30 something and TTC #1 for a year

[GettingBroody]

Well, mine is simple - DH's sperm scores low on all fronts - count, motility & morphology. It meant we skipped all the less invasive treatments and went straight to ivf with icsi. I'm glad we had an actual reason for the lack of bfp - I'm sure "unexplained" must be very hard to deal with...

 

[mk8]

Hey girls

Cupcake, hope you get to the bottom of the bloating. Def ring your doc for advice.

Truly, first of all, yay for iui! My fs said clomid for unexplained isn't the best and injectables are definitely better. Here's hoping!! I'd definitely edit until docs tell u to stop the progesterone before you stop. Sometimes bfps are shy. Best of luck truly!

 

[Trulyoo]

Thx MK. I hate Unexplained! Yep, clomid is really a joke. I am glad the injectables worked better for me, and ultimately, it does give RE a good outlook on what IVF protocol to put me on if need be. She said it wouldn't be too different than what I'm doing on the injectables (since I'm taking Menopur) she said it would be one additional drug. I'm already wishing to do IVF. The odds of IUI's are just so low. Though injectables are better than clomid for sure. My RE said injectables for me is 20% while just 9% with clomid. So I was thinking how great this was. But then now at the 11th hour of my 2WW, I realize that means 80% failure!

And yeah being Unexplained is sooo crappy! Could it be old eggs?, sperm that can't penetrate?, or maybe my egg is just never swept up into the tubes. I don't know. So frustrating after 2 years!

 

[brassy]

Trulyoo,
I can definitely sympathize with you! After my ill-timed iui last Saturday, I am not feeling my best. All this optimism I have been having during the past couple of months has now gone. ..
I feel depressed, and have been crying daily since Monday. Although we have been having some sperm issues and were told this is probably the reason we cannot conceive, we just don't and cannot know if it is just that... I, too, hate clomid. I was on 100mg this time (I ovulate regularly on my own, lp=15 days, sometimes more), but I think I responded better to 50mg or to no clomid at all (my non-clomid charts are way better than the clomid ones). One part of me feels that ivf will be the way to go (and what if this doesn't work?-scary), but another part of me would like to try a few more iuis, but I don't know if I can handle it mentally.
I quit coffee, long time ago, gluten, have a v.healthy diet, exercise a lot, never drink, take Q10 and have enriched my diet with antioxidants. I have seen others who are heavy smokers, have bad eating habbits, may have had abortions in young age, and these people have children or are pregnant. Isn't this unfair?

At this point I really don't know where to draw hope from...

I hope you get a bfp at the end of the cycle, and this will really be well-deserved.

 

[aleja]

Truly and brassy I am so hopeful for you both . It would be so lovely for you to each have a bfp this cycle x
Truly we went straight to IVF because of male infertility but I had a few ovulation and luteal phase issues along the way

 

[Trulyoo]

Thanks Ladies.........2 more days until the fateful day. I'm going to test Saturday after the blood test. That way, I'll be ready to talk to the nurse.

Brassy, you are probably most close in profile with me since we haven't graduated from IUI's yet =(. I wish you I could give you a hug and cry with you too because I know EXACTLY how you feel. This process is a ridiculous and unfair emotional roller coaster. It's like a drug in itself. You get so hopeful and you ride so high for just a little bit.......then you come off the high at the end of your 2WW. I too have completely changed my lifestyle. For my entire 35 years, never did any drugs or drink or smoke, never. And now, I'm a drug addict and have the sharps container to prove it. They even put me on a form of dopamine to counter OHSS this cycle. ME! - Dopamine!!! What a joke!
I eat super healthy now, take CoQ-10, Royal Jelly, Prenatal, and something called OvaBoost to help egg quality (if there is such a thing, but hey, we'll try anything with hopeful claims, right?). I have a nice healthy banana protein shake that DH makes me every morning and eat lots of greens and fruits. And am I pregnant? NOPE. Unfair indeed.

