we are using white noise and it is really helping!) we seem to be back in our groove of over all happiness.
Lucy turned 2 months(!!!) and that night managed to sleep her longest stretch yet (7 hours!!!) and surprise me in the morning by rolling onto her back! Since that night we have been back to our normal 3.5-4 hour stretches of sleep, not complaining, but I would love to see 7 hours more regularly!
All of the sudden she just seems sooo alert and active. I think that has been part of the sleep issues - she just has so much going on in that little brain, its hard to calm her down to take naps and rest!
I started a moms group with two other ladies - all of our babies born in the same week! We have a fourth woman with a 2 month old that will join us next time, and a few more women who will join who will have their babies later this summer. So much fun to get together with other moms! And so nice to have little outings to look forward to that aren't with non-mothers.
Speaking of which, anyone else having a hard time connecting with their childless friends? I think all my single friends are scared of me and my childless couple friends have been really distant. But I seem to be collecting pregnant and mother friends like crazy!
DH and I have had some tension... I think it is just so easy to totally forget about your relationship with your spouse, plus I have gotten angry with him a few times for doing stupid stuff (like over stimulating her during bedtime, etc.) I think we patched things up this evening... finally DTD! Hopefully that relieves some of the pent up stress for both of us and we have a better week! Think we need to do it more often! 2 months was a long time to wait!
Hoping everyone is doing well!
Vietmamsie- Luke likes white noise too. Hopefully Lucy gives you a few more 7 hour stretches of sleep soon! Luke has been sleeping 6-7 hours a night for the past few nights...hoping it continues! I'm finding he's more awake and alert during the day and harder to get down for naps. He fights it and just wants to be up and looking around.
Glad your enjoying the mother group! I only have a couple of childless friends and we've been very close since childhood, so thankfully we haven't had any trouble staying connected. I can see how that could happen though.
How are things now with you and your oh? Has dtd helped ease some of the tension? We still haven't yet and guess we won't be until Luke is better. My oh sometimes overstimulates Luke when he should be trying to calm him and get him to sleep...totally irritates me! He's great at amusing him when he's awake, but not so great getting him to sleep!
AFM- We've come to realize that Luke has infant reflux. We've been trying different things to reduce his symptoms/discomfort (feeding upright, keeping upright for 30 mins, elevating head of bassinet, etc). Apparently it's common in babies and usually resolves by 6 months. That seems like an awful long time to deal with frequent spit up, occasional projectile vomiting, gagging and fussiness! I feel so bad for him!
On top of that, today he gave us the fright of our lives. When he got up at 6 am I brought him to his room to change him. When I laid him on his change table he started coughing and that quickly turned into chocking. His mouth/throat was full of thick, foamy saliva that he couldn't get up. He was struggling to breathe. I ran out to my oh with him. Thankfully he's a paramedic and doesn't panic at all. It took 5 minutes of tapping his back and suctioning his mouth and nose to clear it all so he could breathe properly. Needless to say we made a trip to the hospital. Apparently he has a viral infection...bronchiolitis. It should clear up on its own. All day he has been having coughing fits where we have to clear his airway. He's also been lethargic and eating half as much as he usually does. Nothing worse that seeing your baby sick and watching him struggle to breathe I'm going to have a few sleepless nights until this clears up for sure! I'll probably get grey hair before my time too. Lol.
On a more positive note, I had my 6 week OB apt and all is well. I've been cleared for regular activities. Aside from some tension/minor pain when I lift something to heavy, I pretty much feel like my old self again...or a sleep deprived, more anxious version anyway
Kasey - Oh my! That sounds really scary - I would have panicked! Lucy got sick about three weeks ago and had such a hard time feeding with a plugged up nose. I was having to clear it all the time - no fun at all. Sick babies are so sad!
I feel like the whole nap thing is just another phase. Lucy hardly napped for almst two weeks - days were hellish by the end to say the least. She was so over tired, but just couldn't settle down to nap. She just wanted to play! Things have been going better the last few days. I just realized it was tie to have a very consistent routine so she knows its nap time, and be really respectful of when she needs a nap - not pushing it staying out for long or going far from home. We have been home more, but she is sleeping, so we are happy!
