4DPO today (This is an old thread!!!!)

[Naaxi]

I both love and hate compairing symptoms. But it makes me obsess and I hate that. It makes me nervous. Tracking my temps is easy because I know to take them with a grain of salt. But I am thinking of going back and reading my old replies on here from when I was ttc Rowan, it might be neat to see where my head was.

Gotta go make dinner, will talk to you after swimming (Although you will probably be in bed, so I will just fill you in with an update lol)

 

[Naaxi]

Sadface. Hubby's daughter was on us like white on rice, so no donation tonight after swimming. The one time a teenager feels like hanging out with her parents and their friends instead of their friends' kids. Oh well. Going tomorrow. (She does not know and will never/ can never know the true identity of the donor. And we aren't telling his kids we are trying until it is already done.)

 

[Naaxi]

Omgosh. Tickers say we are both in our fertile period. Eeeeek Definitely going tomorrow for another donation

 

[Eltjuh]

I can imagine you don't want them to know that their dad isn't the same as Rowan (and new baby's) dad... Plus you wouldn't really want to confuse them with all the insemination stuff right? I know they're teenagers, but it's still not really something they need to know about until they're adults, I think anyway....
Will you tell Rowan when he's older??

I was so confused last night.... Can't stop thinking about maybe we should stop trying all together after this cycle...until we've moved... but then I don't want to.... But then I thought I can start losing weight again (cause I don't want to exercise -other than walking- in the 2ww because I want to be 100% sure I didn't do anything to cause a mc IF that would happen again... cause I just wouldn't be able to deal with thinking maybe it was cause I did this, or maybe it was cause I did that... iykwim) And then I thought maybe if I lose weight it'll be easier to conceive again.... My BMI is 30 at the moment, so 'overweight' (though I really don't like that word, don't think I'm that big/fat) but when you research infertility caused by being overweight, it says that being overweight can stop you ovulating or throw your cycles off, but it hasn't done that, so I think I should be fine and should be able to just conceive.... so the only thing I can think of that has prevented us from conceiving so far is the stress....
So pro's and con's to stop trying after this cycle:
Pro's - I can lose weight properly, we might actually be able to conceive easier.
Con's - I don't want to wait! Lucas is getting too old already!

So needless to say I'm all confused still..... I hate being a grown up!!!


Hopefully you CAN get your donation tonight!!

 

[Eltjuh]

Well hubby isn't helping.... I talked to him about me being confused as to what I want to do... try or not try. And he goes: I don't know why you're so obsessed with that age gap, what does it matter??? And he said that he's not fussed whether we're trying or not... so to me that basically means he doesn't really want to have another baby.... he says he does, but I don't believe it!
Right now I just feel like taking the doctor's advice, he apparently said maybe it's good if we take a break from each other, though hubby and I both agreed that we are fine, our relationship isn't in trouble.... But at the moment I just feel like packing some bags and taking Lucas over to Holland.... When hubby was saying he wasn't 'fussed' I was crying cause ever since the mc I've just realised HOW much I want another baby and he doesn't seem to understand! I should've just never lost that baby And when I was crying he saw it and then didn't even look at me or even ask if I was ok or give me a hug or anything....

 

[Naaxi]

Aww hunny Boys don't understand this ttc stuff. My husband called me crazy, and actually meant it, it wasn't quite in the playful way it should have been. I think that if your hubs is depressed and thinks you are better off without him, you leaving to Holland with Lucas might not help him, it might do the opposite. I know you are hurt, but maybe you should try to talk to him about that? Guys don't get affected by all of this craziness like we do. And to be so close and have it taken away must have been so hard, but you can't blame yourself for it. I think for your own sanity, you should keep trying and take what he says with a grain of salt.

Also, screw bmi. I am overweight as well (I think they classified me as obese actually), but I haven't done itin a while because that is incorrect. My tummy doesn't even go out as far as my boobs. I am not huge, but I could stand to lose about 20 lbs or so. Bmi for a short person with a larger frame (my hips, boobs, shoulders are all much larger than a "petite" size) doesn't work in my opinion. I know I am not obese and they can kiss my ass lol! But doing things like eating well or going for walks are good things to do during pregnancy, so you can start there.

I had a dream I had lots of wattery cm. Isn't that odd? Even my dreams are making me obsess. And the kids know that Rowan most likely has a different dad, but believe the treatments worked and we got pregnant through medical means with an anonymous donor. Vut he looks and behaves a lot like hubby, so sometimes I wonder if one of his guys got through after all. They just needed some competition lol And we won't be telling Rowan the identity of his donor, there would be too much complication with the donor's family. But we would probably tell him because I could see Derek's kids being mad one day and telling him in order to hurt me.

