6 DPO...& ...POAS until positive!

[Nataliieexo]

I was just thinking how much i want to see her again and hope she is being moved to the chapel of rest soon and i hope we can all come to agreement to bring her home so she can be home one last time, i know its weird that i am eager to see her at the chapel but i would sit with her all day and night if i could because i miss her so much and after the funeral i wont even get that opportunity so i want to make the most of it, i thought i heard her shout on my sister earlier it wasnt very nice because i know i didnt x

 

[Sis4Us]

Natalie.... I don't know you very well but Im truly sorry you have to go through losing a parent I can't even imagine what you are going thru right now and I hope u heal in the best way Possible!!!

I'm not sure if you are a Spiritual person or not but she is with you every second of the day and she smiles when you smile!! Try to remember that when you are down and talk to her when u need to she will always be there to listen

 

[Nataliieexo]

Thank you i have been talking to her but mostly im saying how i dont know how im going to do it and stuff, i know its completely normal, i just want her back it wasnt supposed to be this way, they shouldnt have told her she had to do it herself, they knew she was ill to start with i believe if they had put her on life support she would have survived because she has twice before and i know it was no life for her to be in those positions but she was here and i'm selfish for saying that but she didnt want to leave us her body gave up this time it wasnt her choice :'( x

 

[natjenson]

Nat love - how are you?....stupid question actually.sorry...I think the thread has gone quiet in respect of your loss.
But I'm sure we all keep checking in to see if you are ok...

I know I have posted a few things to you but words are failing me right now...I want to tell you it will all be ok but I know that right now nothing sinks in when you are feeling so devestated...
Sis and talia are right...your mom lives within you dear...you are her legacy.
And yes talk to her still.
I am spiritual and I believe your mom is listening to your every word is most likely hurting that she cannot ease your pain.that she cannot comfort you.
The grieving process is nessesary love so you feel what you need to ok...and nat- it's ok to feel scared and affraid and angry right now.

I'm sorry that the hospital have made this decision without your family's consent - that sux and I too would find it hard to let that go.
But please nat....take good care of yourself ok...I hope you are eating something.
Even if it's only a little please try.

Soon the pain will start to get easier love...and I'm sorry you feel that way about the cremetorial too...if it's any conciliation I too feel as tho that method dosnt feel right.it scares me too.

Nat how is your oh right now...is he comforting you? Is a good support? I'm sure he is...but don't make yourself be alone...he is probably hurting that you are in so much pain inside and feels as tho he wants to take it all away...

Nat you take good care of yourself ok and we are all still here if you want to chat.

I'm so so sorry love.

Natalie xxx

 

[Nataliieexo]

Thanks nat i am eating not as much as i usually do and mostly junk but im eating as much as i can, i know i wish i could know for sure that she could hear me etc i have a friend she passed me the details of a medium he does readings via texting without knowing your name just seeing a photo i dont know how this works but a lot of my friends are boasting about him, i'm thinking about trying him but i think i am desperatly trying to get closure on it. Its killing me inside my sister has been going out with friends shes only 15 but the same day she died she was out i dont understand it, my dads had people over and i have been holed up in my bedroom crying since it happened i know people handle grief differently and my dad was probably glad those people came over so he had people to talk to. I am going to my grans for dinner tomorrow i suppose it gets me out the house for a while xx

 

[natjenson]

Thanks nat i am eating not as much as i usually do and mostly junk but im eating as much as i can, i know i wish i could know for sure that she could hear me etc i have a friend she passed me the details of a medium he does readings via texting without knowing your name just seeing a photo i dont know how this works but a lot of my friends are boasting about him, i'm thinking about trying him but i think i am desperatly trying to get closure on it. Its killing me inside my sister has been going out with friends shes only 15 but the same day she died she was out i dont understand it, my dads had people over and i have been holed up in my bedroom crying since it happened i know people handle grief differently and my dad was probably glad those people came over so he had people to talk to. I am going to my grans for dinner tomorrow i suppose it gets me out the house for a while xx

That's right nat ...a change of scene may help you'll.and being with your nan will help...you both have an immediate connection with your dear mom..

Your sis going out may be her way of coping...I'm sure her friends are being a good support (we can only hope)
And your dad (a man) will need to feel a comfort from people too(men find it extreamly difficult to deal with grief as they are unsure how to show their emotions) maybe he dosent want to be alone either love.
Natalie I think if going to a medium helps you - you should do it...I mean there are so many good ones out thier it may the peace you could be looking for.
Nat ...ask your mom for a sign...evens if it's just a teensy one ...you will see something and that may bring you comfort that she is indeed with you.

