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[EllaAndLyla]

Also i think if you are mature enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to have a child because the two kind of go hand in hand...

 

[Pramaholic86]

.

 

[jenny_wren]

Obama's mum was 13?
The question is can a 13 year old be a good mum, not can a teenager be a good mum

no but someone mentioned statistics
so it's just an example lol​

 

[charli87]

surely though if the only way they can be good parents is with support from their parents then they aren't ready, I would say its the same for older parents, if you're not capable of raising them on your own maybe you should wait?

im not a teen mum and i struggled early on and without the help and support of my family things could have gone so badly as i had mild pnd. no-one knows if they are going to be capable of raising a child without support. as for waiting to have a child until your ready to do it without help, not everyone plans to have a baby accidents do happen

I'm not doubting accidents happen and everyone knows they do, no contraception is 100%, if people aren't able to live with the consequences that come with it then they aren't ready to have sex as ultimately thats what sex is there for - if you don't want to get pregnant, dont have sex

so i shouldnt of had sex and accidently got pregnant because i struggled after she was born, which i didnt know would happen??

I don't see how its the same tbh, at 13 its pretty obvious your not in the right circumstances to have a baby, you don't need to get pregnant to realise this.

no but you said if someone isnt capable of raising them on their own even if theyre an older parent then they should wait. which made it sound like if you needed help etc then dont have a baby, but obviously until it happens no-one knows how they'll cope?
dont worry im not trying to argue just understand what you meant but im most probably not explaining it how it sounds in my head

 

[shortie1990]

Also i think if you are mature enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to have a child because the two kind of go hand in hand...

I agree, but not everything is so black and White, what if a 13 year old was groomed and became pregnant? Are they not able to bring up that child? I don't think you can ask if some one will be a good mum at a certain age, because some 13 year olds (IMO) could be a great parent, some one at the age of 40 could be having sex when their not mature enough to deal with a baby.

 

[vaniilla]

surely though if the only way they can be good parents is with support from their parents then they aren't ready, I would say its the same for older parents, if you're not capable of raising them on your own maybe you should wait?

im not a teen mum and i struggled early on and without the help and support of my family things could have gone so badly as i had mild pnd. no-one knows if they are going to be capable of raising a child without support. as for waiting to have a child until your ready to do it without help, not everyone plans to have a baby accidents do happen

I'm not doubting accidents happen and everyone knows they do, no contraception is 100%, if people aren't able to live with the consequences that come with it then they aren't ready to have sex as ultimately thats what sex is there for - if you don't want to get pregnant, dont have sex

so i shouldnt of had sex and accidently got pregnant because i struggled after she was born, which i didnt know would happen??

I don't see how its the same tbh, at 13 its pretty obvious your not in the right circumstances to have a baby, you don't need to get pregnant to realise this.

no but you said if someone isnt capable of raising them on their own even if theyre an older parent then they should wait. which made it sound like if you needed help etc then dont have a baby, but obviously until it happens no-one knows how they'll cope?
dont worry im not trying to argue just understand what you meant but im most probably not explaining it how it sounds in my head

I meant knowing from the start, its unfortunate that things like PND happen along with other problems that you get during and after childbirth I had my fair share, PND is a condition that can be overcome and its not something that the mother has any choice over, getting pregnant when you're not ready is.

 

[xnmd1]

Saying that you are not a good mom if you need support from your own parents is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this forum to be totally honest.

That is what family is for Some times I would be lost with out my own parents. My mom is my best friend .. I seek support from her in everything I do and I will continue to do so as long as I am so lucky to have my mother here on this Earth with me, whether it be 'til i'm 30, 40, or 50. Shes my mom. Shes there to support me. If someone thinks I am a bad mom for getting support from my own mother well ... nevermind.

 

[kmac625]

I haven't read all the replies yet but I think 13 is too young to become a parent. Sure, with the right support and guidance they can do a great job. However, personally I think that if you need that much support and guidance, you should probably be waiting longer to have a baby (but of course contraception fails sometimes). This isn't a dig at teenage parents as I have known some friends who have done a great job of it, but at 13 you can't even get a real job besides babysitting or a paper route (here anyways) and while going to school and taking care of a baby it would be hard for most 13 year olds to juggle a job as well which means that it's likely their parents paying for a lot of what the baby needs (benefits here suck).

 

[vaniilla]

Saying that you are not a good mom if you need support from your own parents is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this forum to be totally honest.