 

[Eltjuh]

I walked out earlier today, just left.... but only went for a little walk... hubby rang me after a while and we had a little talk. We're fine now, I was just getting fed up with everything... it's making me so tired! I just feel tired all the time, even when I get lay-ins.
I told hubby I want to keep trying this cycle at least and then next cycle just ntnp.... probably won't be temping or anything like that next cycle, but probably still try to bd around the right time, considering I'll still know when (or around what time) I ovulate usually... so that should be fine. And it would still relieve a lot of the 'stress' that comes with trying. Though I personally don't think it's THAT stressful, it's just the 2ww that I find stressful or annoying, cause you don't know and can't stop thinking about whether you are or not....

I agree about the bmi thing... They don't count muscle and they don't count your frame either. I've got wide hips, yes there's a bit of fat on there but most of it is just the way my hips are (bone basically). When I try to push it down it doesn't go down that much! So I've finally accepted that my hips will never get smaller and same for my bum, it's massive (I think anyway) but it's just the way it is, yes it's a lot of fat but to be honest there's quite a bit of muscle there aswell, when I squeeze my muscles, my bum is pretty firm! Anyway, still gonna start my 'diet' again on monday - which is just calorie counting. Not gonna start exercising just yet, probably do that after the 2ww considering technically I would be 1dpo on monday. And that way I can ease into it again slowly.

That IS a weird dream haha! I've not dreamt about anything to do with ttc lately, not even about a bfp or anything like that. I did dream about hubby's meds the other night! Weird!! For me I think it's a good thing that I'm not dreaming about it cause it means I am taking a more relaxed approach.....
Can't wait for both of us being in the 2ww and start testing haha!! I'm so addicted!!

 

[Naaxi]

I actually find waiting for O to be more stressful- I stress all the time that I may miss it, and stress about when to time insems and such. But I am glad you and hubby are alright now, and maybe ntnp will be a nice change, you could relax a lot more that way. I can't ntnp, occasionally I wish I could to take away the stress. Sometimes I think maybe taking a break from bnb would be smart, but I make friends and want to follow them and catch up. I dunno.

Hey, would you want to add me on fbook maybe?

You sound like you are a similar size ish to me. I was going to join a roller derby training programme but then found out how expensive it is to start (450 $) and so I won't be doing that lol. Not if I need to stop right away because I get a bfp. So kind of bummed about that.

Donor just texted and asked when I was coming over. Glad he is so supportive.

 

[Naaxi]

Eeeek EWCM. Donation in a few minutes.

 

[Eltjuh]

YAY!!! I thought I spotted some more ewcm-like on the tissue earlier, but then I thought maybe it was still some of and the day after O... So very similar this time! (this time it's 5, 3 and 2 days before and then day of and the day after O, FX that works aswell)

Yes I'll add you on FB!! I love fb, and that way we can see each others LOs aswell, unless you don't have any pics of LO on there... I do, plenty!! haha
Just to warn you I always put a lot of boring statusses up haha, cause I like to share everything with everyone haha

Good luck with the insemination!! GET THAT EGGY!!!!

 

[Naaxi]

Okay, add me. Caitlyn Barton and the pic is of DH and I kissing at our wedding. And of course I have pics of LO. Lots. Because a lot of my family lives across the country.

I am hoping my temp went up because LO was up/sleep crawling all night and kept head butting and kicking me so I was up lots and not that I O'd without getting a + opk. I want more inseminations before O lol. Taking a digi today as well, maybe the internet cheapies are bad. If they are, imma hafta beat someone. I mean I know I am still in with a chance, but I would like at least one, if not two more, one the day of + and one the day after. Guess it is a waiting game now to see if LO is the reason my temp is up... Going crazy.

Heeeelp me keep my crazy down lol.

 

[Naaxi]

Negative OPK. Also hope I didn't miss +.

 

[Eltjuh]

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but my temp usually goes down if I haven't slept all night... or if I temp earlier. Though it goes up if I temp later.....
BUT everyone is different!!
How many inseminations have you had???


I think I found you on FB, added you.... My name is Ella Rudwick-Niewold on there...

 

[Naaxi]

I am going to disregard the temp I think. I don't even know what time I took it, hubby was still home so it was before 5, but I normally temp just before 4. I was too tired to look afterwards. And I definitely was moving lots all night which would raise my temperature. Also, I never O as early as day 11. I looked back at old messages on here and I have had a LH surge CD 14, 15, 16 and the month I got pregnant was CD 19 and it sounds as if my cycles were around the same, roughly 28 days and had recently changed from my regular predictable 30 days (I was complaining about the change). SO I probably just haven't O'd yet.