I am glad you are "trying" to eat ...I know this must be difficult nat...just don't let yourself get poorly with hunger too.
And you know what...crying is not a bad thing either. You do all the crying you need ...
You have been in my thoughts all day nat I and I have also worried for you too.
You take care sweetheart and I hope you manage to get some rest tonight too...put some background noise on...like a telly or a radio...something to take the silence away..it will help you feel less scared Hun ok.

Natalie xxx

 

[butterflywolf]

Hey girls it kills me to write this but my mam passed away this morning i cant cope with it :'( i dont know how i am going to.live without her :'(

*hugs* My thoughts and prayers are with you. And I know what you mean when you think that it wasn't suppose to be that way. There are plenty of things you think she wont be seeing because she is not with you physically, but know something, she is in your heart and she will ALWAYS be watching over you. She will often send blessings in disguise as well. If you see a butterfly on a day you are missing her, that's her saying she's there by your side. When you feel someone hug you and you think it's just the wind, it isn't, it's her. And when your baby is born and your baby is smiling at nothing in particular, it's at your mother.

 

[OurLilFlu]

Oh butterflywolf... Your post made my cry, I had to put my phone down and take a few breaths... But it's exactly true Natalie. All those moments that you think it's nothing, those signs are her. Like Nat, I have no words but my heart breaks for you and then swells with love and pride for all you ladies offering their support, it's so touching and I hope it brings you some peace.

 

[Petzy]

Lora of great women offering very loving and valuable advice .... Lucky to know you all xx

Nat, I have had some very traumatic experiences happen on my family and I can definitely attest that different people grieve in different ways. I think that what you are doing , thinking of your mom, crying , leaning on close people , is the best thing you can do. It's healthy to cry and cry. It's your body and minds way of processing what you're feeling. You may do this for days or even weeks. But slowly ,
With time , you will cry a little less and a little less again until the pain eases to a more tolerable level. It will be a long road but the pain will lessen. And That doesn't mean you will miss your mom any less but it will mean you can move towards acceptance and looking forward. I know this baby will help you to do that in a way. Sometimes it helps in hard times to have something to be strong for , if not yourself. I am really glad you've been checking in and letting us know how you're doing. You are strong and will get through this one step at a time. Xx

 

[natjenson]

Nat hope you are ok today love

Hi ladies...well I hope everyone's weekend is going well.

Afm...cd8 start opks in two days...cm is VERY much there
Enjoying not doing much..
It's quite refreshing actually ...done a quick nip round with the house work this morning and having a nice relaxing afternoon...
What is everbody else up To today?

xxx

 

[Sis4Us]

Hey Nat AFM 4Dpo today just recouping from my RC and starting to pack!!!

 

[mommaplus05]

Hey ladies, nat.. today is cd 7..I will prolly pick up my opks tomorrow..I usually o on cd 10-11 so dnt wana miss my surge as it shld b here soon...hope everyone is doing ok..been super busy dwn here for me this week..ur all on my mind though!

 

[natjenson]

Hey Nat AFM 4Dpo today just recouping from my RC and starting to pack!!!

Yaye for 4dpo
Hope your RC clears up pronto love....that is one scary ass procedure...I just haven't the balls for that one lol...

And Yaye for packing ...hope it all goes smoothly

xxx

 

[natjenson]

Meg how are your opks coming along love?...anything yet?

xxx

 

[Sis4Us]

FYI I've had to have 3 RC over the years and need 2 More my teeth have been an issue since I was a Kid!!
The fact that my roots are the longest the Dentist has ever seen isn't nice either!!

Also my BBS are killin me usually that doesn't happen until 8-10Dpo

Took a OPK cuz its strange and it's 1/2 dark (weird)

 

[natjenson]

FYI I've had to have 3 RC over the years and need 2 More my teeth have been an issue since I was a Kid!!
The fact that my roots are the longest the Dentist has ever seen isn't nice either!!

Also my BBS are killin me usually that doesn't happen until 8-10Dpo

Took a OPK cuz its strange and it's 1/2 dark (weird)

Awe that's sounds good sis......and your chart looks so good again too...let's hope this is the one this time.


xxx

 

[Sis4Us]

I hate my charts they always look FAB but end up to be a Let down!!!

FX it shows me wrong this time!!!

 

[natjenson]

Morning ladies.

Hope your weekend went well.

Nat you didn't post yesterday ...are you ok love...I'm worried.
xxx

 

[barbikins]

Hey Ladies!

Nat, your pup is adorable!
I emailed you & Meg

xo

 

[Sis4Us]

Hope everyone is Well Happy Monday!!!