.

[cowboys angel]

Potentially, yes. They could try, and if they were a mature 13, they could probably do quite well WITH proper support from family and FOB (or possible without....depending on the FOB.) Most 13 year olds though, I would have to say no. But that's just with personal experience with girls that are currently 12-13-14.

 

[nicole_]

im not 13 but im young and all the HV and doctors i see say im doing better than the older mums they see. in terms of being a good mum then i dont think age comes into it AT ALL
if a family is happy to support there young daughter and her child and theyre provided for financially then ofc she can still be a good mum. its not about how much money a mum can give her baby is it

 

[KittyVentura]

Now that I've read most of the thread I'd like to explain my earlier post. I still think 13 is too young in our current western culture. Years ago and in other cultures it is a different situation. I of course think a 13 year old is capable of loving and nurturing a child, but it is my belief that if you are unable to provide for a baby financially (as 13 year olds are unable to do) then you shouldn't be getting pregnant. Needing some support because your situation has changed (Nicole, like yours. You weren't expecting to suddenly become single after having Jarrett) is different. Or if you need benefits while on mat leave or are working but don't earn much. Whether you are 13 or 33, if you don't work (or have a partner who works) and know that you will have to rely on others for most things then you should delay intentionally getting pregnant until you are in a better position. This is not the same as having family members help with childcare or helping to buy things for the child as well. I'm tired today and I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well here.

OMG! I can't believe that YOU would say such a thing. We're THROUGH! THROUGH I tell you!!










Just kidding You're making perfect sense my lovely xxxxx

 

[cowboys angel]

im not 13 but im young and all the HV and doctors i see say im doing better than the older mums they see. in terms of being a good mum then i dont think age comes into it AT ALL
if a family is happy to support there young daughter and her child and theyre provided for financially then ofc she can still be a good mum. its not about how much money a mum can give her baby is it

I'm a young mom as well, and to an extent I agree with you. Age doesn't matter...but maturity level does. It would depend if the 13 year old was WILLING to be a good mom, or if she clung to her childhood/life before baby too much and didn't rise to the occasion and TRY to be a good mom.

But there's no reason a 13 year old couldn't try to be a good mom and succeed, with effort and support.

 

[cowboys angel]

Now that I've read most of the thread I'd like to explain my earlier post. I still think 13 is too young in our current western culture. Years ago and in other cultures it is a different situation. I of course think a 13 year old is capable of loving and nurturing a child, but it is my belief that if you are unable to provide for a baby financially (as 13 year olds are unable to do) then you shouldn't be getting pregnant. Needing some support because your situation has changed (Nicole, like yours. You weren't expecting to suddenly become single after having Jarrett) is different. Or if you need benefits while on mat leave or are working but don't earn much. Whether you are 13 or 33, if you don't work (or have a partner who works) and know that you will have to rely on others for most things then you should delay intentionally getting pregnant until you are in a better position. This is not the same as having family members help with childcare or helping to buy things for the child as well. I'm tired today and I'm not sure if I've explained myself very well here.

OMG! I can't believe that YOU would say such a thing. We're THROUGH! THROUGH I tell you!!










Just kidding You're making perfect sense my lovely xxxxx

And I agree with kmac.

 

[nicole_]

im not 13 but im young and all the HV and doctors i see say im doing better than the older mums they see. in terms of being a good mum then i dont think age comes into it AT ALL
if a family is happy to support there young daughter and her child and theyre provided for financially then ofc she can still be a good mum. its not about how much money a mum can give her baby is it

I'm a young mom as well, and to an extent I agree with you. Age doesn't matter...but maturity level does. It would depend if the 13 year old was WILLING to be a good mom, or if she clung to her childhood/life before baby too much and didn't rise to the occasion and TRY to be a good mom.

But there's no reason a 13 year old couldn't try to be a good mom and succeed, with effort and support.

i agree, i know 25 year olds who wont settle down and still go out most nights and hand their baby to someone else. but then i know 14 year olds whose whole lives revolve around their LOs
i guess i see it they CAN be a good mum if they want to as you said, so in reply to the topic yes they can, they can also be crap
same as 40 year old mums lol

 

[cowboys angel]

im not 13 but im young and all the HV and doctors i see say im doing better than the older mums they see. in terms of being a good mum then i dont think age comes into it AT ALL
if a family is happy to support there young daughter and her child and theyre provided for financially then ofc she can still be a good mum. its not about how much money a mum can give her baby is it

I'm a young mom as well, and to an extent I agree with you. Age doesn't matter...but maturity level does. It would depend if the 13 year old was WILLING to be a good mom, or if she clung to her childhood/life before baby too much and didn't rise to the occasion and TRY to be a good mom.