And as much as I'm ready for IVF, that sets off a whole new set of fears as well. If it doesn't work, the financial impact will be so hard to swallow, and even worse, what other options are there after that? It's like the end of the road, no other technology or science after that. Very very very scary..=/ What to do, what to do????!! Already frantic just thinking about it.

SO at 12piui today, I have no more symptoms. Progesterone was giving me all sorts of things but now they are pretty much subdued. I don't know what that means. Some articles say that once your body adjusts to the new hormone levels, it gets used to it.
Were any of you who are pregnant on progesterone in your BFP cycle? What sypmtoms did you get?

Anyway Girls, thank you for your support and kind words. It really means a lot to me.

 

[brassy]

Yes...I know....I understand...all of it. I, too, wish I could hug you and we could cry together. This is something I miss in my everyday life. Noone to talk about this, except DH, and my mother, who tries to understand and support me, but she has no idea what I am going through since she has never been through this. The worse is that my parents live far away...
And I already feel that I am putting extra pressure on DH who already has his own issues to deal with. I was telling him yesterday that I don't feel ready to think about stuff like adoption. I want our own biological child. A part of me and a part of him.
Some of our friends are teasing me about my extra-healthy eating habits and I think that they think I am obsessing. But they drink, they smoke and I am with no child. I blame infertility for having stolen the real me. I am not the same person anymore. I have lost some friends because I cannot look at their babies or bellies without being reminded about my own situation. I feel enstranged from some others because I cannot talk to them about this. If someone could somehow tell me that I would have a baby at the end of this I could tolerate it and wait. But noone can.
I, too, was always against drugs and would rarely need to have any since I have always had a strong immune system. Now there is a whole shelf full of pills, q10, prenatals, grapeseed extract, d-chiro inositol, l-argirine, l-carnitine and many others. You name it, I have it.
It was my birthday a few days ago. I am now 36. Last year I was convinced that by my birthday this year I would either be expecting or already had a child. How many more anniversaries, birthdays, Christmasses without a child in the house? Why does it have to be so difficult for us? It is an irony since we always receive nice comments from friends and relative about how well and happy we look together. I already feel the strain on our relationship. People's first years of marriage shouldn't be like this...
I will be checking again on Saturday to read your update. I really hope and wish you are surprised by a positive result! We all deserve it!

 

[Trulyoo]

I know everything you're talking about. Picture perfect couple (they think) yet, hurting so deeply behind the walls of our home. I'm seriously afraid that this process will drive me mental. LOL, I think about all sorts of hocus pocus things. Praying, and lucky charms, and horoscopes. It's so ridiculous. I'm wondering if I can find a really good palm reader to tell my future. hahaha. I need to know whether I'm going to be a mom or not so I can continue sanely!

 

[MrsPTTC]

ladies

Trulyoo good luck for testing! I didn't have progesterone BUT I had no symptoms whatsoever & if I TTC again then I would not SS, the whole achey bbs, nausea, dark areolas etc etc load of rubbish until you're further gone (well in my experience anyway)

x

 

[Trulyoo]

haha, you're right MrsP. Thanks for the reassurance, I'm so tired of reading all the blogs on 2ww sypmtoms!

 

[MrsPTTC]

Honestly I wish I hadn't of SS'd as much, I was obsessed with checking my cm,bbs etc.. I've only had significant increased cm since 3rd tri I'd say!

Can't wait for your testing

x

 

[aleja]

truly and brassy, your posts made me feel sad
I know I am not in the same boat anymore so in a way perhaps what i say doesn't have the same leverage. But all of what you said was me only a few months ago. It is so scary being 35 without feeling hope of one day being a parent. It is deeply traumatising and i still feel the effects of it today. I still tear up every time I think about what DH and I went through to be at the point we are today. Every day I am so so grateful to be healthy and pregnant and wish that I stay this way.

All i can say is please don't give up. It is too soon to be thinking about adoption. If your road leads to IVF yes it is scary, expensive emotionally draining and there is no guarantees but I would do it all over again in a minute.When it works (and it will) it is magical.

