2014 October Rainbows (late Septembers welcome!) (13 babies born!)

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I know this is early days and I know this is probably going to sound awful, especially in this group, but I feel like I am really struggling to bond with this LO right now. :nope: By this stage last time, even with the bleeding every single day and all the emergency scans, I was completely and utterly in love and thought of nothing but baby all day every day. This time around, at our scan, it was like.. "Oh, that's nice, I'm glad there's a heartbeat" rather than what we had last time - "Oh my goodness that is amazing and wonderful and a heartbeat omg this is just amazing I love you baby so much already!" My mom says it's myself shutting down to protect myself incase something happens again, but I think it's more than that. The scars from our last LO still feel very raw and open (even over a year on) and I feel very tearful realizing that I'm carrying this baby with presumably no problems (that we know of - so far anyway!) and the last one had to deal with a SCH that ultimately killed it. It's like it just "feels" wrong and how will I ever love a baby again as much as I loved Angel? I know that once we get past the 12 weeks and reach that new open territory that we never got to before it will be a lot different, but right now, I guess I just feel numb towards this pregnancy. :nope:

Even silly things like changing my profile pic on here I don't feel ready to do, even though I have a tiny little ultrasound pic for current baby. :dohh:
 
I don't think it's weird. I do think it's emotional distancing, as that's what hubs and I are doing. We're really glad to see heartbeats, of course, but to us what's in my uterus is NOT A BABY. It's not. It's the product of conception. We call it Bop, which stands for "Bundle of Potential". Once we get to 12 2\weeks, then we might actually get to start bonding, but I wouldn't be too surprised if I didn't get head over heels in love til I start feeling kicks.
 
I've been feeling the same way whigfield. I've been distancing myself incase something goes wrong.
 
It's a horrible way to feel, isn't it? I know that even with all this distancing, if we go on to lose this baby, we'll be devastated. I just want to go to sleep for the whole of the first trimester and wake up in second tri. :haha:
 
I'll 3rd? 4th? what everyone else said. Reading everyone's m/c stories you know that there are stillbirths and everything else that people have happen too.... Cord incidents, random bits of crappy crap crap.... Not a single one of us is going in to this endeavor innocent. We KNOW the worst that can happen. We've lived it.

But I'm hopeful. For all of us. I think as our pregnancies progress and we start feeling these bops moving and grooving we should start breaking down the walls.... We'll never forget, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to invest 100% in to this bop until I have someone in my arms, but I'm gonna try. Starting on my birthday at the end of April :) Then I'll be further along than I was with my m/c.
 
Frustrated, what hospital are you going to deliver at? I have to go to the Alex because I'm gonna try for a second vbac :)
 
I can't wait until my Bop graduates to Hatchling! Then I think I will be able to start getting attached. But that will be a second tri thing.
 
3Minions said:
Frustrated, what hospital are you going to deliver at? I have to go to the Alex because I'm gonna try for a second vbac :)
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I'm hoping grey nuns but that's not definite it could end up being Alex. I have to travel into edmonton to deliver so it could be wherever they send me.
 
The OBs are pretty spectacular everywhere so you can't really go wrong :)
 
The ob that I see is in Millwoods so I would like to deliver there and I used to live in Millwoods so I just know the area much better.
 
:flower:Dont feel bad, its just early days with this LO and with time you will bond, dont beat yourself up over it xx
 
Hi ladies!! Mind if I join you? I have finally finished reading alllllllll of the previous posts..phew!! I'm 4+3 today. I found out last Friday that we are expecting again...yikes!! We had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks 2/14/13...my birthday...:cry:. To be on this roller coaster ride again, pretty much exactly a year later is overwhelming to say the least! I have two boys from a previous marriage (10 and 11)...so it's like I'm having my first all over again lol. I've had two beta's done, last friday it was 52 yesterday it was 345 :happydance:. I have been a nervous wreck since Sunday waiting on results from that second blood draw. When she told me I broke down in tears on the phone. Did I mention this is completely overwhelming!! So now I'm just waiting on my first scan which is 2/27. It's going to be a llooooonnnngggg two weeks!

I'm looking forward to getting to know you guys better and share this journey with you...we've all been through alot, it's nice to have folks to turn to that get that :hugs:. Here's to all of our rainbow babies!!
 
3Minions said:
I'll 3rd? 4th? what everyone else said. Reading everyone's m/c stories you know that there are stillbirths and everything else that people have happen too.... Cord incidents, random bits of crappy crap crap.... Not a single one of us is going in to this endeavor innocent. We KNOW the worst that can happen. We've lived it.

But I'm hopeful. For all of us. I think as our pregnancies progress and we start feeling these bops moving and grooving we should start breaking down the walls.... We'll never forget, and I don't know if I'm going to be able to invest 100% in to this bop until I have someone in my arms, but I'm gonna try. Starting on my birthday at the end of April :) Then I'll be further along than I was with my m/c.
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Amen to this. We had a late loss in third tri with a healthy baby, should never have happened! It is hard to go into another pregnancy as my innocence is lost...I think we all process differently. I actually recall this bring brought up in the thread earlier too.
 
Welcome, Curni! :wave: You're due on my anniversary! Your betas sound great!
 
Hi Curni!

I'd been putting off calling the doctor - it sort of makes it all real, you know? So I bit the bullet. I have an ultrasound on the 24th (not sure why - dating maybe?) That was the due date of my m/c. With my m/c the quad screen had come back with a 1/274 chance for downs, and since I'll be 35 come October they offered me the Nuchal screen. I figured I would do it since DH and I were a mess when the quad screen results came back and they weren't going to have me in to talk to a specialist until 19 weeks with that pregnancy anyway. I have to go for 3 blood tests each 48 hours apart before that. That's at the end of March. My first DA is April 3 at 12 weeks. I was doing okay before because I could just not think about things, but now I'm SO scared. :-(
 
3Minions said:
Hi Curni!

I'd been putting off calling the doctor - it sort of makes it all real, you know? So I bit the bullet. I have an ultrasound on the 24th (not sure why - dating maybe?) That was the due date of my m/c. With my m/c the quad screen had come back with a 1/274 chance for downs, and since I'll be 35 come October they offered me the Nuchal screen. I figured I would do it since DH and I were a mess when the quad screen results came back and they weren't going to have me in to talk to a specialist until 19 weeks with that pregnancy anyway. I have to go for 3 blood tests each 48 hours apart before that. That's at the end of March. My first DA is April 3 at 12 weeks. I was doing okay before because I could just not think about things, but now I'm SO scared. :-(
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My first scan is the 23rd. Super nervous too!
 
Welcome curni!! Congrats on your Bfp
Whig I feel the same I don't really acknowledge the baby unless it's when I'm nervous about mc. I know it's my own selfish way of protecting my fragile heart from another break. I think when I feel the kicks the wall may start to crumble but I won't feel safe until I hold my lo in my arms
 
Welcome curni! :hugs:

I feel like even when (if?) baby is in my arms, I'll still be a nervous break. Is he/she still breathing?! Are they too hot, too cold? etc etc etc... I already know I'm going to be a completely neurotic first time mom. :haha:

On a lighter note, made a delicious chilli con carne from scratch tonight with all fresh ingredients, and it tastes sooooooooo good. All food is amazing to me right now. When I'm not feeling sick that is! :haha:
 
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