Things with OH are... idk. When things get frustrating (a night where bedtime isn't happening for example) he is quick to snap. Seems to happen once a week or so and we play a blame game... I figure it will pass once we are both getting more sleep.
We hired some help, so hopefully that will give me a chance to nap more and take the pressure off of both of us. We have a maid twice a week already, and now we will have a babysitter coming three mornings a week for 3 hours a time. The gal I picked is really nice and wants to cook too, so that is awesome! I hope it all works out! Her first day was on friday and it went pretty well!
I hope everyone else is doing well! Don't forget to wish your DH/OH a happy fathers day tomorrow!
I think I've been absent for over a month now. Been trying to find to to read up on everyone's updates.
DH and I argue occasionally about stupid stuff, and I told him I hate the arguing. He's been trying to make sure we also remember each other and not just focus on Amber. So he's definitely sweet that way.
We had my in-laws babysit for a few hours while DH and I went out for a movie and dinner to celebrate our anniversary. Needless to say I was nervous and wasn't comfortable leaving her there. We have had a discussion with his family about their language in front of her but that conversation must have gone out the window. I hate all of their swearing. Irks me everytime I hear it, but it's just my preference.
Amber had her 2 month appointment on Friday. She's 23 inches and 8 lbs 8 oz. So when's in the 73% for height but 2% for weight. This kid eats like a horse at times (a max of 4 oz at a time). Doc didn't seem concerned at this point.
She has been hitting so many milestones. I think one of my favorite things she does is when we wave to her she will wave back. She has great neck strength, "talks" to us a lot and is so alert. We have been blessed that for the last 4 weeks she has been letting us sleep usually from 10 pm to 5 am. Then she'll eat then zonk back out for a few more hours. It has been great.
I am starting to stress out a little bit about going back to work in 3 weeks. When I drove to my mommy group last week I teared up because it's the same direction as the in-home daycare person we'll be taking her to. I also had a mini crying session as we went to back last night because I don't want to be away from her. Bad enough both DH and I tear up when we look at her because we love her so much.
I also started working out again like how I use to with heavy duty cardio work. I watched my diet too....for a week. Been feeling bad about how I look because I know my hips did spread from the pregnancy, and areas are for sure thicker (e.g. Waist, thighs). DH says I'm fine but I know I'll never be where I want to be again without working extremely hard to get there. My issue with working out though is stress incontinence depending on the exercise. It's annoying.
But as I'm laying her on the couch with Amber on my chest...I almost feel is has been totally worth it. She is a huge joy to have and I can't imagine life without her.
Hope everyone else is doing well!
I am so glad Amber has been doing better - is she still colicky? I feel you on the going back to work thing - I am so happy that I don't have to think about that for some time. Will you pump at work?
Lucy had her 2 month as well - 59.5 cm (23.5 inches), 6.4kg (14 lbs) and head of 40cm - putting her in the 99th percentile. What can I say, the girl likes to eat?! She hasn't ever really taken a bottle, so I don't really know how much she is drinking. But I can pump about 4 oz from each boob in the morning, so I guess she's getting enough!
Vietmamsie- Glad to hear that Lucy is napping better. I've been reading up on sleeping/naps in babies and It's funny how routine is important even at such a young age. When Luke gets over tired he gets so cranky and hard to put to sleep.
It's awesome that you have a babysitter coming by. Hope it continues to go well! Having help/support and the opportunity to have some "me" time is so important. I know how lucky I am to have a lot of family close by to help out or give me the opportunity to have some time to myself. My sister babysat for a couple of hours last weekend while I attended a bridal shower. It was nice to get out, but I have to say I couldn't wait to get home to see my little man. I'm also going to get my hair done this week and my mom is going to babysit.