But there's no reason a 13 year old couldn't try to be a good mom and succeed, with effort and support.

i agree, i know 25 year olds who wont settle down and still go out most nights and hand their baby to someone else. but then i know 14 year olds whose whole lives revolve around their LOs
i guess i see it they CAN be a good mum if they want to as you said, so in reply to the topic yes they can, they can also be crap
same as 40 year old mums lol

Haha yup. I am 19, and I have several friends that have LOs and they are between 18 and 22 and have LOs from newborn to 2 years old, and most of them are wonderful moms...and then there's one that is 22 that almost acts like she is scared of her daughter and passes her off daily...

I also know some people that are much older and SHOULD be mature and able to parent...and they should not have children at all.

I didn't mean for my prior post to come out wrong, hope I didn't upset you! I am sure you are a wonderful mom!

 

[beccad]

Of course she can be a good mother. There's plenty of people twice or even three times that age who are crap mothers. Age doesn't determine whether or not you're going to be a good parent.

 

[AlwaysPraying]

I've only read the first few pages but i can't entirely agree with the "if she has the right support". That kind of support is astronomical compared to what 20 year olds + need. For one, (in Canada anyways), you can't legally work until you are 14, you can't drive until you are 16 and only in the daytime. So, how is she supposed to financially support her child and get the child to the hospital if need be. Yes, I know you can get around without driving, but the fact that legally a 13 year old cannot drive is a valid point. Because when she does turn 16 she's a new driver, and with such precious cargo!

All that being said, I suppose, yes, a 13 year old "could" be a good mom, if we look at what a good mom means. That's why I brought up the age of working ability. A good mom should be able to financially support her family. Emotionally, the brains of children are not fully developed until their early 20's. The last thing to develop is the ability to understand consequences. That's why so many teenagers do so many stupid things, drinking and driving, sneaking out, stealing moms car, etc. They are not wired to really extrapolate and think of the consequences of their choices. Put a newborn into the mix and that situation would need massive support!

 

[kmac625]

I agree that there are lots of older moms who are crap parents too. Age doesn't guarantee that you'll be a good parent, but IMO a 13 year old has a lot more working against them than an older person who has finished highschool and has a job (or a partner with a job that can support the family). I would have loved to have a baby earlier, but my hubby and I waited until we felt we could financially support a baby (including money put aside for her education) before having one. That doesn't mean we would have been bad parents if we had chosen to have a baby at 25 instead of 35, but it seemed irresponsible to do it before we had the means to provide everything she needs. However, we did get some of the more expensive items we needed given to us as gifts from our families which we greatly appreciated. Some support is always handy to everyone, not just young parents, but when you need more support (emotionally or financially) than you are able to provide on your own, I don't think it's a good time for anyone to have a child, whether you are 13 or 40.

 

[brunette&bubs]

my BIL is 15 and is the most immature person I know.
He holds James for like 10 seconds and then leaves him on the couch.

No, I don't think a 13 year old can be a good mom.
A baby raising a baby. They are not emotionally mature enough.

omg, just way too young

 

[Pramaholic86]

.

 

[NG09]

Agree with you always praying, well put, I'm waiting for the 'I don't drive so am I a bad mum' or 'I don't work..' etc but you explained yourself better than I did!

Out of interest, how many of you would leave your LO to be babysat by a mature 13 year old? Genuine question, not sarcasm

Not a chance.

 

[smelly07]

anyone can be a bad parent at any age....... but a 13 year old hasnt lived... im not the same as i was when i was 13 i have lived a little so i would say my parenting now would definitely be 100% better then if i was raising kids as a 13 year old iykwim x

 

[brunette&bubs]

Agree with you always praying, well put, I'm waiting for the 'I don't drive so am I a bad mum' or 'I don't work..' etc but you explained yourself better than I did!

