40+ and Trying for 1st? Join in!!

[Kat S]

Thank you, Juniper. I'm just SO sad. and to top it all off, yesterday we got a notice in the mail from our insurance co that they turned down a $3,000 claim from the diagnostic center that did the testing on our baby to find out why it died. Dude...that procedure was 6 months ago! And NO ONE told me it would cost $3,000!! I honestly wouldn't have had the procedure done had I a CLUE it would cost that much.

Yes, we can try again as long as the insurance money holds out. I'm honestly not sure how much is left. I guess I need to have that conversation soon. I think that no live baby after 6 IUI's is a very bad sign.

Why can't we have our babies? It seems like the most natural thing in the world, and we can't do it. And forget trying to adopt. It's SO expensive! I don't know how people afford it who aren't rich. Do they clean out their savings accounts? Mortgage their homes? I just feel like even if I accept I can't have my own biological child, I can't find a way to adopt someone else's either. I just have to accept involuntary childlessness? *sob*

 

[Emmi]

What a shock. Not pregnant.

You know, I went into this with such high hopes. I knew getting pregnant at 40 was tough, but I thought that with the help of award winning fertility experts and drugs, I'd be pregnant within 6 months. Well, I was I guess, but that hardly counts now does it? Right now I feel cheated. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel left behind while everyone else gets their happy family. I'm also angry at myself for waiting too long.

I love J to death and we have a wonderful marriage, but right now I feel like we have an incomplete life. Turns out the baby I miscarried was our only chance and she's gone. I never get to know what it feels like to be a mom...to hold my own baby...plan birthday parties...give hugs and kisses...watch them grow...

I'm sorry. I'm just really down right now. I don't know what to do.

Oh Kat - so sorry to hear that - big hugs to you. I think as a friend said to me - don't give up until you have exhausted everything! And that makes sense - so take the crappy days along with the positive - an believe me - I know that's not easy.

And I get what you are saying about loving your partner/hubby but life isn't complete without a little one.....

Hubby had another sperm test today as his last was so bad - just hoping that it's a better this time. I can't help but feel so resentful - I need his sperm to be good!!! There is so much pressure for everyone - so hard.

It supposed to be the most natural thing in the world and it feels like such a horrible struggle. Hugs all round. xxx

 

[Kat S]

Emmi, I hope your husband's test comes out much better! My husband had a terrible sample our first IUI. OMG, we were devastated. Then the next month it was better, and the month after that even better! So I think sometimes they can just have a "bad batch" as my husband likes to call it. Plus, there are supplements men can take to improve their samples. Fingers crossed for you!!

Thanks for listening and your understanding. It helps so much.

 

[Emmi]

There's always someone to listen here Kat -

Sperm was much better!! It's still not brilliant (but enough for ICSI) and he has stopped drinking alcohol all together and his diet is now monitored by me - chicken with wholewheat pasta which lots of salad for his dinner tonight!!

They wanted to freeze hubby's sperm but at £400 - we are going to take the chance that his sperm will get better! Just ordered some supplements too - hope that helps!

You take care - I know how crappy the down days are - you almost feel like is it possible that there any more tears....

Big hugs

 

[Kat S]

Emmi, that's great news! Wow, I had no idea that freezing sperm was so expensive! Glad he's improving!!

 

[Kat S]

Technically I haven't gotten my period yet, but I'd had two days of negative HPT, so yesterday I just made an early call out of anger and disappointment since I've been getting my period so early each month. I thought it would appear in a matter of hours, but it didn't. Today I'm 11 dpiui, which is the longest I've gone without a period since my miscarriage this past January. Still showing negative HPT. I think my cycle is finally starting to return to a more normal length. Maybe now that my cycle is returning to normal, I have a better chance at getting pregnant? Any thoughts on that?

 

[Briss]

Hi ladies, I hope you do not mind me joining. I am not 40 yet but it looks like my ovaries might be older than I am. My FSH is too high for my age at 19 and AMH is low (almost menopausal levels). We've been TTC for over 3 years and not a sniff of BFP. My DH has very low sperm count and our FS was pushing for IVF from day 1. we refused as thought his sperm will improve with vitamins etc but even though his sperm is slowly improving (still not great through) my FSH got so high over the last couple of years that we were refused IVF. completely devastating! particularly after I spent the last year doing millions of things to get it lowered. Nothing seems to work for us and it just gets worse.