Karina- Good to hear that Amber is doing well and hitting some milestones it's so wonderful to watch isn't it! Every time Luke does something new we get so excited!
If her dr isn't worried about her weight then I'm sure it's fine, especially if she's feeding well. She may just have a petite stature. Luke is in 50th percentile for weight, but only 25th for height. Not surprising considering I'm not even 5 feet tall. I'm hoping he catches up though and is tall like his daddy.
I can totally understand why your stressing about going back to work. I'll be off for a year and I'm sure I won't even be ready to leave him at that point. I think with time though you get back into the swing of work and adjust. Hope all goes well for you!
Good for you getting back to your workout routine! That's been one of the frustrating things for me about having a section. I'm ok to resume regular activities, but not rigorous workouts. I think abdominal exercises and running are still a no-no for me for a while yet. Can't wait to get back at it though. For now I'm lifting some light weights and walking.
AFM- Luke is not 100% better from his viral infection, but certainly on the mend thank goodness! He's still struggling with reflux though. I understand the dr's reluctance to give medication unless he's failing to thrive, but we're doing everything we can to reduce symptoms and he still uncomfortable. I hate seeing him like and not being able to do more.
With regard to sleeping, does anyone's lo's fall asleep on their own? Once Luke is asleep in our arms he's good to go in his bassinet, but we haven't had any success laying him down awake and falling asleep on his own. If we lay him down before he's totally out solid, then he'll wake back up.
With regard to me and oh, things are good most days. We've definitely argued more since Luke arrived, but I'm putting that down to sleep deprivation and all the changes that come along with a new baby. It's easy to take our frustrations out on each other I guess.
Karina- I can't imagine life without Luke either. In fact, it's hard to remember what life was even like before he came along. Oh and I often wonder what we did with all our time!
Hope everyone's oh had a wonderful Father's Day!
Here's a pic of him all dressed up for Father's Day
Kasey - I think that whole 'put your baby down drowsy but awake' was a myth created by sleep trainers to make new parents feel bad. We do not plan to let Lucy ever CIO, but that is what would exactly what would happen if we put her down and left while she was awake. From what i understand, most babies under 4 months can't self sooth, so they need to be rocked/nursed/bounced to sleep. I plan to transition her into falling asleep on her own when she is good and ready - such as 6 months. And plan to continue the use of our 'props' (white noise/binky/rocking chair) until she doesn't need them any more.
Madison is definitely the same way. She sleeps fast and hard when I'm holding her against my chest, but getting her to sleep alone in her crib on her own is impossible. Usually at bedtime I will rock her while bfing, and if she's.still awake at the end of the feed, burp her and lay her down across my knees rocking her. Sometimes she fights it still and I need to use the paci (which she loves). Then once she finally closes her eyes, I wait a good 5 mins before putting her in the crib. Usually if shes not asleep hard enough, she'll wake up within that 5 min. As far as a game plan to fix it, we don't have one yet lol. I'm a sahm, so it's not that big of a deal if I stay up longer to rock her back to sleep. Plus, let's face it, I like the extra cuddles
Amber hasn't had any colicky issues since we started giving her gas drops and probiotics. That has been a huge lifesaver! I did change something last week in relation to the gas drops and paid for it....she cried a lot until I went back to how I was doing things before. Now she's back to normal.
As for how she is with sleep, we have the same issue. The last few nights she's been put down when we thought she was sleeping only to hear her in her pack n' play kicking and cooing. I told DH just to leave her alone and she'll settle down. Thankfully it's worked most of the time.
Vietmamsie - I'm jealous of how much you can pump! The most I've gotten at one time was 5 oz total. Most times when I pump I get between 2-3 oz total. I've tried fenugreek to help increase my production, and even tried these lactation cookies I was recommended by the mom's group to make. I haven't seen much of a change.
Amber decided the last few days she loves her hands in her mouth. So...reluctantly I told DH to grab her one pacifier. She sucked on that thing like no other. Her first time using one. Been fighting myself internally about it because I don't want to worry about having to break her of the habit down the road. But if it helps comfort her, then she can have it. While watching Nanny 911 on Netflix recently, there was a family where the 3- and 4- year old kids were still dependent on their pacifiers. Crazy!