Out of interest, how many of you would leave your LO to be babysat by a mature 13 year old? Genuine question, not sarcasm

It all depends. I was babysitting kids when I was 14/15 but not babies.

My MIL was going to babysit my son yesterday and asked if she could leave him with my 15 y/o BIL for an hour while she mowed her lawn.
I said no, because although BIL loves his nephew he is very irresponsible and cares more about Xbox and texting than taking care of James

ehhh..........

 

[nicole_]

I've only read the first few pages but i can't entirely agree with the "if she has the right support". That kind of support is astronomical compared to what 20 year olds + need. For one, (in Canada anyways), you can't legally work until you are 14, you can't drive until you are 16 and only in the daytime. So, how is she supposed to financially support her child and get the child to the hospital if need be. Yes, I know you can get around without driving, but the fact that legally a 13 year old cannot drive is a valid point. Because when she does turn 16 she's a new driver, and with such precious cargo!

All that being said, I suppose, yes, a 13 year old "could" be a good mom, if we look at what a good mom means. That's why I brought up the age of working ability. A good mom should be able to financially support her family. Emotionally, the brains of children are not fully developed until their early 20's. The last thing to develop is the ability to understand consequences. That's why so many teenagers do so many stupid things, drinking and driving, sneaking out, stealing moms car, etc. They are not wired to really extrapolate and think of the consequences of their choices. Put a newborn into the mix and that situation would need massive support!

wait whut?! if you cant drive your a bad mum now?!
im a teenager, ive never snuck out, stole a car, drunk and drive, i dont do 'stupid' things. we rent our house privately and have no financial help other than what every other mother is entitled to. we have no debts and have alot of nice things we saved for and my LO goes without nothing, were two 19 year olds with a baby in a house on our own, but to you thats a reciepe for disaster right? lol
a lot of mums on here wouldnt be able to provide for their family without their OHs that doesnt make them bad at all.
i cant stand it when people think moneys everything.

 

[whoops]

For those saying they can't, then what makes a person a good mum?

 

[whoops]

I've only read the first few pages but i can't entirely agree with the "if she has the right support". That kind of support is astronomical compared to what 20 year olds + need. For one, (in Canada anyways), you can't legally work until you are 14, you can't drive until you are 16 and only in the daytime. So, how is she supposed to financially support her child and get the child to the hospital if need be. Yes, I know you can get around without driving, but the fact that legally a 13 year old cannot drive is a valid point. Because when she does turn 16 she's a new driver, and with such precious cargo!

All that being said, I suppose, yes, a 13 year old "could" be a good mom, if we look at what a good mom means. That's why I brought up the age of working ability. A good mom should be able to financially support her family. Emotionally, the brains of children are not fully developed until their early 20's. The last thing to develop is the ability to understand consequences. That's why so many teenagers do so many stupid things, drinking and driving, sneaking out, stealing moms car, etc. They are not wired to really extrapolate and think of the consequences of their choices. Put a newborn into the mix and that situation would need massive support!

wait whut?! if you cant drive your a bad mum now?!
im a teenager, ive never snuck out, stole a car, drunk and drive, i dont do 'stupid' things. we rent our house privately and have no financial help other than what every other mother is entitled to. we have no debts and have alot of nice things we saved for and my LO goes without nothing, were two 19 year olds with a baby in a house on our own, but to you thats a reciepe for disaster right? lol
a lot of mums on here wouldnt be able to provide for their family without their OHs that doesnt make them bad at all.
i cant stand it when people think moneys everything.

Excellent point!

 

[hb1]

I don't think it is in any way ideal - and should not be considered the norm. I think that any 13 yr old in that situation has been failed by the adults around her - mainly her parents.

In any situation, any person - young or old - has the chance to step up to the plate and some will be successful - others not.

ETA the older I have gotten the more I realise how young I have been at points where I thought I knew it all.

 

[vaniilla]

Agree with you always praying, well put, I'm waiting for the 'I don't drive so am I a bad mum' or 'I don't work..' etc but you explained yourself better than I did!

Out of interest, how many of you would leave your LO to be babysat by a mature 13 year old? Genuine question, not sarcasm

no I wouldn't leave a 13 year old to baby sit because they're not old enough