I can relate to everything you say ladies, I also cry a lot of the time over the whole thing. Trying to stay positive but it seems unfair and hurts so bad. I am afraid to think what future may hold for us and cant even say it. Just trying to carry on doing everything I can and hoping and praying but month after month it gets harder and harder.

Kat, I am so sorry it was not BFP this time but you did get pregnant once and this means you can do it again. I am so sure it will happen for you. though I have to say I stopped testing a while ago as it's just too draining emotionally to see those BFNs and even then I still hope only to get crashed when AF shows up later. I am so hoping that it may still happen for you this cycle (it’s not over until AF shows up) but even if not this cycle then very very soon. the fact that your cycle is improving is a good sign, over the years I noticed that ladies with good temp charts – good cycles are more likely to get BFPs

I really want to try IUI but FS refused cos hubby's sperm is not sufficient for that. We may still try to do it privately though. Am also looking into natural cycle IVF, the success rate is lower but it's much cheaper and seems to work better for ladies with high FSH.

 

[Kat S]

Briss, welcome! I am so sorry to read your story. You are so young to have to go through this. It's not fair! I hope you can find the right path to your little one! Until then, we're here to listen.

 

[Emmi]

Hi ladies, I hope you do not mind me joining. I am not 40 yet but it looks like my ovaries might be older than I am. My FSH is too high for my age at 19 and AMH is low (almost menopausal levels). We've been TTC for over 3 years and not a sniff of BFP. My DH has very low sperm count and our FS was pushing for IVF from day 1. we refused as thought his sperm will improve with vitamins etc but even though his sperm is slowly improving (still not great through) my FSH got so high over the last couple of years that we were refused IVF. completely devastating! particularly after I spent the last year doing millions of things to get it lowered. Nothing seems to work for us and it just gets worse.

I can relate to everything you say ladies, I also cry a lot of the time over the whole thing. Trying to stay positive but it seems unfair and hurts so bad. I am afraid to think what future may hold for us and cant even say it. Just trying to carry on doing everything I can and hoping and praying but month after month it gets harder and harder.

Kat, I am so sorry it was not BFP this time but you did get pregnant once and this means you can do it again. I am so sure it will happen for you. though I have to say I stopped testing a while ago as it's just too draining emotionally to see those BFNs and even then I still hope only to get crashed when AF shows up later. I am so hoping that it may still happen for you this cycle (it’s not over until AF shows up) but even if not this cycle then very very soon. the fact that your cycle is improving is a good sign, over the years I noticed that ladies with good temp charts – good cycles are more likely to get BFPs

I really want to try IUI but FS refused cos hubby's sperm is not sufficient for that. We may still try to do it privately though. Am also looking into natural cycle IVF, the success rate is lower but it's much cheaper and seems to work better for ladies with high FSH.

Sorry to hear all of that but Briss - try and go private - it costs a lot but there is at least hope that they can look at every angle to see what they can and cannot do.

Exhaust everything - I really do think until we have done that we just can't give up.

 

[paster234]

I'm 42 (43 in March). Met my wonderful boyfriend 2 years ago online. But due to us living apart, it wasnt practical for us to be pregnant then. But we will be moving in together in August so the baby making can begin. I have now gone into full time panic mode that i've left it too late. I've always wanted children but unfortunately met a string of loser boyfriends so things didnt go that way. I hope we are all successful with a quest to become mummies.

 

[Kat S]

Welcome, Paster! Have you seen a FS (fertility specialist) yet? If not, I recommend you see one IMMEDIATELY so you can get your hormones tested. You need to know what you are up against so you know what is the best path. Getting pregnant after 40 is HARD even with assisted conception. I was 40 when I started this, and because I was healthy and had no issues (no PCOS or endo, etc), I thought I'd have an easier time of it. Nope! I'm not trying to upset you, but I want you to get the best care as soon as you can. LIE and tell your doc you've been trying for 6 months without success. Otherwise they might make you wait 6 months, and at our age, waiting 6 months is not good.