That is what family is for Some times I would be lost with out my own parents. My mom is my best friend .. I seek support from her in everything I do and I will continue to do so as long as I am so lucky to have my mother here on this Earth with me, whether it be 'til i'm 30, 40, or 50. Shes my mom. Shes there to support me. If someone thinks I am a bad mom for getting support from my own mother well ... nevermind.

you're missing the point here 13 is underage sex firstly and they shouldn't be having sex in the first place, its 16 for a reason, at thirteen you have no income, no right to a job/minimum wage, you're still within the legal compulsory school age and your parents still are your legal guardians, parents are there for support but if they are still bringing you up as a child and then raising your child then no its not the same thing.

 

[EllaAndLyla]

Also i think if you are mature enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to have a child because the two kind of go hand in hand...

I agree, but not everything is so black and White, what if a 13 year old was groomed and became pregnant? Are they not able to bring up that child? I don't think you can ask if some one will be a good mum at a certain age, because some 13 year olds (IMO) could be a great parent, some one at the age of 40 could be having sex when their not mature enough to deal with a baby.

Obviously if people are groomed into it its kind of a different situation, but i never said they wouldnt be able to cope, some people change whilst there pregnant or even just after birth. Like me for example, before i got preg i didnt really think i would beable to cope with a baby.. even though i was having sex and deep down in my mind i knew there would be a chance of being pregnant. The second i found out i was pregnant i instantly felt like a mother, and i instantly changed my whole perspective. The second Lyla was born i knew exactly what to do with feeding, nappies etc but if someone else had handed me there baby before i had been pregnant i wouldnt have a clue. X

 

[KittyVentura]

I'm just gonna throw this one out there.

Technically, TECHNICALLY, nature feels you are "ready" to become a mother when you start puberty. Given that we women literally start life with all of our eggs already in our baskets... it would not make sense for us to start releasing eggs and wasting that supply unless nature deemed us ready. Given that we are really on this planet to breed and continue life.

Not saying 13yr olds should be ok to have sex and have families. Just that it is society that deems them not ready, not nature.

Years ago it was VERY common to be married and looking to have children in the UK aged as young as 11/12/13 as a women. Typically they were married off to older men.

ETA - I say this because I feel the ability to be a good mother is a natural one. Of course circumstances CAN make it easier and everyobne may need help. But the ABILTY is natural. Outside influences can affect what would/should be natural. And of course there are always exceptions to every rule. So to me I think if nature is physically allowing that person to become pregnant by starting pubery, then nature is saying they are ready overall.

I'm probably not making much sense

 

[lozzy21]

Honestly no i dont think they can. Im not saying they wont love their babys but they are still children themselves, they havent fully developed physically or intellectuality themselves.

 

[Pramaholic86]

.

 

[xnmd1]

Saying that you are not a good mom if you need support from your own parents is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this forum to be totally honest.

That is what family is for Some times I would be lost with out my own parents. My mom is my best friend .. I seek support from her in everything I do and I will continue to do so as long as I am so lucky to have my mother here on this Earth with me, whether it be 'til i'm 30, 40, or 50. Shes my mom. Shes there to support me. If someone thinks I am a bad mom for getting support from my own mother well ... nevermind.

you're missing the point here 13 is underage sex firstly and they shouldn't be having sex in the first place, its 16 for a reason, at thirteen you have no income, no right to a job/minimum wage, you're still within the legal compulsory school age and your parents still are your legal guardians, parents are there for support but if they are still bringing you up as a child and then raising your child then no its not the same thing.

You made me feel that you meant that, regardless of the parents age.


A 13 year old doesn't stay a 13 year old forever. They may need extra support for a few years that a lot of us don't need. But I think they are capable of being being good parents.

 

[Cloberella]

Also i think if you are mature enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to have a child because the two kind of go hand in hand...

Yeah but that's the problem, most 13 year olds aren't mature enough (imho) to have sex, but they do, and they sometimes get pregnant.

 

[special_kala]

Of course they can.

You get good/bad mums whatever age they are so being 13 doesnt automaticly mean they would be a bad mum at all

 

[Pramaholic86]

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[Aidan's Mummy]

As long as the mother ensures those things are provided then yes they can be a good parent. As long as a baby has all those things (even if the parents do help) then they are ensuring their child is cared for. I would rather a 13 year old relies on her parents financially for a few years then give their child away and for them to go into the care system x

 

[special_kala]

Does that mean every mother on here who is on benefit isnt a good mum though? regardless of age

 

[KittyVentura]

Does being a good mum not mean being able to provide for a child?
I'm not talking emotionally but physically, don't want to repeat it again but with toys, clothes, somewhere to live, even the basics like nappies, wipes, baby bath etc?

Without the government offering support, many women would not be able to physically provide for their children. So a 13 yr old may get some of that support from a parent. Financial support is still financial support.

You've never say that a mother who needed to rely on benefits for the bare essential for her child was not a good mum. So how can that rationalle be applied to a child? Both are unable to support a child themselves. Both need financial support!