3 failed IUIs. How do you cope?

[Dini]

They FINALLY called me back at about 4:45pm and my beta is up to 117!!! I'm so relieved! I go back in a week for a scan and another set of blood tests! (I got no work done today!) I think I am going to try to figure out how to add a ticker! I never thought this day would come...

I am so absolutely thrilled for you Moni, you just have no idea! You are the only one left that I know of that hadn't conceived from when I was doing IUI's back in January and I am so glad we can do this together. I love your ticker!! I'll be watching it grow

 

[SashimiMimi]

Way to go Moni!

 

[WillowGrace]

Thank you to all of you for your responses. It means a lot to hear your stories and helpful words of wisdom.

This morning at work I was greeted with a coworker announcing her 2nd pregnancy. Hard.... so hard to hear. After work I spoke with my nurse today. We are going to start a new IUI cycle. I go tomorrow for my ultrasound. Doc. has a revised protocol for this go-around. He's upping my injections, so we will see. I thought about it hard and feel like I have to give it one more go before I put this on hold for a few months. I'm not ready to "wait" or lose time. I just want this so bad as you all know the feeling. My consult with the doc is next week to talk about the "plan" if this doesn't work.

Moni--I am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!! CONGRATS!!!!

 

[Dini]

I'll be thinking of you Willow. I absolutely know how you feel about not wanting to waste time, and how you feel about people getting pregnant all around you. It's such a punch in the gut! I still get irritated by it but mostly because this pregnancy is so young, no where near the point where my risk drops so while I know I'm pregnant, I am worried constantly about mmc, or something going wrong. I don't think I'll actually be able to say that we are "expecting" until I can feel the baby move around and know it's okay. Fingers crossed this is your cycle hon!

 

[moni77]

Glad you are going another round! Fxed for you!

Thanks everyone, I'm very excited and scared at the same time!

 

[SashimiMimi]

Willow I always felt like I was being swarmed by pregnant ladies when I was at the height of my fertility treatment fails. They were everywhere!! One day I got on the subway and there were six visibly pregnant ladies, so I switched cars and there were 2 more in there. They are everywhere as a constant reminder and it must have really stunk to hear about your coworker.

I'm glad you're going with your gut. My brother and his wife also struggled and they did 3 failed iuis and then went back for round 4. My SIL was so fed up, she only went for one round of the IUI instead of 2 on back to back days for that 4th cycle because she was so sure it wouldn't work. He wanted to save up for IVF and literally gave up half way through the 4th iui cycle. During the TWW she drank wine, ran a marathon and ate whatever and can you believe that was the cycle that worked?? She conceived my niece who is now 5 years old. So I think when that baby is ready to come it will come no matter what.

Fingers crossed this iui is the one for you!

 

[Maverick007]

Moni, seriously so happy for you!! Just try to breathe and enjoy it, as hard as that seems!

And I am kinda ashamed to admit this, but I still feel that initial pang of sadness I used to feel when people announce pregnancies to me! I don't know why but I think I just still have that infertile mindset, especially if it is someone who tried a month or two and had no troubles. I hate that I think that way but it can't be helped. I think I also wonder if I will ever be able to have another without resorting to a frozen embryo transfer. It feels very selfish but I try to not be too hard on myself!

 

[moni77]

I am trying too.. I expect I'll feel the same way - we don't have any frozen - so this will likely be our only one... but she/he is going to be amazing!!

 

[Dini]

Moni when is your next beta?

 

[moni77]

Tues the 9th. Along with a scan.

 

[SashimiMimi]

Maverick I often feel the same way. I kept seeing pregnant moms with toddlers and I felt so envious thinking it would never be me. Infertility became such a big part of my identity that I still very much feel part of that community. There isn't a lot of support for what it does to you emotionally.

 

[StayHopeful]

Moni, massive congratulations! I'm so happy for you!

Willow, I definitely can understand how hard it is when people announce that they're pregnant. It seems like when you can't get pregnant, everyone else does. One thing I had to remind myself of, though, is that I didn't know their stories. Some of them may have been (and I knew for a fact that some were) struggling even longer than I had been. It's still so hard to hear it though. And I agree with Mav, even now I get that little punch in the gut. We're not planning on trying for another one for a while, but we'll most likely have to do an FET when we do. I'm happy for my friends who are getting pregnant and I feel so blessed to have my little guy, but I still can't help feeling that way. Hang in there, hun! FX that this IUI cycle does the trick for you!

 

[fisher640]

Maverick I often feel the same way. I kept seeing pregnant moms with toddlers and I felt so envious thinking it would never be me. Infertility became such a big part of my identity that I still very much feel part of that community. There isn't a lot of support for what it does to you emotionally.

Amen!
Glad I checked back in with the boards after a long time away. We're currently just 'seeing what happens' but I've found myself getting emotional again when people tell me they're pregnant again

 

[Maverick007]

I'm so glad to hear it's not just me who feels that way, you guys always make me feel less crazy!

Moni, praying for your next beta and scan tomorrow!!

 

[lusterleaf]

I haven't read through all the responses, but I had my 3rd failed IUI last month for TTC#2. It is frustrating and I wish I was able to fall pregnant easily like so many others I know! I just have to press on... and hope for the best. I also have a 2 year old DS that I have to remember that I am already blessed by having him. It took 2 IUI's to get pregnant with him, I guess this time it is just taking longer. I should be having my 4th IUI done sometime this weekend. Wishing everyone the best of luck.

 

[moni77]

FXed lusterleaf.

AFM - scan went well this morning - saw a picture perfect sac and yolk! Doc expects my numbers to be over 1000 with what he saw. He forgot to print us out a photo but promised to spoil us next week with photos. Go back next tues and hopefully will hear the heart beat!

 

[summer2011]

Yay Moni!!
I had my 10 week US today and what a difference a couple weeks make! Little squish was measuring 10+1 and we saw him/her roll over and moving little arms and legs. Made it feel so real.

 

[moni77]

Beta was 2469! Progesterone was over 40 so I can cut the injection back down to 1cc. Back next Tuesday and hoping to see a heartbeat!

Yay for flipping babies!

 

[WillowGrace]

Summer- I am so happy your ultrasound went well!

Lusterleaf- I'm going through my 4th IUI this weekend as well.

Moni- How are you feeling?

Update: I had my consult on Monday. Doc said if this one fails he wants us to do IVF with ICSI due to all the facts in our previous cycles and tests. My nurses went over the IVF folder and all the info, so I'm all set when the time comes. Due to insurance and my work I want to change to a more comprehensive plan (we have 2 plans options), which can only be done at a set time each year and rolls over in January, so we are looking at a break and starting probably in February.

I go tomorrow morning for IUI #4, cycle 5 with this fertility center and month 8 at the center. We are getting close to the 2 year mark. I have mixed feelings about a break, but I know that I am in good hands and IVF with ICSI should work for us.

For our current IUI I don't think I stimmed quite as well as last cycle. This cycle I have a 27mm and a 16mm follicle. I want to be hopeful, but my gut feeling is that this won't work and we will be moving on in February. I'd love to be surprised though.

 

[Dini]

Willow my fingers are crossed and a 27mm is a great follicle so try to stay optimistic! Take it from me, a break isn't bad, it's a good thing! I wish our insurance would have paid for something maybe it wouldn't have take so long, but we got there either way! I'll be thinking of you!!