I apologize if you already know all this, but I didn't when I started, and I wish I had. GOOD LUCK AND BABY DUST!!!

 

[Kat S]

12 dpiui for me. AF hasn't shown yet (I usually see her on day 11), but I'm still getting a negative on a FRER. Not good news as I think most people testing early have seen something by day 12. Oh well

 

[Briss]

Emmi, thank you! We will be going private but my thought is that if the NHS is refusing the funding that's because they do not believe I can conceive with IVF so a bit difficult to spend 10-15K on something that you know if unlikely to work. but I really want to try less invasive methods first like IUI.

Kat, fingers crossed! some ladies did not get positive until much later. sending you lots of baby dust

 

[Emmi]

Emmi, thank you! We will be going private but my thought is that if the NHS is refusing the funding that's because they do not believe I can conceive with IVF so a bit difficult to spend 10-15K on something that you know if unlikely to work. but I really want to try less invasive methods first like IUI.

Kat, fingers crossed! some ladies did not get positive until much later. sending you lots of baby dust

It's all bit of a gamble with going private - I am 42 so in the eyes of the NHS - I am too old and they kept banging on about needing a donor egg. But with the further tests and with the extra technology - going private have offered us a ray of hope - using my egg. There is only 25% chance of success and we can't afford to be losing £10,000 but we just have to give it a try!

 

[Juniperjules]

Welcome, Paster! Have you seen a FS (fertility specialist) yet? If not, I recommend you see one IMMEDIATELY so you can get your hormones tested. You need to know what you are up against so you know what is the best path. Getting pregnant after 40 is HARD even with assisted conception. I was 40 when I started this, and because I was healthy and had no issues (no PCOS or endo, etc), I thought I'd have an easier time of it. Nope! I'm not trying to upset you, but I want you to get the best care as soon as you can. LIE and tell your doc you've been trying for 6 months without success. Otherwise they might make you wait 6 months, and at our age, waiting 6 months is not good.

I apologize if you already know all this, but I didn't when I started, and I wish I had. GOOD LUCK AND BABY DUST!!!

I'll second that Kat! I lied! ; ) we'd been trying for 3mths when I went to the GP, & I said it had been 6mths! Bugger it! My GP was fab mind you, she had no hesitation referring me to a FS to start checking things out.

...and believe it or not- the FS although he readily did all the essential tests (AMH, antral follicle count by ultrasound, FSH, estradiol, TSH, progesterone.. Blah, blah blah..)... He did end up telling me that 12 months wasn't really a long time to be trying!! And that I should just relax & keep trying.. Maybe even take a few months off!! Can u believe it! So I ignored that advice of course ; )

 

[Kat S]

Shit. Got my period. I was a scant 3 hours from my beta appt, too. At least I didn't schlep all the way to the dr's office for nothing.

 

[Briss]

Kat, I am very sorry about AF, it's so tough. try and concentrate on the next egg, hopefully it will be your lucky month

I am feeling rather low, just ovulated and we BD on the right day but I feel the sperm was not good enough it just did not look/feel right. I should really forget about this cycle but of course 2 weeks from now I will be in pieces. trying to get destructed by looking into private clinics and figuring out where we should go for IUI

 

[bash73]

52 days until I'm 40. Just went through CP, Vanishing Twin, Missed AB and Ectopic all in one try (doc's an idiot). Going to a fertility specialist on Tuesday. Will post more later, running for last HCG now.

 

[Please help c]

Hi,

Im not 40 but I just wanted to tell you my supervisor had her 1st at 40 and is now pregnant with her 2nd at 42! So there is hope!

Goodluck

 

[Briss]

seems like no hope for me even though I am only 37 (look more like 30) but my ovaries are more like 50 just went to a private clinic and after they looked at my FSh/AMH and the rest of it told me it is beginning of menopause and I have no time to lose if I want to use my own eggs, am so depressed. was also told that stimulated IVF wont work for me it's only natural cycle IVF. now I feel really bad that I wasted last couple of years trying to TTC naturally and improve my health with vitamins etc, nothing worked seems like my ovaries are aging so fast