Having said that I will be thinking of you over these next few days.

Re: progesterone- everyone is different so other people's symptoms were not that helpful! the only reason i thought I was in with a chance was because i started spotting early. No other symptoms. The bloating cramps etc started happening after the bfp.

 

[aleja]

mrsP, omg you are a watermelon now!!! anything happening yet??

MrsG I am thinking about you. hope all okay x

 

[MrsPTTC]

mrsP, omg you are a watermelon now!!! anything happening yet?
x

Aleja I've been a watermelon for over a week now! No, had a few shooting pains but I think that's just the baby moving my pelvis. I have had a busy first week on mat leave & have another busy week next week (catch up with friends!) so baby P needs to stay put another week! How are you?

x

 

[Trulyoo]

truly and brassy, your posts made me feel sad
I know I am not in the same boat anymore so in a way perhaps what i say doesn't have the same leverage. But all of what you said was me only a few months ago. It is so scary being 35 without feeling hope of one day being a parent. It is deeply traumatising and i still feel the effects of it today. I still tear up every time I think about what DH and I went through to be at the point we are today. Every day I am so so grateful to be healthy and pregnant and wish that I stay this way.

All i can say is please don't give up. It is too soon to be thinking about adoption. If your road leads to IVF yes it is scary, expensive emotionally draining and there is no guarantees but I would do it all over again in a minute.When it works (and it will) it is magical.

Having said that I will be thinking of you over these next few days.

Re: progesterone- everyone is different so other people's symptoms were not that helpful! the only reason i thought I was in with a chance was because i started spotting early. No other symptoms. The bloating cramps etc started happening after the bfp.

Thanks Aleja. You have every credential to speak on this and your words have a lot of weight. Because of where you are now, you speak wisdom. In fact, when I look at your journey.....I truly feel you've been the strongest. And yet you made it out...You deserve every bit of happiness this outcome has brought. I just wish I can fast forward time, like Brassy said. I can fight, I can keep fighting.......only if I knew it would be worth it in the end. But we just don't know. When IVF fails, like it did for youthe very first time, what the hell do you do or think, how does ones mind cope? And then to keep going and keep trying...OMG.....You are truly amazing Aleja.

 

[mk8]

Good luck for testing tomorrow truly!

 

[lilyV]

MrsPTTC - wow, wow, wow! 8th cycle! That's crazy and GREAT for sticking through with it. When's your due date?!

aleja - I hope the back pain has subsided, how are you feeling?!

cupcakesarah - no IUI. DH has no issues. bloating happens post-o, no? could be a good sign... as horrible as it feels...

Trulyoo - I'm so sorry about your situation..I hope you get your BFP soon. I just started progesterone for the first time and I've been having a couple of odd symptoms (dizziness and ear plugging). Spoke w 2 gfs who both said progesterone doesn't give side effects... weird eh? maybe some ppl get them and some ppl don't.

brassy - oh.... hon.... you made me think of Christmases... I want a baby for Christmas... and/or the next year, and then the year after....

 

[Trulyoo]

Hi girls, I gave in today just a little while ago and poas. It was bfn as I suspected. Had a really good cry, called my mom and sobbed to DH. I love my family so much. I'm broken but they make me feel like everything will be alright. I know you girls are sad for me to, you're all my friends. But DH reminded me about the game plan. One more iui and then let my body rest for a cycle and then start IVF. So I have to stick to the plan. Plans are good, keeps me focused. Luv u all

 

[GettingBroody]

Oh Truly, I'm so so sorry

 

[mk8]

Lily, good luck this cycle!

Cupcake, how are you feeling!

Broody, has spotting stopped now?

Mrsp, bet you can't wait!

Aleja, you ok Hun?

Brassy, hanging in there?

Truly, I'm sorry it was a bfn. I am still hoping your bfp is a little shy but even if its a real negative, stay strong. Infertility sucks. Unexplained also makes your mind go nuts. But as you say there's a plan. Hang in there truly and enjoy the weekend relaxing with loving hubby. Xxx