And I have only had two inseminations so far, one last night and one two nights ago. They are marked on my chart as "pm"

 

[Eltjuh]

Oh yeah haha, just realised you put them in Never thought to look there haha....

Lucas has been a bit of a monster tonight with dinner... Just put him to bed with no dinner cause he decided he didn't want to eat anything.... And he's still rattling around his room at the moment....

Not got much to say tonight to be honest.... no offence My brain is just a bit fried I think haha... Better go to bed early tonight as I'm supposed to get up with Lucas in the morning, but I want to BD aswell!! And I won't get to if I go to bed earlier than hubby - unless I drag him to the bedroom before I go to bed

 

[Naaxi]

Hahaha no worries! Sometimes I feel like that as well. Chit chat is fine too, y'know lol

Rowan never eats much and is super skinny, it stresses me out that there might be something wrong with him. Doctors are trying to keep an eye on it. He has been tested for cystic fibrosis which thankfully he does not have, but they don't know why he is so small.

Drag your hubby to bed!

 

[Eltjuh]

Is he 'too small' or 'too skinny' ??? Like is he under the average?? Over here we have this thing called 'the red book' it's a little book that holds all your childs records, like you can write all his 'firsts' in there and it tells you when he needs vaccinations and when and whenever you see a health visitor or doctor they write in it what they discussed and it also has a little chart in there on which you can record your child's weight and height and it has some guidance lines on there with percentiles. Lucas is between the 50 and 75% with his weight, so basically in a line of a 100 kids put in order of their weight at the same age he would be between number 50 and 75. I like having that book cause that way you can sort of see how he's doing with his weight and height and it puts your mind at ease. When I realised he'd only gained about 0.5 kilo I was like: omg, he's not gaining enough weight, but actually he only 'needed' to gain that much from the time he was 20 months till he was 2 I think (something like that, so it was ok!) I don't weigh him very often, but I do every now and then, just for fun.
And we always weigh and measure him on his birthday so we can see how tall he gets and how much he's grown and then when we have more kids we can write it down on the same plank of wood (that's where we measure him on) and you can see the difference! It's really cool... my auntie has one with all 3 of her kids on it and her youngest, who's a boy is taller at 7 years of age than both his sisters were at the age of 6... it's so funny to see!!

Anyway, I wanna drag hubby into the bedroom but I'm feeling a bit stuffed from dinner still :S Might have to leave it another hour or so! And then just go straight to sleep after haha.

 

[Eltjuh]

Yay managed to get hubby to the bedroom he even managed to 'deposit' twice.... so his pills are definitely not affecting his functioning anymore.... though obviously without a bfp or a SA we won't know for sure if they are affecting his

He said he feels pretty confident about this month though and he feels less stressed and pressured about it. I was gonna tell him 'the plan' (like when we're gonna bd and that) but i didn't and he said he didn't want to know either cause obviously it makes him more pressured. It's like last month i'd show him all my cb digi opk's when i did them or sat there waiting for it to show something with him there so that might've affected him.... but it's different this month. And him saying he feels pretty confident this month makes me feel more confident andhopeful. But i'm determined to stay relaxed about it... we'll see what happens

How did your insemination go? Or haven't you done it yet? You're probably hanging out with your donor right now

I'm about to go to sleep cause my alarm and my son (who is sort of my alarm also) will wake me up at 7am......

 

[Naaxi]

Hahaha I am in fact hanging out with my donor right now, that is funny. Probably won't get a donation until later tonight, though. We are going to check out the roller derby, his wife is still joining. I wish I could. Maybe in two years or so lol.

I am glad you got some lovin' in And I am so glad that he is more relaxed and optimistic about this month. I agree though, DH wants nothing to do with OPKs or temping and I only bug him with it when it is weird and playing on my mind. Like my high temp. But I try to keep my insanity to myself. So if I didn't have bnb I would explode lol! None of my buds are ttc at the moment, so I feel alone in all of this. Oh well. Oddly enough, hanging out with the donor and his family takes my mind off of it.

Gunna stop being a bad friend and go hang with them now. Will update later

 

[Eltjuh]

See, I knew you were gonna be hanging out with your donor And yeah, stop being a bad friend!!!
Hopefully everything went well!! I am up again, with my little monkey.... who is watching peppa pig, which he is totally addicted to

Come on ovulation!!!! Can't wait! I want it confirmed as O tomorrow.... cause that's what I was kind of counting on and hoping for