As for pumping while at work, that I do plan on doing. They had redone the Mother's Room within the last year, which is good because the original one would have made me uncomfortable. It was by the lunchroom by the eating area, no private rooms in it and was in a different building from the one I work. I plan on at least using it 2x/day.
Don't get too jealous! I only pump after morning feeds when Lucy doesn't empty both my breasts and in the middle of the night if Lucy skips her midnight feed (both breasts will be painfully engorged, and she usually doesn't eat much in the middle of the night). I freeze all the extra milk so we have an emergency stash.... but Lucy won't take a bottle, so it seems sort of ridiculous.
Interesting that Amber just now took a dummy. Lucy has never taken one either. I have actually offered her it many times (I even bought several different ones with different shaped nipples to find one she liked) but she always refuses. Maybe there is still hope! She has also found her hands in the last few days.
As for the babysitters - one was ok and the other was a no show on her first day1 Sent me a message saying she couldn't come because it was raining! It's the rainy season, so I guess that will happen everyday?? Oh dear
I wouldn't be able to let Luke CIO either. It would just break my heart. I don't think it would be beneficial to any of us and in the end I'm pretty sure he wouldn't fall asleep anyway. It's funny after bringing that up he actually he fell asleep on his own for a nap today. He was laying on his blanket on the couch next to me for some playtime. His eyes started to get heavy so I just let him be and he drifted off to sleep. Probably just a one time thing!
Luke has been using a pacifier at times since the hospital. We only give it to him when he's really fussy though. He doesn't generally need it to fall asleep.
Luke has started putting his hands in his mouth and sucking on them just these past few days. "Google" says this is about the age that they "discover" their hands. Apparently it can be a self-soothing thing too. I try to deter him (mainly because of germs) by putting the pacifier in his mouth in place of his hands, but he spits that out and the hands go back in again.
yeah, would totally agree with the whole CIO thing - when she cries I get very emotional. It would bee too much for me.
I have found that when she is tired (before crying - still at the yawning/eye rubbing stage) but all my rocking/bouncing isn't putting her down (like over 30 minutes of soothing), its best to just start the cycle over again with a short feed, back out to play and read a story, then back to the bedroom for a change and a bounce. Gets her to sleep every time!
Today was the EDD for my angel baby, which means I could have had a 1 year old now if things had worked out differently.
If that baby had lived, I wouldn't have Luke and although I wouldn't trade him for the world, it still saddens me that I'll never see that baby grow up and he or she will never celebrate a birthday. It really reinforces just how lucky we are to have our little boy with us, happy and healthy!
Like last year, I visited the baby loss memorial today and left flowers. It feels important to me to remember and honor that baby.
Hope all is well with everyone!
Kasey: I know how hard it is thinking about the "what if's" in relation to the past. I think it's sweet that you were able to go to the memorial to remember the LO. I know when 9/20 comes along this year, I'm going to have a hard time. My husband's one cousin is getting married that date, so it's going to be on my mind a lot.
I'm also glad you felt comfortable posting about your emotions with it. **Hugs**
Kasey - I often have the same feelings, however, some how I think it all worked out the way it was supposed to. I couldn't imagine my life without Lucy.
With that said, one year ago today i found out I was pregnant, only to have my fourth miscarriage two days later. :/
Thanks ladies. It's great to be able to come here and share my thoughts with others who understand.
Karina- The "what ifs" really are hard. Will you be attending the wedding then? It's always hard to attend happy events and put a smile on your face when really your heart is heavy. I hope you get through the day ok. I always find it helps when I do a little something in remembrance.
Vietmamsie- Although the loss is hard to accept, I know things are the way they are supposed to be. Luke is meant to be here with us. Oh and I have said that as soon as he came into this world, it's like we already knew him...almost like we've been waiting for him our whole lives. He just fits